Lonely Parent

Chrissy, my husband and I also feel like we'd like to get out more, rather than always being a parent......I just found this site and put in a request to meet other couples with kids to do things with....or just get sitters and go out as couples and have fun! What area are you in?

Hi C.,

Where do you live? I am also 26 and have a 5 1/2 step-daughter. My boyfriend and I are finally trying to wrap up an over year-long custody battle, which we won pretty much. I have only lived in Eagleville for about a year and a half and don't really know anyone. My step-daughter only has one friend that she has regular playdates with, it has been hard for her to make friends at her school because she is only there two days a week due to the whole custody thing, which should change very soon. If you don't think its too far for you and you'd like to get together sometime, either with or without the children, just send me a message.
A.

I had my daughter a year ago at barely 19. I have often felt lonely and as if I had lost many of my friends. After months of feeling anti-social I finally decided to do something. I arranged that my mother care for my daughter for one night, and asked my boyfriend to give me that same night for myself. I called up all of my girlfriends who I hadn't had time for and organized a girls night. Every few months we organize one, and I get to have time to just enjoy being myself. I hope this will help you, and wish you all the best!

Hey Chrissy, I know how you feel. I am a stay at home mom with 2 boys. I have a 2 year old and a 5 month old, both boys. I do have some friends with children, but their children are older. I thought that after I had kids I would be closer to these friends, but it seems like I never talk to them, everyone is always busy doing kids stuff. (baseball games, softball games,ect) I get lonely,too. My husband is a salesman and is in and out all the time. I always wanted to be someone who could have my kids, but have some really close girlfriends to drink coffee with or go shopping just for a few hours. When I do get free time it is usually spend by myself. (which I do enjoy,too). So I do understand how you feel. I love my kids more than anything, and my days are spend being a mother and a wife, too!! Sometimes I think thats just the way it is till they get older and slowly you begin to regain your sense of self back. I live in Galloway, if you ever want to talk!!

I know exactly how you feel i am 26 and have been married for seven years and have three children and i wouldn't change it for the world but it seems like when i had my first most of my friends disappeared exept a very small number but i go out there and make new friends that have the same interest and of course children so it works out for everyone....

As another mom said - look for your local moms club (http://momsclub.org/links.html#Pennsylvania) The club I belong to has activities to do every weekday on our calendar and there are moms nights out too. All activities are optional but at least you know there is something to do if you NEED to get out!!! Once you get involved it will be easier to make new friends. :-) I wish you luck.

Chrissy,
As I have put on here many of times. LOL! I am the organizer of a York Moms Group. We do just what you are looking for. We get together every Wed with our kids and do fun stuff, and are able to get some adult conversation in there as well. We also do a Moms Night Out, Dancing here we come, as well as so many other things like, dinner, pot luck, Emersons, to many to name. The most important part of our group is we are all there for the same reason, to interact with other adults that know how you feel and what you are going through. Our particular group is strict on participation because we want to get to know each other and make friends. A lot of us have done just that. I myself have coffee every Mon with 2 other ladies that I have become great friends with. Even our husbands hang out on the weekends. LOL! I am 35 now but had my first child when I was 20 so I know what you are talking about in your post. If you would like to check us out send me an e-mail and I will get you on your way to making some friends, even better would you care to join me for some coffee tomorrow? We can meet at the Giant and put the kids in the treehouse. Hope to hear from you.

Ok, believe it or not I have not had my coffee yet and did not even think to look where you live. I see we are quite a distance from one another, still would be happy to talk tough, so do this. Look up meetup.com type in your zip code and play groups and if there are any in your area you will be able to check them out and hopefully there will be and you can get involved. If there is not then you can start to organize one yourself and it will grow vary fast. Best of luck and don't hesitate to write.
M.

I know exactly how you feel! I am 25 years old with a 4 year old and my second on the way. I have had a few female friends over the past 4 years but none seem to stay around too long. Either they dont have any kids and are not married or they are too busy with their kids and marriage. Its a lose/lose situation for me. My husband, has friends who come over, who arent married and have no kids. He seems to have no problems making and keeping friends. He tells me all the time to go make friends. What are you suppose to do? Walk up to someone and be like hi, can I get your phone number? I have yet to figure out how to make good friends and keep them. If you find out, please let me know.

Hi Chrissy,

I know exactly what you are talking about. I am 28 year old, married, mother of 2. All of my friends are single with no children. Things were ok for awhile when my first got to be a little older. But since I had my second 3 months ago. Things have been very different. I have not been able to make friends with other moms. It is a little hard to find new friends that way.
I also get very overwhelmed myself a lot. I have found that I need to take a little time out during the week to myself. Either to go walking or take a long hot bath that it helps. But I do know what you mean about getting some girl time. I need that too.

