Just Moved and Feeling Depressed!

Hi C. - The best thing I EVER did with my son, is take him to Community Ed classes for mommies and toddlers. Here in Rochester it is called Paiir (Parents are important in Rochester) I now have a group of moms with kids the same age as mine and we all get together at least 2 days a week with the kids for playdates and 2x a month at night for mommies night out. We have such a great time and it is an INCREDIBLE support group. Don't know what I would have done without the classes or without these ladies!!! Good luck - Duluth is so beautiful - enjoy!!!

I know how you feel!! We moved to MN from MI about 6 yrs ago before we had our baby - but man did things change once you have children. I would also suggest a mom's group or go to www.meetup.com and you can search for one - I found a great mom's group in my area. Not sure if you have any ECFE classes up your way but that's a great resource for classes for you and your children and I've met some great people through that as well.

Keep your chin up - once you get yourselves involved in something you'll feel much, much better.

Good Luck!

Does Duluth have a Newcomers or a mom's club you could join? That may help with feeling less isolated. Meet some new friends for you and your kids. They may be able to recommend some sitters for you.

Find the job postings at your local colleges. A lot of students do summer babysitting. They may have a college job website where you can post your need for a sitter.

C.-
We moved to MN when our kids were 4 & 2 also. Wow, does your situation ever sound familiar! Here's somethings I did to help both the kids and I....we found a church where there were activities for all of us (or there would be childcare while I did whatever was going on); the library had a storytime where we could all go listen to stories; there were ECFE classes where I could meet other moms with kids same ages as mine. I found a moms day out program, too, that gave me a couple of hours each day. In another state, I was part of a Mom's Club (great program!!). Sometimes we'd go have lunch at Burger King because they had play equipment for the kids. We also bought a blow-up kiddy pool so I could sit outside and watch the kids play in the water. There's something comforting about the sun in MN! ha! Do you feel comfortable taking them to the zoo? Duluth has a fun one for kiddos. I also would take them places where we could walk around...in Duluth it would be down by the water to watch the boats or see the bridge go up and down... That's cheap, but great fun...and gets everyone out of the house. You are SO not alone!! It WILL get better....promise.

I see you have had some great advice! My husband and I have moved 3 times across country without kids to places where we barely knew anyone. I have to say that it is easier to find people to become your new support system WITH children. You now have a built in "something in common" with so many others.

ECFE classes worked for me. I found at least a handful of other moms with children the same age as mine and we now have weekly playgroups and MORE support.

The other thing that I did before I was pregnant and especially after my daughter was born was to scrapbook at a local store on Friday nights. It is inexpensive and allowed me to meet other people that I had something in common with. Now after a couple of years, a number of them are close friends and we try to schedule a night to scrapbook even when the store isn't hosting one. If you enjoy scrapbooking, you may want to call a local store and see if they hold crop nights. My husband stays home with our daughter and it is their time to really connect. It has been the saving grace in our home for everyone. It made my husband realize how much work goes into a little one and it made me realize that my husband can handle whatever happens without me.

I've heard somewhere that it takes almost 3 years for a new place to feel like home and I think that is fairly accurate. I tell you this not to depress you, but for you to realize it takes time and not to rush it or feel inadequate if it seems like it is taking too long.

Get out of the house at least once a week for an hour or too (or longer!) by yourself and be prepared to say hello to new people and initiate the conversation.

Good luck to you! It's just a matter of time.

Hi C.:
Have you checked to see if there is a newcomers club in your new hometown? The Y is an excellent place to meet new people. Check out the library in town and see if they have summer programs for you or the kids. Enroll the kids in swim lessons and sit and watch, say hello to the other Moms.
Would if be possible for you and your husband to host a party for a few of his co-workers and their wives or maybe whole family. That way the kids can meet new people too. You could make it a potluck, you provide the hot dogs, hamburgers, maybe chicken and cook them on the grill and ask everyone to bring a dish to pass.
You could see if you can organize a block party, everyone in the neighborhood fires up their grill and cooks meat to share and brings some dish to pass and you all gather round one family's back yard and eat.
Your little boy will settle down as soon as he meets some kids. He is probably feeling a little scared and lonely right now as you all are. Moving is tough.

Hi C.!

I feel for you! Sometimes being a Mom can be the best job, yet the hardest job! I had to e-mail you and let you know that I was stuck in a depression over the winter months (mostly because of the weather), but I found great success with supplementing with vitamins. I increased Vitamin B and started taking stress relief vitamins from Shaklee. They helped so much, that I decided to become a distributor for Shaklee, and wow! There is no greater job in my opinion! I am working on getting myself healthy, helping others get healthy, and getting financially rewarded for doing so! Now I am not trying to convince you to become a distributor for Shaklee, but I am recommending you to try their stress relief complex and b complex vitamins. All of their products are safe, green, and they always work (100% money back guarantee)! Check out my website: www.shaklee.net/ehaar and see for yourself! Try some vitamins and you will get your life back, and enjoy your kids even more (trust me!!!)!!!

God bless!
E.

