Is My Husband Right? Creating Bad Sleep Habits in 5 Y/o

I cuddled with my daughter until she fell asleep until SHE decided that she didn't want to do it anymore, at about age 7.

I still co-sleep with my 5 y/o - so I'm in the same boat of co-sleeping is great... and no, I don't think you are creating bad sleep habits, nor do I think he's not getting enough sleep.

My 6 yr old goes to bed at 730-830 and gets up every morning at 645-7am.
However you should not be still in there when he goes to sleep, he should go to sleep on his own.
And I don't think it has anything to do with co sleeping till he was 3, it has to do with you not getting up telling him good night and leaving the room.

My kids both co-slept with me and my husband until they were two. They both transitioned just fine to their own beds, and they now fall asleep on their own just fine (well, except for sometimes they fight at night instead of sleeping, but that has nothing to do with co-sleeping, it's just because they have to share a room :-).

My son is six and sleeps about 10-11 hours a night, and he seems to do well on that. I would say that as long as your son is well-rested and doesn't keep getting up in the middle of the night, you are doing just fine. And I think that it's sweet that you guys have such a great bonding time at night; like other people here have said, you should treasure it while you still can, because it won't be long before he feels like he is too old for it, especially the cuddling.

If it is working for the child then let it be. 11 hours a night is great. My son's first grade teacher says that amount of sleep is great for memory retention and starts the day out right at school.

Kids love a routine and a strong bedtime routine is great. I know it is a common belief for many people that the more a parent loves and cuddles a child then the more spoiled the child becomes. I love and cuddle my kids lots and it actually helps them to be stronger and venture out on their own. They are very loving also. My children definitely know when they have done something wrong but I do think that there is a difference between spoiling them with material goods and loving them.

SOOO many Moms co-sleep.
I did and ALL of my friends.
Many still do, even at that age.
I do too, sometimes with my son who is 4.
NO biggie.
They grow out of it.

Kids, wake at a certain time.
Your child seems to sleep well.

No matter what time my kids and my friends kids go to bed... they ALWAYS wake up the next morning at a certain time. Its their clock.

My son still naps though. My son for example, sleeps 11 hours at night too, and takes a 2 hour nap during the day.

Here is a link for you on how much sleep a child needs:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-much-sleep-does-your-chil...

Next, your son seems well rested and is not over-tired when he wakes.
So that means he did get a nice sleep.

Your Husband has a point... but I also know that, a child WILL outgrow co-sleeping. I co-slept with both of mine, and they outgrew it. At a certain age and maturity.
BUT yes, you might want to teach your son, about sleeping independently.
Does he have a Lovey?
His bed all cuddly and comfy?
My kids have MANY loveys in their bed. For example.

No worries.

Let your Husband, read your responses, maybe????

all the best,
Susan

I agree with you! As long as you love cuddling with him and your son sleeps well, what's the big deal. So many parents think we all have to raise our children by the exact same rules. We don't. What works for one family, doesn't for another. Your hubby needs to lighten up a bit. Eleven hours of sleep sounds about right to me. I say enjoy everything you can because they are little for such a short time.

I think 11-12 hrs is on the upper end for sleep at that age. I'm sure it's probably closer to 10 hrs of sleep needed for a 5 yr old. We also coslept and my almost 4 yr old sleeps about 11-12 hrs a night. He falls asleep before I get though one story most nights. I think if it works for you then keep doing it your on will eventually go to sleep without the cuddling so enjoy it while you still can.

According to WebMD, kids ages 3-6 need 10-12 hours of sleep per day, on average.

Yes, your son should learn to fall asleep by himself--but he's got a lot of childhood left to figure it out with your help. You can do that slowly over time, on your schedule and how it works best for your family. There is no magic formula. :) Maybe, gradually over time, have the cuddle while you read a book, then let him read by himself for 5 or 10 minutes and then lights out. Or, gradually over time, you read to him, and sit in the chair next to his bed till he falls asleep, etc.

Every child is different. Some need more sleep and some need less. Out of my 5 children, I had/have 2 children who need VERY little sleep, 2 who need much more sleep and 1 who is average.

The big question to answer is, does he act fine when he wakes up? Is he over tired cuz he slept too much? Tired cuz he didn't get enough sleep? Sounds like he wakes up fine so he's getting enough sleep. I think on average a 5 year old needs about 12 hours of sleep. Could be 10-12, but you can check online, but that's just a guideline and you need to go by what your child needs.

Now, you said he "goes to be" at 8pm. Is he sleeping at that time or is that when you go in with him to read and cuddle? You'll need to seeing what time he's actually falling asleep and go by that time. If you need him to fall asleep by 8pm you'll wnat to put him down by 7:30 so he can have reading time and such.

Now about you cuddling. Nothing wrong with cuddling! But, I feel he needs to learn independence by age 5 to fall asleep on his own. Read to him, cuddle for a moment, but move on so he can learn to fall asleep on his own. What will he do when you're busy and can't be in there with him? Will he have anxiety to fall asleep on his own. You need to create a new routine and let him grow up and into more independence.

