Just Wondering... - Portland,OR

I agree that he's testing boundaries but at the same time I know that his brain is not developed enough to know what to do about your no. He may know that he is to stop but his innate urge to explore is stronger than his ability to just stop what he's doing. So I recommend training. Instead of just saying no, redirect his activity. If he's playing with the TV controls, remove him from that area and give him something else to do. Once he learns that you want him to do something else you will be able to say go play with and name a toy or activity and you'll have a better chance of him stopping. Babies have short attention spans and do not have the ability to plan ahead. When he doesn't stop when you say no he is testing his world. "Does no really mean I must stop this. This is fun." He doesn't know what else he could do that would also be fun. And if you don't move him he isn't really sure that no means quit because you haven't followed thru and shown him what you want him to do.

He may eventually learn that no means move when you express frustration and perhaps even get angry with him. But he will have learned to move in order to avoid your harsh voice. He'll most likely move away and cry or even just stand there and cry because he doesn't know what to do next and because he is hurt knowing he has done something wrong by your standards but not understanding what he did wrong or how to correct it. He wants to please you. But his ability to understand the whole picture and make a decision on his own will not be available until his brain is more developed. Just as babies do not know how to crawl, walk, talk because their brain has not made that connection they are not able to reason until that part of the brain gets the connection. We are born with a basic brain that doesn't completely reach maturity until we're in our 20's. Parenting is therefore a process of training using skills that are appropriate for their child's age and ability to comprehend.

Self esteem is developed, in part, by teaching the baby and then the child ways to do things in a mannerthat leaves everyone feel good about themselves. When we get angry (and I'm not saying that you get angry but many parents do) we are telling the baby he is bad. We are punishing and not teaching. When we teach we are disciplining in a positive way. We want to teach our children to be proactive instead of reactive. "The TV is not a toy. You can play with your blocks." sort of exchange. When we just continue to say no a 10 month old knows he's to stop. But is at an age when he has only a little control that would inable him to overcome his basic need to explore and be independant. At first he doesn't know what to do next. By moving him you're removing the temptation and by starting him on another activity you are further diverting his attention as well as showing him something that is acceptable.

I'm not saying this is easy. Even the most skillful parents and caretakers aren't always able to be this proactive themselves. And teaching does take much more energy and thinking than saying no over and over. It is worth it because as he gets older he will be better able to make those transitions himself. He will know that when you say no you will follow thru and move him and that it is more fun to find his own acceptable activity than to wait until mommy gets involved. You have taught him how to be independent which is a primary goal for him.

I have found that saying stop is more effective than using no. The word no has negative connotations that are not aroused by the word stop. Stop tells the baby and the child and even the adult exactly what to do. It is a more direct way of communicating.

The best thing I coud suggest would be redirection. When you see him going towards something hes not supposed to play with or doing something hes not supposed to do, just redirect him towards something that is safe and ok to play with or do. Saying no all the time teaches them that word(obviously)and this becomes thier favorite word and they will tell you no to everythng.

I have this same problem. It all started when my daughter began to move around herself. Around 11 months old. She is now 13.5 months old. It seems like NO is the only word I use some days. I have been told that at this age, they are in learning mode and to just tough it out. The more I have said no about a particular thing, the less I have to now. I say NO and she stops whatever she was doing and goes on to something else. My advice is to just stick it out. He will learn.

Redirect, redirect, redirect. Always have someting else interesting handy for him to focus his attention on. We realized that "NO" was becoming the most used word in the house, so we vowed to save it for situations that were truly dangerous or destructive, and in every other circumstance we just redirected his attention. Works like a charm, and much easier on us as parents.

Maybe get some books or look it up online. I had to resort to slapping my daughter's hand for saftey reasons every time I said no beacuse of what she went after. It made me feel like the wicked witch of the west to do it at such a young age but, my daughter is safe and healthy now at 5 1/2 years of age. Don't forget to rediret his attention positivly right after you say no. Children start testing boundaries as soon as they can move and the more they can do the more they will test. If you don't set boundaries and stick to your guns life for you with your child will get progressivly worse. Yelling just upsets (scares) him, it doesn't tell him your serious but, do keep saying no (calmly) so he will eventually understand. He is listening. Hope this helps.

LOL, my son just turned 10 months as well and I'm always telling him "no not yours" then i usually put him over by his toys but it doesn't always work for very long. If you do find out a better way, please let me know!!

Beth

you can do two things..
FIRST: keep telling him no and when he is two he'll belive you.. and your terrible two's wont be soo terrible..
OR Second: you can say, "he's just little" and let him do it all and fight with him later..

My advice don't do what I did.. tell him no now..
I'm having a fight with my son every day.. because he was too cute then.. :)

good luck

Yes, he is listening. He is just testing his boundaries.

Instead of saying NO to what you DON'T want him to do, just tell him what you DO want him to do. Be positive. You may have to retrain your brain to not be negative! For instance, when he picks up something you don't want him to have like maybe the TV remote, instead of saying NO, try saying Put that down or Give that to Mommy. Thank you. Good boy! Or when he grabs a toy from another kid, instead of yelling NO, not yours! How about That's not yours, let's give it back. That's right, give it back. Good job! Postive reinforcment goes farther and makes them feel better.

I have problems with my MIL always saying NO. No no, no touch, no eat, not for baby. I keep asking her to tell him what she wants him TO DO and she keeps saying I want him not to eat that! I say it's better to be positive: you want him to Put it down. That is positive. I think that respects the child more than always saying NO. Then when you NEED to, NO will have more importance.

We use different words for more extreme situations. Like when going near a fireplace that is on or stove I'd say HOT! instead of NO. May add No touch, but HOT! seems to carry more fear. Or when they run out into the street I yell DANGER! I may add Cars! Watch out! But Danger is strong enough to get him to run back to me.

Try telling him what you DO want! It works!