Meal Time Pickiness

It's quite possible he's not as hungry as you think. If he takes a bit and then tosses it, that usually means he's done. He's just not hungry.

I wouldn't look at this as being picky. It really may have nothing at all to do with the food. It might, but I wouldn't be so focused on that right now.

What worked for me was to just make a really be plate for myself (about 1 1/2 times the amount of food I was planning to eat). I didn't use a high chair. I used a booster seat. I put my son in the booster and sat down next to him. As I ate, I placed a little bit of each food in front of him. If he ate it, I'd offer him more. If he didn't, that was ok, too. If we ran out of food and he still seemed hungry, I would find something else to offer him.

Both of my kids found food much more interesting when it was the same food I was eating. They also LOVED feeding themselves and hated me trying to feed them.

Try not to worry too much about how much he's eating or what he's eating (provided it's healthy). There are so many things going on in his world right now. Food is just one of them.

hes young, just keep offering various foods, have him sit and eat with you and model good eating habits. as the child grows up they will learn to eat more variety of foods and their diet will balance out.

When I was introducing solids, I breastfed first, then offered food.

Around your son's age, I had kind of flipped that - timed it so they weren't full up on milk.

With our last child, I did what Gidget did - have them sit in a booster seat at the table and it worked really well.

ETA: Nervy brings up good point. With my first born, I had this food grinder. He got whatever we ate but ground up. I know that sounds gross, but it was like baby food but with a whole lot more texture. So kind of string like chicken (easy to eat), etc. Sometimes it is the texture that kids don't like - they all develop at different paces.

I only used the grinder with my first - after that I was too busy to grind, I just sort of mashed stuff on the toddler's plates or cut up super fine after that. When mine were a bit older, sometimes they sat at a toddler table (together) and had fun there, and I'd feed them while I made something for my husband and I. I always had leftovers from the night before to serve the little ones who were very hungry earlier than my husband and I. Seemed to me it was about hitting them with food when they were hungriest.

L.,

It's a power struggle. He's learning how to manipulate you.

STOP forcing food. He will NOT starve himself.

NONE of my kids are picky eaters. They try something - either like or they don't. I do NOT make special meals - NEVER did. Even when they were 1 year old. Mac & cheese was for everyone and not just the kid(s). I am NOT a short order chef. I made it clear when they were younger. They have input on what I serve - if they don't speak up? They don't get a say.

If your son tosses his food? Pick him up. Tell him to clean up his mess and then that's it. no more food. I know it sounds harsh. However, he's learning that he can get his way if he throws a tantrum. Stop fussing over him eating. yes. I know he's ONLY a year old. However, he's learning how to dictate what happens at meal times.

he's also a YEAR old. So his stomach isn't huge. He made need smaller portions. If you have just breast fed him and then expect him to eat over that? It might not happen.

Fix him what you are fixing everyone else. He either eats or he doesn't. simple as that. If he says he doesn't like it? Okay. Did you try it? Yes. Okay. Well, when I fix breakfast or the next meal? Maybe you'll tell me what you want to eat? I'll see if that's what everyone else wants.

Keep it simple.
Don't fight.
Don't fret.
Don't fuss.
His body will NOT allow him to starve himself.

It takes many, many tries of a new food before a child develops an affinity for it. So what you're experiencing is very typical. I think the most important things to do are to a) offer a variety over the course of a week, b) be cheerful about the options (and don't become a short order cook), c) realize he will not starve, no matter what, and d) absolutely refuse to allow throwing of food.

This is your 2nd child, so it sounds like you are encountering difficulties that you didn't have with DS#1? So, you and the older child and Dad need to set examples of how meal time is fun. No one has to eat, but they don't get to pitch a fit about what's served either. Don't ask, "What do you want for dinner?" At most, ask, "Do you prefer X or Y tonight?" But even so, you're letting them be in charge. So put out a few options, and that's dinner. Anyone who doesn't want something can choose among what else is on the table.

If you put out something and Mr. Picky doesn't want it, that's fine. Wipe of his hands and excuse him from the table (keep him gated in the kitchen if you have to, or put a play pen in there), and everyone else stays at the table. Keep laughing and talking so that he gets the idea that Table = Fun. If he throws things, you can try to get him to clean it up (as suggested) but that's tough sometimes. Otherwise, just say, "We don't throw food. I guess you're not hungry." And he gets down from the high chair if necessary (although staying at the table is ideal if he's not having a tantrum). But as always, you don't give a child attention for having a fit over something. But if he is hungry in 15 minutes, then he chooses from among the choices offered. If you ONLY have a one-dish meal, then it's okay to have a somewhat boring alternative (PB&J maybe). But limit the amount so that he's not filling up on just bread or just carrots at every meal, you know? "Sorry, the bread is all gone. What we have left are yogurt, meatballs and carrots." Definitely don't let them fill up on milk before dinner either.

