Married to Persian Man

HHMMM, takes TWO you know, Dad wants his background instilled as well in HIS son, then HE needs to do so!

**Just read your edit:
well that is hard situation. They probably don't make you feel welcomed, because you are not Persian are American or another culture, and your son is 'mixed.' And you/your son are not solely 'Persian' per say.
It is unfortunate... because, there needs to be a degree of acculturation... and if not, there will be clashes. Your Husband has a different 'role' in his Culture and then another 'role' in your own family and in the general population culture. So, he is toggling different 'roles.' The 'female' role in Persian culture, is very different from Hispanic or American culture. Big difference. But he cannot expect you, nor you him, to totally "be" perfect... nor to completely convert nor to completely 'be' the other culture... because the bottom line is, you are all a MIXED family of different cultures. And, there seems to be a conflict of which one, will predominate.. .and be accepted.
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I am married to a European. I am American born & raised in Hawaii. That in itself, involves 2-3 different cultural constructs.

For me, I find, that European culture is still in some respects, very traditional/old fashioned in terms of gender roles and expectations and roles of the children in a family. Even a bit 'chauvanistic.' But I am personally, less rigid about it.

Same for Persian culture or yours.

The thing is, he has no one here... except for his Mom, 6 months out of the year. And that is lonely... not having your 'culture' with you. Imagine... living abroad... and NO ONE of your culture/family is with you. How would you feel? It feels isolating.

For me, my Husband has NO ONE here, from his family. But we join cultural clubs together as a family... so our kids can be exposed to "his" culture and language and food and make friends. This helps. My kids LIKE learning about their cultural background too. It is important.

Next, for me as a Spouse... I make sure, that I AM an advocate for my Husband. I INSTILL his culture in my kids as well... I cook foods from his culture... I buy books for the kids to learn the language... our home is bi-lingual and my kids KNOW his language more than I. I SUPPORT my Husband.... personally and among others... and respect his culture. When others don't understand his culture or insult it... I DO NOT condone it. We even have Dish Network tv., so we can listen/watch European shows.

The thing is... he is also in America... and there are many cultures here... so YOU also have to be sensitive to the fact, that the Persian community in the California, is not large... and he probably feels real isolated.... and especially among your large Hispanic family. He is outnumbered.... pure and simple. But you are his Spouse... his Wife... and so, he does expect you to a certain extent, to respect his culture too. I am sure, he does yours.

Try looking at it from his perspective and feelings. Because... my Husband, went through periods of feeling REAL lonely and isolated and disrespected... because "my" family was so overbearing and ignorant... about his culture. This is not fair.

WHENEVER you have a family... that is made up of multiple cultures.... you HAVE TO concede and be flexible and INCORPORATE that into your daily family routines... and compromise. Period.

In my State, there are so many different cultures... and ethnicities, that we all pretty much don't think twice about it anymore... NOR is it a "competition" between which culture/tradition will "win" or be more important.
Remember, your Husband is a "minority" among minorities... it is not a comfortable place to be. He ONLY has his Mom... who has to travel here to visit... she does not live her. He has NO ONE, of his family, right there with him.

How old is your son?
Your Husband... also though... has to be flexible.... in what expectations he has of his son/upbringing. Because NO MATTER WHAT... this is not Persia and your son is a part of a mixed cultural family AND just being in America is another "culture" to adapt to too. Has your Husband 'acculturated' to the U.S.? Or is he still very stuck in his ways? Because no matter what, you CANNOT have a mixed-culture family be EXACTLY like how it would be, in your Mother country.
- My Husband sometimes feels disappointed in a way... that our kids, don't speak his language as fluently as him. Although they are fluent. They speak English mostly. But oh well... I told him, that is the 'majority' language... and where we live. It can't be helped. So, both spouses need to realize those things... not hold it against the other culture.

all the best,
Susan

I was engaged to a Persian man, but we eventually broke it off because we knew we would have a family together and couldn't agree on the way we would raise the children and most importantly, where (he wanted to return to Iran).

He was an amazing man, but also turned more aggressive and repressive towards me around his family. It is a cultural thing, for some, but not all. However, his family was much more modern, warm and accepting than many others I have met. Though they did sometimes talk about me in Farsi right in front of me, which got annoying.

I do agree though, the Persian culture aside from some of the masculine aggression issues that some men have, has some beautiful things and the food is wonderful, the language is beautiful and family ties are strong.

