Mommy Overload! Please Help

T.,
I know exactly what you are going through, I too am a full time mom and student, and it is tough! I would suggest getting the kids to help out if they are old enough... u can make a game of it or keep a star chart to track their progress. It works with my 7 year old. If nothing else... sometimes you have to let the house go for a day or so! I know its tough, but I think you're gonna get more out of college than a clean house these days!
A.

first off, you are not a regular person. YOU ARE A MOMMY AND A WIFE!!! the two most extraordinary jobs ever. and on top of that you are going to school.....so why are you expecting things to be perfect??? your house does not have to be spotless.....all of the clothing in the house does not have to be washed and put away all of the time......im not saying dont keep a decent house..im just saying everything does not have to be just so every minute. why not spend some time with your guy and kids and relax. and remember....kids can generally pick up after themselves. my husband works 12 hour days as well and if even he can pick up a stray sock here n there....any guy can!!!!! everything you are doing will one day be appreciated, im sure. so hang in there and keep up the good work. and dont try to be a regular person anymore...you past that up long ago!!!!

WOW T.! You've got your hands full! Hope you don't over do it and risk your health. Structure of home time may help but it's not easy if you've never done it before. As silly as it sounds, it does work, but you 've got to give it some time for you and everyone to adapt. Simply take time to sit down with pen and paper and logically divide your time up at home with your agenda's.Make it realistic though or you will never be able to make it work. First,you've got to take a little time for yourself. Nothing extreme, something simple that relaxes you for however long you can fit it in.Remember, if you collaspse under all this, nothing gets accomplished! Don't pin your deeds down to the very minute.Allow unexpected interruptions. This will keep the tension down. And you know what? If you slack in one area in order to accomplish something in another area, SO BE IT! You are human!!! The human brain and body can do so much. Get your priorities in order, do what you can in a reasonable time, don't feel bad if you slack in something. It will be there tomorrow! T.,just stop and smell the roses and be thankful for what you have, especially your health.

Hello! Do what needs to be done with the home and let the rest go. Stay current with school. That will be the big pay off for all the trouble and mess. Can your kids help out? Can you send them to a sitter for a half day and you and your husband do the house and chores? Is one old enough to watch the others while you do this? Even though your husband is working, SO ARE YOU. I have full time job, 2 small ones and a 2 hour roundtrip commute. My husband helps out in the morning with one child and I have the other. You can "give" yourself 2 kids and your hubby 2 to get ready in the morning, etc...". Have a day where you do nothing but school then a day for house work, etc... LET THE HOUSE WORK GO at times - IT WON'T MATTER.... If you are worried about what others may think, don't. If those people are close to you (those are who matter)they will know your situation and not judge you. You cannot be superwoman, but you can be with a degree and a clean house and better job. Good Luck!

Dear T.,
I have 4 kids also...3 with learning disabilities, 3 dogs and a wonderful husband. I just completed my associates degree in nursing last year and have been working full time as a nurse in Lexington. I am now (cough) 40 years old.

My best bit of advice that I can give you is this....what is more important to you right now? The short term goal of a clean house or the long term goal of providing your family with finncial freedom to afford to pay he bills and not have both you and your husband working 2 jobs each to provide for the family?

I chose school and you know what? I now have a beautiful house, that I still have to clean, instead of the singewide we were living in. You have 4 kids...portion out one job to each of them...if it doesn't get done...it will be there once you've graduated...I portioned out the jobs and you know what...my kids learned how to do dishes, sweep and mop, take out trash, and laundry. The best part is while going to school I was forced to let my kids have some responsibility and we all survived...lol.

Good luck with school.
K. G.

Hi T.

I know the feeling, I have 5 kids (3 at home ages 16, 13 and 5) and I while I take college classes online, they are concentrated 5 week classes and we usually have 2-3 research type reports due each week. Through my associates degree I had 2 classes every 5 weeks but now for my Bachelor degree I have 1 but they are harder. Of course the teenagers are teenagers and don't help much. Also I have MS and am in a wheelchair so I know where you are coming from. It is a difficult thing but I just kept focus on the light at the end of the tunnel (graduation which for me is in 3 weeks). My husband despite working 60 hours a week is very supportive and helps as much as he can around the house. It is a difficult thing but there is hope. You can feel free to email me anytime if you need to talk or vent. My 13 year old is ADHD and my 16 year old daughter is pregnant so yea, do I feel like a bad mom sometimes? Yes especially with the 5 year old but it does get better. I actually started scheduling time with my family 2 weeks ahead of time and saying hey I am taking this time for you so plan nothing outside the house. My husband and I try to spend an hour together at least a couple of times a week and I usually cook meals ahead of time and put them in the freezer to throw into the microwave for dinner a week or so. I sold Tupperware for 12 years (not any more) so I have many great freeze ahead meal plans and ideas. Feel free to contact me if you need to.

