Is This Too Protective or What?

How's the poor guy supposed to go to the restroom when he goes anywhere? Yeah, I'd say that's over-protective. He needs to be taught how to handle situations not be completely sheltered from them.

I guess every man is creepy these days, and I suppose many moms wont be letting their sons wipe themselves until they are what, eighteen?
Sorry, feeling a little foul tonight and not very generous, must be PMS ;)

All men that drive ice cream trucks are bad and he'll never use a men's public restroom?

Does she think all men are bad, period?
After all, her son is going to grow up to be one whether she likes it or not.

I have news for her, there will come a day when her son flat refuses to go into a woman's restroom in public with his mom.

Yes she sounds protective. That's what we moms do - protect our babies. How about you think about supporting her instead of criticizing?

Well, a few weeks ago he wouldn't be out after dark. It all of a sudden started getting dark much earlier here. He is probably working his regular shift, but will have to reduce his hours very soon to the new fall timing.

And really, never go near an ice cream truck, because they are all bad men? Or use a public restroom, at the age of 9? What does he do when they are in public, go with his mom? Will he do that when he is 16? I'm all about protecting our children and teaching them, but creating unnecessary fear in them isn't a good way to prepare them. Absolutes is not usually a good way to teach children the difference between actual as perceived dangers, and how to confront something when it does happen.

There is something called common sense. If you don't feel comfortable going up to an ice cream truck after dark then don't. It has nothing to do with a "bad man" driving it. I don't think telling a 9 yo to not use a public bathroom is smart. He's going to be petrafied of everything. This is really stupid in fact. She is not only going to cause him possibly physical problems because he's holding it in and not able to use a bathroom, but psychological issues too since it seems she is trying to make him afraid of everything. There is a difference in being protective and being OVERLY protective as a parent. I hope she learns the difference soon. Good luck.

The ice cream trucks have shifts, they don't change as quickly as the sun in the fall anymore than they do in the spring.

What exactly is she expecting him to do when he gets wayyyy too old for the women's restroom, pee behind a bush. Yeah he will meet some really cool guys in county lock up. :(

Making a child afraid of everything you want them to avoid doesn't teach them what to avoid. It becomes oh she didn't cover this so he walks right into danger.

The tone is really important. Could it have been in a "you aren't dating until your 40" kind of way? Either way, she's the mom. It's her kid, she is within her bounds.

Beyond protective - pushing paranoid.

Hmm. Might be the neighborhood she lives in giving her those fears?

My son is 7 1/2 and the only bathroom I ever let him use alone is the one at the sports park because there are huge vents in the walls at the top and you can hear everything that is going on. Maybe by 9 I will feel different but he still has his innocence and I just take him with me. Overprotective maybe but if something like THAT happened I wouldn't forgive myself. I have never elaborated on it to him, I just tell him to come with me. The ice cream man thing... I guess I would have said the same thing about him being out late but maybe like another poster said he is not used to the fall daylight hours. To be totally honest though they all DO seem to be a little dirtbag-esque... IMO

Wow. I think instilling fear rather than caution is mean. She should have said that he should be careful of anyone in a vehicle and give the rules for engagement.

She sounds like my husband's ex - paranoid about some random weirdo snatching one of her boys and making them do God knows what. When our daughter was born she warned me to never let her out of my sight because someone could steal her and try to "sell her on the black market" to people who couldn't have children otherwise. I was like, woah, are you kidding me? Do you lay awake and think about these things or are you just watching way too much local evening news? We now live out of state from my husband's sons and we have routinely had them fly out together. They are now 18 and 17. This past summer only the 17 year old was able to come out for a visit. We had to change his return flight and ended up getting one with a 1 hour layover because it was way cheaper. We had always flown them direct before and when we told his mom about the layover, she freaked out. She said she didn't want him using the restroom at the airport because he could get raped in there. Umm, really? He's 17!

Maybe you should ask her how long is she going to let him continue to use the women's restroom, and ask her where all these fears and anxiety are coming from. Because she's going to end up crippling her son if she doesn't get a grip on herself and do him a huge disservice. Where is his father in all this?

I actually agree about the ice cream men. Not that they are all bad, but I wouldn't want my child to go near them unsupervised. Also, mall security. Maybe I've seen too many movies. It was also very hard for me to start letting my boys go alone into the men's restroom. But, eventually my husband told me that they couldn't come into the ladies' room with me anymore, so I had to follow his lead. I usually sent them in pairs or in threes. Not anymore. They're men now. LOL

Wow -sounds like she should chill out a bit. As I commented on another post -my husband drove an ice cream truck when he was a teenager. Yeah, he was a total hippie, but he wasn't a bad man! I've never seen anything out of the guys or women driving them around here to make me think they're all bad. That combined with the bathroom comment is not helpful to her son. That type of thing fosters anxiety in kids, and at age 9 -he should be going to restrooms on his own! Sorry -I have no problem with little boys being in the lady's room with their moms, but I mean little boys -if I saw a 9 year old in the women's restroom, I would probably say something. He must be horribly embarrassed too.

I have honestly never thought of any danger associated with the ice cream man :D Now the men's restroom's that is another thing entirely....

