Mil - Tupelo,MS

Definitely I know how that feels. My biological mom pays attention to only 1 of 6 grandkids. She never calls, sends a card, or anything. My daughter who is 4 has no clue who she is which is sad. My daughter has a super tight relationship with my MIL (while I can't stand my MIL I think it's nice that she cares enough to be in her life) and my stepmom is very close with her as well. It's some kind of character flaw I think. I learned over the years to not get upset about it. It's really the grandparents fault for not wanting to be involved with their grandchildren. I have no idea why it happens...but I would rather her stay out of her life than come in and out and make the children more upset.

Of the two kids, my MIL favors the youngest more...not my husband. I almost think she can't stand my daughter, due to her rude comments about her. At the same time, my daughter does not take well to her, almost as if she senses this bad vibe. I thought the problem with my daughter was because the relationship she holds with my husband, but now the youngest son has had a second child and she never visits him. She used to take the first grandson every summer and would visit them and not us about 4 times a year. We live 60 miles away from my BIL and 300 miles away from her. It would slip that she was here and then there would be some sort of lame excuse how she had to pass through. She is married now and it is even worse. It doesn't make sense to me, but I can't be bothered too much with this. It is what it is.

I can see your point. I can also see hers.
I have had a computer for years and my husband is a computer IT professioanal, with mutiple degrees in computer engineering. ONe could make the arguement that I too knew how to do computer things. I can get on this site only because I get an update on my email every day. If I really need something important like pictures sent to Grandma, my daugher who is 14 does that. So she truly may not know how to do it.
My MIL calls every once in a while. Not very often. I know my SIL's kids are her favorite grandkids but I don't let it bother me. We live in NC, they in MN. We see her when we can in the summer. I know she loves the kids, I know she also has her own life and since she lives so much closer to her own daughter she sees those grandkids more often.
Please don't let it bother you. It will rub off on the kids and they will see Grandma in a negative light. She may be intimidated by you. You are the mother after all. And she is well within her right to say she has to ask permission to post pics of your kids on the internet.
Try sending her pics every month and say Here's an updated picture for your Facebook. Or have the kids write pictures for her refrigerator.
Love, Friendship, Animosity, these are all two way streets. Take the high road and show your kids what love can do.

Gosh well hugs to you.
Now, what does your Husband say about all this? That's HIS Mom.

My MIL... has NEVER come to visit us/my kids. Granted she lives in another country but still. NOR did ANY of my in-laws come to visit us. NOR did any of them even come for our wedding.... almost 13 years ago. So in THIRTEEN years... NOT one of them, have even made the effort to come and see us or our kids, nor to meet MY family.
Never ever, have they even attempted to visit us. BUT they tell us to go there. Yah, right.
AND they don't call, nor write, nor e-mail. Oh but once a year, they send a gift box for the kids. Wow... I'm unimpressed.
My Hubby/us... is always the one who has to maintain contact... and my Hubby has told them, pointedly... about their ignorance. But they just don't get it.

You are not alone.

All the best,
Susan

there are a lot of us on the same boat. it is frustrating because you want to know the reason behind her actions, but sometimes, it's best to leave it behind. there is so much you can do before you say i'm done.
i am done. i got done with the whole favoritism thing when my kids were 3. i couldn't make any more excuses for my MIL, and i couldn't listen to my husband's excuses. once i was done, i felt relieved. granted, it still bothers me, especially when my kids talk so fondly of her (they last saw her at a family reunion when my kids were toddlers). she had nothing to do with them but her presence made my kids feel special. my kids are showered with love by us, so they know how to love back. so they love everybody, even the cousins they have never met. i don't want to shatter their perception of family members. i say, in time, if things don't change, my kids will learn the truth about the ongoings with our inlaws. i am just not going to be that person to tell them.
i say ignore her. send pictures only when asked for them.
good luck

My kids notice that their dad's mom favors their cousins over them and it makes them sad. I noticed it a long time ago and made peace with it. She is how she is and isn't going to change. MIL still denies that my husband's adopted daughter is her grandchild!

