Is It Me That Finds It So Annoying....

The only thing you did wrong was not speak up. Just because the kids ask and the mother does not stop them does not mean you can not say no, this is mine, go use the fountain.

The answer is - I'm sorry sweetie, I don't share my drinks with anyone. Repeat as necessary. I would NEVER share my drink with someone else's child - sorry - it's just gross.

"Oh sweetie, I have a sore throat! I'd better not share today!" or Don't take drinks around them anymore!

Next time...bring an 'adult beverage' in your sippy cup!!

lol

I am sure the mom would speak up then!!!

A simple "Oh, no, we don't share drinks, that is how germs and sicknesses are passed on" would do nicely. What kind of mom is your friend to allow her kids to hound you for your food and drinks -- right in front of her? Jeez, embarrassing!

Maybe she figures that if you didn't want to share your drink(s) you would just say no, you may not have any of my water. Have you told her this annoys you? If you haven't said anything it is entirely possible that your friend doesn't realize that you find her children's behavior bothersome.

Sometimes you have to point blank tell them, "It's very rude to ask for other people's drinks, go to the water fountain over there if you are thirsty." You could even give them a small mini lecture on how sharing drinks is sharing germs. Then look to the mother and say very kindly, "do you mind asking them to stop?" Their mother may not even realize they are annoying you.

*edited to add: My kids will sometimes ask other friends for their drinks too. I'm always on top of it telling them no, but the friend will usually say to me, "it's alright, I don't mind' and give them a sip anyways. Oh, I really detest that, gross. Ha!

Yes that's annoying, but I often have to stand up to rude kids. I had to tell one to quit spitting pool water at my daughter and I just yesterday. I would have no problem saying, "This is my drink, you cannot have any" even to a friend's kids. Yes, their mom should do it, but people like that never will. Some people think it's OK. I would never let my kids pester people and beg for their stuff, but that's me. Just be firm with the kids. They'll respect you for it, and it sets a good example to your own kids how to stand up to rude people.

Just tell them, "Go get a drink at that fountain that's 5 meters away." And don't give them your water. No need to be annoyed.

I have a friend with children who do this. It happens with food as well. I simply tell them I don't want to share my food, unless it's something I brought to share. I have told their mother "Sorry, but I don't want to share my "X" today, when they start begging and she gives me that look of "please, can't they have a little". The kids can beg all they want, but I don't give in. Now they know I don't share and it's a non issue, it just took a bit of a learning curve.

That would annoy me too. WTH? Why doesn't their mom stop this? It sounds like this mom overlooks manners. I agree 100% with Mamazita's response. You can also simply state that you do not share your drink with anyone and point them to the fountain or whatever else you brought with you to share. These kids sound a little overindulged, just my opinion:(

I think I would have just pointed them to the drinking faucet, you allowed it, so your friend allowed it. The minute you would have said "hey, the faucets right there you cant have MY water kiddo"... I'm sure your friend would have backed you up.

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It's ok not to share your drink (or anything else) with the other kids.
Learn to say 'No' and mean it.
Ask them how many times they need to hear 'No' before they believe it.
If you say 'No' every time you are asked and they get nothing every time, eventually they will quit asking.

Just say to the girls, "no, and it is not polite to ask for something unless it has been offered to you." Look them in the eye, with a firm voice and a smile. If they do it again, repeat yourself but lose the smile.
Some parents are oblivious. Yesterday I was at the pool and this obnoxious boy (probably 8 or 9) was repeatedly and forcefully splashing water in his nanny's face while mom and grandma looked on, occasionally saying "oh Billy stop that." I felt sorry for the nanny, who was young and probably afraid to say anything. Since what was happening didn't have anything to do with me or my kids I just kept giving the boy a nasty look, and he finally stopped and moved on :(

First off, I think it's kinda rude to not allow your kids to drink soda, but you drink it in front of them. What's that about?

Second of all- this sounds pretty typical. My kids do the same thing. Is it annoying? YES, it's annoying, but they are just being kids. I don't think it's necessarily disrespectful.

Sounds like you're a bit overstimulated and need a long bath and a glass of vodka!!

I can understand why you thought that was annoying. I would be annoyed too. However, why did you give them the water? Or, why didn't you say, "I will give you one cup and then you'll need to go over to the drinking fountain for your own." YES, the mother should say something in the perfect situation, but she didn't. Maybe she's just used to giving in whenever they want something? That may be part of the problem here...

