Mother's Day - Romeoville,IL

i would love to have Mother's Day to myself and my small family. I know that my husband will want to spend it with his mom. She will have her daughter call a day or two before and tell us they are having a b-b-q at her house at such-and-such time and coud we bring something. I think maybe I'll talk to DH about just spending time, at home, together as a family and visit his mom the day before.

I do not visit anyone's mother on mothers day. We send flowers to his, mine gets a card and lunch the week before. My mothers day is mine, my kids make me breakfast and we play family games. Its what I like to do.

Mother's Day is for mother's and since you are one then YOU should get to decide what YOU want to do.

Ooh, you hit a nerve with me because I agree with you completely. I did declare Mother's Day to be MY DAY when my daughter turned one. My mother completely supported me and told me that it's MY TURN to enjoy this day. I call her and send her a card and flowers, but the day belongs to me and we do whatever I want to do.

The MIL, however, didn't see it that way. My husband supported me and told his mom that she already had her turn, that we were parents now and would spending the day together as a family.

By no means did I ever intend to insult or disrespect either mother, and we do sometimes spend the day together, but the MIL was not allowed to dictate the activities of the day. I'll probably be called selfish by other posters for this attitude, but since I'm a mom now, I deserve to enjoy the holiday just as much as they did when they had young children.

So go to the zoo! We did that one year and my kids loved it. They said it was their best Mother's Day ever because they weren't bored in a snooty restaurant somewhere for brunch. And by the way, Father's Day gets the same attention and my husband loves having a day to call his own, too.

Happy Mother's Day!

Hi S.,

I have been married for 20 years and I know where you are coming from. My kids are not 14, 18 and 19. Mother's Day is for your mother until you become a mom yourself and most mom's understand that. To make this day fair and pleasant for everyone try this. Your husband should spend one day with his mother maybe the day before Mother's Day as well as yourself spend that day before with your mom. Remind them that your children want to do something special for you on Mothers Day so you will be staying home with them so you have picked the day before to spend your time with your own mother. We did this and it worked and has been the same now every year.

If your husband spends a day alone with his mom for Mothers Day especially the day before she will feel special that he chose to spend this day with her and alone. The same for you. Of course with your children being little you will more than likely still do everything for them but you will begin to have your day.

Enjoy.

B.

Yeah, it's your day. Period. You should absolutely show respect to your moms, but that doesn't really include visiting them unless you're having a girl day or something, where you have your mothers day with your family in the morning, then split up and you go see your moms and have lunch and he visits his mom during that time. But I don't see that working if you're not all in the same town. They're adults and should figure out how to deal with it. You're a mom. For my family, we call in the morning. I have nice flowers delivered and mail a card with a nice note and updated pictures of the boys to my mother in law, and I remind my husband to write his own note to include in the card. My mom gets her favorite cake and a card with pictures of the boys delivered to her work. This year, we will do things differently than normal though. They are both far away from us, and the gift will be webcams for each grandma so we can do skype and stay better connected and they can see the boys grow up.
As a mom, "my day"is still for the kids a lot of the time. We go to the zoo, or ride a choo-choo, or this year we're going to see Peter Pan for part of the day. At naptime, I leave and go get a pedicure and chill by myself for a couple hours. I cook dinner all the time, so on mother's day we'll either go to a local family-friendly restaurant or my husband will cook on the grill so I don't have to do but a couple simple sides.
You could be nice and share/give up your day if your mom or mother in law were really sick, or had alzheimers or something like that, but seriously...once you have a baby, you are a mom. The day becomes YOUR day. Take it and guard it.....not a lot of holidays are for the moms, ya know? If it makes you feel better, there is a designated grandparents day if you needed to take time to see them.

I know LOL. everyone has a mom and they all need to see them on Moms day. well....since you are a mom w/ LO of your own I totally think you should go to the zoo and spend it w/ your family. your hubbie can call the MIL and say happy mom's day and get her a gift of course but if he wants to see her it should be on another day. he can tell her that this year since your LO are at an age where they totally understand the meaning of moms day THEY are really excited and want to spend it w/ their mommy. then he needs to get them all excited about it so that it is not a lie, lol. your family should understand and if they dont sorry to say but oh well: I love this quote: “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”- Dr. Seuss. I know Dr. suess LOL, but hey it is a good one and too true! have a great moms day! I just reminded my hubbie that it is moms day and I have a 16 mo old so we will see......

