My husband teases and harasses our 16 year old daughter. She is usually calm and happy with everyone else. She will be doing her homework or hanging with me and her friends and he will pick on her until she is a screaming crying mess. It is getting to the point where her and I are having girl outings all the time so we don't have to deal with him.She shouldn't swear and yell at him to leave her alone ,but why can't he leave her alone?
He told our pastor at marriage counseling that he is very jealous of our daughter and feels he has to compete with her for my affection. He also told our pastor the teasing allegations are all fabrications.Which is ludicrous ,our marriage is on the rocks because of the affairs he has had and the fact that he has been unemployed for two years. I have tapes of how childish he acts.Any suggestions on what I can do to fix this mess? All of this is making me sick and I feel like a bad mom.
Set up some nanny cams and record him doing this. Then show the pastor. But I'd be willing to say that you and the rest of the family and the pastor need to stand up to him and tell him to lay off or move out.
At the point that you are taping your husband in order to show his childish behaviors, the marriage is long over. I can't imagine a situation in which:
My husband confessed to our pastor that he is very jealous of any of our children
My husband lied about behaviors regarding teasing our children
My husband had multiple affairs
My husband refused to work/remained unemployed for long stretches of time with no real reason
I feel the need to video tape my husband's behaviors to validate/prove it
The marriage is dead - you just need to call the coroner.
Suggestions on what you can do to fix this?
Kick him to the curb.
The only thing making you feel like a bad mom is not protecting your daughter from him.
He is abusive and it has to stop.
You make it stop by evicting/divorcing him.
It's not going to be easy - but once he is gone - you are all going to feel so much better.
He cheats, doesn't work, abuses and is "jealous" of his own daughter and calls you, his wife, a liar, in front of your pastor.
What exactly do you want to fix?
I really hope this is a troll post :-(
Your husband is acting like a child. He is bullying your daughter. If you saw another adult bullying your child what would you do? Would you step in to protect her? Of course you would, and you must do that now as well. If he continues to act like a childish bully I would seriously consider finding a new place for you and your daughter to live, or kicking him out. Best of luck.
Usually I wouldn't say this, but kick him to the curb. He sounds like a childish, idiotic a-hole.
yes, you can fix this mess by removing yourself and your daughter from a situation where she is forced to cope with an immature as$hole who is jealous of her and disrespectful of you.
it sucks that you have allowed her to be victimized this way. sorry, but letting him reduce her to screaming and 'coping' with it by having girl outings is teaching her terrible, unhealthy, lifelong damaging lessons about how relationships should work.
your marriage counseling is clearly not working. your husband is a liar, a cheater and a bully. he's also lazy, and your efforts to fix all this include taping him to get proof that he's a lying cheating bullying shiftless loser.
duh.
if you don't want to be sick and feel like a bad mom, get healthy and be a good mom.
protect your kids.
keep them away from scumbags.
khairete
S.
I would tell him this marriage is not working for me and I want to live apart. Make him move out. I would divorce him. I would not tell my daughter anything to make her feel like it is her fault. Wow. Just Wow. I cannot imagine being married to an adult who is this immature, mean and ABUSIVE. I would protect my child first over my marriage. This makes me very angry just reading about it.
Leave him.
Because if you stay with him, you WILL be a bad mom.
Wow. How can you stand being married to him? WHY are you still married to a man who is not faithful, is jealous of his daughter and abuses her, lies in marriage counseling and can't keep a job?
The only way you can fix this is stop being married to him. Be a good mother by not making your daughter go through this anymore. She is either going to end up hating men, or being with a man who treats her like her father does.
Are you staying with him because the pastor says you shouldn't leave him? Don't let the pastor's religious beliefs ruin you and your child's
lives. You do NOT have to stay with this man.
Well you can't 'fix' your husband. It's not your responsibility nor it is possible.
You can however chose to handle it differently. You can separate which is what I would do if my husband cheated on me and was causing this much tension in the home.
What does the pastor suggest?
Well since you are already going to counseling what does your pastor say about it? If you have tapes have you shown them to the pastor? If it keeps up I would leave he's a childish, immature man that is jealous of his child. He needs counseling on his own it sounds like.
P.
Sounds like you don't have a marriage.
This is going to be from "HIS" side....
Your husband does NOT feel like he getting attention from you, so he lashes out at the one he feels is stealing you from him. You ignore that. Tell us what you DO with him? Anything? Or do you only focus on your daughter? You're partly to blame for this. You're not listening to him and his needs. there has to be a compromise.
This is from MY opinion:
You're with him WHY? He has cheated on you - how many times? Have you been checked for STDs?
You want to feel vindicated with the pastor? Then set up Nanny Cameras throughout the house and record his actions. Then show it to him and your pastor.
WHY can't get a job? Sorry - but the job market is doing well. How have you been surviving if he's not working?
I don't understand why you aren't standing up to him. I don't understand why you aren't showing your daughter how to deal with his antics. She needs to learn to deal with jerks. Yes, her dad is a jerk. Sorry.
try marriage counseling. if that fails then send him packing. he needs to mature. and you cannot force that. so have a professional try to help him or divorce to save your daughter
My husband has a great sense of humor. We have a teenage daughter. Years ago, I could see that his joking with her at certain times of the month when her fuse was short, wasn't working. I talked to him privately about it and guess what? He stopped making certain jokes that he could then see weren't working for her. That's what a mature person does.
Given all that you've laid out here, it seems as if you have a very immature person on your hands to say the least. This can't be fixed if your husband doesn't see that he's the major part of the problem. The list of cons is too long for my taste and I can't imagine what your husband is contributing to the marriage or the family. Start working on an exit plan before your daughter thinks all men are jerks. Best of luck to you.