It's not just you. When you encounter this again hold firm with your "no".

tell them and Mom flat out NO next time... saying no, then caving in will only encourage them to continue.

Kids are so very smart. You've helped them turn this into a game they play with just you.

These kids have easily figured out that they can "get your goat," as the saying goes. They aren't really all that interested in your drinks. They're interested in the fact they can get a rise out of an adult and work on her until she might say yes. I'm sure it annoys their mom too (though she should say something -- she needs a spine transplant to stand up to them) and they love that fact as well. They are engaging in what to them is a game.

So don't cave next time, or ever. And when they keep saying "I want it" over and over and over, ignore them entirely, as if they are not only not speaking -- they are not there, period. Read a magazine. Go play with your own kids (don't leave that drink where they can grab it, though!). Turn and talk to their mom pointedly about something totally unrelated. Or walk away (give up that bench if you must). The kids are annoying you, yes, but they are doing it because they know it's going to get a reaction. Give them none, walk away, tell them no once, then they are invisible to you the next time they ask the same thing.

And as for the mom -- next time this happens, tell her that "Your girls are so sweet and I like them a lot, but they always want my drinks. Next time they ask I want you to know that they get one 'no' from me and then I can't hear them or see them if they ask again. I'm sorry if it upsets them but once the question's been answered, I won't acknowledge it again." In other words, end the game.

An alternative is to bring drinks for all the kids, yours and hers, the next time, and tell her, "Since your kids are so thirsty every time we're here, I've brought (water, juice boxes, whatever) for a drink break THIS TIME. Next time can you bring drinks for your own kids? They seem to need a lot of hydration...."

Well, I don't think you should make it your personal responsibility to provide drinks for other people's children, so I disagree with the people here who say you should or that you shouldn't drink in front of them. However, I think you shouldn't have given in to them. Even if they continued to whine and beg their mom, that's not your responsibility. Ignore them. Would you give in to your own children if they behaved that way?

It is annoying that your friend didn't say anything to her girls, but ultimately, you were the one who gave in to their whining, thereby reinforcing the behavior. Maybe their mom was hoping that if she ignored it, they would stop.

Here I was taught that it is rude to eat or drink in front of someone if they don't have any.

If I were going to the playground I would have brought bottled water in a cooler for everyone. Usually my friends are the same so everyone would be my own kids.

Of course it is kinda surprising that your friend hasn't figured this out and brought things for her kids.

Well, you say, "No means no." If they whine and ask again, you say, "I already told you."

You don't have to share your personal drink. If the other kids still bother you, say something to their mom! Say, "Hey, tell you kids to knock it off. They can go to the water fountain."

Then ignore, ignore, ignore.

Or if you really want to be a doormat, bring enough drinks for the group.

rofl..... If my son was doing that I'd look at him like he'd grown 2 heads!

If he kept doing that I'd apologize to my friend and head home because it's time for time out. Which I know because he HAS done things I've told him not to do, and that's what I do. Fun plans are officially cancelled. By the age of 4 we only had to cancel plans and pack up maybe once or twice a year.

I'm a reeeeeally easy going mom in most ways, but what I say goes. Period. Not listening when I have warned him not to do something means we pack up and leave. He's 9 now, and the numbers still stand. LOL... although he tests boundaries at HOME quite a bit lately (can we say grounded, kiddo? Because that's what is about to happen. Yup. In your room. Scoot.), being a pesticating nuisance in public/ doing something fun is something he very rarely indulges in.

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Hospitality in my home is one thing (I'll get them their own)... but water from the public fountain in your personal cup? No. It's water from the fountain. Right over there.

Same token, I'm ADHD (as is my son), so I carry coke around with me almost everywhere. I don't share it with other people. I'm drinking out of it, and it has my germs on it at a bare minimum. I don't want other people's germs in my mouth unless I'm kissing them. I will get them their own if it's in my house AND it's okay, but they are not drinking out of mine.

if you tell them no, and don't let them have any, ever, why are they still asking you? either you aren't being convincing, or something else (like giving in before) has them convinced you will cave. be firm. don't be afraid just because their mom is there. it's your drink and they may not have any, sorry. might want to throw in a "it's very rude to ask someone for their food/drinks. go play." lol.

