My 4Yr Old Wont Stop Talking

Yes, I am laughing but its not what you think. I have the same problem with my 3yr old. She talks from the time she wakes up to the time she goes to sleep. And yes, it drive me nuts too. She will talk and talk and talk and she wants answers when she wants them. I have recently discovered that she has an elevated testosterome level, which might be part of her problem. I have not taken her to see a speicalis yet but I plan to very soon. I am a full time student; taking classes online and I also work full time, so have a little peace and quiet is almost a must for me. I honestly don't have any suggestions for you, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

I feel for you if you find the pill please give me it too to give my daughter...lol She's 7yrs old and don't know that her mouth can be closed for even a min.

Dear K. J,
I am writing to encourage you to examine the statement "Moms don't get space." Moms are people too. People have needs. Needs are not bad, they just are.
When my daughter gets in "talkative mode" she can go on for a long time, and it is annoying. But when I am not getting enough alone time it is just intolerable to me. At first, I feel badly because my intolerance makes me a "bad Mom". I have to remind myself that my intolerance is a red flag telling me I need some alone time because my need is not being met.
Though I lived for many years believing wholeheartedly in the "Moms don't get space" idea, I now struggle against its tyranny because the idea is very unhealthy for me and by extension, for my family. This is precisely because I need space. Inside the heads of noble, loving Moms are poisonous "good Mom" sayings such as "Moms don't get space". These sayings can be very harmful. They must be rooted out. "Good Mom" can be a real liar.
You say you are a quiet person who needs space. Add in that you are a home school teacher, and your need becomes even greater. Acknowledge and honor your need. Remember that taking good care of yourself is a very significant and positive lesson for your children.
I work on my alone time goal every week. It is hard work. Sometimes I have to do deep breathing while I wait for my alone time to come!! When I have alone time I write and make things. Doing these things bring me joy in a different way than being a Mom brings me joy. But for some reason I can't have one without the other! Maybe you are like that too?
I do hope the depression lifts for you very very soon. I have suffered with that myself before and know how it feels. Look after yourself with the same loving care you give your children. Blessings to you. R.

Homeschool moms need to stick together! LOL. For my own sanity, I instituted a mandatory 1 hr. leave mom alone/quiet time. They do not have to sleep, but they must play quietly by themselves. Read you are a full-time student and home educator.... You're probably starved for some quiet time, so this is not going to be a quick fix. Don't know if your husband is able to hold down the fort so you can go out for a day and hide. It's too cold for him to take them out for the day to the park, but if he's up for the adventure, maybe he could take them to the mall for a few hours. And, while you're alone, DO NOT do housework, bills... Rest, take bubble bath, something you enjoy that relaxes you, not winds you up. You probably need a few weekends like that until we make it to the spring and summer. If he is working several shifts, maybe you can find a relative, or, if the girls have friends you trust, send them to visit their friends. I'm still searching for a babysitter so I can schedule the breaks instead of them happening haphazardly.
P.S. Try not to change her. You will be grateful someday that she is so talkative and that she wants to be open with you. When your children begin to experience things like peer pressure, low morals, and bad manners, you'll be glad they are able to communicate with you. All relationships can feel draining when we already don't have anything left to share, so that's why I suggested making sure you find pockets in the day when you can recharge your battery. Either your 4-year-old goes to bed before her big sisters or they all have quiet time in the day, or a combination! It also helps me to wake before everyone else every day and stay up 1 hr. past everyone sometimes, so I can stretch, dress in silence (except hubby), check emails, read Bible, etc. This way, I get about 3 hrs. in the day of silence! I'm also an introvert in a house of extroverts. It can be intense, but I'm learning ways to survive!

I have SAD (depression from low light during the winter, and when it's cloudy for more than one day). It's adult onset almost always and I have been able to successfully treat it with looking at a light box and riding my exercise bike nightly throughout the winter. That is MY TIME where I read, get exercise, and the light I need, which is a need of my brain. I do it after my son is in bed, and I get a shower every day too, which is a luxury. I also take B6 vitamins to help make seratonin in my brain. (I can only find huge amounts of RDA, so I bang it with a rolling pin and take about an 8th or 10th of a pill daily.) The light/exercise combo is fabulous and with the B6 thrown in I can get through, things roll off me better, etc.

