My 22 Months Is Too Attached to Me(mom)

I dont think you can love too much, show too much affection or any of that, and I dont believe any child is "too dependent" on mom, or too attatched. In my opinion, that strong attatchment is a healthy strong foundation, for relationships later in life.

Woman! You are doing an AWESOME job. You simply cannot love your child too much or display that by playing with them too much. If you're letting him run wild like a crazy kid (which you are not) then there would be issues, but what you are doing is wonderful. Do not stop. I'll go through your questions and post my answers here:

1) NO WAY. Do not lessen your affection.

2) Don't make him play with other kids. He's a baby still. I know many people feel the need to push their kids to make them play with others before they are comfortable. I never did. My first was very standoffish and afraid of other kids. I just let her sit by me as much as she wanted. I would encourage her by saying "did you want to play?" and then I let her follow her feelings on the matter. My daughter usually would warm up after a little while (she was older than him) and would start playing. At his age, though, mine have been the same way and often don't warm up at all to play with any of the kids. My almost 3 yr old is often wanting to be by me instead of playing with other kids. She's very social and will play often (more often she's playing than not), but I don't at all force it. I think it teaches them to trust their feelings when you let them lead the way. He's normal. Don't stress over it and he will not be ruined if he takes a while to warm up to it. I don't care how old mine are. I don't push it. Mine are all very social now, as they've gotten older (and my younger ones are still a little more shy and want me).

3) Is there really a reason he needs to be comfortable with your friends? I wouldn't do anything special to get him to warm up with my friends. Mine always want me. I'm fine with it:-) I don't do anything to make mine warm up to my family either. If they want to be warmed up to, they can come over more often and let him warm up that way.

4) If the only reason is to hopefully make him more social, no, I don't think you should. He's being normal. I think a smaller daycare is way better because he gets more attention and stimulation from adults. He doesn't need other kids right now.

Someone has made you stress far too much about this. You have been following your instincts and doing awesome. Keep it up! Let him stay with you as he wants/needs, and keep showering him with love, affection, & play. There is no reason he needs to be forced to be more comfortable around other people at his age. They learn to do it on their own. People try to push and rush it when there is no reason. That creates an insecurity. If you let him go at his own pace, he will mature and develop as fits his emotional needs. Don't worry about what other people think. There's always someone who thinks they know better and think they know how your child should be behaving. But your child should *only* behave how *your child* behaves. And mommas should follow their guts over what society thinks is normal.

Anyway, I'm in favor of you continuing to be the awesome mom that you are and interacting with him like you do. It's *totally* normal for him to want you and only you right now...and just starting to really want his dad...and don't worry if he wants other people or not. Mine always want me or their daddy over everyone at this age - including other family members and close friends. Normal, normal, normal. You are doing awesome. Keep following your instinct and love your baby as your heart tells you to!

I second Theresa C's Answer. She is right on the mark. The more love, affection and support you give you children,the better. It is clear from your questions that you are not a "permissive" parent, but a loving, consistent parent. That is what you want. You sound like at GREAT MOM! Keep it up.

K., he is still a baby at 22 months. Do not pull back from him. Many children that age are shy around a group of people. Children that age sometime play alongside other children instead of directly with them.

Try having your friends over, one or two, at time, to get him more comfortable with them. Have them engage him in play - or play alongside him.

He is not behaving any differently from most children his age - he loves his Momma, you are his security. Don't pull back from - goodness, he will do that himself at some point when he is older.

Just love him.

God Bless

There's no such thing as too much love, and I think it would be a HUGE mistake to withhold love and affection to your son. I think that it will make the problem worse, not better.

Some children just have difficulty with separation anxiety and stranger anxiety. And by "stranger" all I mean is "anyone who is not Mommy or Daddy." Giving them consistent love, affection, and letting them know that the person you are leaving them with is someone you trust (consistently and with confidence) will show him that he has nothing to fear. He's behaving age appropriately right now.

I know it's a difficult stage, but it's completely normal for his age. Keep doing what you're already doing.

I also second Theresa C's response. The times I felt as you it was with my oldest son. I didn't know what to be expecting. I have since learned to
1) not compare my baby with another
2) stay with my instincts (keep up the "i cuddle him, i play with him, i am funny with him, i act like a kid with him" !!)
and 3) found, and made friends with, some other mothers who were good at suggesting resources like Dr Sear's Attachment Style Parenting (http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130300.asp)

When your baby will play along side another his age will NOT be the same as the age level of others at the daycare. Later he will play with other kids (look at how he is starting to play with Dad!).

Whenever a pediatrician or book mentions the age of 3 and that being the age of independence, their words are usually like "Most babies at around the age of three will start exercising their independence". There is a lot of "about" and "most" and "start" words about this subject.

My three boys were "behind" and didn't start becoming independent until 3 and a half to 4 years old.

Especially enjoy your time with him. Remember: he won't be 22 months old ever again in his life! Remembering this helped me appreciate my baby all the more.