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I am assuming, when they ask for something, you give it to them? Then, ofcourse, they will keep asking. I personally do not believe in sharing drinks (our mouths are filthy, especially adults, not only do we carry all kinds of germs at any given time, but plaque, gum disease, and any number of things can be passed along to children and vice versa).

My main point though is that you have to be consistant with children. If they ask for something and you say no every time, I do believe they may stop asking. Good Luck!

I so agree with you and I don't allow it. When my kids are thirsty at the park we all sit down and have a drink. One drink, we are done, end of story. I refuse to hear I'm thirsty every few seconds, I don't care how hot it is. If it's that hot, we go home.

We don't share our drinks that is how sicknesses are passed. I would have said "no" and left it at that. If they continued I would have said something to my friend.

Yes its rude and no you aren't wrong.

Don't even address the kids. Look directly at the mom/your friend and say w/a smile "I just sat down and I really need to be able to enjoy my snack w/o being asked to share". If it makes her uncomfortable that you said that, just do what she does when you get annoyed when her kids are bothering you - nothing!

What's wrong with looking them straight in the eye and saying "no, sorry I don't share my beverages with kids, there's a drinking fountain right over there" If you don't get assertive it'll just get worse. It'll be good practice for when your kids are older and you have other people's children with you and their parents aren't around. You'll need to be direct because believe me some kids say (and do) the darndest things.

Hi S.,

You are not wrong. You are completely right to feel that way! I would too! I have a friend who's kids tried to do that with me. I sweetly told them no, we don't share our water because we have our own germs and I dont want to get you sick. They insisted and said they didn't care. I said in a firm voice. I said NO. I meant NO. My answer is still NO. We don't share our water bottles. If you are thirsty, there is a drinking fountain right over there Hun. They stopped. Sometimes they forget and will come and hold their hands out for my lunch or whatever and I remind them that I have snacks that I share with everyone and I have other things that I dont. If I say no, its no. IF the mom doesn't like it, she needs to come better prepared for her own kids!

M

Well, I suppose you could get some cheap water bottles for her kids and keep them in your car with their names on them. If they want a drink, they have to fill them up themselves. If not, you offered and forget it!
If they use them, have them rinse them out and give them back to you when play is over.
I don't understand why their own mother doesn't have things for them to drink out of, but whatever.
She may realize how brilliant you are by having bottles for everyone.
If they want to keep them, I would say no because if they forget them next time, there won't be another one. Everyone drinks out of their own water bottle or whatever it is.
Sucks that you would have a bag of bottles in your trunk, but it's better than being begged to drink from yours.
I'm not a germophobe and if the kids were truly thirsty and there was absolutely nothing around for them to drink, I'd let them. But, seriously, how many kids is one sports bottle supposed to satisfy without causing a melee?

I don't understand how they are being disrespectful/rude (?). You are aware they will nag you for a treat/sip, and you continue to set yourself up and entice them. LOL. So, yes you are wrong in that light.

Maybe the next time their mother gives them a cup, you should get off the bench and say let's go fill your cup with water. Tell their mother to hold your space. The mother is not thinking about it from your perspective, and I doubt she will be offended if you offer to have a bonding moment with her children since they seem to be interested in what you're drinking all the time.

uggh i totally understand! My sisters kids do this and it drives me BATTY! Whenever they come to my house they start whining immediately that they're soooo huuuunnngggrrry (even though I know for a fact that they just ate) and they start asking for specific things and get pissed when I say "no". If they see me or my kids eating any kind of food (which was often seeing as we lived right next door to them and tended to have an open door policy between our houses) they instantly whine "i want soooome!" and then will eat all of whatever you have. My 10 month old tends to eat at different times than the bulk of us due to her nap schedule, and she eats different food (not necessarily baby food--but softer foods) and my niece will throw a mega tantrum if i don't give her any (which i never do because I am so sick of it). my sister will just sit there and say "you need to ask nicely". How about "NO! You are being rude!". My kids would never go to somebody else's house and instantly whine for them to be fed. It is so incredibly rude and shame on your friend for letting her kids do this to you so often.

Just say no!! Another idea is to bring an extra bottle, and says this one is for you guys!!!