Your son would need the summer classes to help him learn the language since he isn't hearing it very often in daily conversation.

If you are afraid of religious indoctrination, that is understandable. Be sure you know exactly what the school is teaching. Most Muslims in the US do not hate Americans and are very good with teaching, but there are pockets of people who do teach that hate in schools (there are fanatics in every culture). Eventually, it will become more difficult as time goes on to differentiate which direction your son will go religiously, and he will have to choose one day.

In the meantime, embrace parts of the culture, such as Ramadan and maybe learn some Persian dishes. Learn some of the folklore and help your son learn it as well. Latino and Persian culture are very different and etiquette is different as well. Do you not feel like you are accepted by his circle of friends/family? Talk to your husband about that and see if you can come to a resolution together. Perhaps some professional counseling to mediate can help. I wonder if there are counselors who are experts in blending cultural differences in marriages?

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EDITED TO ADD:

I just read your update about the pushing you to have an abortion and leaving the country to be engaged and hiding the child until he was a year old. Are you sure he is not married to her? I know it is legal in Iran to do that... I know of about 3 women who have experienced almost the exact same thing, because Iran does not recognize dual citizenship when you are there. And while some may argue the whole "Not Without My Daughter" scenario is extreme, the truth is, that it happens... and frequently. It happened to my former coach as well and she hasn't seen her son in over 15 years.

Hi L.,

My best friend in college was the daughter of an American southerner and a Persian woman. I love to go to her mother's house and eat because the food is INCREDIBLE. She is very strong willed and steeped in her culture, AND, she has also pointed out a lot about the Iranian culture that she as a woman hates. One of the things is the secrecy of the men and the fact that women don't have any say in most things. Even if your husband is willing to compromise with you, I'm sure his friends are not encouraging it and maybe even making fun of him. My friend's mother was sent away at 18. This is a common thing in their culture. Her brother has a wife in America, one in Germany and two in Iran. The German and American wives are unaware of this. Both families, probably all four, are large.

Please do not allow your son to go to Iran, ever. Don't let him go to Europe without you. Did you see the movie "Not without my Daughter"? It is a true story and was made long before we got into political correctness. The laws in Iran take every right away from you, the mother. This is NOT a bigoted view point. This is fact. If you'd like to talk I'm available.

This is not really an issue that can be determined or even helped here on this forum because this culture is about as opposite as it can be with most of the Western world. Our logic simply does not fit.

God bless!

M.

This is a tough conversation.

I'm in an intercultural/ interreligious relationship with my husband. I am fully 100% genetically of one race (not white, but which race is unimportant to the topic) and my husband is a blue-eyed man of European descent. He was raised in one religion and I in a very different one. I am not a theist, he isa theologian.

We have two beautiful children. Since my identity is from country x, my parents were immigrants and it was very important to the that just because they changed geographic locations they were not going to lose their identity, I see myself and my children as descendants of that country and culture. I can't help it.

I have to remind myself constantly that they are half white. I have to make sure that I never think anything disparaging toward their other heritage. His side of the family has a cultural pull toward alcohol consumption. I come from a non-drinking family and I have a hard time with that. Christians believe in the trinity, which to everyone outside of the Christian faith sounds like polytheism (I do understand the monothestic concept of the trinity, I'm just saying you have to be Christian to beleive that) and I come from a strict monotheistic faith so I have a hard time with that. But these are things for ME to overcome, not for them avoid.

Our solution to a lot of the issues is to understand that 1. I can't control who my kids are. I support them in going to church every week and I go with them to be united as a family. We talk about the sermons at home and ask them what THEY think. 2. They are not going to be like me or my husband. They are new creations and our job is to expose them to everything and support them in their exploration of themselves. 3. This is NOT going to be easy all the time. It certainly isn't easy to watch someone indoctrinate your child into a religion that is not yours, but we signed up for this when we got married and the truth is that I have had a lot of my own prejudices brought before my eyes and so has my husband. We practice, truly practice, each others' faiths so that we can understand. There's no other way that I can see.

Our job is to RESPECT our kids and each other. Yes, I am different around people of my background culture. I can't not be. I AM different depending on which culture I am navigating. My husband and I lived in another country foreign to both of us for many years and we are different around those people. You adapt to different cultures depending on where you are. It is not surprising that your hubby reverts when he's around other Persians. You need to set ground rules about how YOU are willing to be treated and then let him be himself. If he doesn't treat you right, then you make it known that there are consequences.

