Mommy Card Trumped ...

I think it would only be "playing the mommy card" if it was dishonestly getting you out of something that you COULD do!

Save it for real emergencies and not as an excuse. Have a back up plan whenever you can. Before I had kids I worked at a place that had constant emergencies that required staying late and we had a schedule of who was covering. It only amounted to being on call about once a week and people traded around to help one another. If you work someplace like that, see what you can work out and plan back up childcare for those days.

As much as you may not like using the Mommy Card your first priority should ALWAYS be your child. If your work is demanding more than you are reasonably able to give especially as a single mom, then you need to use it. Never put your work ahead of your child - you only get them for so long. Be there for those special times and those times when you need to take care of them when no one else can help out. Your employer will understand.

I use the mommy card. lol. Of course, I took a pay cut and a demotion at my job so that I could go back without having to work late or take extra shifts... I will work if there is absolutely no one else who can, but I am the last resort. I have absolutely no problem telling my managers that I don't want to go in because I have to take care of my baby. (I don't have anyone to watch her for me, and I'm not comfortable leaving her with a baby sitter yet.) I figure that my schedule says I work from this time to that time, so that's what I'm required to work. anything other than that is done as a favor (with a little extra in the paycheck to make it worthwhile. lol)

I think it's okay if it's true (for example, if you have to leave early because your child has a performance, is sick, etc.) I don't think using it on a regular basis or for no other reason THAN that you're a mom is fair.

I don't use it unless it's true. For example, work called during the day today (I work at a hospital) to ask if I could work tonight because we are super super busy. I had to decline because I didn't have a baby sitter. It was true. It was for overtime. I could have used the money, but as a single mom, to get someone to watch your child over night when you find out at 3p they need you is nearly impossible.
I have taken my son to meetings and such instead of using the mommy card. They can choose to have me with my son or not have me. At least I'm there and as long as he isn't a disturbance I don't see the issue.

i have used it a few times but they were valid! but i never abused it!

I agree with AC - I think as long as it's true you can use it. I do. But I've never lied while using the "mommy card". lol

It is ok to use when legitimate. Example...if you can't stay late because you HAVE to pick up your child or there is some emergency. I have had to say that before but I did so said "I have to go pick up my daughter. I can come back if you need me too once I have her".

I don't call it the mommy card per se- but having been a single mom- I know the extra hours at work can be a detriment to your child if it happens regularly. My job allows me to bring my son when I hav eto work saturday's- which is nice. But we have to do what we need to do for our kids- no matter how important both actually are

My opinion is if you always weigh which duty (family vs. work) needs your attention more, then that is the one you choose. I don't think that is playing the mommy card. I guess I would always ask myself the following type of questions regarding work:
Will the task/duty further my career/responsibilities?
Do I need to do it to take one for the team?
Is the work task truly important to take away from my family time?

I think keeping this kind of attitude in mind will help you make the best decisions and keep a balance between work/ family life. My husband will play his daddy card when needed. He will turn down certain job-related events (such as dinners) because he would rather be home with us instead! Hope this helps!
A.

I've been a mommy for 4.5 and I'm grateful to say that I've never had to use the Mommy Card! I'm lucky enough to work for a company that lives a ROWE culture. It stands for Results Only Work Environment. Basically, your work is measured by what you produce and not when or where you are working. If someone needs to leave at 1:30 to bring kids to the Dr., be home for a delivery or just because they don't feel like working anymore that day, that's totally fine - as long as the work ultimately gets done. This system has created a great culture at my work and has spurred great productivity out of the workers. It's something I believe every workplace should explore. It removes the need for anyone to play the mommy card, or the sick card, or any card as everyone is equal as long as they get their work done. It's a thing of beauty. Check out the book - Why work sucks and How to fix it by Cali Ressler and Jody Thompson.

Where I am I've observed all parents not ABUSING but using the "parent" card in situations where they need to do something regarding their children. I don't shy away from weeknight or weekend events if I truly need to be there, but I do make it clear that I'm not working the entire weekend with no weekday break and no time for my children. Where I work, we have both men and women who are very family oriented, so I think that definitely helps. I don't know your job or actual situation, but I also don't ask and take on kind of an air of authority (I've found this almost always allows me to get my way because I'm acting like it's my right) whenever I'm doing "mommy" business like doctor's visits, early school meetings, early release days, etc. I just say, "I'm leaving at 3:00 today because ______has a so-and-so thing." Of course I don't do this constantly, but I've never been called on it.

