Mothers of Kids Who Are Close in Age

We have 4 children. The 1st and 2nd are 18 months apart. The 2nd and 3rd are 15 months apart and there are 2 years between the 3rd and 4th. We had 4 children in 5 years. While its hard, trying and exhausting at times, its also rewarding, fun and an experience like no other. I feel the first 6 months were the hardest. There will be a few weeks of everyone adjusting. Then the older child will learn there are times when you can't get him off the kitchen table so he'll choose those times to climb on it! My advice is when you sit down to feed the baby, have a special book you read at that time, sing songs with them or have a small box of very special favorite toys that the older one only gets to play with when Mommy is feeding Baby. Something to keep the older one close and busy. Otherwise, feedings become very stressful. There is so much I could tell you but the reply would be forever long. I wish you good luck, an endless amount of patience and lots of sleep!

Hi Victoria,

I had three in diapers at one time, and no they weren't twins or triplets. The first two were 22 months apart and the second and third were 15 months apart. It was great. I liked having them close together like that. They got all of their childhood diseases over with together, played together, 2 boys and a girl, and helped each other with walking, talking, potty training etc. But the best part was when they started school. I was so glad that my little girl had 2 big brothers to watch out for her all through school. Only her senior year of high school was she alone, and by then she could handle herself just fine. Good luck. Abuela

Hi Victoria,

You will be fine with 2 little ones. All you need is a routine and help. They will be a great help to one another as they grow up. Good luck. D.

My first two are 15 months apart, and the third is 19 months after his sister!! I had three kids in 2 years and 11 months!

At first it was very difficult. I felt sorry for myself lugging the double stroller AND a baby in a Bjorn. But once I got use to it (and I never went out for long without a friend) it became second nature. =-) Since that was the only motherhood I knew, it felt quite natural, even when it was overwhelming at times. =-)

TODAY: they are 7, 6, and 4 1/2. I wouldn't want it any other way! For years they all watched the same shows, played with the same toys, and had the same interests... They are the best of friends, especially the 7 and 6 year old. There are WONDERFUL benefits to the children being close, and it was all worth it!

It will be challenging logistically, but the benefits are WONDERFUL! Your heart will melt when you see them play together...

CONGRATULATIONS!

K.

Wishing you the best of luck as I am also about to enter this world. I have a 20 month old daughter who is the apple of our eye (and she knows it) and I am due to have another girl any day now. I am very nervous about how this will affect Izzy's world and ours. I'll keep you posted and give you all my best.

I have two children who are close in age. My son is 21 months old & my daughter is 2 months old. I won't lie the first month was rough. My son was used to being out & about & busy. It's difficult to do many things outside in Jan./Feb. with a newborn. I believe it was merely concidential with approacing 2, anew sister, being cooped up in the house & separation anxiety. He whined alot which was completely unlike him. Sleep deprivation doesn't help. However that being said with this being the 2nd month things are much better. We've established a routine. Everyone is sleeping much better & unforunately I return back to work next week. Hope this helps. If you have family/friends in the area let them help with meals, babysitting, running errands, etc.You will learn to rely on it!!

I have twins (six minutes apart). I think that you will be fine. I would just recommend making sure you have your 18 month old on a schedule. When I had my 3 kid. I found that it was important just to let my twins feel like they were a big brother and sister when the new baby came and also to make sure to do special things and spend special time with your 18 month old. Don't forget, when you first bring the baby home, he/she will sleep most of the day. I hope everything works out well. Please keep us up dated on your progress, I know I would love to know how everything goes and if you need more help. Hope my little advice was helpful.
T.
The MOM Team, Helping Moms Stay Home
www.cheerforyourfuture.com

Victoria,
i have my oldest boy who is 4 now and my second and first girl 3 now they are 11 months and 11 days apart.. at times it great to have them close together others its a bit of a pain.

Victoria,

I'm glad you wrote this post! My sons will be 14 months apart when #2 is born this month and I was looking for words of encouragement too. I'm sure we're in for a whole new world just having 2 kids, nevermind how close they'll be in age. I figure women have been doing this for a very long time and we're blessed with thousands of modern conveniences to make life a little easier.