Please expunge all negative thoughts and feelings about Persian culture from your mind. IF you don't, you only shame your children. There is nothing wrong with supporting your child learning Farsi. I'm not persian, but I learned it as a kid (my mom learned it in her childhood) and it has done nothing but help me. I also speak a couple of other languages, including Spanish, and Farsi and Spanish have a lot of common roots. Speaking many languages has opened fantastic doors for me in life. Also, the older I get, the more I understand that I'm not just me, but also my mother, grandmother, etc. Our roots are important, on all sides. If your son wanted to learn geometry but not algebra, would you go along with that?

As far as not understanding the ties to family when he was "kicked out" so young, are you being fair? Was he "kicked out" or did his parents provide him with the best possible education they could afford? Come on, now.

It really seems like you're frustrated, but there is also a tone of your culture being more "normal" or "easier" than his, and therefore what should dominate in your life. That's not fair. You married a man from another culture which is equally valid and normal. It just isn't what you are used to. In the same way, he isn't used to yours and his is normal to him.

Lastly, I'd like to address what Dawn B. said about not allowing the fundamentalist Muslims to get a hold of your son. I also hope that the fundamentalists Christians who teach hate against Muslims don't get a hold of your son. Sorry, but that needed to be said. There is so much bigotry in this world and we need to watch out for it on all sides.

All the best

EDIT: Your husband sounds like he's not really interested in respecting you. I suggest counseling. I wouldn't be so quick to assume it's all Iranians who are like this, or blame it on the culture. There are jackasses in every country.

Very interesting discussion! You have some unique challenges here, but if you play your cards right you could end up with a son who has wonderful gifts. I think what we need in this country are people who have sympathies/understanding of both North America and the Middle East.

I think its a great idea to teach him the languages. I think the classes are fine, too. I think its understandable that your husband wants him to appreciate his persian background, but I think its equally understandable that he understand his latin roots, as well.

Your son will act differently in different crowds no matter what ethnicity he is. Your son will also be vulnerable to bad influences no matter what ethnicity he is.

What guards children against influences like cults, drugs, violence, promiscuity, etc. is a good, strong family upbringing with a united front.

Maybe talk with your husband about how valuable your son could be as an ambassador or country leader with the right kind of background and influences. I think ultimately despite the details of raising him, you and your husband probably have similar goals as to what kind of man you'd like him to be.

I think one of the best things you could do is sit down and find the things from the two cultures that are the same and focus on the similarities. Then pick a specific thing or two from each that is very important to each of you and come up with a plan to instill those values, traditions, etc.

I can think of a few just off the top of my head:
importance of religion (even if they are different)
large family gatherings
sharing communal meals
conservative values

You say that you are afraid of him trying to turn your son into something that he is not...but is he not half-Iranian?

I've dated an Iranian man for quite a while, been married to both a Mexican man and a "white" guy (at different times of course...lol). They all had their special challenges.

If you want it to succeed, then you need to figure out a way to do it together...and you will probably have to compromise more than you want. But these decisions aren't going to get any easier if y'all split up.

My husband is a Christian from Iraq, and I have a brother-in-law whose family are Christian Persians. Although they are not Muslim, both do have some tendency towards some of the Middle Eastern views that are not so acceptable to Westerners. What we have found to be helpful is to sit down together and lay out exactly what it is about each other's cultures that we find to be desirable, and what elements we find to be damaging to our marriage and to our children.

For us, we like the Middle Eastern emphasis on hospitality, close-knit families, academic excellence and conservative morals. We dislike the blatant subjugation of women, double standards for the moral codes for boys vs girls, religious intolerance, rampant gossiping, tit-for-tat scorecards and superstitions. In Western culture we value self-reliance, religious freedom, free speech, gender equality. We dislike the excessive materialism (although hubby falls for it quite a bit when he wants to impress his Arab friends), lazy attitude towards education, and moral permissiveness. Once our core issues were identified we were better able to rally around these mutually agreed upon values. When one of us drifts we are able to (lovingly) remind one another of what it is that we are aiming for in our marriage and family.