Other than the fact that a child should respect what you say, and a child should not be talking to an adult like that, it is disrespectful, and other than the fact that NO CHILD should be having caffeine EVER..... BUT.... whatever happen to the rule "you don't drink from other people's cups?" This is wrong on so many levels! lol!

Speaking of caffeine, I saw a girl yesterday that looked about 9 that was in 7-11 and bought a Monster energy drink! It was about 9:30 pm. I don't let my kids have a DROP of caffeine...

How does something that you allowed to happen annoy you so much?!

Just say "no". A simple "no, you need to ask your mom for water", or similar is enough on your end.

If it really annoys you THAT much, then talk to the mom. Suggest that she bring water & snacks for her kids because you can't afford to hydrate & feed everyone.

Is there a general lack of parenting in this case, or is just that the kids are beggars?

her kids are being unruly and she is being a bad parent for letting them act that way!!! if i had done that when i was a kid i would have been in trouble big time

Yes that is very annoying. I think I would have given a big smile to those rude kids and just said, "No, this is my personal water bottle, not one for our whole group to use. If you or your Mom didn't bring water bottles of your own, there is a fountain over there." If the kids then persisted in begging to their Mom for something of yours that you have ALREADY told them they cannot have, there is something wrong. Your friend should really nip that in the bud and insisted they stop asking. But it sounds like whining and begging have turned no into yes for those kids before, so they persist.

Ick! DOUBLE ick! I wudda said...No! This is 'my' drink, there's a fountain right over there, that's for 'you' to use. I wud definitly bring it up to the mom & tell her that while you don't want to appear selfish, you don't feel comfortable w/sharing your personal beverages w/'her' kids & tell her she needs to start bringing their own beverages & snacks (you're not a free vending machine!) & be firm about it! You don't know what they might have or 'carry' like sickness-wise. They could have cold sores or a cold or just anything in general they may not have symptoms of. It's not your job to provide snacks & drinks for someone else's kids. Don't let them take advantage of you. I think that when kids act like that, they're just wanting attention they may not be getting at home. Good luck!!

I guess I am the rare exception, whenever I know I am going to be out and about with my friend and her kiddos I make sure I have ample snacks and drinks for everyone...but that is just me.

I agree with you! I don't see why you should allow someone else's kids to do what you don't allow your own kids to do. I, personally, don't share my water bottle or drink with anyone. It's the same principle as not sharing your toothbrush! I would simply say, "I'm sorry but I have "cooties" (germs / or whatever) and if you drink from my bottle you'll get sick". Let's see if they have a comeback for that! Good luck! :)

Your friend needs to tell her kids to stop asking people for their things. If I were you, I would keep saying no this is my water, but there is a fountain over there. No, this is my water. No, this is my water......

Tell your friend to bring them some freaking water bottles!! =)

"I'm sorry, I don't have enough in my cup to share. You can fill your cup at the fountain." Then you don't give in. The fact is that you were too subtle. Kids don't do "subtle." And they also learn that if you say "no" or "not now" and then you do the opposite of what you just said and give in then you're going to do so in the future. So that right there is your own fault. Sorry.

But this isn't about the little girls at all, or that they "annoy" you. It's about your friend and how your complaint about her daughters is really a complaint about your friend's parenting or your perceived lack thereof.

First, you don't like it that they ask for a taste of your drink or snack. You don't like it that their mother doesn't provide it for them or chastise them for asking you for some. But you know, that could be because she's perfectly fine about sharing with whomever asks when she does have something no matter whether it's hers or her kids'. She's clearly not thinking about this the same way you are and she clearly doesn't know that this bothers you. Have you told her that this is a problem? Or are you silently seething about how poorly mannered you think her children are?

Second, you don't like it that they ask for soda or coffee because they're caffeinated. Frankly, that's just something that's your problem. Some parents have no problems letting their children have caffeinated and sugary carbonated drinks. Do I agree with it? No, but I'm not the parent of those children. I just parent my own children how I see fit. I don't hold a grudge against those children and let them "annoy" me because I disagree with a beverage their mother clearly doesn't think is a problem. If I have a problem with giving a child soda, even one that's not mine, then I don't give it to them. Period. I leave it to the mother to do it herself.