Of course if you're like me, they're will still be a little something to complain about. :)

I have a little girl who will be 3 in may and a 7 month old. It really is great my little girl loves to play with her brother and it has reall taught herto share to be gental and many other things. I will tell you this most children do get jelous so my mom came up with a great idea. Buy your child now a present nothing big but something you know they want or love. But it in your bag you are taking to the hospital, dont tell your child about it, then when he comes to see the new baby you tell him that the new baby got him something special. My little girl thought it was the best thing showed everyone i think it helped here deal with not being the only one and she got attention also.

HI Victoria,

Oh you are so blessed to have your babies close to the same age. My biological sons are 15 months apart. The youngest was born after 28 weeks so they would have been closer to 18 months apart. It was good for me to have them close together for they were doing the same kind of activities, and enjoyed the same kind of age-related movies, books, games, toys, etc. I often had to have 2 of some toys so each would have his own, but I loved having the 2 near the same age. The hardest aspect was finding time to be alone with one at the time. Now the 2 are adults and are very close, keeping in contact on almost a daily basis although one lives now across the USA. Now I have adopted a 4 yr old and two 2 year old boys. You see..I really do love having children near the same age. The 2 yr olds are 13 days apart in birthdays. I am enjoying being able to entertain the 3 with the same activity once again. To me it makes life less complicated and they keep one another entertained...constant playmates. Enjoy your 2. Take the time to savor each stage for they will pass quickly...often both at the same time. K.

My girls are 19 months apart and I love it (28 months and 9 nmonths now). It is busy and hectic, but a great age difference. The older one now loves to help me teach her sister sign language, but on hte otehr hand yesterday she bit her finger for taking a toy. You will have both kinds of days, but overall I love hte age diffference. The best suggestion I can make is to have a good baby carrier for the newborn, especially if you are going to be breatfeeding. I BF on hte go and have my hands available for diaper changes and playing with my older. Try www.handsfreebaby.com to see carriers, as there are SO many options out there (more comfortable and stylish) besides the old standby of the Baby Bjorn.
Best of luck,
K.

Hi Victoria,

My kids are barely 18 months apart. In the beginning it was tough because I had a c-section with my second so I couldn't pick my son up or change him or anything, but once we got over that hurdle it wasn't too bad. Granted, I think I relaxed a bit on my son (who is older) to make it easier for them to do things at the same time like potty training, but that was what worked for us. My son is 8 now & my daughter just turned 7 & it's so nice to have them so close in age because they always have someone to play with & they like a lot of the same movies, etc. It also makes things like bed-times easier because they've both always had the same bed-time, etc. Just like anything, it's hard to get into a routine, but you'll be amazed how much your older child is capable of doing on their own & also to help you out. Don't worry, you can do it! Best of luck,
Melissa

I found out that I was pregnant again when my son was 9 months old and I almost had a nervous breakdown. It hasn't been impossible but it hasn't be all bad or all good. Now they are 31 months and 15 months. It was hard when I first brought my baby home. I felt overwhelmed, but I had a lot of help from my family. My sister and her kids took my son with them a lot when the baby was a newborn. He needed the attention especially with me nursing the baby every two to three hours. Do you have family close by? My husband was deployed when I was due so I ran home to live with my parents and my entire family lives in my home town so there was always someone to help me. Also if you can't get over feeling overwhelmed, talk to your doctor. I had postpartum depression with my second child. I cried a lot when I had to go back to Virginia when my husband came home. I was very lucky that my husband and I could afford to hire someone to help me during the week so I didn't feel so alone. If you can afford it, look into having someone come and do chores or just play with the babies so you can do chores or sleep.

How wonderful for you. Good luck. I have 2 girls, 23 months appart. My experiences will be different mainly because girls and boys are so different in nature. However, I think having them close together has been a wonderful thing. It is a little tough the first year because the sleep schedule is so crazy and the toddler will want you ready to go in the morning. You won't have to worry about sharing issues until the baby can crawl. I'd prepare the older child for sharing well before the baby can really get to his toys. Till the baby can stand up, you can just place the special toys a little higher but once the baby can stand, everything is fair game and that's when the fighting begins. I think this is the most important part of creating a sibling relationship.

