Mommy Blues

You need to get out, mama! You simply sound like a woman who needs some personal time. (Which is NOT selfish!) Have your husband watch your kiddo every once in a while on the weekends, and spend a few hours by yourself. Meet a friend for lunch, do something you've always enjoyed, grab a coffee, window shop...something!! You will feel SO rejuvenated and out of a rut. You can return the favor for your husband, and let him get out. You will both feel so much better and fulfilled!

You aren't a selfish mom. Every mom goes through feeling this way!

Nope, you're not selfish ENOUGH to be a good mom. If you don't take care of yourself you won't be ABLE to take care of anyone else, so instead of hoping to find time, MAKE time to do something to recharge YOU

This will not last forever. Never regret the time you spend with your child and husband. It really does go by so quickly, but you also deserve to pick a few evenings or days out of the month to let dad be in charge of the little one while you go and do something for yourself.. Or find a sitter and go out together.

Happy parents make for a happy home life for their children.

Oh, my dear, you are overwrought. And overworked. And overwhelmed, and none of these things mean you are not a good mom.

But you simply have to have something to fill your own tank. It sounds as if you are running on fumes right now, and that will make you more tired, more cranky, and feel more down.

When you say "veg," once the child is in bed, do you mean watch TV? Is there something you can do to recharge that would take about as little energy, but that might make you feel better? A luxurious bubble bath? A phone call to a friend? Even a little exercise might help boost your endorphins and help your mood.

On weekends, I always set a timer. By noon on Saturday, everything but laundry has to be finished. I do the most important stuff first (bathrooms, etc.) and go from there. And when noon hits, I'm done. I sometimes add an hour or two after church on Sunday to do more, but only an hour or two. If I don't get the weekend to have some of my own time, I'm not ready for a full week on Monday.

Do all you can to take care of yourself every single day. Fill your own tank, and it will make everything else easier. Take care, and I wish you luck!

Well, you're NOT the same person you were....now you're a mommy as well. And it takes a little juggling to find a happy balance between being a wife, mommy, employee, friend, daughter, and yourself.

Make a little time for yourself, even just a half hour a night to do something you *enjoy* - give yourself a pedicure, read a good book, take a bath, work out, go for a walk, watch your fav show, go shopping, whatever.

And cut yourself a little slack :)

I've been feeling this way for a while now, my child is 4 yo and has special needs, my husband works out of town 7 days a week, and I am mostly a single mom most of the time to my child. It IS hard, I am hoping in time it will get better but with me, it's like this, wake up, clean up, prepare food, go to my child's appointments due to his special needs, get him to play in park or somewhere indoors, go home, cook, play with him, tuck him in (this take a long time lately sometimes 2 hrs) by the time he's asleep, I have 30 min to 1 hr to myself unless I want to trade in sleep time for "me" time. I would advice since you have a great husband who seems supportive to take advantage of that and go out more on your own while he takes him or have the house to yourself and have him take your child out to chuckee cheese or something, hang in there, I'll pray it gets better for all the moms in the world that feels like we do.

Totally normal! However, it's sad that so many of us moms are so stretched that we struggle to enjoy our children. Our culture is way too fast-paced, and it causes symptoms like this. We feel burned out, guilty, torn. It's not because we're selfish. We just can't keep up the pace.
I recommend looking for radical ways to reduce the time you must work. Can you downsize or move to a less expensive area? Sometimes it just isn't possible; but if it is, you would never regret the time you recouped to recharge your batteries and enjoy your family. If you can't change your schedule, at least know that you're a great mom. That takes some of the burden off!
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I think what you are feeling is TOTALLY normal!!! Don't for a second think you are selfish. You have proven quite the opposite. You have devoted yourself to being there for him and being his mommy! I think it's normal to want to be a person along with all the roles that you play! I'm a student and sometimes in a class I won't mention that I have a child. Not at all b/c I'm not a proud mommy b/c I am PROUD, but b/c sometimes I want to be viewed as something other than a mommy.

You aren't the person you were before you were a mommy, but I'm sure that little man has made you such a better person. Maybe a bit more sleep deprived, but still I'm sure he's enriched you in SO many ways. There's nothing wrong with how you are feeling. I sometimes do the math and think... okay in 12 years he will be 18. haha! You are not selfish you are human. :-)

Sweetie, every mom feels this way at one point or another. It's ok. A happy you makes a happy mom. Go get a pedi or a massage. Take some time to yourselft. Hubby can take a few hour with your son.
If you can't afford a day out, declare a day IN and have your husband take your son to the park or something. Take a bubble bath, do your toes, dress up. etc.