Not all men are bad. That being said, was he actually selling ice cream at that time? If so I agree... he should not be selling after dark. A child could run out and get hit by a car. I don't want anyone with bad hygeine selling food products to me or my children. As far as restrooms those should be unisex 1 person restrooms. That way she could be outside the door but my daughters would not have to get upset by someone his age showing up in the womens restroom. I am sorry but I find that disturbing even if the young male is with his mom. Most of us cannot even fathom our daughters fathers taking them into the male restroom with them. We would think they had lost their mind, and with good reason. Now I have had a father request that I supervise his two young daughters 3 and 5 as they went into the mall restroom. I was happy to do so. Both girls went into the stall together and I merely stood outside of it making sure they were safe. I would be careful about advising your daughter. It sounds as if she has some fear and anxiety. You can counter-balance this by making sure that your grandson has some good male role models to observe around him. You did not mention his father.... could your daughter be fearful of a custodial issue? That was a rhetorical question. I am not prying.

I don't like it when I hear people say that. It seems unfair to the good people that are just out there trying to make a buck. But it does seem that lots of people think this way about them. I think it stems from the way the movies have painted it that way. There's a stereotype of the person that is running the ice cream truck to case houses to steal from or to snatch children.

Even though I would not put it quite that way to kids, I don't buy from the trucks. When the trucks come by the house and the kids get excited, I just tell them that my husband doesn't want me buying ice cream from people we don't know.

I consider myself over protective, and I think that's a bit much. My rule is that my son doesn't go near an ice cream truck without me or my husband. I'm thinking your daughter doesn't go out much because to say he can never use a public restroom is a little unrealistic. Kids have to go, especially if you've been out running errands all day and stop to grab a bite to eat, guess what, they have to go! Now until my son was 10 I still brought him in the ladies room with me, no one cares and if they did so what! But now that he's almost 11 he goes in the men's room and only starting recently going without my husband with him. We are always right outside and monitor very closely who goes in and out.

One suggestion would be to get him a whistle that way if he gets into trouble he can blow it and attract attention. I'm still hesitant to let him go in the restroom but my husband insists he's fine.

Luckily many places have family restrooms, even Minute Maid park has family restrooms, these are usually single restrooms so I would mention to your daughter to look for these!

Her intentions are very good. She's trying to protect him from those that prey upon children. But IMHO she's going about it in the wrong way. We don't want our children terrified of everyone, or feeling as if everyone is out to hurt them but we want them to be aware of their surroundings. She can tell him no ice cream from a truck unless Mom, Dad or Gparents are there. And I understand her concerns about public restrooms. Often mothers are alone with sons when shopping. I have 2 sons and have had to deal with this. I talked to my sons about private parts and how no one is allowed to touch them or they aren't allowed to touch someone else period. I did talk about safety of doctors and parents though (boo boos that sort of thing)..I feel I'm rambling. I taught them how to scream if they felt threatened. They weren't afraid then, just cautious.

So pull Mom aside and talk to her. Maybe find a book at the library that would help her talk to her son about bad touching, etc.

I understand your daughter but would have said ...dont go near the ice cream man with out me or my ok. I know for a fact that our neighbors were renting a house and they were selling drugs from the ice cream truck. our neighbor girls would CHASE them down all the way to there house trying to get a ice cream. they did on occasion knock on the door and they would get ice cream from the freezer in the garage to sell to them. they were kicked out and we knew the cops were watching them. I think at his age he could handle going to the mens room by himself. It truly depends on the kid. Mom knows best. But dosent mean your not her mom and can make a delicate suggestion about her joining your son to go to the creepy icecream man!

maybe something bad happened to her as a child and she is paranoid the same will happen to him.

No, not too protective at all in either circumstance. Who the heck sells ice cream in one of those trucks after dark? I don't know about your "hood" but here, most kids blessed with parents who have sense, are inside by then. And most parents certainly wouldn't be running out of their house with loose change to buy sweets for themselves or their kids before hitting the sack. Sounds weird to me.

Besides, those ice cream operators are often independent merchants and you'd be surprised how often they are implicated in crimes such as dealing drugs and are often the cause of fatal hit and run accidents because they can't see the children because they are so small. Our local news did a story on that very topic a few years ago after a kid was assaulted by one such driver?

As for the public bathroom deal. She's wise. Children and even teen and adult men get sexually assaulted in public bathrooms all of the time. They are often the place where people "look" and pay for "action," if you know what I mean. If no one is selling, doesn't mean they won't try to get it for free. You're taking your own risk using a public bathroom, and quite frankly when it comes to children, they should be used in emergerncies only as a last resort, and only if the child has a trustworthy chaperone to watch their back. JMO.

My three year old son likes to use the men's room. In certain places, if I check for it being empty, I've let him go totally alone! Other times he wants to, but the arrangement isn't great, so I say no. I've had the talk with ours about some people being bad, and needing to stay near me in crowds...but I try not to exaggerate or freak out the kids. A nine year old should not be scared to use the bathroom.

She's probably thinking about the one or two kids out of MILLIONS who have been attacked in a public restroom. It's not going to happen if you make sure there is no one in there, or that its a decent one in a decent place and you're right outside. She could even call in after him every few seconds to make sure he's fine and let people know he's being "watched".

The slam against all ice cream men was out of line too. She could have said, "Hmmmm, I dont' think he needs to be out late like this. Always remember to be aware of strange things. I would stay away from midnight ice cream men, personally". This could plant a seed for him without giving him the "My mom's nuts so I don't listen to her" attitude as he grows.

That's the main issue with being over protective, you can cause your child to "rebel" and take risks because they think you're insane. She needs to strike a balance.

I think thats a pretty horrible statement to make when there are TONS of wonderful men out there who happen to drive ice-cream trucks, ups, garbage etc. No one should make a generalization like that without facts. I feel sad for the kids!

M