Meanies on the Block

Isn't that the eternal issue? Gossip...
I look around and see different groups of people. The gossipers/ non gossipers, dramaites/ non dramaites, etc.
One of the biggest industries in this country is the gossip industry. All of the "celeb sites", the sun magazine, the globe magazine, well , any magazine. Most "news" shows include segments about other people and not just news...
So alot of people are so acustomed to hearing a constant stream of information about other people that they couldn't distinguish gossip from real news...
I grew up in a family of "big mouth gossipers". They knew EVERYTHING about EVERYBODY... But then made comments like "I don't want to gossip or anything, but I heard from .... who heard from.... that..... etc"
Thankfully my mom and dad were not at all into the gossip scene and sheilded us from those whom were constant offenders. :-)
You can't really convince other parents to step up in a society that says there is nothing wrong with finding out the low down on people no matter if its true or not. All you can do is put a stop to it when you are around.
Saying things like...
How would YOU like it if someone talked about YOU that way.
You should hear what I heard about YOU!!! Oh, nope, not gonna say, thats gossip.
Or just a simple , thats gossip, I don't want to hear it may help.
I know that for myself my dislike of gossip didn't really kick in till I was in my late teens. Now I am thankful that my parents did keep us away from the "talkers" even though I know we were always a source of "juicy talk" since we apparently thought we were "better" than them. lol
At one time my mom and dad caught my older sister talking about a family friend and they made her go to her and appoligize! This friend had no knowledge of it until out of the blue my sister walked up and appoligized about saying..............(yep, she had to list what was talked about) ..... about her. Thankfully she was a forgiving person.

If you do feel like it is something that the other parents need to address in their homes, I would suggest a letter. Basicly
to all the girls who hang out in this group....
I have witnessed quite a bit of gossiping going on when they are together and although I won't name specific people, because all of them, including my daughter are involved. I have talked to them all about how it is not nice to talk of others behind their backs, and just want you, the parents, to know about what I have witnessed.
I try to teach my kids to accept everyone as equals and do not want anyone tearing others and their families down in a public way as I have witnessed.
Please talk to YOUR girls as I have already talked to mine and set the standard of no gossip...
Caring for the next generation....

Expect calls and visits asking what and who were talked about... lol Noone can resist gossip, especially if it MAY possibly have been about themselves...
Also expect some to either ignore or take exception to you trying to "parent "their kid...

Good luck...

There's a movie called mean girls, I don't know if it's age appropriate. You could do a movie night, and then ask questions about the movie, and get a conversation going about it.
My daughters 5, but I have given it thought. And I think I'll talk to her about being true to herself.
Good luck! A. H

I know sometimes in my block, the parents are sometimes outside socializing with one another. If you ever happen to be around the other moms, maybe say something like "hey, gosh do you hear how these girls gossip already, r u guys having this problem??" kind of in a non shalant kind of way and not at all offensive. Maybe they'll say something like "ya, we've had to mention about that to our daughter" or see if their attitude is more like "my kid doesn't do that". Then go from there. But i would keep telling your daughter what your already teaching her. It's so hard at that age. All they want to do is fit in and sometimes they want it so bad that they'll hurt someone else if the have to just to get approval of the other girls/boys.

The way to approach not gossiping is the same as one uses in trying to convey one's teen about drugs or smoking or sex. They can say 'No". And it's respected when one sticks to their guns. And if it appears to not be working, then talk about whether or not these peers are really worth hanging around with and fitting in with.

"It isn't cool to push others into...." Or encourage other ideas. E.g. she'll be fine with her personality or looks or sense of humor or grades. She doesn't have to fit in by giving in.

Last thought would be maybe the other parents are grateful it's just gossip and NOT having to lecture about drugs or smoking or sex. Not sweating the pettier stuff. Gossip is a lot easier to break as a habit than drugs or smoking. So they might be thinking that at this age, teen gossiping is more a developmental phase, which it is in a way, and they're letting their teen find out for herself and using it as thinking about it.

You may find, unfortunately, that a lot of moms think their kids can do no wrong and don't see these things as issues. In fact, they seem to relish the power plays. I'd for sure keep communicating with your own daughter, make it clear where you stand and model that for her (always one of the hardest parts of parenting!), and teach her compassion and caring and how to be a good listener. I'd also get her into a group of girls outside your n'hood that are more positive and where maybe they do service projects - church, scouts, sports. You can do your own service to others as a family or just you and your girls. My daughter used to take her kids on spur-of-the-moment nursing home visits, volunteer herself & the kids to work in an inner city soup kitchen for a few hours, etc. It helps them to see others who have real problems and be a little grateful for what they have. There are some kids' books out too on being kind. This girl drama stuff has always been around. I remember it only too well from my childhood in the 40's and 50's. It's not new. She'll get her moral foundation mainly from you, so I wouldn't worry too much.

Being aware is a step ahead because you know some of whats going on. Try to keep talking about your concerns and teach your daughter that behavior is contagious, tesch her to try to compliment someone ot tell something good about someone in her crowd when they are not around and try to do it everyday, you will be surprised how attitudes change to a positive type "gossip" compared to negative.

Keep talking to her. Eventually she will see what you have been telling her all the time. Unfortunately there are some lessons they need to learn first hand. It's hard when you don't get support from othehr parents and sometimes the parents are worse than the kids.

I understand, I have an 8 year old boy that was in a similiar situation at school during recess. I thought about talking to the parents of the other kids, however I thought better of it, afterall you can't control what goes on in other people's houses. I decided to give my son the tools he needed to deal with the situation. I told him the next time these boys start to talk about that subject why don't you say hey we shouldn't talk about that why don't we talk about football, pokemon, or whatever else that would be fitting. For your daughter maybe it is a movie, a board game, a book, or whatever she is into. The next day I asked my son if that subject was brought up and he said yes and that he told the boy he didn't want to talk about that and suggested they talk about football instead. And from that day that subject was not brought back up by the boys at school. It was a good moment - I was proud of him!

I'm confident you'll find something that will work for you too.