ok so my brother has 2 daughter's by 2 mom's 1 here local, and 1 about 10 hours away. he was married to the second one, and she is VERY controling, i loved her until they got married and she became pg then she completely disappeared having little to nothing to do with our side, and refuses to come to oklahoma so my brother can be a part of BOTH kids lives, they divorced about a year ago and now getting back to gether and instead of her coming to oklahoma he's having to literally "pick" between his daughter's and ONCE again, he's leaving oklahoma to be with his ex wife and daughter, and leaving his oldest daughter behind. i can understand his feeling of being torn between his two kids. but she is so head strong she took a less than honorable discharge from the navy because she flat out refused to let our side watch the baby while she's aboard ship (was stationed in WA). i hate this woman, i know it's not the baby's fault but it just makes me so mad because my brother and i had SEVERE issues growing up without our dad in the picture, and he might as well be doing the same thing to both his kids because mom is head strong and VERY controlling.
my poor baby (yes my niece is like my daughter) guess aunt mer will have to step up to the plate and accept that there is a neice and maybe future's i'll never know cause my brother does have a freaking back bone with this woman!
marda, i understand that one, i just makes me so mad that he's set himself up to put one or the other of his kids through the EXACT same thing that we went through knowing the emotional issues it STILL causes us both
kristia, i completely understand that, and there is nothing i can do about it, and i know that i have to be the one to reach out, i've tried being a part of both of their lives, but mom #2 (wife) will not respond, give me any address' or phone number, does not return my e-mail's NOTHING i found her on facebook, she deleted her account just a few days later, when i try to make plans to come down and see her, and the baby, there's always a reason to tell me "wont be home" etc
margie, she and i pretty much do a joint parenting, (seriously) i used to get both her kids (one my blood niece, the other not) when she needed me to, take them to dr's appointments if she can't and i can..and get them on school nights when she has to work late. but both mom's have sole custody of both kids only the oldest kid is the only one i'm close to, that may be a part of it, because my oldest neice is like one of our kids, with whom i'm VERY attached to and look at as my own child and love like my own, the other, i have not been giving the chance to love, so honestly i could honestly say i could care less
Your brother is doing this because his own father figure did it to you and him.
Just love on that neice, Does the other mom have custody of her or do you?
When she asks where he is tell her he will come and see her when he has the time. Try not to be negative and blast him.
Well, either way he would be leaving someone alone. His ex-wife may be headstrong, but if they want to try and make it work then one of them had to move. She's probably jealous of the older daughter and doesn't want the attention divided.
Not much you can do here except support your brother in his new adventure and treat BOTH of your nieces with love and support. Send letters, cards and get on a plane or in your car and go visit... bring his daughter with you! If you are the one who has to reach out here, then so be it.
Not sure if there was a question in there somewhere, but it sounds like your brother made a choice and now you are looking to help make it "right" for his other child. You can only do what you can do... remember not to talk negatively about him in front of her and to make an effort to stay in contact with him.
What is important for a child is that someone love them unconditionally. I suggest that you are that person. Your niece will be fine as long as she has people who love her and spend time with her in a positive way.
It's important for your niece that you let go of your anger and bitterness towards her father. She is a part of her father and she'll know about your feelings towards him and they will negatively affect her. He can be a loving long distance positive influence in her life. Your angry feelings, even if you try to hide them, will detract from her relationship with her father.
I suggest that the depth and strength of your feelings belongs to your relationship or lack of it with your father. If you had not had that experience you wouldn't be so angry with your brother. I urge you to get counseling to deal with those feelings. They are not only harming you and your relationship with your brother but will also harm your niece.
