Looking for Some Real Honesty from Mom's of 3 or More

I have 4 (35 yr old DD--33yr old DS-24 yr old DD-19yr old DS) every one was welcome though not always planned. Yes they change the family dynamic. Each one has a different personality. Now I have 4 grandchildren and each has been welcome and yes they changed the family dynamic. Sometimes they need me too much and sometimes I miss them cause they get busy. But I truely enjoy each and everyone of them. Love multiplies not divides.

If you are having a third only to try for the girl...don't do it. If you really want another child regardless of the gender, having three was my perfect.

I loved having three and it was so great to see how completely different three kids from the same two parents could be.

To be completely honest, I wished I knew how perfect my life was with my three boys without being clouded with needing a daughter. I am so glad I do have one, but it took so much away from my relationships with my sons while they were young.

Well, how did adding the second child change things? I was so worried about this, going from one child to two...and it has totally changed things. In fact, it changed things so much I actually was very depressed for awhile, because I feel that I've "lost" my little girl (almost six) because the first five years of her life belonged to me and I belonged to her.

But now, things are wonderful. Every day that goes by, things get better, we get to spend a little more time together, and I know sweet girl number two won't need so much attention forever. Wouldn't change it for the world.
But it was almost like a grieving process...losing a certain kind of relationship with one. But we're forming a whole new one with her new sister included and it's great.

So, don't worry about that...just about whether or not you want number three. I think you must! :)

How will you feel if the third is another boy? There is your answer.

Don't get caught up in the romantic idea that if you had another child it would be a girl and you would have happy pedicure bonding moments until the end of time. Ever met a tween/teen girl? They can be a little bit daunting and scary!

Do focus on the fact that you want three kids, be it three boys or two boys and a girl.

Can I ask you a question? Has your #2 child totally messed up your relationship with #1? Isn't it the same thing? We seem to think we are limited in the amount of love we are able to give. But, with each child, that love just multiplies. You don't have to share the amount you currently have, you get more! My husband I often talk about this. We just are amazed at how different our lives would be if we had stopped at 2. We cannot fathom that scenerio. We cannot imagine our lives without #s 3-6. Seriously. We would have missed out on a tremendous amount of blessings without those children! Makes me tear up to consider the thought of not having those precious children. So, yes, I would say it adds a wonderfulness to the family to add more family members! And, don't just look at today, consider 50 years from now. They will have each other, their children will have more cousins. You are building a family legacy.

We really didn't have a choice in the matter. I wanted to give my older daughter A sibling. Just one. Well, we ended up with twins...identical girls. While we were not prepared for the 3rd, I wouldn't trade any of them for anything in the world. Since they came as "a package deal", there really isn't much difference between having 2 or 3. We just adjusted as I'm sure you will as well. While we'd love to have a boy, we can't be guaranteed of that. For now, we're content. Should the "bug" come back, we'll consider adoption.

my third is such a gift to me. I thought I was done with three and now am seriously thinking about a fourth :) lol. Each child brings a new element to your family and it's the most beautiful thing. I remember having my first two and finally getting that grove but once you can handle two you can handle ten lol. This is only my opinion. I love having a big family and you'll find your grove once again. There's always the challenge of being able to disperse your time and love but God has given us a great capacity that just keeps growing to hold more and more love for each one. Now just the challenge of being diligent with our time and giving each one according. :) Bless you. R.

The right number is such an individual thing!

We have four girls. Our fourth was a total surprise and I admit I was scared, upset, all kinds of things. And then she was here. And there's no way we could ever be complete as a family without her.

Love grows.

I have six and if you are questioning another, regardless of the sex, maybe that is your answer. I enjoy, of course there are trying times, all of my FIVE sons, the sixth turned out to be a female. I wouldn't trade them for ANYTHING. NOR would I have tried to have a baby beause it "could" be a female, which many people do.
Three is a huge change for the family, one on one coverage turns into someone has two or one has to learn to wait. It is a big change for all but if you and hubby are game, children are a blessing and well worth the challenges.
Realize it does change the dynamic of you and hubby though. Children, as you are well aware, come with tons of needs, a third throws a monkey wrench, as bases were covered but now we are outnumbered!
I say thumbs up to as many children as you and your husband can feasibly tend to, without government assistance, be happy and live your life!!!
Children are a wonderful blessing, they should never be viewed as a burden, so if you are hoping for a female, maybe two sons are perfect for you.

