My husband says he has to go #2 and is in there for a solid hour. He looks at his phone, plays games etc. I feel like its a long time to sit on the toilet. Sometimes I need something in there and there he is sitting. I don't really care except if we are on our way out of the house to go somewhere and he has to go to the bathroom, we are always late. I told him if he has to wait that long for it to come out, maybe he doesn't have to go, or maybe he needs a stool softener. He said he doesn't wait long but still sits there.
Whats up with this? Ive seen in movies the stereotype of men taking the newspaper in with them. Are all men this way?
Like I said, I don't care what he does in the bathroom- this is his business, I just don't like always being late places due to the hour wait.
Thanks everyone for your responses. I really never considered that it was his alone time and it makes perfect sense. He might even need alone time before going somewhere social which makes sense too. Im going to take all of your advice and say were leaving in an hour and the in 10 minutes or whatever and tell him that if he isn't ready that we will meet him there and its no biggie (because going separate is so not a problem). I love it because this is a really nice, loving solution and everybody wins! He can have his time and we won't be late- problem solved.
lol! My husband takes about 30 minutes. I really don't understand why anyone would want to sit there longer than they need to. I'm in and out in a couple minutes. My husband will sit and play games on his phone or read a book. I really just don't understand that.
Men take forever, sometimes I will knock on the door if we are leaving or running behind in the morning and will get a response "oh sorry I lost track of time". Not trying to rush things along or anything but sometimes we have to be out the door or be somewhere. I wondering how this will all work out when we have a baby in October. Hubby will not get his quiet time in the morning taking his time showering, shaving, etc
All men are not like this. Have you ever considered this is his 'me time'?
But you've deleted 5 of your last 10 questions so we'll see how this one goes.
My husband can be the same way... But he is good about hurrying things up if we need to be somewhere. I am lucky that we have 2 bathrooms, because it isn't good to have the only one tied up when you have a small child in the house... And NO ONE wants to go in there for a bit afterwards...
I read a study once that mentioned how our toilets are entirely the wrong shape to be conducive to performing bowel movements. Sitting in an upright position, with legs straight in front of you tilts everything back, so your body has to fight gravity to "go". Especially if he hunches forward when reading his newspaper. The "optimal" pooping position is squatting, but since most people don't want to stand on the seat it is recommend to use a small stool to bring the knees up a bit, lean forward with a straight back and rest the elbows on the knees, and do your doo. Maybe pass that info along to your husband, along with some added fiber or stool softeners... Maybe he will get the hint without you having to nag him about it. ;)
Or, if he is really just losing track of the time/enjoying the solitude while he is on his phone, just text him about 15 minutes in. "time to pinch it off honey, we gotta go." Lol.
I suggest that you give him a 10 minute warning and if he's not out of the bathroom leave without him. Tell him ahead of time this is what you will do.
I grew up in a family that was nearly always late. When friends went ahead without me I learned to be on time. I was angry at first but soon understood and changed my behaviour.
As to sitting in bathroom. I do that sometimes when I'm the only one in the house. I call it laziness. Lol since he's not the only one needing the bathroom could he be seeking solitude? Is there a room he could go to to be alone to do those things? Perhaps working with him without criticism you could help him find out what he needs and arrange another way to get it.
As far as sitting for extended periods of time for a bm, I've learned that if it doesn't happen in 10 minutes it's best to try again later....and unless I physically feel the urge it just isn't going to happen. I wonder if he's out of tune with his body. Perhaps suggesting that he focus more on his body's messages would help. I rremember my mom potty training and having us sit on the toilet at intervals to learn. Perhaps your husband is still following that process. It's possible. I'm serious.
I could have written this! It's in the movie "so this is 40" too and I think it's fairly common. Drives me crazy though. It's not practical to always lie about when we have to go somewhere either. But my guy friend told me once not to mess with hubby's bathroom time so I try to bite my tongue. It was really tough though when kids were babies or toddlers and I'm trying to get everyone ready or clean up and he takes an hour in the friggin bathroom...
Eta- going ahead makes sense when we're going some place 5 or 10 min away but lots of times it's a half hour or hour or more. Not exactly financially or environmentally sound to use that much gas. And I get it's "me time" too but not considerate when he chooses to take me time at a crucial time... So not as easy as some people make it sound IMO.
You're kinda sounding like his mother. Can you just leave without him to make your point? Or tell him you have to leave by 2 when you really don't have to leave until 3?
