Is Your First Child More Difficult to Parent than Your Second?

my first is a boy so easy and angelic and fun and awesome, second is a girl, and soooo much harder, doesn't like to cuddle, very selfcentered still, not nearly as easy going, and hasn't learned yet were the line is for having fun and being out of controll. I love them each but showing her my love is a lot harder with the second.

Hi A. D-

I have 7 kids...all very close in age (2 years and LESS between each).

For me, the eldest WAS challenging...probably mostly because I was a first time mom...

Second child was easier...because he was (or I was??) more laid back...

Then...I found with 3rd (in just over 3 years), that a 'lesson' for one (myself included...lol) taught us ALL! and so it went...

The only example that comes to mind is when eldest son fell in my parents pool...I was right there...with the youngest then 2 sibs...my mom and dad there as well. I 'scooped' him out in an instant...prepared to rescue breathe and do CPR...(he was FINE BTW)...Compared to youngest boy (with all 7 kids in tow, and by myself) slipping into a shallow pond on a walk...His eldest 'dragged' him back...I looked...saw HE was fine...and let him dry off on the walk...

Hard to say...

Take Care
michele/cat

Mine is. But I think that's just because she knows just exactly how to push my buttons. I think that my husband has a harder time with our second. It's just that the things that my daughter (the older) does that drive us crazy drive me _really_ crazy, and the things that my son (the younger) does that drive us crazy drive my husband really crazy, but just somehow don't bother me as much.

I know it's unfair to my daughter, and of course I love them the same, but we do butt heads more often (and she's only 5! What have I got ahead of me in the teen years...)

I don't think so....at least not in my case. My oldest is 8 and he has been a dream. No worries. I can send him to someone's house and he is always well behaved. He listens, he has a lot of self control, he is just a joy to have around.
My second is also a joy...when he's sleeping! lol. Ha! No, really, he is a handful. He has been a handful from the beginning. I remember telling my mom that I felt like I was going to have to battle him until he turned 18 because he challenges me on EVERYTHING. He is sassy, rude, extreme highs and lows. He is very tough. But, he also is so sweet (I love you all the way to the moon mommy!) and aware of others and friendly and fearless!
My boys are great and I wouldn't change them for the world, but in MY experience my first has been a BREEZE!
L.

I had the complete opposite experience. Both my 1st and 2nd were boys as well. The first one was such an easy child. Self reliant, smart, so easy going, and never really complained or argued. My second was always a challenge. From day one he demanded a lot of attention and was always challenging me and the world around him. They are both adults now and I A. very proud of them both. My 1st born is a business major and my 2nd born is in the Air Force. Go figure!

Both of mine were super easy but the younger was easier, he learned the ropes fast by wanting to be like big brother or NOT be like him when big brother was gettin in trouble.

My daughter's first child was a high needs child. Her second has even higher needs. Looking back the first child was and still is easier to parent tho she is still a challenge.

I suggest that the biggest factor to make a difference in ease of parenting is the child's personality and nature. What worked with the first frequently doesn't work with the second and so being more experienced may not be helpful. Your two sound like they have definitely different personalities.

You may have an easier time with the second because you are more confident and feel more secure but his personality sounds like it's more a part of it.

I have two boys and my older one is much more challenging. I believe it is personality differences. They are extreme opposites in just about everything! However, my sister has two kids and her youngest is challenging and her older one is easy. So, I think it is just each child's personality, not necessarily birth order or parenting :-)

My first, third, and fifth child are fairly easy to parent. My second child has been quite difficult and my fourth is the biggest challenge. I think a lot of how hard it is to parent a particular child comes from their personalities and how those personalities interact with yours. My oldest is quite similar to me in a lot of ways, so I understand him. My second is much like my younger sister, who I had conflicts with until the day I left home. And my fourth child may well be from a different planet. She is alternately delightful and the most stubborn and difficult child in the world. And there is little warning before she switches from one to the other. I guess, to sum up, what I'm saying is every child is unique, so don't get down on yourself when sometimes and some children are harder than others.

Well. . . I think it depends on many factors.

My oldest, now 20, was so difficult in school. We had to stay on him like white on rice! BUT he was so easy to parent in other ways. If he knew I was ready to lose it, he would back down and start sucking up and making jokes. I'm a smart woman, I know he was sucking up! Point being, he knew NOT to push the issue.

Our 16 year old daughter is the opposite. She is focused and driven when in comes to school and academics. I don't check her grades or her assignments, because I know she's on top of it. But if there is an issue, she'll push it. Don't get me wrong, she is a good girl. I trust her and her friends. But she will find the loophole to any and every rule and argument. She came out that way! Even when she was little she always pushed the envelope just a little bit more!

Each kid needs parented differently. Each kid has their own unique personalities. You can love and discipline both kids equally but differently!

