Midlife Crisis ?

The grass is greener on the other side.

But it still has to be mowed.

Even though the prospect of great change is different, it still comes with challenges yet looks perfect from afar.

Of course we all imagine new, fresh versions of our lives! Life with no kids. Life with no husband. Life with new husband. Life with no one else. Life on a lush tropical island with someone resembling Matthew McConaug-hot...oh wait, that one's MY fantasy. (Sorry.) Mid-winter is a terrible time to start doing rash things, honey. Most likely, you've got a touch of cabin fever. And if you are the dedicated wife, mother, and daughter you sound like (the fact that you're worried about yourself says a lot,) means that in all likelihood, you DO NEED some time to re-center yourself. As moms we give, give, give and sometime feel like we get little in return. I know how it feels not only to be on EMPTY but also to feel trapped by circumstance--no money, no time, no friends, etc... But hide in the bathroom when things get crazy and take a deep breath. When you feel like leaving, do. Starbucks is such a quiet soothing place, or the park, or the mall. You can be surprised by how even a walk around the block without the crew can help you feel fresher. I know this is a hard time in our lives, but it's worth it. And it goes SO fast.
Hang in there. Give yourself time and credit. Good Luck.

P.S. I know families that have had their mothers walk out. It ruined not only the husband, but the kids and the women themselves. Completely ruined their lives. Devastated the families. On a religious note--Satan WANTS families to be torn apart, so if negative thoughts keep coming, ask yourself where they're coming from.

i hear you, if you want a traveling buddy let me know, i'll go pack my bags.

My mom went through that. Lots of people do. You can discard parts of yourself, or tuck them away, but you never truly lose your identity just because you age, or get married, or have kids. Who you are is still there, but you've evolved, changed, and become more than you were before all those things happened.

Women re-invent themselves all the time. It's good to get energized and shake off the routine. Try looking inside yourself and see what you're interested in. Take a crafting class. Take up a new hobby. Make a new routine. Make it something that you can indulge yourself in, something you can do alone and keep separate from your mom-life. It's OK to not always have to include the whole family in everything you do!

My mom took up jogging, got a dog, and walked the dog all the time, took enrichment classes, wrote a book, took up traveling. She keeps some quiet time for herself, and it works for her. Being a woman-wife-mother is a very responsible job with a lot job titles and hats and an enormous amount of pressure that your husband and kids and single friends just can't understand.

My dad doesn't understand why my mother needs this quiet personal time, but I recently thought about it and it occurred to me thatsometimes you have to do what you have to do to preserve your own sanity as a woman.

When I start to feel like that, it's a HUGE clue that I need some ME time. Your statement "I've lost my identity" kind of sums it up. Same old routine. We give and give then give some more. Taking care of the house, children, husband, etc. I mean, I have a great husband that I can count on, but does he "take care of" me? In a way, yes, but, really, after a certain age, we do need to make sure that WE are taking care of ourselves, right?
Join a gym, take a walk every day, go get coffee, buy a new book,(did you cut that hair yet? lol), etc.
I know that when I feel fried, I need a little time alone. That's me. I'm the kind of person that lived QUITE happily alone for YEARS before I got married, so "that" is what I need. What do you "need"? Go do that!

Yep, I'm there too. Just wondering how long it goes on. I can totally understand the day dreaming. The thing to remeber is that it is only a day dream and it's ok to day dream, because it's a temporary divergence from reallity. Unfortunately, I think my hubby's there too. He wants to move out of state and get a new job! (All I can think of is, "Let's get real...whose going to hire a 50 year old"....It would be like throwing away lots of retirement money and leaving a secure job for a non-secure job in a really bad economy.) Me, I can't wait for retirement. Anyhow...back to the hormone thing, which I really think that plays a big role. Sure I've day dreamt about being a single mom, my boss leaving, etc., but I know deep down I would never divorce my hubby...It's just a day dream, so sometimes I decided to have more possitive day dreams. Yep, go big...Why not? It is called a day dream, not life planning. I dream about winning the lottery or having some nice rich person put me in their will...I even dream about being a rock star...Ok, so I go really far with the dreams, but they are a great "me time" inexpensive get away. Another thing that gets my mind off negative thoughts is reading a REALLY GOOD BOOK. Yep, that keeps the imagination busy. I've just finished "Catching Fire," which is the second book in the "Hunger Games" series. Can't wait to get the next book, "Mockingjay." I want to know what happens to Pita and if Gale gets tired of Catness or really lays a "big one on her?"