Well of course you should ask to go to the zoo! Enough already! It's your day now. I bestow upon you the crown of motherhood, the peace to go along with it and the wonderment of a day off of guilt-so off you should go!

I went to the zoo with my kids last year. It was one great Mother's Day. How about you send your hubby to his mom's for awhile and he can meet you at the zoo later? And your moms.... well, how about taking them out to lunch (separately if needed) the day before or after -- or maybe taking one to dinner Sunday night after you've had a nice day with your kids?

Updated

Maybe you could celebrate Mother's Day on Saturday (or even the Sunday before) with your moms and have actual Mother's Day with your kids and husband... As long as everyone gets their special recognition/time around Mother's Day, maybe the exact day won't matter...

My day is Saturday. I celebrate me (daughter is three and mom watches her) alone, which given my temperament, is perfect. Sunday is for my mom, usually high tea.

Wonder if you could all go to the zoo?

IMHO, I think its your husband's responsibility to show your children that you are to be celebrated. Its teaching gratitude and taking time out for the special people in their lives. Grandparents, while vital and important, are not currently raising the children. You are doing the day in, day out grind, which should be lauded and appreciated. You've earned Mother's Day: )

Jen

Well, obviously his mom doesn't want to see you and you don't want to see her, so that's no kind of mother's day for either of you. To comprimise, why doesn't he take the kids to visit her while you get to go to the spa... you could even see if one of your moms could go with you, and that takes care of two of the three moms - the third you could go visit that day or make a special date some other time to see. Life's too short to spend it with people who don't even like you.

J.
www.UrbanSuburbanFamily.squarespace.com

Dear S.,
I love my mother dearly and I always remember her on Mother's Day. I send a card and call her. My kids always spend the day with me. Once in a while, depending on what they come up with, we'll meet my mom for lunch, but for the most part, I spend the day just me and my kids.
My daughter is 23 and my son is 14. They usually plan something together and my son likes to cook for me.
I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, "This year for Mother's Day, I'd really like it if we could take the kids to the zoo for the day."
I don't know how far away your mother in law lives, but maybe on Mother's Day, your husband and kids can make you breakfast and while you and the kids get dressed and ready for the zoo, you husband can swing by and visit his mom for an hour or so and you can spend the rest of the day with your family just relaxing and having lunch and enjoying your outing.
Sounds like a way to compromise at least.

I hope you're able to have a beautiful Mother's Day!

it is your day. grandmas get cards and a phone call.

Jen L. said it perfectly! You are currently raising children; she had her time. She finished raising her child (children) so it's your turn. I go through the same thing and feel like we should spend Mother's Day in the way that I want....my husband always agrees with me (its usually our anniversary around the same time too!) yet I feel obligated to see both our mother's. I think I am changing that this year and sending flowers to each of our mother's while we do something fun as a family! :) Go to the zoo and enjoy your day!!!

NOW! Believe me do it, I waited much too long. My mother does not care which day we do Mother's Day for her and we always spent it with my in-laws at my brother in laws house (because it was easier for him, yes I know), one year I looked at my husband and said, hey I am a mother too, what about me. From then on we did what I wanted to and visited his mom and my mom on different days for Mother's Day (his was not happy about it but too bad!) Now that the boys are grown and both are in the service, I miss doing something special with them. In fact I just said to my husband last night that I am not happy he is working on Mother's Day (his mom know lives with us) and I think I will have to go and spend the day with my mom, LOL!

I don't think you are alone in feeling like Mother's Day is hectic.

I plan on it being "my" day when my mom is dead. God willing that will not be for many many many more years. My mom lost her own mother way too young. I am not gonna wait around for karma to fix that for her...I am gonna fix that for her.

Besides, I am often surprised by my boys with some special, random "mother's day" that they have cooked up. Just last weekend they worked away in the yard (early spring in MN is glorious) and got things ready for an evening campfire just because they know how much I love them.

It became your day the minute your first child came into your life. Having said that.... I look at my kids and wonder at what point will they no longer want me to be a part of their lives and I hope it's never!! I promised myself that I won't be selfish and take away their special day by insisting they spend it with me once they have their own kids, but I hope they will always celebrate me as being their mother, and because of this I make an effort with my mom and in-laws. But here is what I do....luckily we all live in the same town... At first, when the kids were babies, we would have ONE meal with all of the grandparents present in a central location--either brunch OR dinner (we did a restaurant, but you can do it in your home--have your husband cook with the kids' help, or have it catered from something simple like Publix platters). Then, one year my mom decided that she didn't want to spend her mother's day with my mother-in-law because she and mom my are so different (they get along fine, but are polor opposites in EVERY possible way), so now here is what we do instead...