It is important for your son to be comfortable with the Persian community, but I suspect that it would be helpful if you yourself were more comfortable. If you discuss the issue of not feeling welcomed by his community, perhaps he could give you some pointers, or make it a point to make SURE you are included. For instance, if the group is speaking in Farsi but are perfectly capable of using English, your hubby should politely ask them to use English so that you can understand. (This was one of my BIGGEST annoyances with my hubby's family in the beginning, but most of the time they now use English with me. Sometimes they slip up and start talking TO ME in Arabic and then I make a joke about it and they laugh and go back to English.) There have to be at least a few Persian wives who would like to be friends with you. If your hubby has any close married friends, go out for dinner with them as a couple (no kids). It's SO hard to connect with people from other cultures when your kids are there, because (at least for me) I spend most of my time not focusing on the adult conversation and trying to tend to my kids for fear of them thinking me a terrible American wife and mother (I know-stupid, but I always feel judged.)

Maybe the Farsi summer camp would be helpful for your son, not just in learning the language, but in connecting with Persian kids. That might help him feel more included.

I feel your pain! Good luck!!

I'll probably get condemned up one aisle and down the other for this response, but here goes.

You are not "married" to a "persian" man. You are the "property" of an "Iranian" man. That is why you are being treated the way you are. It's the culture. Women are property and their husbands, brothers, fathers have the power of life and death over them.

Check out this article and associated links regarding the human right's violations still being sanctioned by the Iranian government.

http://www.hrw.org/en/news/2010/03/05/iran-stop-undermini...

Personally I wouldn't want my son growing up around that. I insist that my boys grow up knowing how to respect and love women for the unique, wonderful individuals they are.

If I were you, I'd leave and take your son with you.

Sorry if other posters don't agree with me. Just don't message me about it, please. I'm as entitled to my opinion as you all are.

ADDITION: Regarding SA Mamma's remark about bigotry and fundamentalism extremes, I wholeheartedly agree, and I sent her a flower to make sure she knows this. The only reason I didn't write both in the same sentence was because I had already said that it didn't appear that the boy was being brought up Catholic, which is Christian, as his classes are on Sunday. I could be wrong, like I said, if he goes to Mass first. But as far as I understand, Catholics aren't the fundamentalist religious right that is so bigoted. I also said that there is nothing wrong with believing in the Islam religion. So please read all of what I said so you don't miss the important parts. The point is to not have hate taught to our children. Thank you.

Original:
L., what kind of program is it? Is it a non-political, educational entity, or is it religious Islamic indoctrination? Did you two talk about what religion your children would be raised as before you married?

If this is education based, I would think that he wants him to learn to speak and write Farsi, and summer school is probably needed so he can continue to learn. Are you teaching him English and Spanish? This way he would be trilingual and have some really good job opportunities when he is an adult. If this is about teaching him the Islam religion, how conservative is it? Is this teaching him the subrogation of women? Is it teaching him to hate the infidels (Americans)? These are really important questions you need the answer to, since I am assuming he picks the school.

There is nothing wrong with believing in the Islam religion. The problem comes when it is taught from the point of view that encourages hatred of other religions and creeds. I am assuming that your husband wants him to be raised in the Islam faith because it seems that you may not be raising him Catholic since his classes are on Sundays, unless they are after Mass.

If this is mostly educational without fundamentalist doctrine that some schools use to teach hate, it can be a very positive thing. If it's religious school that isn't too conservative, that's a positive thing too. But if you find that your son starts espousing hatred towards Christianity and anyone who isn't Muslim, I feel very sorry for you.

I don't have any advice except to try to figure out what your husband's intentions are regarding what he wants his son's core beliefs to be. And that probably hinges on what your husband's beliefs are. I hope the people who believe in jihad and all the violence that can be part of it don't get ahold of your son.

Good luck,
Dawn

your son is half-persian. it should be a culture he gets to learn about. farsi as any other language is difficult, but a young child will pick it up faster than any adult.
religion: won't go there. i have no idea who you will cross that bridge.
his family and the culture that you have not found pleasing...well, he was sent to england probably to get a better life and education. it's well know people from not so well to do countries, if given the opportunity get sent abroad. this is not due to family not caring for the child but family caring too much for the child that they will go through such thing to give the child a better chance in life.
my husband and i are from two different cultures. i have decided my kids' first language will be english because i didn't want them to have an accent when speaking english and then have to go through life explaining why they have an accent.
but my kids get exposed to my culture all the time, through me, through my cooking, through my talking to them in my language, through overseas trips, through seeing families etc.
your child will learn which part of which culture he will embrace most. but you have to expose him to all the worlds, and not fair to his father for you to try deny that.
i know you said he was a jerk to you but after he went back and got engaged to someone else, why did you take him back? you did probably because you loved him/. work with him through this. it's not a difficult task.
i love that my children already at age 5 know so much about the world and different countries.

