Marriage Advice - Dallas,TX

Respect each other enough to pitch in and help each other, no matter what the task is (from cooking dinner to bathing the kids to driving the carpool to ballet).

Remember that there is very little that is worth fighting about; let the small stuff go!

Be honest. Even if it hurts. Always give a kiss before leaving to go to work or anywhere- you never know what could happen. Always go to bed with issues resolved or at least talked about.

M

during tough times; forgive and accept. realize that we are together for a reason (many of them are the ones i married him for), and that if i ever felt the urge to go, the next man would disappoint as well (everyone lets us down eventually, it's a fact- there is no perfect man) so for the sake of our vows, our son, and the life we have built, it's worth hanging in there. the valleys don't go on forever - and the peaks are so amazing :)

The best marriage advice I was given and have passed on to others is communicate about everything. There is absolutely nothing my husband and I cannot talk about. Some topics are easier to discuss than others, but we do talk about everything. If you cannot communicate you cannot work through your problems. If you cannot communicate you cannot share the good things either.

Another piece of advice I received before I married was say I love you often, even when you are mad. It's okay to go to bed mad, to even walk away sometimes, but always say I love you. Not I love you but...just I love you.

I try to not complain about him to others. There isnt much to complain about but he isnt perfect. I just tell others he is. After a while I think he is too.
When one of us walks by the other, we reach out our hands and touch. We are nice to each other.

I think you have to accept that there are some issues in your lives that are never going to be *resolved*. Just a personality trait, a reaction to a certain topic, quirky behavior, etc. That's OK. When something drives you nuts, just think creatively how to work around it.
AND, it seems like a lot of people are really, really quick to jump on the "this is horrible!...Are we divorcing now?" bandwagon.
When two people are committed to the long haul, you have a bit of peace inside, even during the rough patches.
And always keep in mind, you can't change people--you can only change YOUR reaction to them.

I've been married for 19 years. The best thing we've done is make it a point to have dinner together as a family every night (we miss very few). After that, he and I spend at least 15-30 minutes together talking about our day or whatever. He's become a better listener and I've learned to get to the point. It keeps us up to date with what's going on in the other one's life. We also try to have a little date time alone together a few times a month if we can swing it. This past weekend, we found ourselves alone for Saturday afternoon and evening. We jumped on the train and went into New York City. Nothing spectacular - just dinner at the South Street Seaport and dessert in a little cafe in the Village & then home. We even enjoyed a string quartet playing in the subway station - free entertainment! We need time together to be reminded that we still LIKE each other. We also both spend time with our respective friends when we can and although we enjoy doing things together, we have interests that we pursue on our own. It gives us something to talk about besides the day to day stuff. Good question.

Here are just a few that leap to mind:

Remember every single day what I was attracted to when I met this man I've been married to for nearly 30 years. Then notice that those qualities are still there.

Honesty. Don't hide things from each other.

Establish sweet or fun rituals. One of ours: at the end of every day, we use our toothbrushes to pantomime some event of the day, large or small. We take turns doing this, and the other person has to guess what the event was. (It's amazing how expressive a toothbrush can be.)

This is a big one: The best marriages are not 50/50, they are 100/100. Always give everything you've got. Some days that will be more, or less, and any given day might look like 40/160 or 120/80, but both partners are always doing their very best.

Be willing to forgive, and to give the benefit of the doubt. And realize he's probably doing the same for you.

This advice was given kindly at our marriage ceremony: Feed the brute!

we almost always have dinner together as a family and we go around the table and share our 'rose' and 'thorn'. basically the good and bad, this way we can see how the kids are doing and help if we need to. our kids are 15 (spec needs) 11 and 8 and what has really helped our 'alone' time is that the kids go to bed at 8pm every night after showers. they don't have to go to sleep, but they have to be in their rooms reading, writing, playing, etc and they generally don't come out, they put themselves to bed. this allows me and hubby to get caught up on the day, a couple hours to watch tv or do whatever we want. we also have ex's that have our kids every other weekend which is wonderful so we have time alone every 2 weeks which helps keep the romance alive as well as some sanity! not every couple has this opportunity but i think time alone without the kids is beneficial for sure. i also keep him interested by texting him sexy and sweet messages during the day. just fun things to keep the spark. :o)

talk it through. Sometimes you may need to table a discussion for any of a million reasons, but always come back to it and talk it through. Communication is vital.

There is no perfect person - no matter who you are with, there are always going to be issues to overcome.....and there are going to be things that you just have to learn to live with and deal with. Neither one of us is perfect and we have to accept each other, imperfections and all.

Another thing I have learned is that Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. I choose to treat my husband in a respectful, loving way, even when sometimes I don't feel like it.

And....to be careful what I say in the midst of an arguement, because you can never take those words back!! Whether you mean them or not......

We always have 'our time' at the end of the day. We curl up front to back and snuggle and make sure we didn't miss saying anything during the day.

Call each other just for the heck of it. At least a couple times a day.

If something really bothers your partner, work to change it. You shouldn't require someone to change for you, but you should be willing to change for each other.

If you don't like it when your partner does something, don't do it yourself.

Have a pet name for each other. Something unique that you both love.

Always say hello and goodbye, kisses included

Always be polite. It matters.

Never go to bed without a kiss, even when you're both exhausted and would rather shut up and go to bed mad than argue all night.

Never mention divorce during an arguement.

Never take off your wedding rings when angry.

My husband gave me the best marriage advice I've received so far...to never ever use the word divorce in an argument. He saw his brother and sister-in-law fight like that for many years and it really affected my husband. And Lord, I've wanted to on occasion - but husband was right - I'm sure glad I didn't. My MIL also shared her view that marriage is about falling in and out of love but always find your way back in love. They have 40 years together so I paid close attention. As for my own gestures...I try and do little things that show him I love and care. Yesterday was trash day and he's usually in charge. I knew he was going to have a busy day at work so it was the 1st thing I did when I got up yesterday morning. And the old "please" and "thank you" goes a long way.