My Kids Didn't Seem to Miss Me

No but then I have never walked in the door and started asking for my kids to drop everything and love me.

geez.
tiny tiny children being burdened with guilt by their own mother.
they had a 'treat' day with their daddy, you came home when they were tired and distracted, and now you're laying this heavy wet blanket of guilt all over them for not greeting you like puppies.
knock it off.
every single parent in the world (at least the ones who are paying attention) deal with the i-like-the-other-parent better syndrome from time to time.
mature parents accept it joyfully as part of the natural cycle of parenting.
i hope you break the guilt-trip-your-kids cycle before you damage them permanently.
khairete
S.

If you can leave home and the kids are perfectly content with their father - something good and right is happening. If you were to come home and they rush to you crying or try to stop you from leaving when you go next time, then something would be wrong.

You were only away 10 hours, one day. You were barely gone long enough to be missed.

You are being too sensitive. They are 3 and 16 months. You can't communicate articually with a 16 month old.

Don't let your hurt feelings because they didn't jump run scream in joy when you walked in the door. Thank dad for making things nice for them while you were away and that they were comfortable and secure.

I recall years ago being away from my mom for about a week and when I got dropped off she made such a big freaking deal that I hug and kiss her that moment in front of everyone. I was older than your children and that embarrassed the dickens out of me in front of peers. It's something I never forgot to this day and I've never been affectionate with her since.

This is a good thing they didn't miss you! It means they knew you were coming back.

Please stop looking for trouble where there isn't any. You are way over thinking this and looking for trouble.

Don't demand that your children "love" on you. That's not good. Respect her "NO" if she says she doesn't want kisses. You are making a mountain out of a mole hill. PLEASE. STOP.

This is a good thing. It means that they were in good hands while you were gone! They were happy and safe, and they were confident you were coming back.

This is so much better than the alternative ... feeling like you're a bad mom if you ever leave your kids, even for an hour, with (gasp) THEIR OWN FATHER!

Don't you want them to feel happy and safe with their own father?

What do you mean that you "correct and redirect" too much? Are you using that as a euphemism for saying that you constantly punish your children? Is this your guilty conscience speaking? Look inside yourself to answer that.

Beyond that - the behavior sounds normal!

I think you are taking things WAY too personally. They are so young and they were probably just busy playing. Young kids often live in the moment. The fact that you were "so hurt" by this makes me wonder if you are either an extremely sensitive person or a self absorbed person. It's perfectly ok if your children don't "show you they miss you". They are 3 and 16 months...you should be happy that they were happy and busy playing and had a good day. This is a really good thing! They don't need to act a certain way when you come home.

You are reading way too much into this.
Let it go and be glad your kids weren't screaming miserable while you were away for a day.
Of course they love you.
Be sure to tell your Husband you're glad he had a great day with the kids.

Not missing you means that they trust you, and know that you're returning. When we miss someone, we're not sure if/when they're coming back, or we're worried, or lonely, or concerned. I miss my dh when he's on a business trip, not when he's at his office for a normal work day. I miss my ds, because he lives far away (college graduate, living on his own in a different state, happily employed). I miss my dad - he died a long time ago and I still wish he were here.

They're far too young to understand time, and to understand that you missed them and expected hugs and kisses upon your return. Don't ask or beg for hugs and kisses. Give them. And not in the same way you see returning soldiers embracing their children in those tear-jerking surprise videos (they have every right to smother the kid in kisses and squeeze them and hug them forever). Just a loving motherly kiss, a smile, a cheerful comment. No guilt, no worrying about parental preferences, none of that nonsense.

Now, it is good to evaluate our mothering practices from time to time. Just as with any job, it never hurts to ask ourselves if we're doing the best we can, and if there's anything to improve.

But to be hurt, and to fear that your kids love their dad more than you because you didn't get one of those surprise veteran return homecoming scenarios after being out of the house for the day while your kids had a nice day with daddy - well, that's just going to drive you crazy and it's not realistic.

Totally normal. My kids get excited when they know a sitter is scheduled because it's fun and out of the ordinary. But when they really need something (e.g., when they are don't feel well), all they want is momma. I suspect your kids are the same.

Welcome to mamapedia C.!

This is life. Get over it. Sorry. They don't need to run to you like a puppy dog every time you walk in the door.

They were with their dad. They obviously had a good time and were well taken care of.

Breathe. Move on. Stop demanding your children acknowledge you and run to meet you. Lower your expectations. Everything will be fine.

Little kids don't have a good concept of time so while you were gone for 10 hrs they don't know what 10 hrs really is. Don't be hurt by their lack of caring. Instead be proud that they feel loved and secure with their dad taking care of them. They don't love you less because you've been gone. Its not a parent competition where they only love one parent more. In fact since they did so well you might want to consider doing to more often to recharge your mom batteries by taking some alone time for yourself.

I used to pick mine up from daycare, where they would cry they didn't want to come home. Forget seeing mom, they were engaged and having too much fun. I was happy that they had been happy all day.

Sounds to me that your kids were just caught up in whatever they were doing (kindle, etc.) and when mom is out of sight, mom is out of mind. I think that's a good thing - you know your children aren't sitting around missing you. They feel secure.

Your husband could be the one to get them excited for your return (as JC mentions). I used to say "Daddy's home!" too when my husband pulled in drive.

Mine still don't always recognize when we come home. If they are busy on an ipad or have earbuds on, I have to basically stand in front of them.

Don't take it personally. They love you, they were just preoccupied :)

Oh, I think you need to take a big step back. You are projecting your own insecurities on your children. Most of us LOVE it when we can leave and return without meltdowns or fallout.