Do be alert to possible texture issues - my son definitely had them until age 2.5, and he did better with pureed foods than with the chunkier versions for a while, until his tongue action and swallowing issues resolved in time. But mashed sweet potatoes while everyone else is eating oven fried sweet potatoes are fine.

Just don't get sucked into the drama or turn it into a battle of wills. You can't make them eat, and bribing them to eat doesn't work in the long run. You're regret it. I just finished working on a 3 month project with a teen with dietary issues (Celiac) who has been in a food battle with her mother for 7 years. Mom counted calories and screamed, kid refused and also had pain due to food not emptying from her stomach easily. Teen has stubbornness and also a fear of throwing up. So we worked on teaching her to cook her own meals and be in charge of her own food, with mom banished from the kitchen for the 3 months. Meanwhile, the younger child ( age 10), virtually ignored through this whole thing, is far more picky and undernourished, has tantrums if he doesn't get chicken nuggets or chicken wings every night, and has a fear of throwing up. It's a mess. The teen is now in much better shape, the mom is calmer, and everyone's in therapy now except the 10 year old, and he's going soon! Obviously, their situation was complicated by a disease, but it was made awful but issues of control and panic and fighting. Don't go there.

He's still young, but I really think that you need to talk to your ped about the best way to start transitioning from the on demand part of breastfeeding to the food. Together, you two should come to an understanding regarding what is best for your child.

You can actually train your child to be a picky eater, without meaning to. And that's what you need to work with your ped on, so that you don't do this. I've seen children manipulate their parents so much that they become short-order cooks, LITERALLY running around the house putting food in their mouths and begging their children to eat. This is such a bad thing to allow - don't let this become your life!

If you put food in front of your child, he wil either eat it or not. And he won't starve. You keep offering the food without making a big deal out of it. If he doesn't eat it, starts to throw it, isn't interested, you take him out of the high chair and tell him "You must be done." You offer the same food as snack so that you aren't training him to wait for a different food. And instead of on demand nursing, you nurse after he has eaten.

Children control so very little in their lives - eating and toileting are pretty much it. You aren't to the toileting point, but you ARE seeing him try to control his life in eating already. You won't win with this because you cannot MAKE him eat. But you can and should take the tug and pull out of it. And that tug and pull is trying to cajol him, going out of your way to fix foods in all kinds of ways to get him to eat it, feeling nervous and worried about whether or not he will eat (which he can feel and will capitalize on), and letting him nurse instead of eat so that he won't experience any hunger or having to choose something he doesn't immediately want because you keep offering him "something else" so that he doesn't have to try to accept a food the way you are offering it. Offer one thing you know he will eat (not drink, like the smoothie) and then the other foods. Keep offering them so that he will eventually try them. And make sure that you use a small plate and not much food. Too much food is overwhelming to a child and they don't like it. You can always put a couple more pieces on his plate or tray if he eats everything...

ETA - I just read Diane's post. Excellent points! The only thing I would say is that if your child is closer to 12 months than to 24 months (lots of difference in development between the two) I wouldn't try to keep him at the table if he isn't eating. You want him to WANT to be having fun with you at the table and the only way to do that should be actively participating in dinner, not with throwing or no food there... He doesn't have a chance to learn if he isn't removed from the table...But don't have the TV on, and keep him in a safe place where you can see him, but he isn't being "paid attention to"...

He is just 1 year old so keep that in mind first of all. He is not going to eat as much as a toddler, etc.

That said, I am another one of he moms who was not a short order cook for our family of 3. I made sure I had something on the table that I knew daughter liked. My "go to" was some sort of pasta.

My husband was Italian and we had homemade marinara and pasta at almost every meal as a side and my daughter loves it to this day as a side dish.

Try the fruits and veggies a little at a time. Make them fun. I used to make fun shapes and decorate the plate with colorful fruits and veggies.

Just keep trying. Some kids are picky, some have a condition called ARFID. My son does and he WILL starve himself and has. Keep an eye on things over the years. Good news is that your son is still very young and may outgrow all of this.