Hi Chrissy, I know just how you feel. I'm a 27 yr old mom and stay home with my 3 kids. This site has so far been the only thing that's getting me out of my rut, Although I've only been on here for a few weeks. I see you live in Elwood, I believe that's on the other side of Butler frome me. I live about 30-45 minutes from Butler. So if we can't get together then I'd be more than happy to talk to you online.

OK so it sounds as though all of us have been in the same boat. We recently moved to PA from NJ 8 months ago which has been a major adjustment for all of us. I have yet to be visited by any of my NJ friends, I am home all day with my 3 year old son, my 14 year old daughter is still trying to make friends and "find herself" and I am due with our 3rd next week!

My husband and I became friends with a couple 2 doors down but they're busy with their own life so it's not often that we get together. We live in the Lenhartsville/Hamburg area, maybe we can get together sometime. As others on here have said, it's not easy to just approach someone and say, "Wanna be my friend".

We are very easy going, open-minded people who just like to have fun hanging at home, going to dinner, maybe a cool bar with good drinks and music...pretty much anything. Email me if you're interested and live close by: ____@____.com

I know what you mean. I moved to Ellwood City almost 3 years ago and i can honestly say that i don't know many people out there. I use to never get out much, that is without my son, and/or my husband. My son is two, and the best thing ever. I also now work from home, and i love it. Not only am i home all the time with him, but it makes me get out and know people. It's a wonderful experiment. If you are interested in working from home, so you can spend the time with your son please get out to meet many new people let me know.
C.
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Hi, I can totally understand. I was in the same position when I had my first two. I still do feel totally overwhelmed. We moved to Ellwood City about 6 months ago and I've found it hard to meet many people. Let me know if you find any Mom's groups around. That seemed to really help when I was feeling the way you do. Sometimes I would feel guilty leaving the kids home with my husband but it really helped to get out and I'd be much better then with the kids the next day or so. Take care.

As with a lot of other women on here, I am also in the same boat. I started a home party business, that allows me to get out a couple of time a month. I also started taking a craft class, that is once a month. This has allowed me to meet new people and have "me" time. Another thing that you could do, now that the weather is getting nice, take your kids to a local park. You are bound to meet other moms, and it will allow both you and your kids to make new friends.

I am in a moms group on meetup.com/1955 its called moms of Central PA. We have play dates and mom meetups.

HeyChrissy i def know how you feel li mived to this area about a little over a year ago no friends here to go to the mall with go out and get a drink or just chill out with. i dont have much advice to give but thought maybe a friend could help so if you ever feel the need to vent let me know im a pretty good listener

Chrissy,
I feel like this sometimes too. I never had a whole ton of girlfriends to begin with, and then after becoming a wife and mom, I feel like the ones I did have are at a completely different station in life. My husband is wonderful, and my best friend, but it still isn't quite the same. I have my mother (I know that's pitiful) and she's great, but sometimes there is just no replacing friends. Plus, it is really hard to go out and make new ones (at least for me, I don't know how as an adult you walk up to another adult and say "do you want to be my friend?"). I sympathize completely. I also worry about my daughter (she's 1 year and a half) because she's an only child, I wonder if my lack of friends is going to equate to a lack of peers for her. If you find a solution, let me know, until then take comfort in your family.

I feel the same way.I am a SAHM also and don't have very much me time either.Every mom needs some time to there self but don't get me wrong I love my time with my boys and that I can stay home with them EVERYDAY.
Don't feel left out every mom has there days feeling this way.Just take a look at your cute kids..Thats what I do and I always come out smiling.

Good luck H.

HAHAHA As soon as you find out email me and tell me what you did. Me and my husband got married 6 mos after I graduated from High School and since then if I want to go out he gets so jealous. Its not like I go out very often... maybe once every three months. He has guy friends that tend to come over and hang at our place but I am not allowed to go out with my one friend I still talk to from HS w/o him getting all pissy. "Why does it just have to be you and her? Why can't me and my friends come too"
Sorry I guess its just not fun to be the only one who takes care of the kids and the housework and the cooking and I think I just needed to vent.
Good luck!!
By the way I live in New Castle PA (western side of the state) and work at a place that is designed jsut for kids. Its called Bouncin Around check it out at www.myspace.com/bouncinaround If you live close by and want to come email me and I can see if I work or not and maybe while the kids are out playing we can have some adult conversation (Come on a MON or a TUES morning lot less busy unless I have a field trip in that day)

I swear you are talking about my life here. I feel the same thing all the time. I think it is normal. I find it is better when you and your husband can become friends with a couple or family. It makes things easier.