I know you've had tons of responses and many very long. I'll keep mine short: I encourage you and your husband to get some couples therapy together. You have a complicated situation and it sounds like you and your husband have some difficulty discussing (and being really heard by the other person) cultural differences and some key points about child rearing.
DO NOT think you are in couples therapy because your marriage is "in trouble." Think of it as a place to get some tools, some new scripts so you can actually hear, understand, and love each other with mutual respect. TOOLS. That's what you both need. Along the way, as you develop the communication tools, you'll be discussing these important and potentially painful topics. It won't be easy but you owe it to yourself and to your son, especially.
Good luck to you.

My daughter's best friend is Persian and I think they have some wonderful traditions! Why would you think this is making him so
ething he's not?! He IS Persian! I think blending nationalities and cultures is beautiful and wonderful. And it's important to identify with all parts of who we are. Please raise him with influences from both cultures. What an accepting and cultured young man he will be! It isn't fair to just include your beliefs and traditions, simply because he's around you and your family more.

Try combining holidays or getting some of your family involved. Throw a Persian new year celebration next year, I bet it would mean the world to your husband and mil seeing you try to embrace their background as well. He is half Persian, learn about it, and work with it!

I don't know how old your son is, but I hope you will watch carefully the kind of lessons he gets about marriage, childrearing, and cultural expectations. He will pass on what he learns, from both the Hispanic and Persian sides of his heritage. And there will be strengths and weaknessness with both. You can probably see the strengths of your own cultural background more easily than the weaknessess. The same is true for your husband, and so a battle is born along with the child.

I hear what you say about the way your husband behaves when he's around his cultural community. His first (and still strongest) identity becomes reinforced, and all the things he grew up believing to be true seem closer and more important.

The way he wants to raise his son is probably the way he was raised, by a demanding an strict father with exacting expectations about what it means to be a good and proper man. That's pretty much what people do when they become parents (unless they are awake to the possibility that they can do it differently). And perhaps especially so when they are separated from their childhood cultures.

My first marrriage was to a Persian man. I married too young, too trusting, too hopeful, and too blinded by love. We had not talked about how we'd raise children, because when I married, I didn't think I would ever have a child. That was a serious mistake.

Our first five years were difficult, because he was generous and attentive while he was courting me, but became distant, disparaging and demanding after we were married. He hung out almost entirely with his male Persian buddies, and put me down in every possible way. When my only child, a daughter, was born, a whole additional layer of his enculturation kicked in, and became worse as she got older.

I finally left that marriage when my daughter was around 8, because I couldn't bear what it was doing to either of us. The cultural differences did not become less over time, but stronger. It was only years after we left that my daughter and husband worked out a relationship that feels all right to her – she loves her dad, but makes sure not to lose herself in his expectations. My life has only been better (pretty fantastic, actually) since leaving him.

I wish I could give you a more positive report, but every other inter-cultural marriage in my ex's family is unhappy. The women who married my ex-brothers-in-law are sheepish, cautious, and submissive around their husbands, who seem to take delight in reminding them how inferior women are. And these fathers are hard on their own sons and daughters. The same is true for every other Persian/American marriage I have seen that has lasted. This is how they were raised, and how they think it ought to be done. After all, they all grew up to be successful, so that approach to marriage must work, right?

i'm so sorry. i don't really have any advice, just 3 different friends who were in this same situation. none of them ended well. they went from princesses to property; all of them. and your situation doesn't sound like it started out too good at all; returned to iran to get engaged? wanted you to abort? i'm so sad for you. get out before it gets worse or he steals your son away to iran. and please don't be naive enough to think your husband would never do that; that is what sally fields' character (in not without my daughter) thought too. good luck and God bless.

Let's see, he speaks Farsi in front of you and, you (and your family) are not suppose to speak Spanish in front of him? He wanted you to get an abortion at first? And, he got engaged to another woman? That says a lot, don't you think? Relegion may not have come up yet, but it will and, it isn't going to be pleasant. Just an FYI - please don't let him take your son to Iran alone. Iran does not have relations with the US. Meaning, if he decides he wants to stay (with your son), there isn't much you can do on your end. My girlfriend was involved with a Perisan man and, it didn't end well. Please be careful.