An idea for your daughter - I am not a big fan of lots of TV, videos, etc and home educate my 3 1/2 yr old son, but we really like starfall.com. It's phonics based reading. He can control the mouse himself and I can hear what he's doing and know it's educational. Something along those lines might really help. He also has a calculator that he holds like a cell phone and "talks" to all kinds of people about things and I don't have to respond. Good luck!! D.

I totally understand what you are going through!!! When I got married I came from a household that was VERY quiet...and when I got married to a man with two kids, I got an earful!! I had to force them to play together or do worksheets, etc and I only had so much patience....redirecting their attention really helped. However, as they got older, they were both in school and that was a time for me to be around adults or by myself and it was much better...but to home-school, you don't get the same breaks I do - so make sure to take breaks when you can!! That will help....
Also - I always wondered how moms in check out lanes could totally ignore their children - 'Mommy! Mommy!' I would look at the moms and think - why not respond to your child? But after having that in your ear all day long, it's easy to just tune it out and try to focus on something else....however, even though it seems easy to drown them out, and may work for a while, I actually found that it's better to have eye contact, acknowledge what the child is saying, and then respond...so they feel like they are getting the attention they need....of course, at appropriate times. If it is an inappropriate time, or quiet time, etc, then hold up a finger and look her in the eye and tell her that it's not the right time and you will listen later...my daughter would interrupt all the time - and so I had to start teaching her that I do care what she has to say, but not if it is disruptive. It took a LONG time to get that across to her, but now she understands better - she is 8 now. If she starts to interrupt, i can even just give her a look and she will apologize and wait her turn....then I will give her eye contact and acknowledge her and give her my undivided attention. I also have one-on-one time with her so she knows that is a good time to have me to herself...your daughter will eventually learn she cannot have attention ALL the time, but do try to focus in on her when you can and maybe give her some one-on-one time and see how that affects her...and of course when you are with the other kids and she is so enthusiastic and wants to tell you about everything, it is an inappropriate time...try to just acknowledge her and let her know you will listen when you have time and for her to be patient and in the meantime do something else and redirect her attention to another activity. If it isn't disruptive, then try to focus in on what she is saying instead of just being annoyed that she is talking....(easier said than done). But if it is an appropriate time, maybe if you can direct your attention to what she is saying instead of being stressed out by trying to do something else and paying attention to her at the same time and getting annoyed at her just talking, you will be able to reduce your stress level and enjoy what she has to say. Good luck!!!

Try encouraging her to talk to her sisters, to ask them questions about them instead of always talking about her.

i would have your 8 and 9 year old help out by taking care of the 2 little ones for 1 hour, EVERYDAY. so that you can go have your quiet time in another room. LOCK YOUR DOOR. LOL and turn on some white noise, a loud air purifier..it will muffle everything out. Then take a NAP. Or put a movie on for the kids to watch. QUIET TIME isn't just for kids only. YOU can have the quiet time, if your kids don't want to.

If you make this a routine EVERY night, they should adjust to it and know what to expect every night.

I can totally relate. I have a 4yo daughter and there are days I could swear that she never stops talking! I did a quick (but not thorough) look at the other answers. I hope I don't repeat too much.

First, I like the response about her talking to her sisters sometimes. If possible, that would help you and give you a break. Also, there have been times I've given my daughter a brief period of silence (about 2 minutes). I try to use some humor when I do it so she doesn't get crushed. It gives me just enough time to regain my sanity and also tends to slow her down just a little when she's aloud to talk again. It's temporary, but everything helps.

Finally, I don't know where things stand with naps in your house, but when my 4yo seemed to be giving up her naps (around 2.5 or 3, I think), I started a "quiet playtime" routine. It used to be every day, now that she's getting older it's every other day or every couple of days. I allow her to gather a few toys if she wishes and I bring her up to her room for quiet play. (I usually do it around the same time my son--21 months--naps so I can maximize my time!) She stays in her room 1/2-1 hour, depending on a lot of things. It's good for her to learn to entertain herself a little and it's good for mommy's brain to get a small break! I don't know if such a thing would fly in your household, but it may be worth a try.

I hope you find some relief!
B.

This may sound simple, but I have 3 boys, ages 5, 4, and 2 and know what you mean!!

Try a timer, and set it for a short time at first, like 3 minutes, or 5 minutes, so she knows there is an end in sight to the silence. And make it like a game instead of "be quiet!" like you'd love to yell. :)

Tell her, let's play a game and see if we can not talk until the timer goes off! Let's try it, and soon she might like setting it herself, plus make it for 10 minutes, that will give you a little more peace. And maybe make a sticker chart for "quiet prizes" or something like that. They need incentives and fun to do things.

