MIL Bails After My Surgery

I think she's being unfair to you. If she couldn't handle it, she shouldn't have agreed in the first place, rather than leave you high and dry after the fact. You need to get better and this should be all about you,not all about her.

Your Mother in law is using your unfortunate circumstances to hold you and your husband over a barrel-it's a power play. And that is really uncool-plus does she care about her grandkids? Nevertheless I agree with the other moms, forget about her. I think she has damaged the relationship irreparably. I don't want to blame this on your husband, but he needs to take more responsibility for all of this. You're recovering from major surgery and he into a very badly timed fight with his mother when you all needed her cooperation. How about HE gets on the phone and covers the babysitting, the meals, the trips to school, etc. Pay for a nanny if he has to, whatever. You didn't create the problem and you are ill.

JC, I know your in montgomery, you and I have actaully talked a lot on other topics lol. Can I bring dinner to your house tonight? I can bring mosticcoli and salad and bread. email me off the list ____@____.com and let me know. I would be glad to bring it over.
S.

Wish I lived closer I would take your son for the day. If you are involved in a church let them know. If not let the school know, they may know of some moms that could help. Hang in there and in the meantime wake your husband up--he helped create this situation.

Forget about MIL. Do you have one or two close friends that you could call and explain the situation to? You need someone to spread the word that you need help and then organize volunteers to bring food, take the kids etc. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Most people are very generous and are more than willing to pitch in. Like others said, check with your church and your school community. Good luck!

I hope you are doing your best to rest since your MIL has opted not to help. Please don't over do it and risk hurting yourself internally.

I wish I was closer to offer some help. Do you have a directory for your 5 yo's classmates? I would call a mom of someone he has befriended, or maybe a few moms, and ask if they would be willing to watch your son when he is out of school for a little while.

Also, you live near to the Mooseheart school... maybe you could speak to a teacher or house parent there and see if they could recommend one or two of their students to volunteer and clean for you, or help with the kids.??? They have a website, and are near Orchard road and Randall Road.

Sounds like you need to divorce your in-laws!

Have you tried calling and begging? I know my MIL likes to feel needed and important, and as much as I would hate to do it, if you need the help it is worth a shot. Hysterical crying on the phone might help as well. Good luck~

Wow- regardless of how your MIL feels about you or if she is angry at her son, you would think she would consider what is best for her grandchildren! I am so sorry you are in such a rotten position!!

It sounds as if you have done everything you can to 'cover' in other ways and help out your MIL, but if it were me, if there was ANY way I could manage without her help at this point, I would do it. Can your own mom or dad come in and help? I think this qualifies as a family emergency!

Also, if it was me, I would call on my close friends and neighbors and just tell them what the situation is. People can be so kind, if they just know what you really need! And after all, you would do the same thing for them and help out if they were in a similar situation.

We have elderly retired neighbors and I know for a fact that they would watch my son for me in a pinch. Our teen age babysitters' moms have also offered many times to just 'help out' no charge in an emergency. Being in a good strong neighborhood means helping each other out and you may be surprised how many neighbors are willing to do just that!

I don't know what to say about your MIL. Her actions just sound incredibly selfish and if I was you, I would have a very difficult time not resenting it! Nothing is worse than someone who says they will help out and then blows you off!

Ask your friends and other moms at your kid's schools. I bet you will get some help and other moms will be totally understanding of your emergency. I would not rely on the MIL for anything. Best of luck to you and recover and feel better soon!!

My parents split up when I was eight. For as many issues as each side of parents/grandparents had with the other -- and trust me, I heard about plenty of them -- my brother and I were never without a grandparent's help, money or babysitting when it was needed. It's all about the kiddos.

Personally, I would not even bother with your MIL for any support. It sounds like your family desperately needs the extra hand, but she's obviously not interested in extending hers. Do you really want her watching your children anyway if she won't put them first?

I don't know what your family's resources are, but you might want to try a caregiver/babysitter agency if you can afford it. A lot of these places even have people who can take the overnight shift.

Good luck - I'm so sorry this is happening while you're ill!

