Mother of 5 Seeking Some Advice...

OKAY, she will have to sit down and write down every chore. Then break each chore up as to what can be given to him. The kids will be his legs and his helpers. So, Saturday and Sunday are your days off or maybe you would prefer to have two school days.

But on these days, dad and the kids do everything. Dad can do dinner. Get him in the kitchen where he can cut stuff up and the kids will love helping to carry it to the stove. He will be an armchair general. On these two days that dad and the kids cook, make it something simple. Like burgers and fries. Spaghetti and use premade sauce in the jar. Dad will coach the kids through cleaning up.

Dad can sit in the living room and armchair general the kids through vaccuming and picking up. They can also fold laundry while watching tv. There is a lot that dad can do with one leg.

He can also get up in the morning with them and get them off to school and supervise breaksfast. Get easy things for breaksfast. Cereal, lots of cereal. The kids can cook for dad. One or two times of showing the twelve year old how to fry eggs and he will be a pro. My 12 year old boy makes scrambled eggs, toast, egg salad, tuna salad. And, cuts up vegetables and can hook up a mean stir fry.

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Hello,

Wow, what a tough situation! I have much compassion for this busy and overwhelmed mom! Your children are old enough (at least two of them are) to understand that they need to contribute to the family, which means cleaning and being kind to their mom who does everything for them! You can reward them creatively, too, if money is tight.

Also, your husband's leg will not be broken forever. Is there ANYWAY at all he can write out some bills? I know you said he doesn't read or write English, which has got to be tough on everyone. I hope I don't sound crass or insensitive, but could he perhaps use this time to take some language lessons so he could ease up the burden on you? Even when he does go back to work and his leg has healed, you still need help and time for you no matter what! What is he doing with his time now that he is not working?
I think, also, you should designate some time for yourself and leave the house. I do this on Sundays when my husband is off work and can be with our son. Try not to feel guilty about this because a tired, stress out woman is not a gift to herself or anyone else! Rule #2 in my book is take care of yourself because no one else is gonna! Rule #1, of course, is take care of this kids because this is the job I asked for! Good luck!

Her nine and twelve year old should help around the house, then she'd have a little less to do there. They're old enough to do some chores and take the load off mom. She needs to tell them this, of course they won't like it, but it's necesscary. As for the injured hubby, she's gotta take care of him, even when it's an inconvenience and she feels like she's being neglected. He will be there after the kids are grown and gone, so that's a relationship that needs to be kept strong no matter what. The older kids can help watch the little one so mom can get an our out of the house, just to take a walk or even to go get a bath or something. Life is hard, marriage and family makes it even harder. I sympathize with her because I have struggled with a "sick" hubby before when I had four kids all under the age of 8. My hubby wasn't able to drive himself anywhere, he always slept when he was home, he was grouchy and never wanted to go anywhere or do anything. It was tough trying to raise 2 babies and 2 school aged kids with NO HELP! But, I managed and made it through! Moms are tough, God made us that way on purpose! And now that my hubby isn't sick anymore he has made up for his time of "neglect" towards me and the kids a hundred times over. It gets better, just help her to keep her head up during this tough time. Take her on a mom's night out, get a sitter for her if necessary. Offer to help her with the house work, if you have the time. Just be the best friend you can be, even when you can't sympathize with how she feels. She knows that you care and are listening to her.

This is definately a tough situation. There are some similarities to a family I am close with so I can offer a little advice. First thing I would suggest is find out if there is any state financial assistance available. I know where I am there is a program that helps with daycare expenses. If she can get the kids into a daycare, there is one thing not to worry about. With the family I know, the mother actually works a regular shift 4 days and then a late shift 1 day a week. That one day gives her a few hours to herself when she can do errands or take a nap since the kids still go do daycare at the same time.

As far as housework, try having the kids help out. Even a 2 year old can do some dusting or sweeping. My mother always said Saturday morning was for cleaning. Each kid had 2 rooms to clean and she did the rest. For 2-3 hours everyone cleaned and then by lunch we were done and could enjoy the weekend.

If she knows that on Sunday she might get some time to herself, urge her to take advantage of it and rent a movie to watch or go out for lunch. Even if she takes 2 hours completely to herself, it might be enough to help out.

I hope that helps a little. I would love to be able to suggest some ideas to help out with the husband but what I have learned from my friend is that she needs to look out for herself first since it is really tough to change someone else.