Why wait until summer? Do something fun this weekend. Go to the city. THere are alot of children's activities. We went to Ripley's Beleive it or not museum last week and it was great. They have a lazer room- you have to avoid the lasers and cross the room- like Mission Impossible. Declare this, the year of fun and go out and enjoy life.

HI Lizbeth,
Routine can get boring. But is this all that is bothering you? If so, then you need a hobby or do something you loved doing before. How about group to join with similar interests. Check out Meetup.com
And you should preschedule things with the family. Museums, (Art, Science, History)Go out with friends for dinner or lunch.
It's tough but if nothing other than bordem...

Don't kid yourself that divorce is all about freedom and doing what you want. It's about making do with less money, working more, seeing your kids less and having to do everything when you do have them, unless you're talking about forfeiting custody altogether.
You don't need to make big changes. Try smaller ones. What do you do for yourself and how old are your kids? Take a weekly adult ed class in the evenings, go for coffee with friends every Sunday morning, find things to do for you that you enjoy. Monthly book club is my sanity. I also have dinner with my sister occasionally, go the movies on $5 movie night, I get away for a yearly sisters weekend in the fall and things like that. I'm a working mom with kids 11 and 15, and while many of my after work/evening times involve driving them to their various events, I fit those other things in where I can. Stop giving your husband "hints." Make plans and stick to them. Go on monthly date nights with your husband if you can and choose an activity for yourself, whether it's the adult ed class or the book club or monthly girls night out for dinner. Just do it, and stop talking about it or fantasizing about it.

Hi
I am soon to be 44. I went through this a few years ago. Did the whole thing, regrets, what I am, what I am not, where I should be, where I am, etc. Wanted to be unattached, unencumbered. Then I made a major change, or at least, it was for me. I joined a group doing something that I love. It is strictly recreational and totally creative, and also includes volunteer work, which is very rewarding. It has changed my life. I re-found my passion. Instead of worrying about what I am not and what I havent done, I got off my behind and DID something. And my husband joined too. And then my son. And we are all better for it. THEN I looked at my friends. Divorced, widowed, single, married. No one seemed to have it any better than I did. Whatever their circumstances. Unless your life has horrible things in it, marriage is bad, kids sick, etc, you are just going through a phase. And it is winter, and the weather has been bad, so we are all stuck in the house. So do something. Go see some live music. Have lunch with a friend. Take your kids to the museum. Join a singing group, book club, food bank. It doesnt have to cost much, just has to give you something else to focus on for awhile. And then this time will pass. Good luck!

Your post could have been from me, too! I am about to turn 41, and am wondering where I am in life. I feel consumed by my kids, and a hubby that works too much. It was made worse last week by a good friend finding out her hubby was having a 9 month affair and left her. It left me in a tailspin = Should I just be thankful that I have a hardworking, faithful (I asked him directly) man, or would I be better off on my own, not dealing with the disappointment of the "spark" being gone. I have been looking into some new career options and returning to work when my little one enters Kdg next year. You are not along.

HI there,

And what are you doing in my head?
I was just doing the same thing you are doing.
And believe me this is not my first time either.
Sometimes I love my husband more, sometimes I love him less and sometimes I'm afraid I don't love him at all. I daydream about what it would have been like if I had left him and started my life over.
I think it's only natural we feel this way. Sounds like you might need a vacation from your family to figure out what you want to do.
I am so used to my life being sort of uneventful I'm afraid to find out what's on the other side of that fence. Maybe you just need to find something you like to do outside your home like a new hobby, meet new friends. You haven't really complained about your husband, or said what it is that makes you think about divorce so I assume you still love him.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do. <3

My mother went through this when us kids were young and it ended up tearing apart our family...she started pawning us off on babysitters and going out all the time. My Dad eventually divorced her.

We all dream of other things, it's only natural. I totally agree with making some time for yourself though, whether it be joining a gym or book club or something. We all need time for ourselves, that's a fact.

Good luck- we're all there with you. :)
Lynsey