My husband and I have been together a total of 6 years and in June we will be celebrating our 4th Anniversary. He really is the love of my life and there are so many awesome qualities about our relationship. We are the couple our friends (couples) make fun of because we are affectionate and really have fun together. So so many great things. But, when we do have an issue, we are really bad about dealing with it. We are not in any way shape or form physical or anything like that. Honestly we really only fight every couple of months. So, yes we can go weeks of being just fine. But, a couple months ago things just started getting a little harder. We are stressed with finances and life (isn't everyone) and my husband has issues with his temper that he has worked majorly on, and normally handles himself well, but is known to tell me he doesn't care then what happens. I know he doesn't mean it because when I let him cool off and tell him that it really hurt he tells me he loves me and does not want to lose me. It's just the more I hear I don't care, the more I start to feel like, why do I care so much? (I mean I know why and I love our life together, but I am sure you know what I mean) So, I am concerned that that thought is even entering my head.
I love this man and he is a great provider, father, friend... everything, and I see the major progress he especially has made in his temper control. And I do want to stress that I never ever feel threatened or anything like that, we just really suck at fighting and sometimes being able to communicate when we are under sooo much stress. We are howver very thoughtful of our children, so when we are upset, we do not fight in front of our children, we try to do so where they are not effected by it. We also will tell them when we know that they have heard us, that we were upset and fraustrated, but we need to talk nice to each other, and we do love them and each other very much, it just sometimes happens just like how they sometimes fight with each other because they are brother and sister. It's just when we do argue, then we don't talk to like 2 -3 days, and it drives me crazy!! I have told him divorce is never an option for us, otherwise we wouldn't have gotten married, so any sign of trouble, I want to be proactive. He feels the same way, and although he has been totally against any counseling, besides our pre-marriage classes we did with our pastor in our home town, he has agreed to see a counselor now. Anything so him and I can just get this one part of our life in check with the rest. So anyhow, I am hoping someone can refer someone that is really great for us to just go see and help us work through this little rough patch. We live in E St Paul, so even woodbury or maplewood would be fine, but we are willing to go anywhere. It's kinda hard to ask this question to people. No one would think that we would need counseling, but we are more then willing to do anything to keep our marriage the great, fun, and loving way it is now. Thank you!!
Thanks for your advice everyone. We have started seeing Carol and it is going well. It is really opening my husbands and my eyes on little things we need to change that are really helping us communicate better. I have noticed a big way in how he is handleing his lack of patience and recognizing the effects that has on the whole family. I also have realized that I make it hard for anyone to chip in and help me when I point out that they are doing it wrong or question how they are doing it. Thanks again!!
My husband and I have a great therapist. Her name is Carol Wichers, and her phone number is ###-###-####. She works in South Minneapolis.
I looked for a long time to find a therapist who really knows what she's doing. Carol gets right to the heart of your issues and keeps the discussion focussed.
Good luck!
My husband is a therapist in Minneapolis at Westminster Counseling Center. We have six children 11-1 so he can relate to the child issues. His number is ###-###-####, Steve Palmer.
Good luck,
L.
Hi J.,
Sorry to hear you're going through things right now but it will get better. My husband and I just had our 4th anniversary and we also have communication issues that we have worked on and still are. I got a really GREAT book recently called Cracking the Code to Communication by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs at Northwestern Bookstore in Roseville. It is very helpful. It is the 2nd book off Love & Respect by the same author. Men and women are just wired differently. I also have a GREAT counselor that we went to named Pastor Jim Thomas. His wife counsels too and she also taught at our church. Wonderful people! Down to earth and Pastor Jim has a great sense of humor. It's called Central Community Counseling Ministries and his phone number is ###-###-####. We traveled about 25-30 mins. from where we live to see him. It's definately worth it when you find a counselor who fits with your own marriage vision. He really helped us to grow! He even said to us that he would like us to be marriage mentors for them also one day. We belong to a different church though that we wouldn't leave from and who knows, when we get stronger in our own marriage, I'm sure we will help others in our church. Anyways, I really hope any of this info. can help you and as long as you continue to keep God in the midst of your marriage, it can definately only get better!
Be Blesst!
my husband and I also need some counseling to learn how to be happier with each other and all of life's stresses. Can you recommend who you have started seeing? Thanks.
Shelley
I can relate to what you are saying. One thing that worked for my husband and I is dating. I know that sounds funny since we've been married 4 years. We make sure we take time out for us. That has been the best tool for us. We have really heard what the other is saying and we have really improved. One thing that I keep trying to tell him is going out doesn't have to cost money. Taking a walk in the park or having a picnic along the lake would be a good idea. Me and my husband have a rule when we go out- we do not talk about the kids or the household. I hope this helps and good luck.