And no, not all men are like that. I don't understand why spouses share their bathroom issues. I don't even know when my husband goes. Luckily, we have more than one bathroom. And no one, not even our children, call it #2 or announce that they have to do it. Nor do any of us stay in longer than necessary.
clearly i'm not the only one who went 'hemorrhoids!' right off the bat!
other than that, though, i just can't see how this is yours to fix. if he's passive-aggressively making you wait, arrange to drive separately and i'll bet it sorts itself out very quickly. but no adult should have to be told by anyone else how long it *should* take them to poop.
my younger usually spends an hour at a time on the throne. he's playing video games. he has a super-tough college schedule and a demanding job. since i read when i'm in there, i can understand the relief he feels on many levels! he does not, however, keep other people waiting to go somewhere.
but i don't think it's a man-thing. my dh does take the paper in with him, but i'm the one who keeps a magazine rack next to each commode!
khairete
S.
He's either really enjoying the privacy, he's got a problem, or he's kind of obsessed. He's probably going early in his session, and then just sitting there for the rest of time. Let him know he's going to get hemorrhoids and you will not listen to one complaint or buy him a product to help. Tell him you are leaving at whatever time, and you can try to advance it by 30-60 minutes (but you can only do that once because he will catch on). Just tell him the car is leaving at 2 PM with whoever is in it. Then leave. If people want to know where he is, you can tell them or have a stock excuse, your choice.
If you have a separate bathroom for him to use, great. But it's all his. You don't clean it, you don't stock it, you don't unclog it.
Otherwise I would just ignore him and let him miss out on something really fun.
I would not be going in there for anything.
My husband takes an hour. He does this when we are trying to go somewhere, or at 11 at night. Some men are just slow.
I don't get it because I'm in and out, but obviously their systems work differently.
My dad takes a really long time too.
It's the one place they can usually count on being totally undisturbed. It's a good place to go to get away from everyone. That's why I decided a LONG time ago that we would NEVER have a home where we had to share 1 bathroom. In our current house we have 3.
In our house, I am that person. I can't tell you why, but I've been that way for as long as I can remember. My father used to harass me with the "if it's taking that long, then you don't have to go" bit. Yes, I felt harassed. Today, my husband laughs at me, and I just laugh right back. Whatever. I can easily sit on the toilet for hours; that's my spot whether I'm doing anything or not. Sometimes it just takes a while for me to feel DONE. You know how you can finish but not be DONE? Walking around like that is miserable, and it can be more important to him than wherever you're on your way to.
I don't know that I have a solution for you except to roll with it. It could just be your husband's constitution. The other activities may help him feel like he's not just wasting time, or they help him to relax his mind enough to get a good purge.
PS. I just considered this: I have an older relative who waits until we are just about ready to walk out the door to go. I even time my arrival--calling to say when I am X minutes away--so she can go and be ready when I get there. Sometimes that works. I do know that she has some anxiety about being away from a toilet at a crucial time, so she never wants to leave the house unless she is completely empty.
No they aren't all like this.
We have 3 bathrooms and our master bathroom has the toilet in its own little alcove with it's own door.
If he's really sitting and straining that hard, I'd be worried he's going to develop hemorrhoids.
Work some more fiber into his diet - you can add Benefiber into just about everything.
And either tell him you need to leave an hour before you really have to or just get use to traveling in separate cars.
I am married to one of these men. And yes, he likes to sit there and have some quiet alone time.
And yes, he will go in there when we are just about to leave! Our daughter and I usually groan and he will say "I will not be long". We sit down and read a book if we are not on a schedule.
Our daughter and I always go to the bathroom before we leave the house, but we pop in and out.
I have just told him "Honey, I will see you there!"
He hates it, but we have had it out many times about how I like to be on time, if others are waiting.
Here is one of those Squatty Potties.. It is supposed t be the best way to potty.
You old timers know I have said for years. Many toddlers like/need to have a place to put their feet to push against, to be able to have a BM on the potty. There is an actual reason along with the fear of falling in.
http://www.squattypotty.com/
Sounds like my 5 yr old...when I knock and see what's going on, she's reading a book, playing with her tub toys, etc. I told her, "We have to go to school! You really need to learn when it's appropriate to play and when it's not. When I say we're late, you need to hurry up, not play."
If he is just sitting for quiet time, does he need and could he have a man cave?
I would be annoyed if he always made us late. "DH, we have dinner reservations at 6PM. It is really important to me to be on time." See if he gets a clue. My SS is so perpetually late we either lie to him about start times, or we've started without him. He once ran out to the car with shoes in hand because we told all the kids reservations were at 6 and we were leaving at 5:45 sharp. Anyone not in the van got left behind.
My DH normally does not camp out in the bathroom, though. He's way too busy to spend an hour in the john.
My dad used to take the encyclopedia with him and he would stay for a half hour to an hour. We had two bathrooms, so no one was inconvenienced. We just knew when we saw him heading that direction with the encyclopedia that he was going to be a while!
My stepson spends about 20 minutes every morning in there. He gets up extra early so he has time!
