Hello! Does anyone else have a young child that just always has to win every game? I'm not talking athletics here. I'm talking board games and even tic tac toe. My son loves playing board games, but do I let him peek at the cards sometimes so that he gets the one he wants? Do I let him win every tic tac toe because he tells me, "Mommy, don't block me please." Do I let him spin the dial and allow him to move 4 places, even though he got 3? Should I even care because he is only 4 years old??
Now, I always go over the rules and he understands. He just wants to be one step ahead of me. He never gets mad if someone else wins, but I will notice that he tries to be sly about his moves. I will say something like, "Honey, you have to play by the rules and be fair to everyone. You shouldn't peek in the bag or move too many places because that is not following the rules."
Should I continue to let him be so slick?!! Sounds so silly, but I don't want him to grow up to be a cheater!!! Ha
That's a good question! Yes it's a common thing for that age. I don't let my son get away with being slick, I do however not try as hard to win. Sometimes I win, sometimes he does. Sometimes my 4-year old beats me fair and square! I want him to have a sense of accomplishment for a job well done. Not he-he I got away with that. As he gets older I will play more seriously.
NO no no! Do not let him change the rules or cheat!! That's just teaching all the wrong things. I know it's tempting...but don't.
If you want him to win (which is important at that age) more often than not, I think it's okay for YOU to purposely "do bad"...but don't change the rules or let him cheat.
With my six year old, for example, if we're playing Monopoly and she's going for one set of properties, I won't buy them up to prevent her from getting it, for example. But if she lands on my property...yes, she has to pay. I don't play anything as competitively as I would if I were playing another adult, etc...but she does win on her own, now, at least half the time.
If he doesn't get mad when someone else wins...I don't think you have a problem. I also don't think his age matters...he's four, he is capable of understanding why rules are there. If he really doesn't quite get it, then start making up all your own wacky rules to win and then explain that "see, that isn't very fair, or fun. Everyone has to have the same rules, so we can all have fun."
Good luck...and congrats on playing games with him!!! :) That's the best!
It's a developmental thing. Preschoolers are still learning the rules and aren't always ready to be consistent. My 5 year old is the same way. The concept of playing fair and having everyone follow the same rules comes a little later (maybe age 7 or second grade). In our house we mix it up and will play a game by the "real" rules some times and let the kids make up their own game rules other times.
This is normal. He won't grow up to be a cheater. With my daughter, who was upset when she didn't win, I decided to not play board games with her until she was able to grasp the concept of rules and playing fair and not have to win all of the time.
With my grandchildren, we picked the games to play based on their age. And since the games are so simple we did allow them to win some of the time. (up until about age 6 or 7) Otherwise they'd never win. However, we do insist on only moving the correct number of spaces and have the correct number of cards, stuff like that. We try to make the games more fun than competitive so we aren't a stickler about the rules.
What I do when I see one of them being "slick" is to call them on it in a joking way. They'll put the card back. Again it's not important to win. It's important to have fun.
At 4 your son is not mature enough to appreciate rules and fair play. In just a few years he'll insist on fair play. My 10 you granddaughter for some time now is at the age where most things are either black or white. She has a hard time playing board games with her brother.
It sounds like what you're doing is working and you're mostly worried about him cheating. I would continue as you are and not worry about the cheating. He'll mature and understand the rules better.
Sounds like you are right on target – gentle, consistent correction will get him there. My 5yo grandson is gradually realizing that winning isn't winning if there's no chance of losing, either because he tries to cheat or because adults make it too easy to win. It takes awhile for the point of playing to sink in. We also make a big deal out of congratulating each other for wins, including loud cheers, fist bumps, hand slaps and shakes. It's almost as much fun for him now as winning.
My son is 6 and will cry when we are playing games if he is losing. I do not go easy in them, if I have a chance to win I take it! And if he cheats, I will call him out! We are working on not being sore losers, but it is a hard lesson to learn.
Well, my daughter is the opposite, LOL. She doesn't want to win the game because then the game is over and she wants to keep playing (even though I tell her we can play again). She's almost 5. I think my son was kind of like your son. I would just keep to the rules of the game.
Ha! When my son was 10, he spent the weekend with a family that we were friends with. They did lots of things, including playing Monopoly. When I went to pick him my friend said "We played Monopoly, you know that little stinker cheats!". It reminded me of the line from Cats, about Rum Tum Tugger "he cheats at cards, you know".
Mine has always had a proclivity to give him himself a little edge when playing games. I have always been scrupulous in catching him out and calling him on it. He usually sheepishly apologizes and moves his playing piece back, or puts the money back in the bank, or returns the extra card to the deck.
He is older now, (14) and while the cheating has stopped he is still fiercely competitive and hates to loose.
So, I say call him on it. When he gets older and is playing games with his friends they will suss him out immediately if he cheats. Begin teaching him the finer points of fair play now. Or, like mine, you will sometimes wonder if he isn't going to grow up to be a grifter.
Haha, I think its a stage.
However I would keep trying to get him accept losing a game or two just to teach him that its okay if he does. So that he doesnt get upset or angry when playing with you or other children. Teaching him the rules is a good thing, and lets him know he has to play the game the right way like everyone else.
Well I haven't run into this, having twins there is going to be a winner and a loser its all in the game. Yes he is only 4 but when he does go to school he is probably going to get upset when he loses for the first time or is told no that is not how you play the game.
