My 3.5 Year Old Gets His Feelings Hurt Very Easily

I recommend a book called " The Highly Sensitive child".
It has a quiz up front that has simple yes/no answers and will tell you if this fits your child. They tend to observe for a long time to make sure they really understand what is going on and then just do it. The also pause to check that situations are safe, and since they sense more than the average person it takes them longer to make sure everything is OK. Walking into a classroom they do not just see a bunch of kids in a room, but see the way the light slants through the blinds, the way the temperature varies from the door to the window, the way the room smells, the background noise and occasional yells of the kids, even the mood of the crowd. This is a lot to process and verify that it is OK to enter. My daughter is a text book perfectionist. She did not even attempt to pull up or walk until 14 months and then she got up and ran. She is super sensitive to tags in clothes, to brightness, heat, smells, etc. She hated crowds and for that reason did not like school, and cried every single day until well into 3rd grade, but hated the attention it caused. She also preferred to become calm on her own without others asking her questions or giving advise. (We worked with her teachers to give her morning tasks, like taking a note to the office, or books to the library, or sharpening all the pencils so she could be off on her own for a reason). She spoke early however, and is doing very well academically (now she is 15). I found that there are many positives with this temperament but at a young age you may only see the negatives, except for the truly loving nature of the child. I would get this book out of the library and see if it helps you. There are chapters by age group that explain behavior and give advice how to deal with it (both for highly sensitive adults of which I am one so a lot of this stuff seemed natural to me, and for non-sensitive adults who may find all this behavior rather puzzling and even annoying).
Good luck.
http://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Child-Children-Ove...

Sounds like my daughter. Her very first tantrum was because her piece of cheese ripped.

She's 4 now, and yesterday she didn't want to read this one book her brother wanted me to read because a girl falls down in it and hurts her knee. This same child, when 19 months old, cried for 30 minutes when we read about the 3 little kittens losing their mittens.

And I swear, I hate, hate, hate having to straighten her covers every night. Everything has to be just so.

The rituals as you describe them sound normal to me. I have a 2 and 3 year old and both of them like to have things done a certain way. For example, the 2 year old has 2 blankets and always has to have me put them on him in a certain order. The 3 year old has a process he goes through when using the potty, the stool he stands on has to be placed just so. When going outside, he has to first put on particular pair of hat and mittens. The list goes on and on...the almost 4 year old has begun to give up some of these tendencies but there are times I just want to scream, "Can't we just go!". It's life with a toddler/preschooler.

My son has a similar personality type.

At just-turned-3, he cried for an hour, I swear, when his friends found a dead grasshopper at the playground.

Now, at 5.5, he's doing amazingly well. He reads at a 3rd-grade level and is advanced in math as well. He's thoughtful, introverted, and introspective, but he has wonderful friendships. He continues to have some sensory issues, though not as many as in toddlerhood. And he's definitely got some motor delays, but overall he's a wonderful, happy, confident kid.

The two things we did that were most helpful were to enroll him in a Montessori preschool and to eliminate all dairy from his diet, since dairy sensitivity can often produce symptoms of clinical depression in young kids. I know it sounds strange, but the results were like night and day for us.

I could go on and on and on about this distinct personality type and some of the physical issues that accompany it, but I won't try your patience unless you want more. Send me a message w/ any specific questions if you like.

Best wishes,

Mira

Don't worry about not walking until 16 months - I had 1 walk at 16 and 1 at 17 1/2. They are both teenagers now, no problems. My brothers and I were all late walkers. My youngest son also got upset easily like yours. We found that it helped that we explained things before events. For example if he wants to pick a flower explain that it can't be put back together afterward - before you pick it so he can change his mind. Some children feel out of sorts when the don't feel they are in control. We could never take my son on a surprise outing - it caused him too much stress. We always had to tell him what was going on before hand. We kept his routine pretty much the same to eliminate his feeling of loss of control. My son is now 15, Eagle scout, 4.2 GPA. He also had OCD tendencies in elementary school, focus problems and he takes ADD medication and was placed in the gifted program. He also had a great vocab early. Learn what makes your son stress and avoid the situations.
He has to feel in control of something, which will make it easier for him to handle what he can't. Explain, Prepare Beforehand, Explain. He also has a problem with literal interpretation of things - so he doesn't make assumptions like most people. Give him some choices, but make some things non negotiable - like a family outing - but prepare him don't just assume he will go with the flow.
I thought it would drive me crazy when he was a preschooler, but they all grow up.

You've got a lot going on with him, more than just his sensitive feelings. It sounds like you're definitely concerned about his development, so it's a great time to start investigating that more. I agree to not be hasty about a possible diagnosis. But if there is an issue, early diagnosis is very helpful for success. If there even is a diagnosis, you should feel right about it in your gut before believing the doctor. It sounds like he does have some OCD tendencies, so it's really important to get on top of that before it gets harder for him to control.

If everything is normal with him, he may just be a "highly sensitive person." Google it, seriously. It sounds like you're handling his sensitive feelings very well. You're acknowledging them but you're not dwelling on them. As he progresses he'll eventually learn you can't fix everything.