Three is awesome, and my two older kids (5 and 3) are super close to my 18 month old. They're all best friends and so unique. I am so blessed with 3. It's hard, it's a handful, because my husband is always gone and with a tight budget, I do EVERYTHING around the house and for the kids with NO help or sitters. And STILL, I love it. I wouldn't trade it. But yeah, it's an adventure. The key is good early discipline. If they weren't such good kids, it would be a lot harder!

I have 3. Two boys (almost 6 and 4) and a girl (2). I love my family - wouldn't change it for anything. My boys are inseparable, play great together, enjoy each other, and share just about everything. They are creative in their play and entertain each other inside and outside. My daughter is a spitfire and she keeps me on my toes. I'm 38 and we thought about a 4th, but for a few very good reasons are sticking with 3. I "got my girl" and I am happy. My oldest and his sister are great together. He is very patient and shares with her, helps her, and loves her (tells me all the time how cute she is).

The other day we were at the YMCA and my kids were all in the kid area/gym and they have a climbing area for older kids. The daycare ladies let them all go in (even though my daughter is too little) and the boys would boost her her up so she could go down the slide. It was adorable and makes me smile everytime I think about it.

That said - some issues we have: my second son (age 4) wears me out many days. He plays well with his sister about once a day for about 30 minutes. The rest of the time, they taunt and tease each other, and bicker WAY more than the boys ever did when they were 4 and 2. Maybe it's a boy girl thing, maybe it's birth order, maybe personality... but it's a challenge for me.

When I am out with all 3 kids (especially if we are out after lunch) it is often a challenge to keep them together, moving in the right direction. When I have two, it works much better.

I'm out numbered when getting kids in coats, shoes and out the door. My most difficult times of day are when we are coming or going with all 3 kids. I assume this will get easier as they get older. Having 3 kids in 4 years was amazing and exhausting :)

Tonight my boys were playing great together, and every time my daughter was in their space, there was a problem. I removed her and then they were fine. I felt bad for her for having to be away from them, but it worked better. She's starting to skip her nap and is just way to tired to function at the end of the day. That is a challenge too.

We were in line to move to a bigger house either way, so adding a 3rd only helped us move that along faster (it worked really well for us timing wise - we lucked out). We also had plans to upgrade to a newer/bigger car right about the time I got pregnant with #3 so that wasn't an issue either - as we had budgeted for moving up to the minivan. We do only have one car though - so sometimes that is a challenge.

We've started saving for college and that is a little daunting when I think about how much is it going to cost. Currently we are saving $300 per month toward their education. Hopefully we'll be able to budget more in the future.

My daughter doesn't get all the "mommy time" the boys got, she wants to play with the big kids and doesn't really seem to have time for me at this point :) This is good and bad... good when they are all getting along.

Good luck with your decision!
J.

I have 3 boys and the third completely put me over the edge. However, #'s 2 and 3 are just 15 months apart in age, which is very difficult. I think it matters how spaced apart your kids are. If you decide to try for a third, make sure your youngest son is 3 years old before you start trying! However, make sure you want 3 kids no matter what, even if it turns out to be another boy. I wanted 3 kids no matter what, so the gender didn't matter. Since you want a girl, maybe you shouldn't try for a third because if it's a boy, you will be very disappointed. Also consider family. Would you have family to help you out? We have no family here, so we have never had any help, which has been very hard! Good luck!

I have four. THe most difficulty I had was going from one who was 6 to two. Now I cant' imagine my life without all of my kiddos.

I did notice this. At one I was completely freaked out about everything. He was preemie and so tiny and sickly. So number two was a freakish thing too. By the time I had number three it was old hat. When number four came along he napped in the carseat at baseball and soccer games. Was passed around to all the moms at dance class and bathed himself in Windex. Number 4 is the most laid back go with the flow kid ever.