I basically tell them to be nice anyway - that Grandma isn't going to be around forever. That it's not about what you get from someone, it's how you act towards them that counts. I'm pleasant, but I don't go out of my way for her - I never call. I leave that up to my husband. It's his mom, afterall. Oh and Grandpa is around and does not show any type of favoritism.

It sounds like if you want the relationship, you are going to have to pursue it. And if you don't, let it go. Life is too short to get mad about these things.

Good luck.

I feel your pain. My MIL is the most passive aggressive, vain woman I've ever met. The good thing is she cares about none of the grandkids so they are all equal. Sends a only a check on b-days (they are 2 and 4 years old) and gave them each a scarf last year for Xmas (at 1 and 3). She calls our daughter Catherine even though we call her Kate...to let us know that she doesn't like the name Kate, which is my mother's name. She doesn't call them, doesn't see them more than once a year but she is still obsessed with her own three grown sons (my hubby being one of them). She even got a babysitter when we visited so that she didn't have to watch our kids when hubby and I went out. She buys my her sons more gifts than her grandchildren. And you don't even want to know the stuff she's done to me--including giving me a very obviously thrift store nightgown and slippers, wrapped beautifully, of course. But that is where you have to look at the bright side and say THANK GOD SHE IS THAT FAR AWAY.

Sweetie, this situation sounds so familiar. It is fairly common for the grandmother to be closer to her daughter's children than her son's. (Don't know why this is. It just is.) Yes. My own Mother was always closer to my own two sons than my husbands Mom. On the other hand, my MIL was closer to her daughters children than mine. My siblings were quite upset and rightfully so because they felt there own children were slighted. (I was the youngest of six.) But, what they failed to realize was, I lived next door to my parents and therefore they had more opportunity to see mine. I think what it all boiled down to was being comfortable around them. It was a matter of familiarity, not necessarily more love. I hope things work out for you because after my own Mothers death, my MIL, once given the opportunity, stepped up and became very close to my son. (My oldest was killed in a car accident shortly after my Mothers death.) Circumstances always have a way of evening things out in the end. Good luck to you and I hope this situation resolves itself before it is too late for either your MIL or you to make amends.

J.,
I am so sorry.
My boys are almost grown and they have received very little if any attention from either my parents or my husband's. It has been hard, especially since they see their friends grandparents going to their games, concerts, etc.
I wish I could say something to make you feel better!
Do your best to emotionally distance yourself from it and be the best mom you can be. You can't change people like that.
Victoria

I read that there was research to show that grandmothers were more partial to their daughter's children than their son's children. This is because they actually carried their grandchildren in their wombs because a female fetus has her future eggs in her ovaries while she is in her womb.

I do think that some of these daughter-in-laws can make an effort to be kind to their m-i-ls. My mother and father only traveled 1500 miles one time the entire time my children were growing up. We made the effort to travel there once a year to see them, because I wanted my children to know their grandparents and other relatives on my side of the family. My mother-in-law did love and care about her daughter's child more than my children. But, she was kind to my children also and I didn't make a big deal of it. I explained to my kids that their cousin was sickly and needed more help from grandma. They accepted the explanation and it avoided resentment on their part. Why encourage our kids to be resentful? It just usually backfires on us moms. Sometimes, you just have to do the right thing, even if it isn't easy. Now that all of the grandparents are deceased, I have no regrets that I put more effort into the relationships than they did.

I know just what you mean about this. I have 4 kids and my sis has 2 kids and my mom never calls and asks about mine or anything like that and when I call her she barely tells me she loves me unless I say it first..
If I was you I wouldn't worry about it too me it is her loss cause they are missing out on some great kids and will one day wish they didn't. With her being so far away you'd think she'd call more just for a few min just to see how they are doing! If I was you if you have pics of your kids on your Facebook than I would tag her in the photos of your kids cause it goes straight to her facebook album and everyone can see it and you'll know if she removed your tag on the photos as well. Than she can't say she had to ask you for your permission about adding pics cause you tagged her in them.. Hope this helps you out I know how hard it can be at times...

