Need Help Figuring This Out!

I think that perhaps you should ask her if she is willing to watch her 6 year old sibling after she finishes performing. When she has a fit, then ask her how she would feel if you were having a "fit" over having to bring her to her dance performance. Ask her if she loves her sibling. When she says she does, ask her why she would say that you don't love her for not staying after her performance.

When it comes down to it, she wants what she wants (to be a queen for a day) and she doesn't care if she makes sense or not. You do what you originally planned to do. Tell her what's what after this conversation and don't talk about it anymore. If she persists, tell her that she had better stop arguing with you or you won't be available to take her to her dance performance in the beginning.

She needs to learn her place. You need to gently but firmly show her what that place is.

Dawn

I would get a babysitter for the younger ones or have my husband stay home with the other kids and stay all day to support my daughter.

I don't know the ages of the other kids - maybe they can have a portable game or DVD player...I don't know. If they are REALLY young - like under 5 - NO. I would NOT take them. I would find a babysitter.

Older than 5? Darned tooting they can support their sister and learn to behave. So if they are older than 5 (and you mentioned DS) bring the DS with a wall charger.

There's truly no way I would not go to my kids first dance competition.

I would get a friend to let my 6 year old come over for the day then I would take my girl and plan a fun happy day. This is her FIRST competition.

I can't believe you wouldn't want to be there on the edge of your seat the whole time cheering her on and sitting in the audience the rest of the time watching the other kids. This is how this comes across, that you can't be bothered and you sound like you'd be as bored as your little one.

I know this type of stuff isn't as interesting as some things you could be doing with your time but this is the biggest deal in her whole little life. I completely understand where's she's coming from with her anger.

So you need to make sure you get there at least this time. If her studio is going then she'll have friends and you'll have other moms to visit with. I imagine they break for lunch and before the awards so you'll have some time to get out and move around, go do some stuff away but I wouldn't go far. She may miss something she wants to see.

This is "her" day. She needs you to be there for her. It's only a few hours out of the many hours of your life. Go be there for her.

Your daughter is being unreasonable. She is being a teenager. She only think of herself. You need to tell her it's not a reasonable plan and you are going to do as you had planned. I have been to tons of band competitions. Only the oldests middle school competitions did I bring his little brother. It was a lot of card playing and sitting around. They ALWAYS run late.
She needs to suck it up and think about someone else. You are the parent and of BOTH your kids.

I wouldn't stay for the whole thing.
Lots of down time in between when they go on plus you have your little one.
Not sure you would want to drive back home & come back but if it's not too much of a distance, do that.
Or go do something fun WITH your 6 year old nearby during all the down time.
It can be a fun/vacation-type time for him as well.
Google what there is do do in that area.
We used to have lots of events for my SD that were an hour away but it was easier because we didn't have the youngster back then so it could be done easily.
Make things easy on yourself as well.
There is no reason why you can't do both (support your daughter AND do
something for yourself to make it easier on yourself).
Also, this may be one of many competitions.
Set the precedence now. Best of luck!

Last week we had NCA cheer competition at the Dallas convention Center which is a godd 1/2 hr from our house. Along with paying for the passes which are usually a 2 day pass for about $40, you pay $12 to park and if you go in and out of parking it is $12 each time you pass through.

Competitions are usually at some sort of convention center and there are things to do. We knew both times when daughter was supposed to be on stage and NCA does run a pretty tight ship on schedules. SO, we browsed around the area because although we've lived here 25 yrs, we had not been to the new convention center. It is built around a very old cemetary so we went through that area, then we went and toured the new Omni which is huge and nice and had lunch at the sports bar. There was a walkway from the Omni to the convention center so we were not out in the weather except if we chose to be.

There were lots of entire families there. I saw a lot of children with DS, earphones, napping, etc. There were things to do outside of the arena but in the center and places to keep your electronics charged up if needed.