Oh I struggle with this. What are my priorities? Source, me, my daughter, my girlfriend, my family, my friends, work, school, other is what I finally came up with. The day I die I hope to have achieved this balance. Saying and doing are tough. The days I do I'm super happy, the days I compromise, hmmmm, not so much! Maybe write down your list...

I never even thought of it as a "card". It's just what IS. Everyone at my work knows that my kid comes first. I come early and leave early so I can pick her up before her daycare closes at 4:30. I take one day off (unpaid) per week for "Mom and Mya day", and have since I came back from maternity leave (almost 4 years). I have asked for special permission to not go to an out-of-state conference we host because I was breastfeeding. The next year I only stayed 3 overnights instead of 4 or 5.

Yes, there are consequences that go along with making this clear to my employer. I have turned down a promotion that required longer work hours. I had a coworker that sometimes had to cover for me on my day off, if something came up. She never had a problem with it, I made it clear that if she chose to do the same I would support her. We barley scrape by and live paycheck to paycheck, but that is our choice, because we are giving our child what we think is most important: our time. I consider myself lucky that I am in a position where I can make these decisions without getting fired. Maybe someday I won't be able to, but for now, I am going to take everything I can get. And be proud of it.

I use it when valid. I do not stay late because my kids have activites at night that I will not miss if it can be helped. There are times I have to, but in general, I am a mom first. I work to provide for my kids, so if that means saying "Sorry, I'm taking off to go to my son's football practice" it is what I'm doing. I RARELY ever take off, so I do not see how it is any different than someone taking off to take a mental health day. I don't take those either. So yes, because I am a mom first, I do use it when it is a legitimate excuse. I don't use it to try to get out of things though.

Unfortunately not every boss gives a rat's butt about the fact that you are a parent - at my work, work comes first. I work with 2 other mothers of young children and we all have different situations (daycare/SAHDs/etc) and the head of our group (a "married but never wanted any kids" woman in her 40s) expects our spouses to "pick up the slack" when they are the SAHD - unfortunately, while one co-workers hubby is unemployed and more able to do this - my hubby works nights and I'm constantly in trouble for not being able to stay late or needing to leave early. The mother with kids in daycare and a hubby working days gets away with the "mommy card" constantly. Sucks - but what can you do? I just keep getting in trouble and hope that someday I can find someone better to work for.

Use it baby!! You do need to have time for you child and a minute of peace now and then, plus you do have a ton on your plate! I am at home with my kiddos and when I need a break I use the mommy card with no apologies:D

When you call it the "mommy card", then it sounds decieving and that you're just trying to get out of doing work.

This is riduculous!!! You are a mommy and you need to set work limits. I wouldn't think a thing about a single mom who does her work and does it well, but says NO to staying late and doing certain duties because you have your children to think of! Your family comes first and then your job and I wouldn't hesitate to make sure EVERYONE at work knows that. You'll be surprised how much they all respect you for it.

I work part time as a nurse. Everyone knows I have 5 kids and that my family comes first. They know that my job at home is much harder than my job at "work".

I think if you're lucky enough to where you can do it, do it, just in moderation. ;) I know some people may not agree with me, but if you're valued enough at your job to where they won't dump you simply for wearing the wrong color shirt to work, they won't mind if you take that occasional pause. You need to rest here and there for your sanity!

I am not a single mother, but a mom to two toddlers, and I don't think about it as using a "mommy card". I simply am at a place in my life right now where I want to be able to be home part time with the kids, and have a job that allows for a flexible schedule so that I can be there when the kids are sick, have appointments, daycare is closed, etc... I am choosing a flexible work environment (actually 2 part time) over a serious career path right now simply because that is what suits us. They will only be this small for a short while, and so I am working for less pay, but with the added benefits of working with bosses and co-workers that are not only really understanding of that fact that I am a mom to two little ones, but they are also really great people that I enjoy being around. So, it is frequent that I am running late, have to call in because someone is sick, or need to leave early. But I then can make up hours at home or stay late when need be. It works out well for all involved. So, I don't look at it as an excuse, but instead, simply making choices and creating environments that suit us at the time.