From the beginning, we insisted that there will be NO tolerance for biting, hitting, pulling hair (obviously more important for girls with long hair), pushing or anything else like that. If they do, they get a serious timeout (double the length and maybe a toy removed for the rest of the day... to make a serious impression on them). We found the second child would act out more because the older child was stronger and could just muscle their way around. The problem is, you will be dealing with a 2 1/2 year old at this time and you have to realize they are going to have a lot of trouble because of their maturity level. Boys tend to be more physical too, so you'll have more trouble most likely.

We found some good ways to handle it are to teach the older child to try to involve the baby with a different toy so they can keep their special toy to themselves. We talk about how we share with our friends and our little sibling is an extra special friend. We sometimes even set a timer and say we can let the sibling play for 3 minutes alone and then we have to share. We talk about how we are teaching the sibling with our actions and that we want them to share with us too.

It all seems basic but I know people who let it get out of control really early on and it becomes almost impossible to retrain your kids. Especially with boys where you can play it off as, well, they are just being boys. Respect is gender neutral. We spent A LOT of time working on sharing as the girls have grown up (now almost 5 and 3) and I think it has taught them a lot about respecting each other and others. We still have trouble... sometimes we'll have a whole day where they can't seem to get along, but over all they seem to really enjoy each other and respect each other. They also enjoy the benefit of having a constant play date.

I think you will really enjoy how they can entertain each other in a year and let you have a little personal time now and then. If they learn to play well and respect each other early on, you won't worry as much about leaving them to play together without close supervision. When they are further apart in age, they are on different levels. 2 years or less and they are able to really enjoy the same activities together.

Good luck and enjoy!
E.

Hey Victoria,

My two oldest are 15 months apart. First, make sure you have a double stroller. Second, make sure you have someone to help you out with the baby so you can make the older feel like he's still special. Sometimes kids can feel a little "left out" when there is a new baby. Let the older one help out too, make him feel like "mommy's big boy." And you need to rest. Try not to overwhelm yourself, make sure you get out and get some fresh air. Find some other new moms that you can hang with to have some "adult" time, etc.

Best!

D.

I am a mom of 2 boys 18 months apart, and now a little girl. While at first it was a little tough with the boys being so close, just the sleep issue (we had moved into a smaller house and they had to share a room, so whenever the baby would whimper, I would get him so he would not wake his brother). They have gotten along great, all along. NOw they bicker some about crazy things, but they are 8 and 9. LOL
Good luck.

Hi
My kids are 3 years apart. I am one of four children 3 of us are 11 months apart...April, March and February are our birth months in that order. My sister is 3 years younger. As an adult looking back, I don't know how my parents did it, but it was great fun. My mom was pretty organized and stayed home..how could she work, she always had a baby. You will be fine and your kids will love the close bond they will have.
good luck
l

Victoria - I am a mother of two girls (my youngest is Victoria! Although we call her Tori) I don't know if this is encouraging or not, but when I had my second (26 months after the first) one of my friends said, "It will be hard, but you just need to get through the first year" She was so right. The first year WAS hard, compounded by the fact that I have a husband who travels A LOT for business. When my baby turned one, I felt like I had made it. Now my kids are 6 and 4 - they are BEST friends. Life couldn't be easier right now. Of course they fight, but for the most part they get along sometimes disappearing into the basement to play for HOURS at a time. Sometimes I don't even know what to do with myself since I am still a stay at home mom for the moment. So, grit your teeth through that first year, but before you know it life will be sweet!

Congratulations on your second! My two oldest are 15 months apart. It was hard at first, trying to make the older one feel special and still bonding with the baby, but it does get easier! Take help whenever it is offered by family and friends, have a double stroller on hand (or a sit and stand one) for outings, and sleep as much as you can!

Mine are now 5 and 4 (and there is a 20 month old behind them) and they are great friends. They play well together and can do many of the same things. We are a military family, so wherever we move, they already have a playmate in town!