Wow I have to say you are one heck of a woman first and foremost! I commend you for all that you are trying to do. How old are your children? You know they could do the little things in the house to help out alittle bit. If it is possible ask your husband to help you. If you guys could do some of the house work together then it wouldn't take away any time from the two of you. You would be killing two birds with one stone. While you are doing homework see if he could entertain the kids or if you can get grandparents, family or friends to spend some time with them while you do would be great too. Remember you don't have to do it all yourself, that's what he is there for too. If you don't take alittle time for yourself you aren't going to be any good for the family or anything else.

T. I will give you the advice that my mother in law gave me when I was having a break down about working full time and taking care of my kids...It will all be there when you wake up tomorrow!!! You need to do what needs to be done first if you have a paper due that is something that can't wait and those dishes in the sink will be there later. I know that your husband is working long hours but I think that it is important to delegate somethings to him and he is the only one that will do that job and the same with your kids if any of them are old enought to do the dishes that is ok you son't have to be super mom remember to ask for help before you just lose it in stress. I am a list maker and I would suggest that to you. I sit down in the morning or at night when I have so much to do and I list and number from the most important. Then I know how things are going and I feel less stressed. Good luck to you!! A.

Okay, so I am not as overloded as you are, but at times I feel that way. I don't have a lot of advice on the subject, but I am going to check back and see if anyone else does!
I can't imagine your husband could help with the house...but the house is the least of the worries. You can let it go every now and then to keep yourself sane.

I am right there with you. Above all make time for YOURSELF or you will get burned out way too fast. Take 10 min. a day and just breathe in silence. It does wonders.

You are obviously not alone :) And the answer to your question is that it's just not possible.
I'm a single mother of a four yr old (his dad has never met him or given me a dime in child support). I worked at a $10 an hour job and lived with just me and my son, no outside support, while taking 6 credit hours at school each semester.

Now I have a much better paying job, still no help with the baggae, but work more (about 60 hours a week) so have to take less hours at school. I felt like I was depriving my son of mommy time when I was gone so much or always had my nose stuck in a book, taking two classes a semester still. I realized with all the stress I was under I was ultimately just hindering myself. I never slept enough, I was always stressed out, I have no help whatsoever, and I kept getting sick; strep throat, pneumonia, bronchitis...

I finally decided that sometimes making things work means making concessions. I am only one person and I am not less of a person if I'm not mighty woman. One class a semester is very slow, but it is all I can do right now. School will come in due time. I have money to pay the bills, to run on, and can occasionally splurge on myself instead of just on my son. I decided going year round taking summer courses was also good. Plus, I have a 4.0 GPA for several semesters now since I started doing it, so it helped me become a better student.

I reccommend you take it slow and get prioritized before you take on so much. Remember that your kids will grow up and you don't want them (even though you want to earn a degree partly so they have a good example, I'm sure) to remember you as the absentee parent, or just too busy to pay attention to them. You have time on your side...make sure you stop to smell the roses, my dad tells me that all the time!
Having a degree is important, but sometimes we cannot do everything, and our work and our kids really just outrank school. I have to have a job and I have to feed my kid; those are number 1 and number 2, not necessarily in that order :) There is no shame in keeping yourself from overdoing it! You may not graduate in two or four years, but you have to remind yourself that you will get there, maybe in 6, maybe in 7, but the point remains you will do it!

First off, I have to say that i admire you for going back to college! Personally, i wouldn't worry about a slightly messy house... life happens! Get your major things out of the way (like laundry and dishes) and maybe one other thing that you really need to do housework wise and let the rest be. I'm assuming you have a child of an age that could help out so why not ask for help with sorting/folding clothes or dusting or soemthing? That would free you to either do your class work or help to get things done faster so that you can do the school work and spend some quality time with your family. Also, if you have other family in the area, or close family friends, maybe they can help you out with child care or something on the weekends so that you can catch up with stuff that you might fall behind on during the week?

Good luck!

Your school work has to be done to further your education. And it is important to the relationship you have with your husband and your children to spend quality time with them. Let hubby and kids know that you realize that you have less time for the family, but you still value them. You need some extra help around the house to make that possible.

Your children will grow up before you know, if you don't find time to spend with them. The housework will still be there tomorrow.
G.

First I want to say hang in there, it will be worth it in the end. I am also a student carrying 15 hours at school and have 2 small children, my husband works full time and many overtime hours. We have a system that works for us. I try to do all of my homework when I have down time at school. I schedule my classes so I have atleast an hour break between them so that I can do homework. My husband helps me with laundry and house cleaning. If your children are old enough have them help also. Just don't forget to take time for you and your husband to have down time together.

