My Sons Actions

You can teach him through his play. Work on colors when he is playing with his trucks. Counting works here too. Just have fun with him and his interests. Find ways to teach him while he plays. It is easy to slip things in that are educational. In fact, this will keep you challenged, too. Trying to come up with ways to teach shapes, colors, numbers, and letters while just playing. If you have sand or play dough, work with the shapes of letters and numbers, build them out of clay.

Try to set up a reading time everyday. My kids really like to read at bedtime, but we often will read other times, too. He is at the age where he needs to start learning social skills with other children his age. Take him to the park or indoor play parks at the rec centers. Let him engage with other kids and learn to share. Take him to the library for story time. Just doing fun things with him will help him bond with you. Don't force it, though. Forcing it will only make it worse. Make it fun and be consistant on discipline when you tell him no. Sometimes you let the little things slide, but be consistant with the bigger things that could cause harm to someone or something. He is looking for the boundries to be there, so sit down with him and talk about the rules. He is old enough to understand some rules now.

A.,

It sounds like your son is very hurt. He had you for a while and then you chose your boyfriend over him and spent time with the bf more than him. He lost all of his time with you. Of course he is going to act out and be upset! You need to get down on his level and apologize to him for not being there when he needed you. Start slow and built your relationship again- be patient. He needs to have time to trust you again and trust that your not going to abandon him for another bf again. I know it sounds harsh, but he needs you and you to be so loving with him. Give him time- he will settle down and start minding again.

Do some one-on-one activities with him:

Read with him
do stickbooks or workbooks together
go to the park
play football/basketball or something he enjoys
color with him
push him on the swings
cook dinner together
do an arts and crafts project.

Do anything he loves and gets excited about. Give him time and be patient!

Good luck,

Molly

First of all, change isn't going to happen over night. You've spent 18 months with your new boyfriend, establishing and nurturing that relationship. Your boyfriend had been working on establishing a relationship with your son. For over half of your son's life this man has taken care of him, played with every day, every evening. He had a close attachment with your boyfriend and it's not going to go away. Now that you have the opportunity to spend more time with him, you need to meet your son at his level, not force him to do things with you, or your way. Get down on the floor and play with him. 3 yr olds have attention spans of a flea.... jumping around, moving from activity to activity... soaking up any and everything they want, not necessarily what you want. When it's naptime or bedtime, tuck him in and read to him. As you do more with him, he'll do more with you. He's not a baby, he's a toddler on the move. Enjoy each day, each new experience.

Kids don't wait, they grow up with or without you. When you have children you're a package deal for the person you are dating... and you need to remember you are a package..... that your kids are your first priority for your time and attention. Here's to a happier future for all of you!

You have already recieved some great and valid input here. I'd like to also add that his age may contributing to his behavior. Take the advice of the other moms and be patient, and also understand he's at an age of oppositional behavior.

Also, I'm glad to hear you current BF is bonding to your son, however, no one is more precious then your child. He should always be, hands down, number one in your life. Men come and go in our lives, yes even husbands, but your kids are always going to be your kids. Make him number one, and any man you bring into your life that is worth you and your sons time will understand and embrace BOTH of you. And if a man cannot, then off with him. He's not worth your time. He's not worth sacrificing time with your son.

Be patient and your little one will come around... ;-) Best wishes...

He does care a lot and is protecting himself by being tough.He is hurt that you are not spending time with him & is acting out and being a 3 year old too!
Give him time with you everyday( Maybe after dinner). Read together, do drawings, puzzles, play pretend, do chores, go on a walk, play, ball, &/or something together and give him lots of positive feedback. It may take awhile, as behavior changing does, but he'll feel closer to you when you spend time and help him see the positive in himself.

I found that if I gave my daughter 1 hour of face time early in the day she was a lot more cooperative & fun the rest of the day. If I tried to put it off until I was ready, I couldn't get anything done. This was her way of showing me I was on her time. Face time means playing with them no distractions.
Lots of positive reinforcement when he does good stuff, five minutes of nonstop praise even if I say the same things over and over again a few times. "That helps me so much, you are so good for doing that for mommy, It makes me feel great when you do this, that makes me feel so happy/special when you do that, I like it when you do that."

I break it down to my feelings for my daughter, she's 8 years old. People wonder why she just stops the behavior I am talking about. I have done this from the time she was born. When she does something I don't like, I tell her how it makes me feel, like a bad mom, sad, upset, angry, mad, frustrated, I don't want to be around you when you act this way (throws thing, yells, tell me no, say wait, act as if you don't care). People very young to the old understand feelings way better than accusations.

Other parents tell me their kids are great for everyone else but, not for them. They ask me how come my kid is so nice to me. I tell her how what she does makes me feel when it's happening. I can not raise my voice when I speak with her or it undermines our relationship. No do as I say not as I do. I also gave her chores she could do each year on her birthday. He's 3, he should be able to pick up after himself (toys), sing the clean up song. Do you have a routine, kids love routines, type it up even though he can't read he will love asking you what it says. Parenting 80% of the time is not fun you have to live for the good 20%. Parenting is hard, you need to be consistent. I'd think really hard on how to make unfun things fun for for him to do.

Have a note book or pad of paper you keep with you & when you get an idea jot it down so you can come back to it later when he's asleep & research it. Look at loveandlogic.com, some great free resources for parents. Do you have play dates with other kids? He might need more socialization. How much TV do you let him watch? Kids shouldn't watch more than 1 hour of TV a day. Do you screen what he watches? TV can reinforce bad behavior or thinking.

A.

I am just about to ask what kind of child development books the other Mama read or own. It is important to know what kind of behavior to expect at different ages.

It would help if you taught him some songs you could sing together. You would have to sing them often so he could get to know the words. Then you could sing as a way to connect from now until he is an adult.

I'm surprised at some of these answers. I think this is mostly, if not all, based on the fact that you have a 3 year old and not that he feels/felt so left out. It doesn't sound like you abandoned him and ignored him for the past however many months. It's just that your entire world didn't revolve around him and that is actually OK! Seeing as how you used to work and now you stay home I wouldn't be surprised if he's figuring out his "new limits and boundaries" with his new care giver...you. I'm sure that you are transferring some of the guilt of indulging yourself in a new relationship into this and it actually has nothing to do with it. My advise - get out of the house with him, take him to story time at the library, figure out YOUR discipline technique (and stick with it) and try to have fun with your son. I saw a book titled "Your 3 Year Old - Friend or Enemy" - this made feel realize that the turmoil of 3 occurs for everyone. Eventually you forget the difficult stuff and remember only the adorable stuff. This phase too shall pass - try to hang in there and try not to be hard on yourself!

Best,
T.

I have a question for you. Who is the boss - you or your son? You need to set boundaries for your son. No hitting, no throwing things, no yelling, etc or he gets put in a corner until he straightens up. Nose to the wall - no talking, no playing. Yes, he is old enough to know that he can't do these things and get away with it. If you have some other punishment you prefer please do but something non-violent. If you don't stop it now it will only get worse and then how are you going to deal with him when he is 12? You need to show your love for him but also discipline and boundaries are in order.

If you are in a grocery store - leave the store with him. Or take him to the bathroom and have a "talk" with him about his behavior and if he doesn't straighten up -leave the store, the restaurant, park, or any other place you happen to be.

Good Luck!

N.