I think a lot of us women are in the same boat!!! It's hard still being somewhat young and having a family. I would love to have free time and go out w/out the hubby and kids, but that doesn't happen very often. DH finds it very hard to handle the kids alone. I've recently been trying to get out of the rut you feel yourself in. It's hard but hopefully since it will be getting nicer soon, you'll be able to go out and meet other moms at your local park.

HI!! I know what that is like. I started "losing" friends as soon as I got pregnant. What happened though was extrordinary. I sat down with my friends and told them how I was feeling. I found out that a lot of them felt as if they were intruding on my life. They thought I was too busy being a Mom and working to have time for them! Once this was cleared up I found that they are better friends now than they were before! I don't see them as much as I would like, but when I do it is a quality outing! As my kids get older it seems I have more time! So getting to go out with the girls or just hang with the mixed group of friends is much easier!

I hope you find your friends again! Take care!

Chrissy I feel the same way you do. I was fine after my first son, but since my second one has been born, my Mom has gone back to work and my closest friend moved to Alabama. I have been trying to start going to the YMCA and take some classes just to get out of the house. It does help a little but I still doen't have that closeness with anyone and it is very hard. Where do you live? If it is somewhere close to Delaware I would be willing to get together. I love to go dancing and just hang out, go to the mall. Especially to get some me time. Maybe we could get together. Email me @ ____@____.com
K.

We'll I'm 22 and am a wife with 3 boys. I can honestly say I'm not really lonley. I belong to a wonderful church family - and when I say family, we go out and everything. The only thing is, finding someone in common with your situation is a little difficult. They're great people, but their single or way older than we are. There are maybe 2 other young couples (under the age of 30) with children-one family has 6 kids and the other family has 5 and it's hard to find a sitter. But I am blessed. If you ever wanted to get together, I'm in McKeesport.

I know alot of moms have mentioned a mom's group website, but another area you might look at is your local library to meet other mom's. Alot of library's have story time for children and it would be a great place to get out, open the door for your children to read and maybe find other Mom's in the area.

You could also try a class for your children were you could meet other mom's and strike up conversation...if you are all in a class for 8 weeks you get to know people a little more and often starts as playdates for the kids but could branch out to friendships for the Mom's.

Good luck and hang in there, like so many of the other ladies have said, we all have our moments..but you will get through it and be great!

Hi Chrissy, I am assuming that your name was a misprint... Anyway I am sure that you have gotten several responses since you last posted (37) with mine, but you just got lucky. I am a member of a local Mothers of Preschoolers program, also known as MOPS. Women who need mom time and actually get to spend 2 hours, yes I said HOURS, kid free. We have the most amazing group of VOLUNTEERS to watch our little loved ones. All the while Mom enjoys adult conversation a HOT cup of coffee, a craft ( something cute and simple), or enjoys a speaker who comes with wisdom or everday advice. Free food!!!!! Good homemade food and you are welcome to join us! We are having our last two meetings,until September ,this month. Tomorrow @ 9-11 am, in Davisville church's fireside room and again Thursday May 24th. Please feel free to contact me ###-###-####

I think you have found that most moms feel this way. I feel like my life is non existent other than being a mommy and a wife. My excitement is when someone comes out with a new cleaning product. I go shopping and it is always for my kids. I am almost 25 and I have a 4 year old almost 2 year old and one on the way in a few weeks. I remember the days when I was able to go to the clubs or anywhere for that matter. I had friends, a cute body lol and now I am a housewife with a minivan :( I miss my life.

I know how you feel Chrissy. I'm not a wife but I'm a single mom with rarely any help so I have pretty much no me time unless it's during nap time or bed time and usually then I'm too tired. I have a few friends but only like 2 that I actually get to spend time with and that usually means I gotta drive 25 to 30 mins away and upset my daughter's naptime and all that just so I can get some adult conversation. My idea for you when you get too overwhelmed would be to send the kids to grandma's for the night or have daddy take the boys out on a father son day and let you spend some you time... napin or whatever it is you want to do. I have once a month break where my daughter goes's to her great grandparent's house for the night and I get to go out or stay in. It's my lil break!

Hi Chrissy,

I know how you feel, and I have a few friends to hand with and a sister close by. I have 3 children, 4th on the way, I"m 36. I had my first at 19. Those first few years were hard, I have to admit, I had friends who were suddenly not around much. I did get a job waitressing and eventually made new friends. In the beginning I think my son spent more time with my parents, I was young and stupid. He is now 16 and wonderful, and I can honestly say I have a sister and 2 good friends with children I can hang with, but my ohter friend who has no children, well, I dont' see her very often. She usually hangs with people with no children or just one and can get out more, sigh, what can ya say.

Try to get out there and meet people, but dont' try try to hard, al will work out well.

Where are you located, I am in Plum.

L.