Just another point of view here. Maybe your mil really doesn't know how to upload pics and your sil is the one who uploades them for her. Also, maybe it seems like she is playing favorites w/ the other g-kids because your sil is the one who calls her all the time, so therefore she is in more contact because of your sil. Also, maybe your sil set up her facebook account too.

I know exactly how you feel. I have the same problem w/ my MIL, she rarely sees my kids or calls to check on them and she only lives 2 hrs from us! She has a niece (by marriage that ended in divorce when my husband was a small child) who has 2 children and my MIL raises one as her own and always has the other one also. She refers to them as her grandchildren. My husband and I have had numerous arguments over this, but nothing has changed. I guess this is just the way it will always be, all I can say is its her loss! My kids have enough love from my husband and I to not feel a loss from this, its only a shame that they really don't know their grandmother. If you come uo with a solution to this please share, lol!

This seems to be bothering you way to much. I am assuming your SIL is the grandmother's daughter so it does stand to reason that the two of them are closer than both of you. If she doesn't call too much, your husband (her son) I am guessing don't have an extremely close relationship. Honestly, I don't care if my kids pics are on the internet anywhere. Try to only think and put time in to what you can control. Maybe the two of you will be closer in years to come, but if not... oh well. Consider it her loss and try hard to not be let it both you.

You MIL sounds like a very insensitive person. But, and this is a big thing, she really may not know much about a computer and how it works and is relying on someone else to help her. My husband has had a computer for years, has worked on a computer for years and cannot send us info on his facebook page because he simply can't do it (he works overseas and I cannot help him like I would like). I know I sound like I am being an overly simplistic doofus, but email her some wonderful pics of your kids, and make sure they are in a format that she can use to upload to facebook (like jpeg), and tell her if she can't upload your darling childrens pics to her facebook page, you will help her. There is never an advantage or gain when fighting with your MIL. I am a MIL and can testilfy to that.

Shucks - I am on face book because some one put me there.
I am at a complete loss on how to properly use it.
I pray that my daughters do not take the same view as you.
I am sorry you feel the way you do, but if you really ask yourself
do you love your siblings, and children equally you have to admit
some disparity.

Smile - be good - God Bless

I totally understand the favoritism towards other grandchildren than your own child by ILs. My husband and I finally cut off his family from our family after 4 years of favoritism towards her other grandchild than our daughter (there is only 2 grandchildren). She even went as far as spreading lies to others in the family about me and that I was preventing her from seeing our daughter. We have lived all over the US due to the military and the IL have seen my daughter less than 10 times; however, my parents have gone above and beyond to be wonderful grandparents no matter where we lived and they have 4 grandkids. In my situation though, my 32 year old SIL has lived at home with the ILs since my neice was born 9 years ago. Sadly, my SIL just quit her job and is now being supported 100% instead of 95%. My ILs have gone as far as saying their other grandchild is their child- that is what made me mad, because she isn't their daughter.

My advice is to cut off all ties with her. In the long run it will be better for you and your family since you won't have to deal with the drama caused by her. It has worked for us and in the future if our daughter wants a relationship with them that is fine with me (right now she screams at the mention of my MILs name- calls her the "mean Nana" and my husband and I have never mentioned anything to her about her Nana in a negative manner)

I have two sons and no daughters, so was excited to have a daughter-in-law. Unfortunately, I have learned that being a mother-in-law is the hardest thing in the world - much HARDER than being a daughter-in-law. ALL of us mother-in-law's have been there. My daughter-in-law gives away the gifts that we give our grandchildren. So I have simply quit giving them. I think it is VERY rude for anyone to "tell" people what they can "give" them - especially money. I will give my grandchildren presents when they are old enough to tell me what they want.