Just Wondering? - Lexington,KY

D.,
You're never going to change anyones faith and beliefs. There has been fighting in the world over religion for thousands of years after all!
But, if you love this man, your marriage will be fine. Brace yourself for more unpleasantires like the bridal shower snub, however. Send invites and that way it is THEIR decision...put the ball in their court. Good luck!

I would say to take the high road. Invite them to everything, and enjoy yourself whether they are there or not. My step mother didn't come to any of my showers - bridal or baby. I told her what I thought of that and then let it go. I hope that you aren't converting just for them. I loved the catholic prep because it makes you think about certain things before marriage (we had discussed all the topics but it was amazing seeing couples that had never considered some of them before). My husband isn't catholic, but we were able to get married in the church (without mass), and that is all I cared about. I didn't want him to convert just for a wedding, or even just for me.

I don't really get you feeling hurt...your boyfriend's mother has her beliefs and she's had them all her life, I'd imagine. Perhaps you need to be more tolerant to her beliefs. Living together is a big no-no to a lot of religions. If the 2 of you choose to do something that you know is not smiled upon by the parents...there will be repercussions. Just as simple as that. It's not personal, it's their core-belief system and I think it should be respected. (I understand the sting it causes, regardless.) I married a Catholic and I am Protestant...just that bit of a difference has caused some waves but I respect my mother in law and try to see things from her perspective. I think you are doing a smart think looking into converting. As long as it is in your heart and not out of some sense of obligation you will be happier as a whole family, in my opinion! :) GL to ya!

So, your feelings got hurt. Did you think about who's feelings you were hurting when you moved in to live with a man you were not married to? Looks like you put the cart before the horse. Many people believe it is a sin for a man and a woman to live together before they are married. Why do you feel at this time that a piece of signed paper and a priest pronouncing you man and wife is important? Just some things to think about to get a better understanding of where your future mother in-law and her family might be coming from. Sounds like your future husband has a good handle on the situation, you might want to listen to him. Best wishes to you in the future.
V.

D. - I looked at your older posts and it looks to me like you have been battling with this woman and family for a while now. It probably won't get much better unless both you AND mom-in-law can find some sort of common respect for eachother. Some people are so hard-headed that she may not be willing to accept you.

Keep that in mind as you decide to get married. Yes you are marrying this man, but unless he plans to disown his whole family, then you are basically marrying his family too. MILaw will be in your life the rest of your marriage, and quite possibly the rest of your life if you and fiancee have kids together.

Who knows why she doesn't like you - perhaps it's the fact you've been married already, or because you have kids, or because she just doesn't think you're good enough for her son. I think all moms are highly opinionated about who their son picks to be with. So it might not be the religious thing. Maybe she's never happy, or like you said - is hung up on your fiancee's ex. Maybe she just needs to get to know YOU better. She needs to see you taking care of your fiancee, see you hugging your kids, see you cooking your fiancees favorite meals. (SEE you doing this not just hearing about it.) Who knows, she may just come around.

You marry b/c you are in love and you don't worry about what the family thinks or believes. You do need to know how serious he is about the Catholic faith b/c it may confuse things later. For example, are you ok with going to Catholic church with him? Are you ok with your chilren being baptised catholic b/c he may insist on that, etc I was Catholic growing up and my husband was not. He was not hip on going to a Catholic church and would not convert. So we attended a Catholic church, it made me feel good and he just went along. As we had children I realized that God is everywhere and Catholic churches are pretty strict so we started going to other churches and agreed on a laid back Methodist church. We now attend there permanentely. I have not hurt anyone, my family does not care b/c they are not hardcore Catholics. But...God is in our church too. As for his parents not attending, you invite them and do all you can to respect them but in the end your fiance needs to talk to them and set them straight.

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D.,

You want to be happy when you get married. If you are this miserable with your fiance's family, that is going to be a huge part of your happiness, no matter how much you love him. You cannot change people. If you're just going thru the routine of the priest for him, what is going to happen when you get married and you get tired of doing that. Just consider all the family get togethers, the tension if your fiance won't be able to go to his parent's house because you are with him, and all the mess that can potentially be involved. It might be a signal that you need to rethink this some more and not rush into getting married. Being in love is one thing, it feels like you can overcome anything right now, but the moment you get married and the expectations change, you are going to be in a whole lot of unnecessary stress. Why put yourself thru that. It might be a reality check and a reason to avoid a nasty divorce later. Step aside from this relationship, re-evaluate what you want for yourself and if it is meant to be, it will all work out in time.

Don't be upset about her snubbing you over the bridal shower... it's going to happen again and so just try and be graceful about it. I have a wonderful relationship with my in-laws, though even we have had disagreements!

Really, just be yourself and don't accept a faith to please someone else. Do it for your devotion and what you have faith in.

Just let me start by saying you are not only marrying your husband but you are marrying his family. No matter how much you love your husband your in laws will be around so long as they are living. If you have problems now how much worse will they get...if she won't come to a shower what about when your married and have kids? You need to answer these questions. Also if you are not religious and he is are you going to want to keep up the routine of going to church or religious events or do you think this is something you may tire of in the future? He may be a great guy but just remember its not just the guy its his family too.