Hi T.,

I've been there myself recently. I have 3 children, 5 and under, and I was a full time student, and my husband lived away, he was only home a day or two a week. It was very, very hard and stressful. I really did not have any outside support, either with school or the children. I woke up early got the kids up and fed, did a bit of cleaning up, essentialls only. Off the school, picked up my daughter from pre-school. Home to cook, clean and try and do some homework. When ever I had a free moment I would try and do homework. I would use sticky notetabs on the folders I used to take notes in and wrote down daily my homework assignments and what project were coming and when they were due, this way I worked accordingly and didn't forget something. I would make dinner, bathtime and bedtime. I would then clean up some and hit the books til late. TV was almost non-exsistant to me, and if my husband was home we made dinner time as part of catching up and spending time with the family. I also went to school two nights a week. The housework did suffer, but I tried to caught up on weekends. I took care of the kids first and homework second. School was too expensive and grade were too important to let go by the side. I survived the semester with good grade, but I have not returned again. Money is one issue but all I can say is try to have a schedule of all the things you have to do and get done and cross them out as they get completed, maybe your kids can help you around the house too. I hope all works out for you, and if you have outside support with the kids then you can manage a lot better and not drive yourself crazy. It will be very stressful, oh ya and my time was in the shower. I.

T., you need to prioritize!! I have 2 small children, 8 months and 2-1/2, I am taking 15 hours of school work a part time job, sell Avon full time and try to please a husband, cat and keep laundry up to date....it's tough, it's overwhelming at times, but you need to decide at any given moment when you are feeling overwhelmed, 'what is the most important thing to do at this moment?' Children are obviously first on the priority list, then just take everything as it comes. I don't know if you are a believer, but praying helps and begging for help from God has pulled me through alot of crisis times! Breathing is also great like someone else responded, it is a natural exercise and it helps you with your health, mental and physical. Just remember what is most important at that moment and that you can only do one thing at a time!!! Another very important thing is to carry a notepad with you, I tend to forget and writing down things helps me alot! Good luck to you and kudos to all your efforts!!! God bless!

I don't know about your finacial situation, but maybe hiring a house cleaner to come in once or twice a week to help out with the cleaning.

Well my Mom did it too, how old are you're children? You need to ask for help. Ask them to do some chores. When I was 12 I could wash dishes, do laundry and lots of other things. I understood that my Mom needed the help so I stepped up. So I am a full-time student as well, I only have one daughter who is three, and it's still hard because she wants so much attention. I'm carrying 16 credit hours. I was working too, but I had to give it up. A long hot bath may help relieve your stress but sometimes if you have to do everything, then you need to let some of it go. I know your husband works a lot but he needs to support you as much as he can as well. I'm sure he has weekends off. My dad was all about helping keep the house clean and taking stress off of my Mom. She didn't go back to school until my brother and I went to school. I just recommend asking your children for help. Unless they are all small, ask them to dust, run the vaccum, put their clothes in the hamper, just little things that would help. I hope it works out, Don't give up

First off, I want to congratulate you for making it as far as you have. My husband works twelve hour nights and even though we only have two kids I feel like I am a single parent on many ocassions! I want to go back to school to get a degree in nursing but have decided to wait until both of my daughters are in school full time. I don't know the ages of your kids but I know that I have figured out child care costs are through the roof!
As far as ny advice-Try to get your kids to help out around the house as much as possible. Take time for yourself everyday-even if it is just for a little bit. If you can, prepare meals in advance so that you can just pop something in the crockpot or microwave. No matter how good of a person anyone is, you have to remember who you are aside from being a wife, mom, and student. Just take time to realize that no matter how far you get behind, it will still be there waiting for you. Spend as much time with your kids as you can and enjoy life as it comes to you. Good luck with school, and everything else. Just hang in there! I don't go to school and only have half as many kids and still can't keep up! Just take a breath, relax and pray, God has gotten you this far, he'll help you out the rest of the way.

I work from home and run my hubbys businees we ave a 5 year old son so i know how u feel at times.I have to get my work done in between taking care of the house and the kid and just when I think its going good the phone rings for my hubby and i have to go track him down at a job so he can go see about this other job.Alot of times he invites some of the guys he works for back here so it really dont help me get my job done and on top of it all im home schooling my son this year because i thought he was not ready for public school yet he has health issues.What I do is try to manage my time in the morin the phone goes off and i stsrt my son on some of his work than why he is doing that i try and get some typing done...by lunch time i turn the phone on and get lunch and why im doing that get some of the house done..im lucky my son wants a nap after lunch so i get a few hours of a break.I answer the phone and get more work done why he is napping but after that he has more schooling which i always stop everything for because it is more important than work to me.By the time my hubby gets home its supper time but he manages the phone why i get dinner and he does help with the house work and usally lets me get my work done so we can have some family time.Dont always go this easy but we always find time for family time.I have a friend with 4 boys and she is single and she works full time and goes to scool part time and the boys are all in sports and cub scouts and i ask her how do u do it all and still get family time her answer i dont know it just happens..LOL K.

I'd recommend many of the suggestions you've already gotten but also check with your college. Many colleges offer life skills/success skills courses that teach how to take notes and study more efficiently, how to manage time, etc. I'd also suggest cutting back to part-time college until you've readjusted, then add courses as you feel you've gotten comfortable. Good luck!

As if you have time... but if you do ever find the time read the book "Gods Leading Lady" I just started reading it. Its really good and is helping me to distinguish between what I NEED to do and what I THINK I should be doing. Its empowering!! But if you do need a housecleaner, I know a great one!!!