How AWFUL!!! Shame on your MIL!! Yes, she is doing you a favor, but she agreed to it and to walk out the day after you get home from the hospital is unacceptable. If you have NO other options then you could try calling her yourself and telling her how much you need her NOW, but I would try to find someone else, even if it means paying them. 6 weeks is a long time and she might do this everytime she gets upset over something. You not only need physical rest, but shouldn't be stressed out either and it's really crummy that she's doing this to you. So sorry you're having to deal with this right now!

You poor thing!! I have been there. Is there any way your dh can take some vacation days to be there? Are you members of a church? If so, call the office & get things going there. Our church has a sunshine committee that brings meals & I'd bet a few of the old sweeties would come play games with a 2 yo so mom could nap. Try that route, & as someone else mention, call the mom of one of your older kids' friends & see if they can take the kids one afternoon each. People understand that you're laid up & will help. whatever you do, don't get up & don't stress out, that won't help anything. Let your hubby do the work you're not supposed to do. Most things will wait until you're up & about again, but the kids & you will need tending. Let him work at fixing this. And your mil, well, she will eventually sleep in this bed she has made for herself!

Hugs & prayers for you.
D.

If you can't get your mother-in-law to cooperate maybe call the hospital to see if they can send a visiting nurse for some of the time and if you belong to a church call them because there are many volunteers who help with this type of thing. You could even call other churches and ask for help. Also contact your insurance company to see if they will pay for a caregiver for some of the time. Maerks Caregivers out of Chicago is really, really good. They have everything from Nannies to RN's. They are also reasonably priced. I wish I had a better solution on how to deal with your mother-in-law!

Hi mom that is so sad to hear but not unbelieveable family is the worst people to depend on as you can see your friends are the ones who are helping you. I had to go threw something like this it was the deaf of my daughter and she left me with a 8 month son and I worked a 10 hr shift in lombard from Chicago it was hard, my sister was to babysit him while I was gone she did for about 3 weeks and she just quit I cried for days but my job was understanding and let me off.All I could say is God will provide, pray and don't get upset it will make it worst. This will work itself out believe me it did for me. My grandson is now 13 and the love of my life. God Bless and Good Luck

I actually just looked you up wishing I lived near you (don't) but am ashamed of your mother in law. Although sounds like she is very selfish anyway. Call your church or ask a friend if there is a church that has some nice people. I had uterine cancer and a hysterectomy not long ago and all of these wonderful people I didn't know started helping me.

What a difficult position you are in!
In addition to the advice you already recieved, I'm wondering if you have a relationship with a responsible High School student or college age person. Sounds like what you need is a cooperative person at the house to in the evening and early morning. Perhaps a neice or nephew or the favorite babysitter of one of your friends can help out for a couple weeks.
Another thought is that perhaps your son can also stay with a freind or other family member like your 4 year old. I know it would be hard for me to be without my children, especially during a recovery period, but it may be the only option your MIL has left for you.

is there a church or synagogue near your house that you are at all involved in? they usually have people signed up to help in situations just like this. any local teenagers? moms group? it is time to ask for favors. does your hubby have any vacation time? can you afford a temporary helper? maybe look for house help on craigslist...you might be able to pay as little as $8/hr if that is at all possible.
I hope you get some rest and heal quickly. Take care.

As a now stay at home mom, my job is to tend to my kids and husband, the house, laundry, groceries, social planning,etc. I run into the type of problem you are in occasionally as no one expects that I need tending to. I have learned that it is 100% my responsibility to go for what I want and be diligent about it. This requires my being vulnerable and sharing my upset about how out of control I might feel needing to ask for help. When I am true to my feelings and put out my needs responsibly I usually get the help I need. Even from my son. The fight between your mother and law and son was poorly timed and your expectation should be steadfast that it is your husband's job to find a suitable replacement within 24 hours. You can hire out help too. Take care of you.

where do you live? can I help?

M. in Chicago
single mom of 2 boys: 8 and 6

I don't think people actually read you letter. Somehow they missed the fact that your husband was suppose to take some responsibility and rightfully so. What would possess him to work NIGHTS during this time. He should actually have planned on taking time OFF work to do what he should be doing. HE is the one that did not hold up his end of the arrangement. At a MINIMUM he should take responsibility for his family EVERY weekday from 5:30PM to the following morning. Weekends he is ON FULL TIME. The MIL is the one needing the break, NOT the parent.