My ex husband just recently divorced from his second wife and his ex mother in law is insisting my child needs counseling to deal with all the issues. But she has not been exhibiting any behavior, in my opinion, that would warrant her going to couseling. She is doing great in my opinion. The only time she worries or stresses is when her grandmother brings it up as if she should go to counseling. I also beleive she is badmouthing her father and his new girlfriend to my daughter. Please help! What would you all do? I've already checked with my therapist and she doesn't beleive my daughter needs counseling either because she is doing fine and if we are all okay with the situation then so will she be. I've tried to keep their relationship going for the sake of my daughter but maybe her grandmother is too emotionally involved and needs to spend less time with my daughter until she gets over her anger about what my exhusband did to her daughter.
hmmm why is she still spending time her? no relationship is needed unless your daughter had spent years with her and really wants one.
It seems that this woman is really NOTHING to your daughter anymore -- technically speaking, that is. I think if I were you I would explain to this woman in a friendly manner that YOU are her mother and you will decide IF and WHEN your daughter needs counseling. Advise her that if she wishes to remain in your daughter's life, as a grandmotherly figure, she will need to be a positive influence and that means that the topic of the divorce and/or counseling is off limits to her during her visits with your daughter.
I commend you for trying to be civil about this but this woman really has no place to tell you what to do!
p.s. Sounds like the LAST thing your ex needs is ANOTHER woman in his life right now. I hope, for your sake, that the insanity does not multiply again! Poor kids.
I think that since that there is no relationship between your daughter and the ex mother-in-law she shouldn't have to be subjected to the "grandmother" comments. Kids are able to deal with things much better than adults. Maybe the ex mother in law is the one who needs counseling to deal with it. If your daughter does want to spend time with that woman then I suggest you tell her that you consulted a therapist and she is fine end of discussion. I would also lay down the law that under NO circumstances should anything negative about her father or even the ex step mom should be said in front of or within earshot of your child or any other child for that matter.
Personally, I would limit contact or not have any at all.
Best of luck.
I think limiting the time your daughter spends with her grandmother is a good idea. Perhaps a talk with your daughter can also help her see that everyone deals with hurtful situations in different ways. Some people are able to adjust easily, others not so easily. Your daughter should know that she shouldn't feel a certain way just because her grandmother thinks she should. Let your daughter know that you will listen if she needs to talk about the situation and if her grandmother says anything that makes her uncomfortable. If the situation continues and is causing problems you might want to tell the grandmother that there will be no contact until she gets her emotions under control and can act in a manner that will be nuturing for your daughter. Good luck!
If you can't manage to be busy every thime she tries to contact you (thank God for Caller ID), I suggest you tell her the truth: The child is being supervised by an excellent therapist and things are going swimmingly. That's all anyone needs to know.