First of all I think it completely depends on the child. You could have a laid back first and laid back 2nd child. Or you could have litigator #1 and litigator #2.

I also think it has to do with our parenting skills and things that we do different with our first and second. I know with me, just bedtime alone is different with my 2nd. I couldn't bare to let my 1st cry it out (still don't really believe in it fully) but as a result she is 3 years old and still wants to come into our bed at night (which I don't mind). But then my 1 year old wants to be put down so he can drift off to sleep by himself and sleeps mostly through the night.

So sometimes I think our first children are more enabled, so they rely on us more. Our 2nd ones have to 'wait' some times because we are catering to our older 1st children, thus they may be able to wait longer, delayed gratification, etc where as our 1st children are used to being catered to right away and focused on fully all of the time (until the 2nd, 3rd, etc) children came along.

Just my two cents....

It's the personality of the child. I have two boys and my second is the more difficult one. But, they both have their moments! There have been times where that is reversed and my older one is more difficult. I think it also depends on the parents personality and how closely matched they are to each child.

Yes!! By far. However, they have very different personalities. I really think it all comes down to that. I was a very patient, attentive mom with my first born, but she fought me every step of the way. She's seven now and we're able to reason with her a little more. We still have our moments though! My son is super easy going and wants to please. He always has been that way. I don't think we've done anything different with him. I have wondered the same thing, but now that they are a little older, I can really see how differently they approach life. Your post made me feel like I was reading about myself. We always talk about how my daughter will grow up to be a lawyer. I'm so fascinated with both of their personalities and A. doing my best to stay sane! I wish you the same.

I have 3 children - ages 13, 4, and 2.5 - and my second (who I think is sometimes more like a first-born due to the age difference) is by far my most difficult. In fact, reading your description of your sons pretty much describes my 4 & 2 year old. The 4 year old will throw 45 minute tantrums if things aren't done "his way." Some things I understand - his socks not feeling right to him in his shoes, his cup being wet when we give it to him, etc. But some things are crazy to me like he went through a stage where he freaked out every time we took a free right turn at a red light. He once threw a tantrum in the car from Auburn to Puyallup because I took a free right and he wanted me to turn around and wait for the light in Auburn to turn green before I turned. He also insists I sing him the same song, in exactly the same way when I put him to bed. Last night he insisted I sing it again because I yawned during it the first time. Some things I stick to my guns on, but other times it's just so much easier to give him what he wants if it is reasonable. I totally feel your pain though. I hope you have good caregivers because I often have problems with mine (including my mom) getting into power struggles with him because they think that he should do things the way they want him to. I wish it were that easy:-)

My first is definitely more difficult. I beleive 95% of it is her personality, and the other 5% parenting and other factors.

I have fraternal twins that are VERY different people. I have always been thankful that I had two to compare in some situations because I know I would have been asking myself the same questions you are! For example, one baby never took to nursing and the other one did just fine. I know I would have blamed myself that I was doing something wrong if would have just had the one and I couldn't get her to nurse. One of my girls has been consistently more difficult despite my knowing that they have had the same experiences and been treated exactly the same. Four years later, I have yet another very different child. I'm definitely a more experienced parent (after twin bootcamp!) but the most valuable experience has been learning that EVERY child is different, even with the same circumstances and parental influence.

Each of my 4 is different with no real pattern as far as birth order. Some were easier as babies and more difficult as teens. My third was and is the most easy going all around. I thought it was because I had gotten the hang of parenting and was so relaxed with him. Then number 4 came along! He came out screaming and didn't stop, barely slept, didn't want to eat. As a teen, he is still intense but usually cheerful and lots of fun. So for me, my fourth was my most challenging child (but turned out to be a pretty easy teenager).

Yes she is :) Of course we have the gender difference (2nd is a boy). He is just so chill, calm, easy to please at 2. At 2 she was a drama queen and started throwing tantrums. At 3, she is the "NO" and "I will do it" Queen--drives me batty! Time outs for her about 1 or more a day....him, maybe 1 a WEEK and it usually some bad behavior he got from her (like pinching). The are both generally well behaved with other kids and just torment each other (and me). They are perfect for our au pair but I guess the older one acts up for me to get attention because I work full time and she misses me.

As an older child myself, my mom would say the older child was easier -- I was a people pleaser, set high expectations, always did what was expected and my sister (3.5 years younger) was the wild child. She was also easy as a child, but as we got older -- she became a handful in her pre-teen and teen years! Just be glad you don't have to deal with the "girl drama"! :) ha!

I have the same experience! My first is a highly sensitive, dramatic, tempermental child. My second, who is just 1, so far is the most easygoing, mellow little guy. I wonder about this constantly...I'm curious to hear other's experiences.