Just My Thoughts. . .

You go girl! I'm with you 100%. Sometimes I respond to a post simply to help out the poor person who asked for advice because she got lambasted for whatever it was she asked by numerous posters who I guess took it as their mission to inform about the absolute only acceptable way to parent. (which is usually emphasized by ALL CAPS).

I often think my mission in life is to help those perfect supermoms continue to feel superior as they tsk tsk about my parenting skills. I'm completely okay with it, too!

I have to say that we all have to remember this is a forum of people. Each one of us has our own stories, our own opinions, our own religions, our own politics, etc... We have to be open minded to join a group of such diverse women. I celebrate this site and the good it does for all of us.

I would hate to think that people get their feelings hurt because someone they may or may not even know says something they don't agree with. People are going to be judgemental, that's human nature. We ALL want to be right. The fact is because we are all different, there probably is no such thing as RIGHT. There is what is right for you in that moment of time and what you determine is right for your child.

Take what you will from this site and stand strong in your own convictions. Believe in yourselves as women. This is not the begin all end all site. It's just a forum.

Jodi

L.,

Let me start out by saying, you do not EVER need to apologize for your opinion. Be bold! Make a stand! State what you believe...but be prepared for others to do the same.

I'm glad you brought up this point, my comments will probably echo others, but with a twist, but I'm quite certain someone out there will just be shocked and outraged!Tough!

I have seen, esp. in some of the more controversial postings since I'm been on, fellow sisters/ women, jump at others for being on their "soapboxes" or being "judgemental" or "self-righteous." WEll... I THINK what is really lacking in society today is just that...judgement, good judgement that is. We, as a society, have stopped "judging" near as much as we should be. There are examples all over the place of bad judgement run amok. And where some of these things have most always been with us, some have gotten 100 times worse since the 1960's, when society stopped "judging" so much. Parents leaving their babies in hot cars "accidentally;" babies raised in daycares so mom & dad can have that 4000+ sq. ft. house & drive Mercedes; teenagers drinking, partying & having sex w/ mom's & dad's consent; teachers having sex w/ kids; pornography in every nook & cranny of our society; child molesters running free (esp. in Vermont!); welfare moms with eight kids from eight different dads I'm expected to smile and support with my taxes; women with children living with every Tom, Dick & Harry & dragging their kids through the muck of their messed up lives; sad, ridiculous people being held up as "stars" & "role-models" for our kids...OK, I think I've made my point there. So, when we appear to be making neccessary value-judgements about others' behaviours or situations, sometimes, it's just from pure frustration. Other times, it is in hopes that maybe if the mom looks at something from a different point of view than she is used to, she might see something worth changing in her life. Some of us are more artculate than others, some more impassioned, some less willing to make a stand, and some willing to make a stand on everything. And sometimes, with something as simple as "putting cereal in a baby's bottle," we can even go overboard. But, sometimes, too, a mom needs to know there are other points of reference on subjects. Just because a dr. says so, or a book published it, or the "Hippie Moms say..." doesn't make it right for every person in every circumstance. More information & points of view simply help raise awareness & help us make better informed decisions.

Something though, we must all keep in mind on this forum, is that the only thing that binds this group together is the fact that we are all women & moms. This is not the "Flaming Left-Wing Atheist Mama Source," or the "Self-Righteous Women of Christianity Mama Source," or the "Real Texan Only Mama Source." We are all different, and with the exception of a few that I know on here, you are all as faceless to me as I am to you. Yet, I, and likely most, of us on here are here because we want to connect with other moms. We must know, however, that others, even those that are of a similar background, faith or political views, will still not see same thing the same way 100 % of the time. THAT SHOULD BE OK, if we are all adults here, we should be able to handle varying view points.

Another thing- it is just plain hard to know exactly WHAT someone MEANS in email format sometimes. We all read meaning into others' writings, filter it through our own minds, slap on a bit of bias & what a writer may have intended, was not at all what was read.

If I didn't want to be judged, based on others' views, I'd have to go find the "Mormon, but every-bit a Christian, small government, traditionalist, conservative, born in Utah, raised in Azle, HPV-postive, stupid at 18, rock-climbing, artist, Exercise Science, B.A., very pro-organics, mother of two girls, married to a Pentecostal FBI agent, Dave Ramsey convert/ becoming debt-free, Sick-Twisted Freak, No-Spin Zone Mama Source...but that wouldn't be very fun and I'd be all alone.

Now how many judgements did you all make with all of that? HA!

D.

I dont think that most post with judgement, but when you ask thier opinion they are going to give it. Advice and opinion THIN line that often gets blurred. Not to be the Negative girl on the block, I dont think anyone here is outwordly judging I simply think the lines can easily get blurred when people are trying to help. The advice most give is typically their own convictions. In all honesty if you dont like thier opinions/advice dont listen to it or take it. I have to filter out from friends and family all the time b/c I dont always agree and they are not judging simply getting on thier little soapbox, it happens when people are passionate ... stepping off mine now.