I am concerned in regard to the responses received that are negative toward Persian culture. I am an American wife married to a Persian for over 10 years. I would not qualify by any stretch of the imagination to be a woman who is "sheepish, cautious, and submissive around their husband" as one woman says she noted American wives of Persian men to be. I am very opinionated, strong and independent. I am continually concerned with media images and mentions of the "not without my daughter" movie and book portrayal of Iran. This has been very dangerous. While it has been some genuine cultural challenges they are not the stereotyped ones depicted in the responses to your note. I agree with the statements that supported the importance of acknowledging that your son is "Persian" and this is something he can and should learn to be proud of, as much as he will learn about your culture also. The Farsi language or dance class is just as important as any other cultural class in helping a Persian child to learn about their culture. The crazy talk responses about "infidels" and fundamentalism really bother me. This has nothing to do with Farsi class. This kind of negativism is a mindset brought about through narrow-mindedness and biased media. It is harmful to our society that these views are out there. It is perpetuated by fear and individuals who do not take the time to truly know Persian and Muslim people. If you allow yourself to listen to this you will likely find yourself more at odds with your spouse and not get to know and understand him as a person. There are some amazing things about Persian culture that would lead your husband to have a "tie to a culture" that he was separated from by age 13. The more you try to see it as two different sides the more you find him pulling away. I agree with the feedback that encourages celebration of both cultures and communicating your needs when in a setting of Farsi speakers. I have found that I don't mind people talking Farsi around me, but if it is only two people and both know English I will ask them to speak English. Persians are very warm and affectionate with strong familial relationships, much like Latino families. There are commo.nalities that you will find, if you are open to learning and experiencing.

Elaborating on the background of your relationship, I can see why you are in this deilema. You had a clear view of the personality of your husband and you chose to close your eyes. He wanted to be with someone else and when that was not accomplished, then he returned to you ( a second choice) and was fored to be a father. You seem like a wonderful woman who is very dedicated to her family, but don't get displeased when you bring a lion home and you are angry that he groals. But now that you are in this difficult chapter, learn to be more involved with the Persian community. Take farsi classes with your son ,so your son can see your interest also! Maybe your husband may adore how you are interested in his culture instead of viewing it as a negative! This may enable him to want to speak more spanish and he may even want to take classes. Be smart use spanish in bed to up his interest ha ha. I am a latina married to a Persian man and he adores me for all these attributes iam talking about. You need to work with the shakey lack of foundation that you started your relationship, and that is very hard work but not impossible. Take care mamita.

Wow so sad to hear this. I'm an american Mexican women whom loves the Persian culture! I don't know if your husband is jewish or Muslim, but I would never date/marry a Persian Muslim they are very different. I love the Persian culture and I am not even Persian! I'm learning farsi and just adore everything about the culture. Finding a Persian boyfriend is very hard for me! They like me at first but realize I am not Persian by blood so don't even waste their time with me... In my head I've already committed to converting to judism when I meet my Persian prince. Now, that is why I am worried bc if I marry a Persian will they change after marriage? Will their family disown him and our kids? Last thing I want to do is breakup a family but if you meet american Persians that are more open to dating a non Persian I say you are blessed!

L.,

I have not yet read the other responses, only your question/declaration and you’re “so what happened”. As a Hispanic/Irish woman I’m going to go out on a limb here and just ask you, “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING”?

If my mother or my husband’s mother (or family member) required housing, care, financial help etc., yes I would certainly support that (within my family’s capability). However a six month visit, that turns my husband into a macho, verbally abusive, child scaring “crazy man”, NO WAY! As for the way his friends treat you??? As they say in New York "FORGET ABOUT IT"!

Regarding his return to Iran to his fiancé and his seemingly embarrassment about his child and YOU? What does your family have to say about all this?

The manner in which you describe his behavior around his Iranian relatives and friends is all telling.

Thank your lucky stars and God above that you are in the United States and have family that will be there for you. If you haven’t seen the film “NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER”, I recommend that you do. (At someone else’s house, because if you watched it at your house and your husband found out, I have a feeling you would be IN FOR IT! You do understand that if he took your son to Iran, you have absolutely NO rights?

This is really scary stuff. His behavior pattern over the years says it all….OPEN YOUR EYES, or be prepared to keep suffering and your child will also be suffering.

Blessings….