I think it is great for the family to supprt your daughter with her activities and when your other child has events, etc, your daughter should go support her brother as well.

I would not make a habit of bringing him along to EVERY competition because that would get old and boring. It gets old and boring for parents, LOL. I see nothing wrong with him attending every now and then under circumstances like you mentioned. Just make sure he has things to do... electronics, reading, music, and snacks.

Good luck and I hope it is in a location where you can find something to do to entertain him while you wait.

We lived through these competitions, they can be long days for invested adults! Prepare to keep him entertained, but my advice is to not start setting a standard that you aren't willing to keep up with future competitions. Will he expect a visit to Mcdonalds or the zoo in every town you have to drive to for the next competition season? Just be sure you are willing to keep up whatever entertainment you start offering.

The compromise we made (and I haven't read your bio to learn about your family situation, so sorry if this doesn't apply) I would take the competing child and the younger child would have a "special" day with daddy. Luckily, we only had one competition season that we had to worry about, both girls competed the 2nd year then we took a break. Now, only my younger dgtr competes so she still has that special time with me :)

We made sure grandparents, dad and siblings were present at least ONE competition or performance per season for support, but the extended family doesn't have to be there every time!

I realize this is important for your daughter, and if it is something she wants to continue in the future, it would be a great sanity saver for all of you (including your poor little boy) to find an alternate activity for him to do on competition days.

Good luck!

Don't you have a friend who can take the six year old for the day. He must have friends. My daughter who is an accomplished equestrian was competing early on. We would sometimes leave here at 5am and not return until that evening. Total riding time about 7 minutes. I always stayed.
Sometimes the youngest one came sometimes not. She learned patience!
This is your daughter first dance comp. Of course, she wants you their. It is always fun to see the other competitors. Be there for her. It means the world to her. If you have to bring six year old, so be it. He will survive.
Sometimes you do what you have to do. Good luck to your daughter.

If there's absolutely no way you can find a babysitter, you need to treat this like you're taking your 6yr old on a 7hr flight. What would you do? Well, you'd bring snacks, you'd bring stuff to entertain him, etc. It's actually not even as bad as a 7hr flight, because you could duck out for a short while in your car. Find out if there are any parks nearby, or maybe a McDonalds' Playplace or something, and go there for an hour or so to let him run around. Bring books, toys, electronics, whatever you need to to keep him occupied. It's totally do-able. Most 6yr olds put in full school days, 5 days a week. He can TOTALLY do this!

Then, if this is going to be a regular thing, figure out if this works for you. Seven hours of sitting around watching girls you don't really know compete (and only watching your own daughter for 20 minutes or so) on a regular basis seems like a waste of time. Unless it's something you really enjoy, of course.

Having put in HOURS and HOURS watching my girls' swim meets, I kinda understand not wanting to stay for the entire competition. It's time consuming and draining (and, sometimes, downright boring!) And I don't even have a 6yr old to worry about!

Whenever I had to drag one of my other kids to a long event for a sibling I let them bring a friend along. Otherwise the whining "I'm bored" mantra starts within the first thirty minutes.
I would also see if there's a park or fast food place with a play place nearby. Explain to your daughter that you will be there for most of the day but you and little brother will leave for lunch and to take a little break from sitting in the crowd. She will be so pumped and having so much fun with her teammates she will be FINE, trust me!

Since Grandma is ALSO going, that is 2 adults... being with your son.
You will have, 4 hands including yours, helping with your son.

I honestly couldn't believe my eyes when I read that you were planning to leave. Your daughter is right. You make it work because you HAVE TO. Thousands of other parents do it all the time with younger siblings, and if they can't bring a younger sibling then they find a way to keep the younger sibs at home with a relative or a babysitter.

You need to be there for your daughter and she needs you there. End of story. If that means bringing your son and tolerating him having some time where he's bored, then you just have to be sure to bring some activities for him and be prepared to discipline him. Have snacks and drinks on hand and a cooler of food in the car. Have changes of clothes in the car just in case. Have some books and chargers for your tech stuff.