You are applying adult thinking to a child situation. Your kids were tired and busy. You were asking them to pay attention to you and they didn't have it in them. No biggie. We all get tired. If you think your three year old is trying to play mind games by deliberately appearing not to miss you (what? WHY?) please go talk to a counselor. Maybe you do have different parenting styles than your husband does-- many of us do-- but is it SO BAD that they were low-key when you came home?

You sound really insecure. Please, go talk to someone about helping you feel okay within yourself so that you aren't perceiving normal behavior as 'slights' toward you specifically. Or you will make your entire family suffer for this thinking.An unhappy, insecure mom isn't a lot of fun to be around.

Count your blessings. Nothing to feel hurt about.

And maybe you should stop correcting and redirecting so much, and laugh and play and enjoy. They are young very briefly, and are way too young for so much "correction."

Your kids are secure and know you will come back. They know they are loved and can rely on you to meet all their needs.

Honestly kids are selfish and self centered. They need to learn empathy and kindness. You have to teach them these things.

When my kids were young, when I heard my husband coming in through the garage I would say "I'm going to be the first to kiss your daddy". They would go running and he would feel loved. I still go to the door when my husband comes home and greet him with a hug and kiss. Are you modeling that behavior for your kids?

Sure, we all want to be adored by our kids, but I think it's asking way too much of a 16 month old and a not-quite-3 year old to have empathy for what hurt they may be causing to an adult. They don't have that capacity yet - it's developmental, and it doesn't mean there's anything deficient about them or you. And to assign to a 3 year old the ability to intentionally cause hurt by understanding the emotional needs of an adult is jumping way beyond what's reasonable or even desirable.

This is why most child development experts don't recommend that we force kids 5 and under to say "I'm sorry" all the time - the fact is, they aren't. Not yet. So teaching that "I'm sorry" means whatever they did is now excused is really a bad idea. That doesn't mean they can't learn by hearing adults say "Sorry that happened to you" to another child, even if the adult is really saying, "I'm sorry my kid was such a snot to you," but you can't ask them to feel an emotion they are not yet capable of. And, like potty training and learning to walk, you can't rush it. It has to happen.

They were engaged for 10 hours with someone else, their dad. That's good! They weren't screaming for you or having tantrums or meltdowns all day. They are learning to separate, which is a vital skill in developing confidence and a sense of security. They trusted that they were cared for, and that you would come back. Your older child was tired, and even admitted it to you, so there was self-awareness on his part.

You really don't want kids who are attached to you all the time or who whimper when you go to the bathroom or fall apart with a sitter or a preschool teacher, and certainly not with their own father! You want kids who can be left with confidence and calm with Grandma, Uncle Joe, or Susie the high school kid next door.

And you really don't want to raise toddlers who think their job is to take care of your emotional needs. Kids don't have jobs. I think it would be great if you could get to the point and say, "Hey, looks like I'm a good mom by raising resilient kids. Looks like a great dad sees that I have other interests and needs, and I'm not just a baby-caring machine. And it looks like I got lucky today because sometimes it doesn't go so smoothly, and kids can be cranky or exhausted or whatever."

I think we all go through phases where our kids are attached to us like velcro, and we resent it sometimes. Then they go through phases when they are attached to someone else, and we sabotage ourselves by resenting that as well. Look at it this way: you want your kids to be able to go to school easily and confidently, right? You want them to be able to ride a bike down the street without holding your hand, and you want them to happily go off and connect with a soccer coach or a tae kwon do instructor, right? You don't want to be standing with them at the bus stop at 10 because they can't be without you, right? (Mine banned me from the bus stop at 7, and I was okay with it!) And believe me, this "rejection" comes up when they are tweens and teens too, when they walk 10 feet ahead of you in the mall and don't want to be seen with you!

You got to have a life for 10 hours at one clip! If you read through the many Mamapedia questions, you'll see mothers who are totally hamstrung by dependent children (constantly coming into the parents' bed at 2 AM, hanging on their legs when dinner is being made, whatever) and they are going nuts. Try to see your situation as normal and also somewhat beneficial.

They were with their Dad. This is a good thing. I honestly don't get being so hurt.

Wow, chill out, girl. Stop being so insecure, jealous and melodramatic. Could it be that, gee, I don't know, they see you daily, are used to it, and rarely get to spend time with their dad so that is a novelty to them? The fact your kids get to spend time with you both and love you both should be considered a blessing. Many kids HAVE no mother in their life, or no father in their life. Some grow up in a household where they have to parent themselves because both parents are out working or getting high and these kids are too young to be forced to grow up. These kids have a REAL reason to be hanging on to their parents when they are home, because abandonment is REAL for them and they don't know how many hours or days may pass before they are home during waking hours!

Your kids are NOT abandoned if you're gone for a few hours and they hang out with their dad. You should be happy that he had the luxury of spending a whole day with them and they were exhausted from all the fun they had with dad! Besides, kids gravitate toward one parent and then switch their affections for the other parent throughout different stages of life. It is completely normal, so you better get used to it before you end up making yourself ill. This is especially true if one parent is less strict and more permissive than the other.

Use your common sense. Would you be fawning more over a friend you have not seen in a year, or a friend you have dinner with daily? I think you can honestly agree you'd fawn over the friend you rarely see. Does that mean the other friend should feel unwanted or unloved? No, it just means that because you rarely see the other friend, you're paying more attention to her now, but once the friend goes back to her home state, you'll be back hanging with your local friend like you did in old times. It has no bearing at all with your other relationship. Same with the kids. Stop making an issue where one does not exist and stop making this into a competition. Be happy you have a husband in your household rather than having to call a babysitter you may not trust, to watch the kids.