Need Advice - Detroit,MI

L.,

I know how that is being a single parent. I have been a single parent for 20 yeas and I never wanted to bring another man around my daughter. I am only 37 and now that my daughter is 20 I have a life. You will eventually find some one but it will take some time, just be paitent.

hello L., I have been a single mother for pretty much 9 years, I mean I have been in a relationship but he realy did not play the role so I know how you feel. I dealt with that for so long but that's why you start off slow and see how things go. I would not just push a man in your life or your daughters, it will complicate things but do not neglect yourself of happiness because even though you are a mother you still deserve to be happy as well. It took someone telling me that for me to realize I can not stop living because I have children. Now I have a great guy who accepts my two children that are not his and we are having one together now so believe me take care of you as well, don't feel bad for wanting something that you want and deserve. If you would like to talk just let me know, I could tell you hust about anything, I have been through a lot.

It is totally fine and normal for you wanting to date again. If you are worried about another man in your daughters life wait to introduce them until you know its the right man. Don't drag her into your relationships before you know he's the one. You may cause her to get attached to someone and then when you break up with him it might confuse her. Instead get a sitter, go out and date, have some fun, and when you find that somebody that is in it for the long haul then introduce the two of them.

You shouldn't feel guilty that you need your time too. I was a single mom of two boys for 5 years. They didn't like me to date but I explained to them that I needed adult companionship too.

G.

You are not doing anything wrong by dating. You are absolutely entitled to adult companionship. As others have said, just don't introduce your daughter to anyone until you're sure they'll be a long-term presence in her life. I think it's unrealistic that you will wait until you're engaged to someone. (After all, how can you agree to marry someone before you see how they interact with your child?) But, the important thing is NOT to bring home a different guy each week...or even each month. Date someone steadily for several months before you bring your child into it.

I'm a single mom, too, and I've been in your shoes. I understand the guilt you're feeling, but you're human. If you feel ready to date, then by all means, date.

I've been dating a wonderful man for a year now. He adores my girls (7 and 4), and they adore him too. He has 4 children of his own, and all of the kids (his and mine) get along great. Even now, though, there is no guarantee that we'll be together forever. But you know what? This is real life, and there are no guarantees. It's OK for kids to see that. Live your life!

Patience is a virtue I have been a single mom 3 times now I have two beautiful daughters that i wouldnt trade anything for in the world, but go out and have fun, dont go out looking for a man. because then your judgement will be clouded, but if you go out with friends and have fun men will attract to you, act like your takin then they will swarm, just like women do to married men come on you know its true! Just have patience dont rush then you might be put into a postion you are not confortible with also i know your daughter is 5 but be honest with her if you have a date just tell her mommy is going out for mommy time and then she should fell threatened of replacement just dont have her wake up in the morning with a stranger(to her) beside you, then you will send the wrong message.

Hope this helps

Hi L..you should not feel guilty about dating because you are a single mom. But i can tell you this do not introduce your kid to anyone. Get to know that person first wait for at lease 6 months to introduce them to your child. In that time spand you will no if that person is right for you and you child.

hey ive been there and done all of this if u need 2 talk let me know.

Hi there ..My name is P. .I know what your feeling like I am the same way..my dear I have just started dating a few months ago ..I have fallin in love with this man its been almost 5 months with him..Its Hard to let another man come into your life let along your lil girl I have been there but it does get easier .For one may I tell you this Please dont bring men around her until your sure that this man is important to you an is worth lettin him into your life as well as lil ones ..they dont need to see mommy with all kinds of men I never brought any man around my lil girl until this man..I trust him so until you have trust in a man DONT bring them around your lil one ..I can go on an on about this ..but it took me a year an a half before i dated i was scared but I am over it now ..I have to think of my life to as well as my lil one too!If youd like to chat more Ill be glad to I hope I helped some ..Have a great day plz .contact me if youd like ..P.

hello L.! I know how you feel. It is not an easy thing to do. Date, work, parent and all the other stuff.I am a single mom of 3, my oldest is 12, my baby is 5 and I took custody of my youngest half sister about 4 years ago. So I have been a single parent for 12 years! Dating for me does not seem to work out well. My mom says its because I am too independant. LOL. I truley belive that one day the right person magically appears for us. We just have to do our best with out family and we will be blessed in the long run. Dont feel guilty, Single parents deserve some time out and to be happy and stress free once in a while.....

You need not feel guilty about dating. It is healthy for you to go and and do fun things (with a guy or your girlfriends. Just remeber to schedule a few dates with her to let her know she is important too. When my husband and I go out on a date (which is weekly- Saturday night) I spend the afternoon doing something fun with my 5 years old and then he gets to have his favorite person babysit him (grandma or aunt who spoil the dickens out of him and give him personal attention) He has his date and we have ours. Good luck and enjoy yourself.