Ah yeah I've been there. Its very tiring. It does get better as you little one gets older. Do you make enough to hire a pre teen once a week to come to your house and play with your kid for a few hours while you are there relaxing. I find release surfing the web. I play computer games on Yahoo or just got to chat rooms etc or other types. Some of my friends excercise for a half hour. Its just for them to play with him and you are there to watch whats going on. To bad you do not have family or a friend to watch your kid for a few hours so you can go out to dinner and movie with your husband I'm sure that would make you feel better.

I often find myself feeling the same way if I don't schedule Me-time. I have a standing date with a friend every Thursday and one other day during the week I get out of the house on my own for a movie, a coffee, a drive, sometimes even to window shop. I NEED this time to be happy and be able to give my daughter the smiles and energy she needs. If I have to skip a day of Me-time everyone suffers for it. You need to find a way to go out and be YOU! My husband watches our daughter on those days/nights when I go out. I watch her when he goes out. Every month or so we get a friend to babysit for free and we go have some time to us! It really recharges the battery. After I've had some time with my husband or by myself I feel like a new person and everyone can feel it. It's SOOOOOO worth it. Work something out with your husband. You deserve to have fun and enjoy your family.

You are a good Mom listen to how much you give of yourself. There is nothing wrong with still wanting to be you. You are still the same person you just chose to have a child. And they take every second of time they can get. Your son is not off in a corner somewhere laughing because he has taken every moment, they just don't understand you have anything else in the world you might need or want to do or just a moment to do nothing just be. But you are his world his biggest fan.

Don't beat yourself up. It is just where you are, it will change. I have 2 kids 8 (boy) & 5(girl) she will take every second of my time she is very greedy. But I love her all the same I know all to soon she will be into her friends and the world and Mom won't be so important. Then I will long for her to want my time. We also have no one but us around, so for my husband and I time is together is very precious. Try to do one thing a day for yourself you would do if you did not have a child even if it is only having a cup of tea or reading, paint your toes something...just for you. It will help to get you through this "funk" you are in. Good Luck and God Bless.

I could have written this post. I have two young ones and a husband who works restaurant hours. It is tough and you wonder where you went. I'm thinking of joining the gym where my husband goes so we can go at the same time and put the kids in the childcare there for an hour. Really, as one mom said below, this many times is the norm and everything is so fast paced. You are supposed to be primary caretaker of the house and the kids and then ALSO work full time like your husband. Not fair!

I hear ya! Then my hubby ofter wonders why Im so grumpy. We have 5 kids. 3 in school full time, 1 in pre k 5 half days. 1 in pre k 1 half day a week. I work 4 nights a week/ end.. 5pm- between 10pm -2am. I bartend and cook. He works 4 days a week M-TH. I understand on the days he works he is tired when he comes home as he is gone from 4am -4pm. I get why he just wants to relax. But on the nights I have to work, I don't want to be busy all day before work. Kinda like he doesn't want to be busy after work.

But I get all the kids up for school. Do 90% of the house work. He does come with me to get the groceries, but he is clueless on what to get. So pretty much he is keeping the kids entertained while I get everything. Juggle all of thier schedules plus after school activites. Pay all the bills. Lets sum it up easiler.. I do 90% of everything that comes with being an adult and parent. He gets to do all the fun stuff with the kids and doesn't have to worry about the house. Although thankfully he is a great cook and loves making us dinner.

Going out and being "me" nope not even sure what the means anymore... or really who "me" is other than a mommy and a wife. Don't get wrong I love those titles and cherish them and wouldn't give them up for the world. But I have my moments ( and normally get yelled at by others) when I say ok tonight Im not a mom, wife or any other "title". Tonight Im R.. All the other hats are in the closet for safe keeping until morning when I wake up!

There is nothing selfish about wanting to be yourself once in awhile! That doesn't make you a bad mom. Even though my mom disagrees me (as Im sure there is others) I think its healthy to put yourself/ needs first once in awhile or we would go nuts as parents!