Hi Victoria,

I am a mother of 3, with one on the way, due in August. My daughter (first) will be 4 in April, then my son will be 3 in June, my youngest daughter will be 1 in Aug & 3 weeks later I am due for #4. So, I do have experience, and will have more soon, on having children close in age. My first 2 are 14 months apart, and my 2nd set of 2 will be 13 months apart. Let me tell you that I think it is fun. My 2&3 year olds play together so well! My 3 year old has taught my 2 year old so much, and now that she is out of the "terrible" stage, she is trying to set a good example for my 2 year old, who is working his way out of the stage. The only thing that I can say was a bad thing is the fact that I seem to keep 2 in diapers at all times. I am hoping that my son will decide that he is finally ready to potty train when he is 3 and a couple months, or I will have 3 in diapers. There will be trying times, but just keep your head up & it will get better. When they get older, they will be so much closer than the siblings that have bigger gaps in their ages. Good luck & God Bless!

I love having kids close in age. My kids are 3.75 yrs; 2.5 yrs, and 6 months. The 3 oldest kids play very well together and help each other out and just are there for each other. I couldn't ask for a better situation. A lot of mom's that have kids close in age say the same thing. My best friend has 3 boys that are 3.75 yrs, 2 yrs, and 4 months; and again they get along so well. It's hard at first when the older one is demanding time and attention. Just find that time for you and he to have time together still (I love reading to my girls while I nurse their little sister). Take a break every once in a while so you don't burn out and try to get some other mommies to help socialize yourself and your kids with. I go stir crazy in the house with little voices sometimes so we'll go somewhere to play or invite some friends and mommy to come over for a playdate. Congrats on your new little bundle. Good luck & God bless.

Hi Victoria!

I have two that are exactly 2 years apart (minus 2 weeks). They have been a lot of fun, plus a lot of hard work being so close together. The first year or so for me was the tough part, but once they were 2 and 4 it seemed to work much better. They have a ready-made playmate all the time. And mine really do enjoy playing together!!!

We are now going on their 4th and 6th birthdays this spring. I can only hope it continues to go as smoothly as it is. In the Sept. we added a new baby to the mix and I'm not sure if it was easier because it was the third or because there was a bigger age span in between # 2 and #3. Either way, having kids is a wonderful thing.

Good luck and enjoy!

Hi Victoria,
I was pregnant with twins and had a 18 month old. I knew the babies would take all my time and attention so I hired a mothers helper before the babies were born, so he would have someone to give him the attention and time he would need. It worked out really well. They played at the park and went for walks etc... So finding a buddy for him worked great. Good luck.
G. C

My daughters are 20 months apart, now 6 and 4 1/2. It was pretty challenging at first. My husband runs a restaurant, so he was never home in the evenings and nights -- which is the hard time of day for me. If you have a little help, you'll be fine! and they will be so close, you will love it! Especially when #2 starts playing, it will keep them busy and you'll FINALLY have a bit of time to mop the floors :) Get a backpack carrier once he's old enough. I bought one at a yard sale when my 2nd was small -- best $5 ever spent! Also don't forget to make special time for just you and your 1st.

Victoria, Well, mine are more than "somewhat" close in age...my daughter just turned 2 yesterday and my son was 8 months last week. Some days are hard, but the joy of those sweet smiles makes the hard days worth it! They are starting to interact with each other, and again, what a joy. Everyone thought I was crazy for having my daughters 15+ years apart, but thought I was even crazier for having the babies 16 months apart! They are so sweet and will bring you so much happiness, so don't worry.

I don't have any real words of encouragement but I am in the same boat. I have a little girl that is 18 months and am due with our second baby (a girl) at the end of May.

However, I have been given a lot of positive advice from some friends that have had their children close. The main advice is don't stress about the first couple months. You are going to be tired but the newborn will sleep and eat and you will have plenty of one on one time with your older child.

I am a SAHM of two children ages 3.5 and 5. The best advice I can give you is to take lots of pictures of the children as they are small because if you don't everything just becomes a blur. Also the best thing about having kids close in age is that they will play together and be each others best friend.