K. B
mom to 5

13-14 hours a night? That's just crazy talk, that's more like how much sleep a younger toddler gets. Our 5 year old gets closer to 10 hours.

Where does your husband get his numbers from? I DO agree with him though, that your child is old enough to be able to self sooth to sleep, it's a pretty necessary thing for him to have learned by now. I co-slept as well, but our kids can fall asleep on their own. You can still do cuddle time,l but I would leave as he gets sleepy and let him learn to go on his own.

According to webmd, you are pretty much on target with his hours:

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/sleep-children

The sleep foundation recommends 10-11 hours for children his age:
http://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/how-sleep-works/ho...

"3-6 Years Old: 10 - 12 hours per day

Children at this age typically go to bed between 7 and 9 p.m. and wake up around 6 and 8 a.m., just as they did when they were younger. At 3, most children are still napping while at 5, most are not. Naps gradually become shorter as well. New sleep problems do not usually develop after 3 years of age."

Two separate and unrelated issues...

Yes, you are forming a bad habit in that you are still essentially co-sleeping and your little guy needs to learn to calm himself and fall asleep on his own.

No, he's not "sleep deprived"! Our pediatrician has made it clear that kids sleep as much as they need to on any given day. Our son is almost 3 and sleeps about 10-11 hours each night and takes an hour nap in the afternoon. If he's not grouchy and over-tired then he's fine.

I kinda did what you did. My oldest also slept with me until he was almost 3. I was pregnant so I needed him to sleep in his own bed so I could be more comfortable and when I stayed in the hospital he didn't freak out. He slept in a toddler bed so I would sit by it until he fell asleep. When he was 5 and my secound was 2 I started laying in the same bed with both of them and then putting my then 2yo in his bed. It got to be a huge pain in the butt. I started to fall asleep in there and then couldn't go back to sleep in my own bed. So I bought the boys a tv and let them watch tv for a while then would come shut it off. My kids were fine without me. Do whatever you want to do your son won't still want to sleep with you when he is 15! So tell your husband to relax also what time would you have to put your son to bed 6pm? to get 14 hours of sleep. That is ridiculous he is abig kid not a newborn. Kids USUALLY sleep as long as they need to. Your son sounds fine to me. Enjoy your time with him because pretty soon cuddling with mommy will gross him out. I have and 8yo and he still kisses me goodnight and will hug me but unless he is hurt he is too cool for me..

Here's a wonderfully informative site on children's sleep needs: http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/sleep.htm

According to the chart (scroll down a bit), 11 hours is normal for a 5-6 year-old child. It sounds like your guy is functioning well on that, so there's no real worry there.

If your son is ABLE to fall asleep with no fuss on the occasional nights you break your routine, I doubt that you're setting up a problem. It might be a good idea to try that once in awhile to be sure; you never know when you (or he) might end up traveling or in the hospital overnight. Flexibility is always a good thing.

Could your husband be feeling jealous or left out? If so, consider making some evenings for him, or finding ways to include him in on family cuddles.

I usually snuggle with my 5yo grandson on the one evening a week I spend with him. I know he'll be outgrowing that in the next year or so, and meanwhile, it's a wonderful bonding experience for us both.

Your son should fall asleep on his own by now. Give him a nice light that isn't too bright and some books. That's what I do for my daughter. She'll be six in a few weeks...and I put her to bed at 7:30, and let her read until she feels like turning out the light. That's usually by 8:15, and sometimes earlier. I also let her listen to soft music...she's built up quite the collection, and picks what she'd like to listen to. I don't feel there is a problem with any of this...I realize some people might call them sleep aids, but she is able to control them herself and needs no assistance.

Anyhow, she goes to bed when I said and is up by seven every morning, and that is enough sleep at this age. 13-14 hours a night is WAY too much. I mean, when he starts school he'll have to be up by what, 6 or 7...so what time would you have to put him to bed in order for him to get 14 hours of sleep? 4 or 5? Phrase it to your husband that way. I can guarantee that NO CHILD who is five years old sleeps 13 or 14 hours a night, unless they are sick. My baby doesn't sleep 14 hours a night...maybe 12.

My not yet 3 year old daughter sleeps about 10 to 11 hours a night with a 2.5 hour nap so I would imagine a 5 year olds sleep time doesn't need to be as long as a 3 year old total amt of sleep? I don't like letting my daughter fall asleep with me in her bed--we cuddle and such but I leave before he falls asleep simply because she then expects that the next night and when she has some night wakings. She is very high maintenance and if something is one way at one time it better be that way all the time. I couldn't really occasionally co sleep with her because she expected it all the time. If your child doesn't have that issue then I don't see why it is a huge problem. If he and you are happy and well rested and you don't mind waiting till he falls asleep more power to you. I know that some moms stay until they fall asleep and it does create issues though

The first thing that comes to mind is that maybe your husband is hoping for some more time and attention from you? I may be totally off, but I do think that your 5 year old should be going to bed on his own. You could be spending that time with your husband or going and spending some time for you.