You are a loving and wonderful Mom!

I agree with Janelle. There is NO SUCH thing as too much love or affection towards your child! He's only 22 months old. We're not talking about a 22 year old that won't spend time with friends. He's still a baby!

I have ALWAYS showered my children with love and affection. ALL children go through a "mommy only" stage. It will pass, eventually.

Toddler's engage in "parallel play". They play side by side, not with each other. It takes time, understand and AGE to learn to play WITH someone.

Don't worry. You aren't spoiling him. You don't need to teach him how to play with other children yet; he'll learn that on his own, soon enough. In fact, the daycare with only two other children is the PERFECT place for him to learn that. Not so many kids as to be overwhelmed. Besides, humans function best in groups of three or four. More than that and situations usually get sticky.

Keep doing what you're doing. Your little one will grow out of his "mommy only" phase all on his own!

Your son's behavior sounds normal to me. At 22 months he's beginning to be aware that he's a separate being from you which causes separation anxiety until he masters the skill, ie. becomes comfortable being separate.

And at 22 months, he is not yet socially mature enough to play with toddlers his age. This age of toddler play more side by side. He'll play with older children because they know how to play with him.

And there is no such thing as too much love as long as you're balancing it with appropriate discipline. Please don't stop reducing your affection towards him. To do so would be damaging. He would lose trust in you which will carry trust issues into his adult life.

Every one of us, babies or children, or adults have enough room in our hearts for all the love we can get. Otherwise how could parent's love more than one child?

Your sounds like he's well adjusted and behaving with different groups of people in age appropriate ways. Don't change a thing.

I don't believe it's possible to spoil a child with "too much love."

Where spoiling starts: failing to follow through on reasonable rules and instructions, rewarding/bribing to get a child to behave, giving in to every demand by the child, even the inappropriate ones, or giving other special treatment designed to manipulate the child emotionally or physically.

A 22mo child won't play "with" other littles. At best, he'll be interested in them and whatever they're playing with, but he'll play alongside them. Real social interaction won't start for quite a few months yet, and this is normal. It's good that he'll interact with older children – they are more likely to take a personal interest in what he likes and responds to.

To help him become more comfortable with your friends, it will probably help if you are interacting with him and them at first, and then gradually withdraw a bit so he's interacting more directly with them.

But his desire to keep you in view is very common at this age, when many children experience separation anxiety. He probably doesn't know that when you're out of sight, you still exist, so he's not absolutely sure you'll come back again. It may help him if you repeatedly tell him, when you leave the room, that you'll be right back. If he hears that over and over, and you show up again as promised, he'll gradually come to trust that you will come back to him, as promised.

I think he's a lucky little guy if you take the time to interact with him playfully. Play is the primary mode of learning for young children, and you're stimulating his little brain to grow optimally.

And receiving love from one source doesn't block it from other sources. His capacity to receive and to give will continue to grow as he matures. Right now he's still pretty much the center of his own world, and only understands his own needs. You'll see that begin to change a lot in the next couple of years.

Oh my gosh, no. Please don't reduce your affection for your child. You can't over love him.

He's just going through a normal stage, stranger anxiety, that happens around this age ( it is usually a phase that can reoccur too, and can even happen around non strangerst), where he'll seek comfort with you because you are safe. The best thing to do is continue to be loving. When he gets through this phase he'll be happy and balanced and ready to play with other kids.

I'm sure you are a great mom, keep loving and playing with your little guy.

I am just appalled that anyone would think you are loving your child too much! Listen to your gut. You are right in recognizing that you have a gift of loving kids. What a blessing that is for your child!

At this young age, do not expect him to go hang out with others. I would never put my child in a commercial daycare just for the benefit of being with more kids. Do you think he will get more loving attention there?

When people tell you that you are giving your child too much love, just say that your pediatrician says it's not possible. Anytime people tried to tell me things that I didn't agree with, I would just say that my pediatrician told me differently. They never knew what to say after that.

I think your mom is jealous that you have such a magnet for kids. All kids are different, too, so don't compare your kid to others.

Please, please do not withhold affection from your child. You are not spoiling him. It is very common for a child at 22 months to be clingy or have a little separation anxiety. It doesn't mean you are loving him too much at all.

Also, children that are 22 months do not play *with* one another. Instead, they "parallel play", meaning they play alongside other children, but they are usually so absorbed in what they are doing they rarely engage in cooperative play with the children around them. This is a TOTALLY normal developmental stage for toddlers and preschool age children.

aww he just misses you, even just a couple hours is a long time in toddler time. he knows you're coming back but he doesnt understand why you have to leave in the first place. My son is the same way with his daddy. my husband works two jobs so sometimes my son goes a day or two without seeing him, but when daddy is home he wants nothing to do with me. I can't even play with the two of them sometimes because he doesnt want to share his "daddy time" oh and my son doesnt like to play with other kids either (he is 22mnths) its just a phase