Hi, Keisha:
If you are going to watch her compete and record her
performances that's all that is expected.
What I suggest is to buddy up with a mom that will be
staying the whole time and ask her to be your daughter's
surrogate mom for you.
In this way your daughter wouldn't have to feel alone without
a resource is something happens.
Good luck.
D.

Maybe compromise. Find something in the area for you to do with your son. Tell your daughter that you do want to support her, and you understand that this is a big deal, but you and Grandma cannot both be there the entire time. Many was the time where just one of the 4 of us (my DH, his ex, her DH and me) would attend a game or event for one of the kids. It just wasn't always feasible to always be there.

You might also tag team with Grandma - you watch for an hour and she watch for an hour and the other one run your son around for a bit. Both be there when it is her turn, but don't feel like you have to stay there for hours and hours while waiting for the judging. I waited around for SS's wrestling competition to be final and it took for.ev.er. Had DD been with us, no way would we have stayed in the gym that long.

See if the place has a playground because you can take the kid there and plan a fun picnic lunch. Bring things he can play with.

I don't have a 6 yr old but I do have a 18 month old and the baby has gone to all of her older bro's tournaments since she was 1 week old. He has baseball tournaments that are the whole weekend, and he does swim team which has a 6 hr meet every weekend. Surprisingly, she actually seems to enjoy them. He's been doing this since he was 6 and he's now 11. I think it's important that the siblings learn to support each other. But it works both ways. And her first competition is kinda special and I can see her wanting you there. Bring a hand held video game for your son or download some games on your phone for him to play or movies. He will need to get up a little and do something else but he might actually enjoy it. I also tend to think that kids act on the parents temprament. If I expect them to be bored they will act that way as they can pick up on my feelings. Also, chances are that there will be LOTS of younger siblings there for him to play with. At least that's been my experience. Good luck. And have fun. Oh, and by the way, we also have no extended family to watch our kids either and we like being together as a family so for the most part its not even an option for one of us to stay home or to keep the baby home.

Mickey is right -- fiind out more about the area around the competition site. Are there museums, malls, parks? Places you can take him? Even a movie theatre with a kid-friendly movie that you or Grandma could take him to during the day?

Also bring a new DS game; new books; if he likes Legos or other building toys, bring a new mini-pack that creates something he can build in a short time (I have seen some Lego packs that let you build a small toy so you're not hauling buckets of Legos etc.).

I would never bring him to EVERY competition day or he is quickly going to resent it and act up, and very soon he will have his own activities on the same days and you will have big-time conflicts between sister's competitions and his soccer game or whatever. Think about that now and tell your daughter that though he's coming for this first one -- this will not be the usual thing, and after this there will be times when Grandma's not at her competitons because she must stay with your son, and that's the price your daughter has to pay for having mom there (and having mom as her chauffeur). I'm saying that based on the idea that there is not dad in the picture to help out with all this--? Or is dad coming along with you for the day-long dance competition? If that's the case, heck, he should be off taking your son to do stuff in the hours between things.

This is going to be how many weekends are if your child continues in competitive dance so think that through. See how it goes and see how you and your family as a whole really feel about these long days and whether your daughter wants to keep doing it for the long term. See what it's like for all of you, not just for her.

Do you not have a sitter you can call on? I would drop the younger one at a sitter or call a friend of his's mom and say hey I will trade you "x:" day for "x:" day. I would not drag along a 6 year old for an all day event. Now having said that if you have to bring him are you able to bring along a lap top or kindle or something he can play on, read a book, etc. If it doesn't start til 13 then drop her off at 10 and take him and go do some shopping or something and then go in 20 mins before it starts. that at least knocks off a couple hours. But I myself would get a sitter. I just don't understand parents who think all kids have to go to all events. Not judging just saying I don't get it.