By the time he came along he had to fit into our schedule as we were always on the run.
The hardest part now is juggling three kids' extra curricular activities. Thank goodness my oldest is on his own.

More than three definitely adds to the workload, but my older two(6 and 2) adore their younger brother! He makes them so happy! And the baby really loves his older brothers! It is so cute!

If you feel it's right, then it is!

We have 3 sons. My oldest two are 16 months apart (8) & (6 1/2) and we waited to try for #3. I had my heart set on a girl and tried different methods of getting a girl. We tried for over a year and I realized I just wanted another BABY and didn't care the gender. Good thing because we got our 3rd son (18 months) and we all just adore him. It does throw off the family groove. My older boys have the same interest and toys that little one can't play with (legos) or they play in the front yard w/ friends while LO can't. We use to go to the movies w/ entire family... now daddy takes them while I stay home w/ LO. So to answer your question.... it does throw everything off and make getting out a little more difficult and it also brings a wonderful love to the family.

as my two oldest girls got into the teen years, I started wanting a another baby & kind of hoping for a boy... I had another, a very sweet little girl, who is the apple of ALL our eyes... never thought I'd have 3, but its perfect. less than a year later, My wish for a "boy" was granted, in a grandson!

My third child is 3 years younger than my second and I am glad I spaced them that way.I am certainly glad we have her; she is such a funny, smart person. She definitely makes life interesting. However, having a third definitely changed our family dynamic A LOT. And it started while she was in utero. I was very sick and tired when pregnant with her, and I am sad to say my 2 oldest children got the short end of the stick during that 9 months. I will not have another baby because I feel like it would not be fair to do that to them again. Pregnancy just really took a toll on me. It seems that our family centers a bit around the youngest; party because she is the "baby" of the family and mostly because she has a big personality.
So, I guess what I am saying is, for us, yes-having a third totally changed up the relationship with my other kids. The dynamic is changed. I don't love them any less, but obviously adding another child takes away some of your time and patience. And it changes things because you have a new personality in the home and everyone is interacting with that new personality. It isn't a bad thing... it's just different. If you decide to go for it, expect to be busier and for your family dynamic to change, but also expect that there will be blessings out of it as well. Our youngest has brought us a lot of happiness and I feel like our family is complete.

We have 3 kids, (5 1/2, almost 4 and 1). I have really enjoyed having 3 and hope for more! My 2 older kids play well together (for the most part), and they both have liked helping out with our youngest. Everyone told me 3 would be so hard but it hasn't been that way for me. I do think it helped that my 2nd child was nearly 3 when our 3rd was born. The older kids are a little more independent so I have had time to enjoy my time with the baby. It would be fun for you to get a girl but since you can't do anything about it hopefully you will be just as grateful for a boy as well.

I have 3 boys, ages 6, 5, and 3. The youngest was our final attempt at a girl. We had a good thing going with the first two. Our third certainly was a surprise- we wanted to wait a little longer. I was worried about our family dynamics changing as well.

Let me just say this: If you WANT another child, that child will fit right in. Things will change, but after that child is born, I can guarantee that you won't ever say, "Life was better before this baby." You won't be able to imagine life without that baby.

I have three children; an 8.5 year old girl, a 5.5 year old girl, and a 14 month old boy. It was never easy for me to get pregnant and we had an esspecially hard time getting pregnant with my baby boy, which is why the ages are spaced so far apart. My girls begged me to have a baby for them to play with! Which is not the reason why I had another baby, but they really wanted him so they were good about not being jelous of him. My husband really wanted to have a boy so he was onboard with the decision too. For me, I came from a big family with 7 kids and although I did not want nearly THAT many, I felt like having more than 2 was a perfectly fine option. And I LOVE babies! I wish I could slow down my children's development so that they could be babies longer! But it was a big adjustment to have a newborn and 2 busy "big kids" at the same time. I had to nurse my son in the hall during dance classes and wear him in a sling on field trips and while voluntering during class parties. Now that he is a very active toddler I can not volunteer in my daughter's classrooms at all, next year I will leave him with babysitters so that I can be more involoved, but he is full of separation anxiety right now. So yes, juggling 3 children is harder than 2, but it has been a wonderful experience for the whole family. My girls dote on their baby brother and have not really been jelous much, they understand that sometimes they have to wait for me to finish taking care of his needs before I can play with them or read to them or whatever, but they have been very good about that. And I was still able to take them on hikes and to play at the park and got to the zoo etc. last summer with the baby in a sling, this year we'lll see how it goes with a toddler, it will be a bit more challenging I'm sure! As far as loving my children, I have not had one bit less love to give, although I have had to divide my time and attention, the love is multiplied! Bottom line, 3 kids is totally do-able!