This is exactly what I have been wondering lately. How do full time working moms do it?? I work part time and my days are so full with everything related to my 16 month old son. My day starts and ends with him. I love the time I spend with him, I love taking care of him, cooking for him and see him devour what I so lovingly made for him. But then that's what I do all the time - cook,clean,feed, play. But since I work part time I get an hour or so everyday before I go pick him up at daycare. I use this time to get some cleaning done at home, do groceries etc. Or sometimes when I feel like I really need a break (like I am feeling now) I go home sit in front of the TV or go shopping or for pedicure. That is my 'M.' time. I feel I am a much better mom when I do take a break. I can't always catch up on housework, so house does get messy. Laundry does get stacked up. Someone told M. that dishes and laundry are always gonna be there, but these days with my son won't last forever. So I try to spend as much time with him , everything else can wait.
My husband is very helpful - maybe you can ask your husband to help you out as well? We don't have any family living close by as well. There are days when my son is not in a happy mood and I just don't have patience anymore so I leave dad and son to play for sometime and go take a long shower. I have realized my son is very different with his dad. He plays with his dad but as soon as I get back starts whining again.But atleast now I can deal better.
Also I cook everyday for him (twice, unless he eats what we eat) and every other day for us. My son eats breakfast at home before I drop him off at daycare. And wants to eats immediately after getting home from daycare. So I am all the time planning his meals, making sure he eats nutritious food.He is a picky eater so I try my best to have him eat new foods, but it takes a lot of time and patience at my end. After he is done eating, I cook for us and clean the kitchen. I know I have become a short order cook but this is what has been working for us.We go eat out on weekends(mostly dinner) , so that our day is not spent entirely in the kitchen.
Weekends are more relaxed.Never keep groceries for weekends. I have my husband do groceries while getting back from work if I am not able to do it.Sometimes my son goes with him for grocery shopping while I finish cooking and get the kitchen cleaned. Also I try to do laundry as much as possible weekday itself. So weekends we always try to go out. My husband helps with the dishes. Earlier I used to keep all the housework for the weekends and then I used to be so tired getting everything done, before I knew it it would be monday again :( And I wouldn't feel like I did anything special with my son at all. He would be playing by himself or crying for my attention when I am trying get things done around the house.

These are my suggestions for you -
1. Assign some tasks for your husband (grocery shopping , doing the dishes on weekdays etc)
2. Once in a while in the evenings, have hubby play with your son for 1/2 an hour or an hour and you go for a walk or hit the gym. Or go get a haircut or pedicure.
3. If hubby can't help you out - Get a babysitter even when you are at home , so that you get an hour break to just do what you want while your son is being entertained and taken care of.
4. Get up a little early and excercise or go for a run outside.
5. Whenever you cook, cook extra and freeze. I don't do it but then I don't work full time like you do, so I am sure this would help you on weekdays.
6. Do laundry on wednesday. So even if you don't find time to fold clothes and put it away you can do that on thursday. And your weekend will look better.
7. Maybe have someone come over once a month to clean the house(you can look up on craigslist, you might not have to spend a lot)

What you are feeling is common, especially in these years before school starts! Can hubby manage the household one evening a week or every other week so you can go to dinner or a movie with friends? Or find a teenage neighbor who's just starting to babysit (nearby so nobody has to drive, & her parents are available in case she needs help; also cheaper) so you & hubby can get out for a little while (even just a drink & app)? Having an activity to look forward to (instead of just vegging on the couch) might keep you in better spirits so you FEEL like doing something. Or just declare "time for mommy" & close your door & take a long bath, read, listen to music? When your son gets into school, you'll make lots of new friends in his teachers, other parents, PTA members, etc., but for this period of time, it does feel a little lonely. :( You always have us (those who respond on Mamapedia)! :)

Afterthought: There are lots of moms who responded with young children who feel the same way (mine are almost 10, but I do remember this feeling well) - see who can meet you for an evening! There are even places that do "parents' night out" (Oldsmar Rec Ctr, Future Flipz on 19/Enterprise). They'll watch your kids while you have fun. I bet you'll have plenty to talk about -

You're not selfish, I think we all feel like that allot of the time..Can you afford to take a part-time job instead, or is just the thought of working somewhere new too overwhelming? Maybe your current employer will cut you some slack if you can get what you need to get done for the day in less time or do some work from home if it's just a matter of taking calls and computer work....Even another two hours a day for yourself would do you good....I hear ya though, it's so hard once you have kids...I have two myself and have no friends/family to provide some companionship and help with the kids either...My life is pretty much the same as yours, if not working (part-time), then something kid related or cleaning etc...I make sure I have time in the evening, even if only two hours, to relax, maybe enjoy a cocktail or two, and tell myself that things are always changing and this time period is short compared to the rest of our lives.....Ya have too or you'll go nuts..Don't ever feel guilty on the weekends either if you decide to stay home once is a while either, I don't..Ask your husband to take him somewhere so you can relax...Take turns if need be...Down time is so important, trust me...Hope it works out for you..

Congratulations! You're a great Mom.
Do you have a supportive family to help you? Just ask them.