It seems your really not yet ready to date - you will know when the time is - when your not feeling guilty anymore. After my divorce it was a little bit before I was ready but then I knew that it was ok. I never introduced any of the dates to my children - they've meet one and that's the one I'm still with and plan on marrying. Do a lunch date, a sunday brunch, etc... and remember you aren't looking for a replacement daddy your looking for a partner for you.

Dont be guilty. You and your daughter need to see you date. It is not only good for you to go out and meet nice men, but at the same time your daughter is a sponge right now and if she see you dating it shows healthy intreation with men. I recently move in with my now fiance, but before that my ex tried to be controlling, even with a new girlfriend. Don't let him push you around. There are some really nice guys out there how dont have to be there to father your daughter but would love to hang out with the two of you.

I know where you are coming from. I was with my childrens father for 10 years before we got a divorce. It took me almost 2 years to really start dating and the bad thing was that I kept looking for the guys' faults and would never be happy in a relationship. But don't feel guilty about dating. Go out, have fun, and always take it slow. It takes some time to find someone to be a part of your life. Whoever you date, don't introduce them to your daughter on the first date! Do it when you feel very comfortable.
M. S.

Don't feel guilty that you want to go out an date! You are entitled to some happiness too! I think your daughter would apprecite seeing her mother happy. No one wants to be alone for the rest of their lives so go for it!

Try not to feel guilty. My best friend is a single mother also. She feels guilty when she dates too. It is ok to find someone to love you as much as you will love them back. If this will make you a happier more satisfied person in life. I say go for it. When you are happier your dauhter will see that and be happier also.

Hi L.-

Don't feel guilty! Your a human being! Of course you want to see other people and be in a relationship. It sounds like you don't want to take time away from your daughter to do it. Which is understandable. I would try to do it maybe once every two weeks, go out on a date after she has gone to sleep. As long as you have a babysitter! :) Just be careful of who you are meeting and take precautions before he meets your child. But you should NOT feel guilty at all! Don't beat yourself up, you deserve to be happy!

I have been single raising my son and daughter. The only advice is be single. I mean if you are not happy together dont be together. Children see that stress, and makes them stressed. I am divorced to my ex husband. We have a great relationship just being parents. We communicate.
I have been dating, yet i currently stopped by my choice. Anyways, go out and date. Try to keep the guys away from your daughter until you feel they are worth it. And when you introduce the two of them, make the meeting short. In a place where your daughter feels safe (a park, or something like that). Don't force a connection between the two, let there connection grow by themselves. Just my personal experience.

i have been there done that. don't be guilty itis normal. if you really want someone for u. pray to whoever u believe in to send u the right person that way u don't feel guilty. you are doing alot for u and your daughter. have fun for yourself. you deserve it. we all do. i do have to get off of point i was wondering how did u get started with event planning because i want to start my own business that way i can spend more time with my child.

OH GOODNESS!! you sound a lot like i was a couple years ago; i have a few rules that i chose to make as far as my single life; my daughter doesn't meet my boyfriends until i know them well enough to bring them around her; (usually after a couple months) then at that point for a couple more months the interaction between my daughter and my boyfriend is limited and sporadic. you don't want your child attaching to another man unless you are with that person for life. then secondly i choose to go out with my girlfriends-boyfriend if he has the night off every other friday; i am a true-true single mom; my daughters father is not in her life at all; so i have her 24-7 and i need just a night to me FOR ME!! and it's for her too; haven adult conversation and adult life mixed in with the barbies and dora life has really made both me and my daughter happy. good luck and remember to play things safe and smart for both you and your daughter.

Hi L.,

I am 27 yrs. old and I am a single mom with a 7 yrs old boy. He is my pride and joy. The trouble is I love his dad more
than anything but I cant be with him. He has a bit of a temper. So I stayed single for 3 yrs. until i thought to myself that when I was younger I would have love to have a father figure to help raise me. ( A Great Father Figure) Girls growing up without a father figure seems to always search for it somehow as they get older.

To take care of your child is to take care of yourself.
When I am happy my son is happy.

I am not encouraging anything expect happiness for you.
Mothers have the tendencies to forget we have needs to.

L.,

You don't mention how long you've been single, but please wait, take it slowly, and don't, bring home any boyfriends. It is important not to introduce your daughter to a parade of men. Dating can end up that way, one jerk after another until you find the right one, so wait until several months, maybe even about 9 before you introduce any guy to your daughter. You may think he's the one after a few weeks or a month, but everyone is still on good behavior. One boyfriend can turn into two, then three, then four, and you don't want your daughter to see that. Also, there are far too many abusers and child molesters out there preying on vulnerable single mothers.

Can you find activities at a church for single parents or events for parents and children? You could end up being introduced to a married couple's single brother, nephew, coworker, etc.