I have 2 girls 14 months apart. 4 1/2 and 3 1/2. I am 8 months pregnant with baby #3, a boy. While I don't yet have an answer to your question, I can say that it is all about how you are as a person and what you want. I have friends with only one kid who are completely "overwhelmed by it all". And I have friends with 4 kids who have things like a well oiled machine. Everyone is different. My girls are beyond excited about the baby, they have come to all my OB appointments, and love seeing sono pics. They are also practicing changing doll diapers so they can help when their baby brother comes, and have been taking their dolls for walks in their doll strollers, so they can take the baby for walks with me. They have been awesome and I take alot of care to reassure them that they are still my babies. I also have good family and friend support systems in place. My parents live 20 min from me, and my girls love sleeping over their house, and they will have more routine sleepovers there once we have the baby which will help me tremendously. Anyways, long answer to you but I think if you and your hubby want another baby and can do it, why not? The more good parents raise kids in a positive, healthy way, the better!

We brought home our third boy (and third baby) on Saturday. My oldest is 4, middle is 2 1/2, and the youngest is 4 days old. So far I couldn't say how things are going to be, but so far I love having the third. My oldest was very excited and interested all through the pregnancy, my middle one loved kissing my belly with the baby in it and loved seeing other babies out and about. For now, whenever the baby cries, he hovers and says, "It's okay baby, it's okay!!" trying to comfort him, and tries to share his favorite stuffed animals.

I don't think there's a magic number or a best number for any family, so whatever children you have will be a blessing and you will balance their needs and your relationships with them. My boys are looking forward to being able to play with their brother, but for now they are enjoying the novelty of knowing he is their brother, they love him, we love all of them, and they will eventually get to have a little more fun with him. I guess my only advice would be to be honest with your husband and see how he feels. I had gotten to where I felt I'd be okay NOT having more kids, my husband was convinced he didn't want more after our second, and when I finally told him that I was pretty sure I was really fine with that, he told me he actually was pretty sure he wanted one more. (Needless to say, I did not argue otherwise!)

Good luck with your decision, although the beautiful thing is there is also no perfect or magic time to have another--so you could revisit this issue in three or four years and decide you want a few more! :)

I just had #4 and can honestly say that when I had #3 it was a huge adjustment for us as a family. We had to get a different car since we couldn't fit all the seats in my smaller vehicle. We had to change all the rooms around since we only had two bedrooms so the boys had to share. We had to figure out how to organize since as parents, we were now outnumbered, etc.

As far as my relationship with my boys, it was certainly different once my 3rd (daughter) was born. As you know, babies are all consuming and the boys had to share me more. My daughter hit the ground running and is a VERY strong personality and my boys are more laid back. We had to learn to incorporate the new personality.

Those are just the more difficult adjustments we had to endure, but as far as us as a family. I wouldn't change it for the world, my boys just love their sister and we all enjoy giggling together at her princess/diva ways. I believe that each child has brought us closer as a family. Now that we have the 4th (10 weeks old) we again are adjusting to life with a new member. It is hard as always, but to watch my other children adore the new baby girl and love on her is so heartwarming. I actually need to be thankful I am 40 so I have an excuse to stop having babies.

I think that if you have the desire and can handle it financially, emotionally, and spiritually then go for it. Whether you have another boy or a girl you will love him/her just as much, and your boys will love it too.

Enjoy!