I don't believe the children are rude. They sound small and normal. If a child is thirsty, they're thirsty and they're going to say so and I don't see a problem with that. So maybe the next time you plan to meet this mom at the park you and she can plan ahead better. "Hey Amelia, I was thinking that next time I'll bring the grapes and crackers and you can bring some Capri Suns. The kids are always so hungry and thirsty, we should probably bring more for them so that they don't drink our coffees and steal our calories."

Nope, I have this issue with one out two of my friends kids. She is a little brat to say the less. Doesn't share at all, tortures my daughter and her sister, and is well....just a brat! I think it's time to take a break from that family or just hang out with the mom one on one without the kids. I try not to make play dates with my pal either because of this.

'we don't share water bottles because that;s how you pass on germs that make you sick'. can add 'babies don't share pacifiers, we don't share spoons or forks and we don't share water bottles, coffee cups or anything where someone else puts their mouth'.
snacks ' I'm happy to share with you but the polite thing is to wait to be asked' right in front of the mother. If she takes offense to that then she doesn't know what good manners are either.
Maybe your friend is so used to giving her kids sips from her drinks, food from her plate etc that she just doesn't realize it's not OK.

Just say NO.
Just say, no sharing germs.
Just say, it is RUDE, ask your own Mommy.
Just say, you do not want to share... because it is not sanitary.

I would have been annoyed too. I hate when other kids ask for things. I have taught all of my kids to never ask other people for stuff..whether it be a drink, food, money, toys...etc. I tell them if they're at a friends house or the neighbors - if it's offered you can take it if you want it but DO NOT ask. I know how bad it drives me nuts when our neighbor kids do that. And if I had been sitting right there while one of them were doing it, I would of definately said something. Even if you would of said yes, I would of probably told them no, just because it's rude to ask.

Hi S.,

Hope you can stand one more. I totally agree with the "no" camp and suggest you also talk to the mom about how much her kids' behavior annoys you, and is just plain wrong. It's not OK for kids to beg and needle from anyone, let alone another adult -- all the mom is doing is reinforcing a very bad bit of behavior by letting her kids do this.

More importantly, though, you should be very cautious about share eating or drinking utensils with anyone else, especially small children, unless you really have a strong desire to catch any infectious illness they may be incubating (or pass along anything you may have). Keep in mind that viruses typically have a 7 - 20 day incubation period; during this period they're generally most contagious and rarely have symptoms.

The common cold may be merely an inconvenience, but other viruses can be a lot nastier. True influenza, with high fevers and pneumonia risk is just one example, but more importantly, young children (especially those under 5) are the primary carriers of cytomegalovirus (CMV). While the kids are likely to have mild or no symptoms, if you've never had this virus and get it from them, you can develop a type of mononucleosis that can make you pretty sick for several weeks and, in severe cases, cause temporary injury to the liver and/or spleen. Worse still, if a woman in early pregnancy contracts CMV, the virus can cause serious problems in developing fetus, resulting in permanent blindness, hearing loss, or other neurological damage. Research is also showing that CMV in early pregnancy is the primary cause of cerebral palsy.

A theory of evolutionary biology shared by immunology suggests that sharing eating and drinking utensils, food that comes in contact with your mouth (like ice cream), and kissing are important paths for transmitting viral diseases and building immunity to them. While I agree with this theory and the value of building immunity, you're better off engaging in the practice only with members of your own household, as this can help to limit the passing of infectious illnesses in the general population and may reduce the impact of any illness you do contract.

I have one really close friend that we do a lot of stuff with, parks, pool, play dates, etc. In our family we're pretty share-y, in their family they are pretty share-y, so when we get together it's sort of a free for all! Our kids each drink from our stuff or whatever. It doesn't bother us...BUT, I could see how it could bother other people and I do get what you're saying and sometimes it is annoying. In those instances we say to the kids, 'oh you know what, I'm not sharing this today, but there is a water fountain right over there.', then leave it at that. If they keep persisiting, keep telling them, eventually they'll get the hint.

Well I just read your what happened and that is tough. It does seem sort of obvious that mom should step in and say no, but you're going to have to say something. Even just saying something like you know I usually share but since my kids don't drink soda and coffee I just don't feel comfortable sharing with your kids, I hope you understand that I don't want my kids to see me giving it to them. As far as the water, again, just say you don't want to share and then ignore them I guess.