Learning I Had a Different Biological Father

My cousin found out that her dad that raised her was not her bio-dad at age 14. Knowing that, she also learned that her 6 siblings were genetically 1/2 siblings, all sharing the same mother. She has handled it well but it would have been much more of a non-issue if she just grew up knowing this info. She had to deal with feelings of betrayal she had from all her aunts and uncles etc. who said she looked like her aunt that was her non-biological dad's sister and when people commented she got her musical talents from her " dad's" side of the family. It was all a big lie knowing now she is not biologically his.
The truth has a way of coming out eventually, so it is my opinion not to keep something like this a secret.
Best of luck in whatever you are dealing with!!

I had my first son when I was 20 and the father was 19. Him and his family were against me having my son from the get-go. They said we were too young to have a child, I felt as if I was big enough to raise my child - afterall I had the pleasure so an abortion was out of the question. Me and the father stayed together until our son was 6 months, and at that time I left him because he was putting partying and his friends before me and our child. When my son was 14 months I met my fiance... the first date we ever went on my lil man was right there :). We have been together going on 8 years and have 2 sons together. He has always treated my oldest son like he was his biological child. My son is almost 9 and knows who his biological father is. His biological father has very little to do with my son, all of 2010 he only seen him2 times... very sad when he lives only 30 minutes away. One day My son's biological father will wake up and realize what he's missed out on. I am very thankful for my fiance!! My son has called his stepdad "Daddy" since he was about 2, and loves his "daddy" with everything inside.
I highly recommend a child knowing about their biological parent/s... whether the biological parent has something to do with the child is not a decision anyone can make except that parent but they should be given the opportunity to know the child and for the child to know that parent!!!!!!

My mother got divorced and re-married while pregnant with me. I never knew my bio-father. Didn't know my dad wasn't "bio" till I was about 10ish - I'm not sure exactly - I remember being told and was very upset. My parents also got divorced that same year - I don't remember if they broke both lovely pieces of info to me at the same time or not. Supposedly they were worried that someone in the family would tell me. I know nothing about my biological heritage, other family, and have no idea how to get the info. Don't think I want to bother unless I had to for medical reasons.

I'm not sure if there's a good way to go about telling someone about it. It's always going to be somewhat traumatic because it's a surprise. But honestly, bio doesn't mean much. It's who raised you, not who donated the genetic material to make you. The people that make you genetically are important, but the people that make you by raising you are more important.

This has happened twice in my family (with my first cousin, who is in her 30's) and with a cousin on my mother's side, who is of an older generation. This has also happened to a friend of my husband. In a couple of cases there was suspicion because some things didn't add up but in at least one case, it was a total shock. Everyone has managed to get over the shock and move on though.

My oldest son's father left before he was born. He calls my husband "dad" but knows that he has a different birth father who is not in his life. I hope that now that single parenting and mixed families are not as stigmatized as they were in the past that more families will just be honest about these things.

I hope that you can get the answers you need from the people involved in your family and that you can find peace and healing.

I tell my kids their story all the time. My husband initially wanted to keep it from them, but has come around full circle. Their faces light up with smiles as I tell them how we "got the call" and what we did when we picked them up (and how Daddy was grossed out when he changed that first diaper). Each time they may ask a few details that they want to know, nothing too heavy yet, but it is coming. Honesty is best, what is hidden is usually not as bad as the fantasies that the children (and then into adults) can conjure up. There is always what if?? Mine are 2 and 3 years old so I expect the questions to get trickier :) Your parents are the ones who love you (that includes the birth mother who sacrificed to carry the baby too) I hope you find your answers and the peace that you are looking for.

I have no experience with this, but seeing all the shows where kids are trying to find their real roots, I think it is very important to always tell them. Probably the earlier the better so it is not a shock. Then kids can feel good about getting chosen by the current parents, instead of feeling "rejected" by birth parents. Although it could have nothing to do with rejection, just an inability to properly care for a child and the difficult decision may have been made with great reluctance. I hope you find peace.

No experience exactly with this, but when my Husbands grandmother died, we all found out his Uncle had been "adopted".. But it was not clear if he was still from the family... Like a child of a teen or a child out of wedlock.. He has still never been able to find the answer.. It was just too vague and no one in the family was old enough to know any of the history..

This happened to a friend of mine. Actually no one ever told her. My friend and her husband were doing some genetic testing because all three of their children were born with a rare (I believe) genetic condition that wasn't showing up on either side of the family. Both my friend and her "father" took a DNA test and that's how she found out that the man she believed to be her father all her life really was not her father. Because this is a sensitive issue, I never asked my friend any intrusive questions (we are friends but not best friends) but she seems to have handled this new information with a sense of humor, which is the way she handles most everything.

As for me, I've always known who my father is but have had no relationship with him or that side of the family since I was 3. Because I have had some mysterious health concerns crop up (possibly from my father's side of the family but, who knows?) and because of my friend's experience with her children's genetic health concerns, I do believe it should be a child's inherit right to have access to the full scope of their medical history regardless of whether his/her parents stay together or not.

As for how do you handle this sort of news (secret), all I can suggest is to take the good stuff and the good memories that you have and learn from the stuff that was not necessarily in your best interest. It seems to be human nature for people to make decisions or behave in a way that is short-sighted or not in someone else's best interest. I think that shame and the inability to look at yourself honestly has a lot to do with this. But I'm sure that there are a number of different reasons why this situation may occur.

I hope that, whatever you are dealing with, it all turns out well. Sending prayers of healing and clarity your way.

My mother learned that the man that she thought was her biological father was not when she was in her 50s. My mother found out by accident. She was relieved because she hated the man that she grew up thinking was her father, he was abusive and had not been in her life since she was in her 20s. My mother was the only one out of 8 children that had a different father, she was the oldest. We never found out why my grandmother did not tell her the truth. We learned very little about my mother's father's history and who he was. We know his last name and what state he was from and that is all