Hello wonderful mama's! Sorry, for the title and this really isn't a laughing matter but.... I'm sure this question has been asked and I know it's common amongst women (moms), therefore I'm seeking your advice. My youngest child is 3 1/2 years old and my sex drive should have come back by now, but it really hasn't. I am still attracted to my husband, but unlike him, I'm not yearning for sex. Honestly, I could take it or leave it and I'm pretty sure that's not normal. It really isn't even due to being tired, etc. I'm just not really that interested. Any suggestions as to herbs or anything I can try? I'm a little concerned that my marriage could be in jeapordy if something doesnt change. If it were up to my man, it would be a daily occurrence:).
Thanks, in advance!
The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michelle Weiner-Davis is a wonderful book to help couples regain a good balance in their sex lives. It's not just new moms who deal with this, so you are in good company.
First of all your title is too frickin cute!! LOL.. But again...I know its not a laughing matter... Secondly, you really need to relax... is there anything that kinda gets you "hot and bothered"? Really think about it... Or have you tried alcohol, to lossen things up? Anything your husband used to do or hasnt in a while that really made you want to rip his clothes off? Go back to those times... Maybe that will help... But honestly, quick thinking about it...relax... and maybe it will come back.. ; ) Good Luck Momma... I hope you go back to just "Livvin La Vida Loca!!"
Libido is directly related to hormones. Go to the doctor and ask them to do a hormone panel. You need to SEE where your hormones are at before you start shooting int he dark and arbitrarily start taking yam and other products.
Also get the thyroid checked. Anytime the thyroid is out of whack, you can bet there is an underlying adrenal problem. Sex homrones are made in the adrenal glands and so are the thyroid hormones.
various Issues that occur from the adrenals are called PCOS, Addisons, hyperaldosteronism and Cushings. Look them all up.
Some things that help me are : hot bath, glass or two of wine, sexy under things, having my back scratched, kisses on the neck and ears, painting my nails and putting on a little makeup....
If i am relaxed and feeling a little pretty it is easier to get in the mood. Do you have a porch you can sit on when the kids are in bed? You can light some candles out there, share a bottle of wine and talk about what you want to do in bed ;)
That happened to me many years ago. My last baby was about 2. I told my husband one day that I was done. I didn't need sex anymore, I was never in the mood, etc... The thing that changed my life was getting off anything and everything that had estrogen in it, from milk and beef in the grocery store. Farmers shoot their animals with it so that cows can produce more milk, and they also weigh more so when they go to market they get more cash. Birth control pills are also a huge problem. It messes with us in ways that we shouldn't be messed with. I felt like an emotional wreck. I had PMS so bad I wanted a divorce every month. But my life changed when I started using a wild yam cream. It took about 5 months but my libido came back stronger than ever. I don't put artificial hormones in my body! I'm nearly 50 now and have the libido of a 20 year old. I hope this helps!
I think it actually happens to most women. It's actually pretty good that you can "take it or leave it," there are women who want absolutely nothing to do with it!
I agree with the suggestions to help you relax and feel in the mood. Bubble bath (especially if he can join you), scented candles, or some nice perfume or lotion could work. A back rub from him might get things started. And sometimes it's nice to plan something, whether it's a night away or just something special once the kids go to bed. I've actually found that if I decide to make a plan, then by the time he gets home, I can wait for the kids to go to bed! lol!
Let him know you need attention with the little things. Does he still kiss you goodbye and hello? That makes a big difference for me. Holding hands, taking time to just stare into each other's eyes, all those things that create an emotional connection tend to make the physical relationship more desirable for me.
Are you on birth control? After my 2nd child was born, I started taking the birth control shot, and I can't remember the name but I had zero sex drive while I was on it. After I got off of it, it took 6 months for me to be "normal" again. If that is not the case with you, I'm not sure what else to say. I hope things change for you soon though. Good luck.
Love the title too. I've been feeling that a lot since my second was born (28 months old now). Sometimes it helps if someone takes the kid(s) overnight. Also, I usually feel like I'm not interested but if I just go along with it for a little while I find myself more in the mood (it may be worth it to just go with it sometimes so you still feel connected sexually). This past weekend my husband was interested and he went out of his way to help with the dishes and evening chores so we could get to bed a little early (he usually helps but he went above and beyond the usual). It made a huge difference in my mood to not feel like I had some much housework hanging over my head.
Hi--
It's probably hormonal. I would get your hormone levels checked, and your thyroid checked. It's likely low thyroid or low testosterone.
J.
Love the title. :)