I know how you feel. almost all my friends have no kids and are not married and they don't understand that you need time to make plans. We all need adult time and I am also looking to find fellow moms who understand and become friends with. I don't know why this tends to happen, but it does.

your not alone I moved to de six years ago before my sons first birthday when we moved it as hard to get out to make friends just getting the baby ready to go anywhere was a chore now six years and another child later I still dont get out and have no real adult friends which most would suggest going to the park and meet other moms BUT there are no real parks around were we live although try finding a play group in your area you could always try a pen pal another mom that you could write emails back and fourth to so you feel your actually talking about more then bob the builder or dora the exploer to your kids I'm a stay at home mom of two so it gets lonley without another adult to talk to all day I can be a listening ear if you like

Hi Chrissy,
I know what you mean- it is very hard and lonely to be a stay at home mom. There are a lot mom's groups out there ( i live in Cranberry PA- not sure where you are ..) but in addition to the other moms groups mentioned look up MOMSclub.com type in zip. It is the same as the other club mentioned- so glad I joined and also MOPS.com they are a little different- somewhat religious and meet only twice a month- but when i was a member- i was so greatful for it. Also check out your local churches to see if they sponsor any playgroups or moms club type things. you wouldn't believe how many do and you don't have to be a member to go. My kids are 5 1/2 and 3 so I have been a member for a while but before i did, it was dreadfully depressing!! hope that helps! if you are close to cranberry i would love to meet up!
take care
diane

I know how you feel. I had my first child at 20, too. I know have three and I'm 29. It was really hard for me at first. I worked full time and was in school. I knew I was going to miss out on a lot if the partying that all of my friends were doing, but I was determined to be there for my kids. I made a plan with my closest friends that we would have "white trash Saturday nights" at my house. We watched trashy tv or movies and hung out. We usually each brought a snack and a good drink and I kicked my husband out of the house. It has become a tradition! I would try to make the kids be in bed by the time my friends came over, but if they weren't the kids weren't I would rent a movie for them too.
As my friends started having kids, we would rotate houses and the kids all got to play together. It worked with my husband and his friends too at times, we would make it a family event. As our kids have gotten older, we have started to make one night every month or two a "ladies night". We get babysitters and go out and do the dancing, clubbing, bowling or whatever.
It has been really great. I've definitely figured out who my close friends really are, even the ones who still don't have kids. Good Luck.

I have been there. I had my first child when I was 20. And I have 3 now. It is hard to have friends and have the same things in common. Most of my friends are busy getting drunk everynight or are trying to get their careers going. I think I got to the point where all I talk about are my kids and my husband. Men have it alot easier.
I have no advice on how to not be loney. At my daughters school and dance all the moms are way older and look at me like I'm a kid. If I can get an hour or two by myself, get my nails done and buy an outfit ; that makes me feel good.

Hi Chrissy, my name is M.. I am 26 and have two wonderful children. My daughter is 7 and my son is 3. I am in the same boat as you. I had my daughter at 19 and my girlfriends vanished off the face of the earth. I am very close to my sisters and do plenty within the family, but I do get lonely and bored. I work full-time and I am also a full-time paralegal student trying to get into law school. I have come to realize my social life revolves arounf my family, in a good way. Most of my current friends have kids or married and we do things as groups. I do miss just going out and being young with the girls at times, but wounld't trade my life for the world. I live in the Philadelphia area. My email address is: ____@____.com

I think it surprised me to see so many lonely moms out there - I thought I was the only one. My situation is slightly different because I am a single mom and my ex doesn't live close so everything I do includes my son. My friends that do have kids all have older kids so what interests them doesn't interest my son and vice versa. I'm only 30 but feel like I am missing out on a life and while I wouldn't trade being a mom to my baby, sometimes I'm afraid I may resent it at the same time. I love my son more than anything in this world - I would just like to have some adult interaction aside from work. Does that make me a bad mom for wanting a life too??

Hi Crissy,
I see that you are in Ellwood City, not too far from me. As all other moms have said, we're in the same boat. My only child is only a year old, but no friends all the same. My deal was a bit different. I noticed that after I had my daughter, I no longer wanted to be around most of those people, and sadly, my best friend died when I was 5 months pregnant. So I am a SAHM who pals around with her husband occasionally. Since there are so many of us in the same boat in the same area, why don't we get together some time. I know that there is a nice park out my way (I'm in Chippewa right now). You are about 20 minutes away. maybe we can arrange something at a central location for moms to meet and plans to be made. There is oly one mom's group in my area. It is at a church in Chippewa recommended by an Ellwood City mom. If you are interested, I can get you two in touch. She is from this board as well, but I didn't see her name on your responses. I myself have not made it out there yet.
If nothing else, though, remember that there are many of us in similar if not the sme situation, so everything you are feeling is normal. You will probably make a few friends from this post.
Take care,
Jenn