I hope that works!!

God bless you....
V.

I have a 4 yr old daughter that does the same exact thing. I know what you mean by everything on her mind comes out, and when they are sharp as a tack, it amazes me the things that she says. Now... I talk a lot myself, so I have learned to have to listen. I try to remember that her years of talking to us are limited. when she becomes a teenager, she won't care to talk to us... we won't understand what she is going through... etc. But for now the things that I know gets her to calm down (when I need to just sit in quiet) are 1) drawing/crafts... she loves doing her artwork playing with playdough etc. 2) listening to music. Granted a lot of times she ends up singing along - a 4 yr old singing "my boyfriend's back" is actually quite funny - but at least it is a more structured chatter... 3) watching a movie. Depending on what movie it is, it at least gives us an hour and 30 minutes of semi quiet. I use the latter sparingly b/c I do not want to use tv as a babysitter, but when I've had a tough day at work, it helps.

i don't know if any of these things will work for your daughter. i know I read some things about timers and quiet play... those things wouldn't work with my daughter... she'd forget about the timer, or the fact that she is supposed to be quiet. And would most likely rebel and be even louder. :)

have a wonderful day!
~K.

Ear plugs are a life saver.

Two suggestions...
1. for quiet time, actually set a timer so that she can see that there is still time left.

2. reverse the role. pick a day and for an hour or two, you act like her. keep calling her name, asking her questions, pointing things out, etc. (This was a big hit at my house with hubby and a bit fun!)

M.

If you're already on depression meds, are you seeing a doctor regularly? Please, talk to your doctor in detail about this and ask the doctor about positive coping mechanisms that help you but don't punish your daughter for her chattiness. Chattiness is perfectly normal for a child her age -- and is probably a very good sign of intelligence and verbal ability too, so as annoying as it can be at times, it's not something to treat like it's bad behavior. She does need to learn some boundaries, like all four-year-olds do, and gently but consistently enforcing a quiet time is a good idea. Do you give her structure for quiet time? She needs to have it at a consistent time each day, in a consistent place, maybe using a timer, and with plenty of good, engaging quiet activities so quiet time is attractive to her and she doesn't get bored and wander out after two minutes.

"Talking to her like she talks to me" until she cries isn't going to help either of you; that works temporarily for you, but in the long run may make her feel like she can't talk to mom when she needs to.

She's at the age when the whole world and every day in it is SO interesting to her and she wants to share it with you -- and share it and share it until you just want some quiet. We've all been there as parents. But you've got older girls and surely at least some of them did this too, so you know it's a phase that will end; is it possible that it's the depression, not her chattiness, that's really at work? Try to focus on carving out some time for yourself without making her feel like she has to clam up. Engage her older sisters in talking and playing with her more (they may not love it but they're old enough to take your instructions to play a simple board game with her while you escape to another room for a while). Or sometimes, have her draw pictures of what she wants to tell you rather than talking--make it a game, get her great crayons to do it, etc. Or get your husband to take over with her for you and let him be her listener. Yep, you get the brunt of it since you're home with her but he can engage her with lots of questions when he is home and on weekends.

And do ensure you are not just getting meds but also talking to your doctor about this -- it sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now.

I have four daughters as well... the talking is non-stop, the drama is non-stop, and they are just as rough as boys (at least, mine are). It is draining, and you always have to be in your tip-top frame of mind and have a LOT of energy. I definitely understand what you are talking about. I have felt that way SOOOO many times!!!!

Having said that, the problem isn't that fact that she is talking so much, the problem lies within how you are feeling... You need some time to your self perhaps, or maybe you are on the wrong medication, maybe you need to do some yoga, or perhaps you shouldn't be on medication at all, maybe some therapy... Whatever it is, always remember that you need to take care of your self first, so you can be prepared to "deal" with your girls.

Please don't take it out on your 4 year old, though- she isn't the root of the problem. Find the cause, and work from there. Good Luck!

I don't really have any advice for you. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Both my kids (my daughter AND my son) are super chatters. My son is in this phase right now and I totally agree...it IS hard to think straight or to have any complete thoughts while they are talking. I tend to nod my head a lot and say, "un huh" to let them know they have my attention...partially :) and it seems to be enough for them. Good luck!