Hi C., things are going to work out just fine. I am from Duluth and I know some of the things to do here. One great thing is ECFE. It starts in September and you will meet many great moms there. I would also start looking into preschools if you want your 4 year old to start (many may be booked by this time but it is worth a try). We also got a membership to the Children's Museum at the Depot, and one to the aquarium. We have a zoo memb. but have only used it 3x in the last year. YMCA is great for you to go work out and have mom time. Some of the classes there are wonderful and you can also enroll the kids in swim class. Go to some of the parks in the area this summer. Chester Bowl is a great one- many kids go there. There is also the main library and branch libraries (check hours online). And if you need to find a sitter, a friend of mine told me about a list that St. Scholastica has online- I haven't looked at it but there are many early childhood college students in the area who babysit. Other nice things to do are going to the beach at park point and taking walks on the boardwalk and throwing rocks in the water.
I wish you the best in this transition. There are a lot of great moms here and you will soon meet many!

A.

Hi C.. I completely understand how you are feeling. About a year ago now we moved, to a city where we only knew one person--we moved for my husbands job. We moved 3 days after I gave birth to my second child, I already had a 2 year old. That move was absolutely awful!!!!! I had a really hard time because I had a 2 year old that was trying to adjust to the move and to a new baby, I had a newborn baby that had really bad colic, and my husband was working 11 hour days....I also was trying to adjust to everything.
Your little one might be acting that way because he is also haveing a bit of a hard time adjusting to everything that is going on...it can be really hard on a kid...but it will improve with time.
I thought I was going to die--and I got very depressed. We also had only one car at that time.
My only escape was going for a walk and exploring our new neighborhood. I also began looking on the net and you can do the same, for "mommy groups" in your area. I know here where I live there are a few sahm groups and that is something you could look for in your area....also like you are doing---the gym where they have daycare---is a good idea. There are also a lot of daycares that will watch kids just for a few hours on whatever days you need---days you could go get a message, nails done, shopping, whatever....
It can be hard at first but things will get better. Look for posters when you go the the ymca, people post many fliers for all kinds of groups, etc.....
The longer you live there the more friends you will make and the more independence you will have. Good Luck!!!

Dear C.,
Being an ex-military wife, I would suggest that you look up other military wives. I am sure there is a Navy, Marine and possibly even an Air Force recruiter in Duluth and perhaps one of them is married. That would probably be a good start for you to find someone to relate with. I know for a fact that military people, no matter what branch, are very supportive of each other. Good luck and if nothing else, drop me a line at my hotmail address: ____@____.com. Unfortunately, I am quite a bit older than you, but I could try to help you and I would be someone to vent to. God bless you. Myrn

I know how you feel. You sound like a single mom with noone, no help, no support. That is ME, now add a limited income and you've got my life.

I concentrate on my kids, getting out of the house often and doing kid orientated fun things. I try and keep busy, keeping busy keeps me from being depressed or down. Plan outings.

Join a mom's group, play group, church....

Hello,
I was in your situation 6 years ago. We moved to Savage from MI, and my daughter was 4 and my son was 2. I know almost exactly how you feel.

I would try taking at least 1/2 an hour everyday for time alone in the house. I am sure if you explain to him how hard this has been for you and that it would really help you to be a happier wife and mother, that he would be able to handle it.

Even if you spend that 1/2 an hour taking a shower, it will benefit you, just to know that it is your time. You could take a walk, or read a book... just make sure that you are locked away with no interuptions :)

That would be a small start, and even though it is not really doing that much, it could give a little bit of peace every day.

The next step would be on your husband's day off. If yours is anything like mine, this can be tricky LOL My husband freaked when I asked him if he would watch the kids so I could get out. He knew I hadn't made any friends yet, so it made him suspicious. I just drove around and explored our new town, and listen to music :) Then I stopped at Target and wandered aimlessly... It didn't matter what I was doing, I just needed a break.

Now we live in Faribault, and he knows if I ask him to watch the kids, that I just need some time... and he also knows that I could very well be a huge you know what if I don't get it.

Hang in there, and take small steps:)
I wish I was closer to you, so I could come help you... sometimes guys don't understand this stuff.

I didn't read the other responses, but I would go to the park, community pool, or other play area. It's pretty easy to strike up a conversation with another mom if you see they have a child your age, or even if you're just sitting in the same area. I used to have a hard time with it, but by the time baby #3 came along most of the self-consciousness was gone.
We've lived in 5 different places in the last 10 years and it only takes a few weeks to start making friends. I meet most of my new friends at church. If you don't have one that you normally go to, you might want to consider checking some out.

Hi C.! I don't normally respond to these, but I can identify with your situation. I moved to Red Wing with my husband almost 3 1/2 years ago in January with a 6 week old and a 2 1/2 year old who was used to day care. I had worked full time up until the baby was born. My husband is a pastor and the minute we got settled he was at work he was busy and I was left to fend for myself basically. Joining the Y will help you tremendously. I started a Mom's Group and can pass more info about that to you if you're interested. Check around and see if there are any mom's groups up there - MOPS or a Mom's Club. Find a church where you're comfortable and get involved. When you're at the park, strike up conversations with other moms and start networking and find out what activities there might be for the kids and your family. Find out if there are any Early Childhood Education Classes for kids and parents. It sounds like you're going to need good babysitters - have your husband start asking around with the people he works with who they might recommend. As hard as it is, you really have to become very proactive because you can become very isolated and stressed as you're finding out. Take it one day at a time. Get out often and find out what women's groups there are to join. It WILL GET BETTER! You have my prayers and my empathy. Susie