L. S.

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I am due at the end of June and have an equally enjoyable BUSY 16 mo old daughter :-) I *also* have two older kids who are 4 years apart. I am one of those 'busy, committed, volunteer' types. So, in preparation, I'm finishing current commitments (the biggest wraps up in early June) and letting people know that I will 'help' teach a Bible Study in the fall (I may speak publicly or sing a couple of times), but otherwise will not direct Vacation Bible School this summer, nor take a leadership position for the fall/winter so that I can take time to gage what demands will change on me with having two this small, this close together.

I think what helps the most is not expecting too much from ourselves. We are a military family so there is not really much help to speak of. I would hope for more help from the adolescent and the teenager but don't want to lean on them too hard. So, I'll try to be relaxed about chores and enjoy the wee ones. After all, they're not going to grow up and have to go to counseling because there were always dishes in the sink :-D

Right now, just keep your family your priority - but do NOT neglect time for yourself. When you take time for yourself you leave yourself in a better position to care for the others, too.

Most of all, enjoy! ...even if it's through tears some day... ;-)

My boys are exactly 20 months apart. It is alittle hard but I'm glad they are this close together. Jonathan and Sean follow each other around the house, play with each other. There is the occassional "owie". But Jonathan loved being the helper for his little brother.

I have 2 children and they were born 26 months apart. I know that's a little bit farther apart than yours will be but I think it is the perfect age difference! I have a daughter whi turned 12 in January and a son who will be 10 next week, and they are great friends. They get along well with each other 90% of the time - they have their moments but not often! I think maybe my daughter is very patient with her brother and puts up with more than she needs to, but she also plays video games with him and helps him with school work when he needs it. My son is very bright and met milestones early, which I attribute to being around his sister a lot when he was younger.

I personally think that that is a great age difference and I couldn't have planned it better!! Good luck!

My last 2 (I have 3) are about 20 months apart. They are now teenagers! When my daugher was born it was very rough the first few months, we lived far away from family and friends and I had no source of support at all outside of my husband who traveled very far to and from work.

However, when she turned 4 months, the sun came back out and I knew I was going to be OK. My first 2 are 2.5 years apart.

As they get older, doesn't matter if they are same sex or opposite, they will play together and have a strong bond. Doesn't mean they won't fight! I refer to my 2 younger ones as the old married couple, argue one minute and gentle the next as they ask a question unrelated to the arguement...too funny and touching. They are now 12.5 and 14, one grade apart and joined at the hip. I'm sometimes tempted to give them the same bedroom so she will sleep contentedly at night! They have considered it!!! LOL!!!

Enjoy them and don't stress the small stuff, too soon they are grown and taking care of themselves and you can't imagine where the years went! My oldest is now a Jr in high school, where have the years gone???

Hope that helps from a prospect of many years ago... lol!

I had all five of my kids in 6 years; the best thing I did was to make the previous one "in charge" of the new baby--you'd be surprised how helpful someone under 2 can be, especially as a diaper fetcher and baby feet washer! They're now 24, 23, 21,19,and 18; the oldest just got married in October. They still tell jokes no-one else in the world gets, including their mother. It'll be busy, and you have to make an effort to see that each one gets a little alone time with you or dad (if one of mine acted up I knew it was time to take that one grocery shopping with me, and then go to McDonald's for lunch, just the 2 of us; worked like magic). Best wishes...

I have a 4 year old daughter, a nearly 2 year old son, and a nearly 1 year old son. They boys are just 13 months apart - so I can relate to your fear. My youngest is just starting to be at that age where he can interact with his siblings a bit, and they are all doing great. There weren't even problems when I brought the new baby home from the hospital. Big brother just accepted him as a new thing in our lives. I did make sure to give big brother extra love when I wasn't dealing with little brother.
I am convinced that my boys will be best friends all through life (and possibly arch enemies at the same time - but that's ok, that's siblings :). I have brothers that are 15 months apart and now that they are grown they insist on their families living close together because they are just such best friends. I am sure that my boys will be the same way. There will be tough times - but they'll remember the good times most because they love each other.
Don't worry. Your boys will love each other - so they'll be fine.

HI. I have three kids all within 2 years of each other. The first two were easy because I had the oldest potty trained. The last two were more difficult because the older of the two was not potty trained. I think your life will be much simplier if your oldest was on the way to being potty trained. Other than that you are going to love having them so close in age. My two oldest (6 and 3 1/2) sleep with each other everynight, take baths together and love being with each other. You are going to enjoy the bond they will have being so close in age.