On mother's day, we still have that ONE meal with my mother-in-law.... then the rest of the day is MINE...and my mom and I celebrate with just her and I for a lunch date sometime during the week following Mothers Day.

You can let ALL of the grandparents know that this year the kids wanted to spend the day just celebrating YOU and to celebrate THEM, you will be hosting a dinner at your house on a weeknight during the week after Mother's Day. If your mother-in-law is offended, who cares-- she doesn't like you anyway and no matter what you say or do it won't matter, right? And your moms on your side shouldn't mind either if you were planning to just do a card anyway, right?

Mothers day Is mine. This year will be special because our daughter will have just arrived home from college completing her sophomore year!

My husband usually spends the early morning with his mom a;;owing me to sleep in. The that evening they usually prepare a wonderful dinner for me..

I usually see my mom before mothers day or after. I take her to lunch or breakfast her choice.

Mother's Day should be about you. Once you become a mom, you can decide what you would like to do on Mother's Day. If you feel you want or need to see the other "Moms" in your life on that day why not invite them to your house for dessert? What you do with your Moms and your Mother's Day should be your choice. Your husband, on the other hand, may want to see his Mom on Mother's Day. You could make him go see his Mom on his own. You could have the "Moms" over for lunch, a barbeque or just for dessert. This way they are coming to you and you don't have to run around. IF for the last 5 years you have driven around to see all of the "moms" you might want to give everyone a heads up that you are spending the day with your kids and your husband. I really don't think any of the moms will blame you or be mad. You could even go Saturday to visit. Either way send cards wishing them a Happy Mother's Day and don't feel guilty about taking the day to do what you want. :) Go visit them on Grandparents Day instead.

Luckily I live 900 miles from both my mom and his. So I get to go to brunch at the O Club and they get pretty flowers from the florist.
When I lived closer within two hours, we celebrated by ourselves, as we were a family unit, and we sent cards done by the kids. I did the same thing at Christmas, it was our day, they got the day before and the day after.

The past 10 years mothers days for me have been pretty much spent alone. My husband is involved in a group at church who "does things" for the women of the parish. So he sells bouquets of flowers etc for the holiday. This year has been a banner year. Sorry sounding a little bitter here. He spent valentines day at a meeting with his mens group he says "I am the grand knight I have to go" my birthday in march was spent in a mens major degree meeting all day in which he had to set up, provide food, clean up etc..." mothers day he will be again selling flowers. He just let me know that he will be doing the officer's installation dinner on june 27th. that would be our 23rd anniversary. So I totally get your wanting a day for you. I would love a day for me on the day. not the week before or after. I know I am doing the poor poor me thing. But in 10 years my kids will have wives who feel the same way I do because they think this is normal. We used to go to church , have lunch and spend the day picking and planting flowers. I wish we still did that. not sure when it got to be more important to do for other people than to do for me as far as he is concerned.

Yep, if you feel you must pay homage to your mothers...do it the day before or week before or after. Mothers' Day should be about what you want to do. Why do moms feel so guilty all the time and feel we must make others happy? It urks me about being a mom/woman! My husband takes off and plays golf or fishes on both his b-day and Father's Day. WHY don't I??? I spent my last b-day cleaning the house! Go to the zoo or better yet, the spa! You've inspired me to do for MYSELF this year! Thanks and happy Mother's Day!!!!

I read this post and began to smile...I have felt your pain! We made a new plan when I became a Mom...we go out to brunch and invite both Grandma's to come too. If they can, GREAT! If they can't oh well!

I leave any fun activities for us as a family unit... ;)

I didn;t have time to read all your responses but as you know we all feel the same. You need to pick a day for you to see your mom ( the saturday before is always a good one or the weekend before) and have your husband go visit HIS mom (it is his mom) If you feel you should be there visit his mom a week early with him. Either way you do it Take mothers day for yourself. Do what YOU want that day. As soon as you have a child it's YOUR day to. My mom and mother in law got along well so we always celebrated with both of them one day and then I would have mothers day to myself . You deserve it. It's not wrong to ask for one day to yourself we do so much for our families all year round we deserve this. And make them do everything that day to. Make your husband do things he normally doesn;t for the kids so you don;t have to. Go out for breakfast on the way to the zoo and either have him cook dinner or pick that up on the way home. Seriously, we only get ONE DAY a year take advantage and DON:T feel guilty.