How are you preparing the food?
Many one year olds aren't really interested in adult table food. A lot of it may have to do with the texture. So, are you using pureed foods all the time, or only as a last resort?

You might notice that the best foods for wee tiny people are usually pureed or mashed fruits and veggies. For many children, the tongue movements for eating more solid foods aren't quite well-developed yet. My own son did pureed foods up until probably 15 months or so before starting to move toward very simple mashed foods with more texture.

Also remember that a child may have to taste something many, many times before they decide they 'like' it and that it's 'okay' to eat. This is something of a biological survival instinct, sort of like more readily accepting sweet foods than bitter ones (because bitterness in some foods indicates a toxin, while sweet foods generally aren't poisonous).

If it were me, I'd offer foods at your son's ideal times, usually an hour or so after nursing, when his stomach isn't full. Don't expect him to eat what you eat right now. And treat this as a fun activity, a teaching activity, not the only way to feed him, since he' still nursing. Some babies love the YoBaby! yogurt (my son always loved this stuff!) I'd also suggest that you do 'food time' with your child when you are relaxed and have the time to pay attention to him and be patient, not when you are trying to cook/eat your own meal. Puree things for now, take the pressure off both you and your baby, okay?

He probably gets most of his nutrition from breastfeeding. Don't try to make him eat if he's not hungry. What I did with my kids at this age was that I put them in their high chair during meals and put small pieces of whatever we were eating on the tray. If they ate any of it, great. If they didn't, I did not force them. But I did not make any special meals for them, or prepare foods differently (except maybe cook some of the veggies a little longer so that they were soft).

So, basically, I made sitting with the family during meals mandatory, but I did not make eating mandatory. I found that if I put food on the tray but didn't call any attention to it, often they would see the rest of us eating it and try a piece.

He's only 1 yr old.
Remember his stomach is only as big as his fist - so it will fill up quickly.
He probably doesn't have the manual dexterity to feed himself so putting food in front of him expecting him to feed himself could be a frustrating experience for him.
Our son only took to solid foods at about 1 yr.
Then for a really long time he'd only eat food if it came from my plate first.
I'd literally had to load up my plate, try him on things one at a time, and if he liked something, I'd give him some on his plate taking it from mine.
I wasn't making special foods for him - he ate what we ate - but it had to come from my plate.
Well mashed sweet potatoes were a favorite.
Sometimes we did baked French fries - he'd hold one in each fist and gnaw on them.
I thought maybe it was some sort of instinct to eat what ever mom was eating.
He did out grow it eventually.
When they are young we worry about their growing and gaining weight and teething issues.
By the time they are 16 they swallow things without taking time to chew.

My 17 month old is the same way. When she first tried table food, she loved it. After a couple months, our situation is just like you. It's even more frustrating because she will eat and love something and the next time I offer, she will eat a bite then throw it on the floor. I don't think you can discipline a 1 year old and make them clean it up but you can tell them NO and remove them from the high chair. Just keep offering and don't let him nurse before meals. My daughter tends to be attracted to what others are eating...that helps. Don't let people shame you and use that "Short order cook" line. I am sure you will figure it out. My son has sensory processing issues and basically ate nothing for 5 years.

Normal. Since he's only a toddler he can't tell you what he wants to eat. He's still being breastfed so he's getting all the nutrition he needs. Don't stress out so much. Just give him some of the same foods you are eating, chop it up well, and if he eats it okay, if he won't eat it, okay, nurse him and he's good.

Once he's 2, preschool age, and talking more you can find out what he's hungry for. You don't have to make a menu for the month then cook what is on it regardless of what you want to eat. Sometimes we just want something different.

If he is breastfed on demand he's just probably not very hungry. I wouldn't worry about it too much yet. He's so little. Once you stop breastfeeding and he has to wait for mealtimes he will get hungry! Don't cater too much to him at meals...don't make a big deal out of not eating things...just serve the food you make for the family and give him small portions of everything. Some people are picky about food and some people are not...it's not a thing you can really control. I have one picky kid and one kid who will eat anything.

My son was like yours and although he's now much improved, he's still picky (he's almost 2.5 years old). What I did was to offer a variety of finger foods to see what he was willing to eat. Also continue to offer him foods he is unwilling to eat as kids will eventually learn to eat them. Also, speak to your pediatrician and discuss this.