BTW you are totally entitled to your thoughts

I disagree, I believe that when you ask for somebody elses advise or opinion, there are going to be some that judge(maybe not intentionally). With you posting your questions here you should expect that but you shouldn't take it to heart. Everybody has different situations and experiences and thats what we are looking for when we post a problem or question. Sometimes a warning can come off as judgement so don't take offense to it.

I totally agree with Kristina and I thank you for L. for starting a topic like this.

I make absolutely no apologies for anything I say on this board. You asked for an opinion, I'm giving you one. What you choose to do with it is your business. If you agree, fine. If not, that's fine too. And if you want to disagree with me in a response, I welcome it. If I'm passionate about a subject, I'll debate it til I'm blue in the face. If I disagree with your response to a question, I'll tell you that too. Like it was said before, how Stepford would we be if we all agreed on everything that was said on here.

If your feelings get hurt and you really take what is said personally, then you have a few options. Don't read the boards, don't post questions, or confront the person directly. We as women (and moms) are more than capable of sharing our feelings and you shouldn't be afraid to do so, especially here.

There are some strong personalities here (myself in that group) and some not-so, but this a discussion-type forum. There will always be topics you agree with, some you don't, and some you could give a bunny's behind about...so take what you will and move on. Now I'll get off my soapbox! Thanks for your attention!

While reading this, I remember that I said something a good while back about how our doctor advised us not to give cereal in a bottle, so I felt like you were talking to me. I don't know if my comment was one you were talking about, but I don't feel in any way that I was being judgemental. I was not intending and still don't know how it could seem as though I was passing judgement on anyone, and as I said in the beginning, I don't know if my comment was one you were referring to. If so, I cannot apologize because I was giving the advice that I was given, and I would hope that any other mother would do the same for me.

I want to add that I have been very greatful for every single response I've had from any of you mothers on here. Not once have I felt that you are being judgemental, and I ask that you continue to give me advice. You are all wonderful, caring women, and you keep doing what you do!!

Hey L.! I realize that this response is a little late but I wanted you to know that I agree with you. I have experienced this problem as well. My example is when I posted a request a couple months ago asking for referrals on Ballet/tap for my three year old. One mamma referred a specific dance club. Well, the very next post, that mamma totally bad mouthed the exact place the first one talked about. I'll admit, I am apprehensive about posting for fear that someone will do that to me. Even though this isnt face to face talking, people still dont want to feel stupid for the advice that they give ya know?
I have read or scanned over all of the posts below me and all I have to say is "WOW!" There are some fiery mammas out there!

I Totally disagree, it's like the other mom wrote, better than I can:

"I believe that when you ask for somebody elses advise or opinion, there are going to be some that judge(maybe not intentionally). With you posting your questions here you should expect that but you shouldn't take it to heart. Everybody has different situations and experiences and thats what we are looking for when we post a problem or question. Sometimes a warning can come off as judgement so don't take offense to it."

I.

Yeah!!!!!! Thanks for that posting!!!

Hurrah for you, L.!!! I agree 100% with you! The world would be a boring place if we all thought and felt the same about everything. Advice and opinions are great when you ask for them, and it's not anyone's place, except God's, to do the judging.

D.

Hi, L.! No, you're not imagining it -- and it's gotten markedly worse over the past year or more that I've been a member. The kicker was this week when I posted a response on a different thread that elicited responses that could definitely be construed as judgmental (more frustrating, they missed the point of what I was trying to say). I even got a rather condescending personal message about it. And ya know what? I'm done here. :-) This will probably be the last message I post. I have asked for my account to be closed. I have sifted through messages every day, tried to help where I could, tried to give thoughtful and useful responses. Spent up to an hour or more several days a week. And I think I've hit a point of diminishing returns where I can better spend this time on some other aspect of my life.

Keep at it, moms! I hope you can stop the slide before the usefulness of this site is ruined.

Good point. I have a feeling many won't post because of what you've described.

I agree that there is a fine line between judgement and opinion. Sometimes an opinion can be misconstrued as a judgement. Just because I disagree with someone, it does not mean I am judging them. What works for me may not work for others and vice versa. If I haven't walked in your shoes I don't know for sure what I would do. I can give my opinion about what I may do or how I may react, but the truth of the matter is that nobody really knows exactly how she would react. If I don't agree, it doesn't mean I am judging. I have friends who do things that I would never do with my child, but I don't judge them for it. I accept them for who they are...and they are great people/friends/parents/wives...just different than me.

Thank you L., for putting into words what many of us MAMAS have felt at one time or another on MAMSOURCE. I too LOVE IT and recommend it to all moms I know.

This is a place where Mamas from all walks of life can come and ask for opinions an advice free from judgement. As Mamsource was first intended. To be fair I have to say that tones can really be misunderstood through e-mail/messaging.
Let's just all try to remember to be kind and try to advise and NOT judge.

Elaine

I think that for the most part, women on here give advice based on their knowledge. They know that you have many different options as we can all read the other posts and I believe a diversity of knowledge is a good thing. I posted in the cereal in the bottle and don't remember being judgemental, however some people interperret things differently. It's hard to read something without a face behind the words as a legitimate cause for concern as it is easy to objectify it as a biased negitave statement.