Well, Victoria, I have three children a 2 1/2 year old, a 15 month old and a 4 month old. If I can handle it, you can too! Everyone asked me how I was going to handle three so close, and I really didnt know. I learned to find ways to handle it, and it has come naturally, after all I am a mom and thats what we do. Yes, we have our difficulties, but it was basically a breeze with just the two. I included my older son in little tasks when the second one was born. He loved throwing trash away, and bringing his brother toys. They have a great relationship now and although there has been hard days, I know it will get easier as they are able to do more things by themselves. You can do it, just be open to asking for family/friend help especially at first. You will survive, and enjoy it too.

I have 3 children close in age (3 yr ds, 22 month dd and 4 month dd). The first two are 14 months apart and the middle and the last are 18 months apart. For me, having them close together is easy. They play together, sleep at the same times and they are helpful with the baby. They enjoy helping at this age too! I have my kids on the same schedule so their afternoon naps are during the same time so I can do what I need to around the house. I hope this helps and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask!

My 2 kids, boy and girl, are 15 months apart. Upon bringing home Madison it was hard at the beginning, but thankfully my son was already walking. As toddlers they became very close with one another. The hardest part was time!! Just try to remember to start preparing to leave the house earlier than normal. Although there's only 2 kids, with them being so close in age, you should treat it like there's 4!! Once you can get yourself used to that then it will all fall into place! My kids are now 7 and 6 and they are your typical fighting siblings, but they also have a great bond with one another! Just remember, if God brought you to it, He'll get you through it!!

Overall it will be a blessing! I have 5-year old twin boys who are best friends! They have always known how to share and take turns. They are respectful of other kids when they come to play and when we visit. The boys are also incredibly compassionate with my 87 year old Grammy who lives with us. I believe having a sibling close in age is great! My brothers were 2 and 4 years younger than me and we have very close relationships to this day. Best of luck to you and your family!! :)

Victoria,
Congratulations! My daughter was 16 months old when my son was born and like your son, a very BUSY 16 month old. They are now 22 and 6 months old - and she's STILL busy! We are just now getting to a point where we can breathe, a little! My husband and I don't have family in the area so it was just us but I'm rather proud to say that we're doing it! Any help you have will be great, but if it's only you and hubby it's possible. The first several months are quite hectic and there will be tears (your, babies, big brothers, even Daddy's!) but the joy of seeing your son give your newest one a kiss is so incredible. I don't have much advice because I'm still feeling my way through as well. But here is some, most have mentioned giving your son some "special" time, which is important. But try to remember yourself as well! Some time alone for you when you're completely out of gas will be extremely important. Also, time alone with hubby is important too.

Anyway, I hope I don't sound too discouraging! I'm not trying to. It will be very hard and very challenging BUT it will also be a very exciting and very rewarding time. There is always a ton of love around our house, along with the frustration and tears! You CAN do it. A few things to expect though - your house might smell like poo for a few months. I know, it's gross but you get used to it. With 2 in diapers there isn't alot you can do about it except burn candles. :) Even with 2 diaper champs it's still tough. Also, if you are a clean freak you might want to get over that for a while. Unless you want to spend the only 15 min to 1 hour you get alone with your hubby a day cleaning (I chose not to!) then a clean house will become a thing of that past for a while. And it will be okay! Your son might find a stray cheerio that is goodness knows how old and eat it, but it's okay! Try not to beat yourself up over the small stuff and you'll do fine.

Good luck! And sign up for any and all manufacturer coupons of diapers/formula/baby food you can!

Have fun.
-K.

Hi Victoria! I am a sahm to a 16 mo. old daughter and a 3 mo. old son who keep me very busy. :) But, not to worry, it gets easier every day. Now, I can't lie, the first month or so was pretty hectic, but as we have found a daily schedule that works for us the days have gone by without much of a hitch. I have one piece of advice that you have probably heard a thousand times: You MUST rest when both of the kids are resting!! Keep your head up, Victoria!! These will be some of the most memorable days of your life and trust me, you will have more joy than you could ever have imagined!