I have a 5 year old and we have a nice routine and he gets a book read to him, but then he goes to bed on his own. You want to teach him to be more independent. I think your husband has a good point.

As I agree w/ your husband that he needs to able able to fall asleep on his own, I appreciate your routine of cuddling until he falls asleep. He will eventually go to sleep on his own. He won't cross that stage at graduation still having you fall asleep w/ him LOL! Both of my boys, 10 & 13 still like me to tuck them in and I will do it until they tell me not to. They grow up so fast, I say keep doing what you are doing until he has weaned himself of your tucking him in.

Also 11 hours is just right for a good night's sleep. 13-14 hours @ age 5 is really too much.

I think he's getting plenty of sleep.

As for the co-sleeping, I did it with all my children, they got to an age where they no longer wanted me to sleep with me or just knew they shouldn't. I think it depends how you really look at it, yeah, some may say it's bad however, my husband hates to cuddle and wants his own space all the time. I love to cuddle and sleep better cuddling. So if I would have married a man who liked to cuddle I'd be fine, and if my husband would have found a woman who wanted her own space he'd be happy. He's fine with me for the most part sleeping with our youngest. Every once in awhile, he wants to sleep downstairs (no fighting involved) and me and the kids (16, 14, 4) sleep in the bed. So is cuddling a bad thing? It's an individual opinion, my husband hates it, slept by himself growing up and prefers it... I on other hand, shared a bed with my sisters early on, then had my own roomed and hated sleeping in it... When I had my babies, I started it, not planning on it, but it just happened and I slept so good knowing they were right next to me. I also nursed them, part of a factor at first...

I have a 5 1/2 year old in all-day kindergarten. He is at school from 8:00-5:00. So he has a long day and gets plenty tuckered out. But, he only gets 10 hours of sleep a night. He gets closer to 11-12 on the weekends. His big brother got a smidgen more than this at the same age....But he looooves his sleep. Each child (and adult for that matter) is different.

Believe me, if he were tired, it would be reflected in his classroom behavior and we would hear about it.

About the falling asleep on his own thing...Well that's up to you. Should you work on this now? If you do not, will he grow out of it on his own or will you have a wierd developmental fight on your hands when he is 8 or 9 or 10?

We do as you do. And did as you did. perfect routine. and everyone needs different amounts of sleep. you can tell by their mood and energy if they're getting enough. My 3 yr old only gets about 11 hours and does great.

Also - only 15 minutes with you? That's a very short time to be with you. So I don't see how doing anything different will get you more time to spend with hubby. He probably read something. Or spoke to a colleague at work who is opinionated.

Another thought - I lie with my 4 year old till she falls asleep. Usually about 20 minutes. If I can't/don't lie with her, she falls asleep by herself. She WAY prefers to fall asleep with me. But is quite capable of doing it on her own. We both like the quiet time together in the evening.

Haven't read your other responses, but it sounds like your son is right on track, sleep-wise:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-much-sleep-does-your-chil...

Our soon-to-be 6 yo goes to bed at 8 p.m. and wakes at 6:15 a.m. BTW, we co-slept, too, and she moved into her own bed at 3 yo, too. We also had to lay down w/ her until she fell asleep, then we stopped doing this after about 10 months. You might want to think about transitioning to saying goodnight after story time so that he begins to do this on his own. Good luck!

My son turned 5 last month and he sleeps 11.5 to 12 hours usually. If all goes smoothly he goes to bed between 7:30 and 8 and will wake up around 7 to 7:30. We never co slept but had the crib in our room until he was 2.5 and moved to a bed in his own room. He doesn't like to fall asleep alone so we have a comfortable chair near the bed. He is so wiggly it drove me crazy to lie in bed with him. It's not perfect but it mostly works for us.

I dont think you are going to scar him by what you are doing. If its working for both of you I dont see the problem. My 6 y/o daughter goes to bed at 7pm (my hubby says thats way too early) and she wakes up at 6:30am. If she goes to bed later than 7pm, she is a crying meltdown mess in the morning. My husband isnt lucky enough to have to deal with that in the morning. So, I really dont care what he says about her going to bed early. When school is out, she can stay up later.
They are only little once, do what you want.

I think your husband is off his cracker. Reading to sleep is great I think!!! Not to many parents do that and I think it's a shame.

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Every child is different. One of my 6 years old sleeps 12 hrs. The other one between 9 and 11 hours (she is also six years old). The one who sleeps 12 hrs, never acts out, is in control of herself, and does not wake up tired. the one who sleeps less can cry for no reason, is more tired and less concentrated. She just says she cannot fall asleep. They both are in bed by 7 (latest 7:15).
As for the other issue, you will get different responses, some will support you staying there until he falls asleep, some will say he needs to learn how to fall asleep on his own. I am with the second camp. I have taught my kids to sleep on their own. I read to them, and we chit chat for about 5 minutes, while they're in bed. Then good night kiss and I leave. They both have night lights in their room that stay on all night. Again, I don't see you being wrong either. It's what works for him and you best.