It should be a special day for all mothers... You are the youngest in the bunch. Out of respect you should see your 2 mom's on mothers day, maybe go to mass or breakfast with them... As for you MIL, let your husband take the kids to see her for an hour and then the rest of the days is for you to go to the zoo or whatever you want... I have a BBQ and my whole family comes with their kids and all us mom's love it....
Good luck

You are not wrong for wanting Mother's Day to be about you since you are a mother. This year, the weekend before Mother's Day do the other mothers in your life and spend Mother's Day doing what you like. I am sure your MIL will add that to the list of reasons she now doesn't like you, but you must live your life for you and not people that don't even like you. Honor the other mothers in your life but have your day, and enjoy your children. Happy Mother's Day

I love Sheila's answer the best you go girl. Happy Mothers day to all of you great girls. A.

That's what I would like to do, weather permitting! I have told both my mother and mother-in-law that they are more than welcome to join us so we can all celebrate together. I am a mother of 2 and my children want to do Mother's Day for me and thankfully my husband does as well. We (my household) is always together for the day. If no one can join you, or does not want to, than at least they had the choice. Just be sure to make some calls on Mother's Day and send out cards so no one feels neglected.

Psst girl, just send his mother flowers & a card!!!!!!!!!!!! U and me are almost alike, his part of the family i guess they dont like me cause of my weight, yea i know discrimination, but hey im not one to judge myself!!! I also dont really like his family for a reason that they put him down where they say he aint going to amount to anything!! Anywho go with ur choice ur the mother and its mothers day!! Im gonna be making the choice too!! Im a first time mom so i decide what we will do!!!

Your husband can visit his mom on Mother's day. You should have a good time with your kids, enjoy the day, go to the park, or to the zoo, like you said. You'll be happier. If he doesn't agree, that's ok, he doesn't have to. Send some flowers and a card to them and take the day off for YOU!
Happy Mother's Day.

That is a tough one.!! Especially if some members are being difficult. Why don,t you suggest a "bring and share" picnic at the zoo which includes all the mothers in the family. Those who want to be difficult can excuse themselves and the rest can have a happy time together. This way the work is shared and it It .also gives couisins a chance to bond on neutral
ground. Family picnics can be great fun and families are very, very precious. It also serves to build happy memories. Good Luck
.

Updated

That is a tough one.!! Especially if some members are being difficult. Why don,t you suggest a "bring and share" picnic at the zoo which includes all the mothers in the family. Those who want to be difficult can excuse themselves and the rest can have a happy time together. This way the work is shared and it It .also gives couisins a chance to bond on neutral
ground. Family picnics can be great fun and families are very, very precious. It also serves to build happy memories. Good Luck
.

You should tell your moms that your husband wants to take you out (or whatever the plan is) and you'd like to see them another day to celebrate them. Your husband should tell his mom that he wants to ...

Just take a stand and tell your husband your plan. End of discussion! :-)

You need to go to the zoo! I have skimmed the other responses and most seem to agree. My in laws live out of state (thank goodness because they do not like me!), but my mother and grandmother are here. THis year we are going to a beautiful brunch buffet. No one has to cook, no one has to clean and we have before and after to ourselves. Years ago, before my inlaws moved whatever we did, it was both sides together at one place ( a bbq, etc. at someone's house) so that no one had to run around. If those ideas don't work, plan to see them the day or week before and get it done so that you can have your day! If your husband is not agreeable, maybe you should take him running around on Father's Day and see how he likes it!

Go to the zoo and ask the others to join you. This way you are not driving all over the place which means your happy and so are your kids. If the day is truly important to everyone else, they'll join you. If not, no big deal; just stop by like you planned the week before.

You need to empower yourself. In my house, my "Mother's Day" is Saturday of that weekend. I get to do whatever it is I want to do. Some years, I've spent the whole day out and about, shopping, having lunch alone and actually hearing my own thoughts! Other years, we've gone to Lake Geneva for the day/night, where I've gotten spa treatments while my hubby watches the kids, then we go out to a nice dinner utilizing the hotel babysitting service. No matter what it is, though, THAT day is always for me. My mother gets Sunday for her day, my MIL gets Friday night (as her bday also coincides with Mother's Day, so we make it a joint celebration for her). It works out great because everyone gets their own individual day and I don't have to share mine with anyone.

Be flexible, think outside the box, and most of all make time for YOU. You deserve it and sometimes the only person who will make it all happen is you.