I am at my wits end with my 11 1/2 yr old daughter? She has been doing things that at first I thought was just a "phase" but Im starting to think there is more to it. She carved her name into my very expensive, new dining room table, she cut her sleeves off her shirt & her sisters jacket, she wrote all over her bedroom walls, the mailbox, & the side door going into the house, she eats & drinks in her room when she knows shes not allowed to & blames it all on her siblings? I find myself crying on what to do?? Help?
Just a guess (seriously), but I wonder if she is not trying to get attention. Being the oldest, she may feel neglected or put out by having 'more' responsibility then the younger ones. I would start with her Pediatrician and go from there. Take her to be evaluated, because she is beyond just needing punishment, she is acting out for a reason and looking to you to help her.
Yikes! It sounds like she may be acting out for attention. Is she getting enough one-on-one time with each of you? Also, I would look into the possibility of her having friends that may not be so good for her. What about drugs? This tagging, marking and cutting reminds me of gang-type activity. If she is doing this to your/and her own property, I would be concerned about public property as well. Although I don't condone diary reading, if she has one...it may be the "right" time to read it to see what is really going on!
Best of luck!
Hi S.,
Oh my...what a time you're having with your daughter. Sounds like she's at that age where she knows everything, and she can do anything she wants and doesn't care whatsoever about the consequences. Who is she hanging out with at school? Do you know her friends? Are they like this? Being 11 years old, almost 12 seems a bit old to being carving on the dining table. However, my niece did that but I think she was around 8 years old. I know kids carve things on their desk all the time at school. Do you think may be she is crying out for attention? Even though kids say they want to be left alone, sometimes they need one on one attention from their parent(s). Have you done many thing with your daughter like quality time with just you and her? I would sit her down and talk with her and try to see where these actions are coming from, and why she thinks she can do them knowing that they are wrong. What does your husband say about all this? Don't be shy to snoop in her room. You might find some clues as to why she is acting out this way. Only do this if you really think she is hiding something that may be important for you to know. Try talking with her first. Here is a link I found that might help:
http://preteenagerstoday.com/resources/articles/notcliqui...
This other link is for you and your daughter to view. It might have some helpful tips in there that she can use:
http://www.pamf.org/preteen/myfeelings/emotions/whoareyou...
Here is another link that talks about bonding with your pre-teen.
http://preteenagerstoday.com/resources/articles/preteenbo...
I really hope these links help in some way. I was just typing in Google about disrespectful pre-teens and these links popped up. Best wishes, G.
Please get her in to see a psychatrist right away. My brother did that type of thing when we were growing up. I won't go into details, but it's important she get some professional help before it gets worse.
R.
Hi! I'm sorry to hear about your situation. My lil sis was "acting out" at around the same age, but instead of doing things to object she was doing things to herself. For her, it was an attention issue. She wasn't getting enough of it and she needed positive regular attention (not that it's necessary to dote on your children all day long, but they need their own special time). I don't know what's going on with your child, but maybe you could try to find what is lacking and fulfill that need or get an evaluation or someone you both trust for her to talk to (this helps with my sis cuz she talks to my dad's gf and so even though the gf tells my dad, he doesn't let my sis know so she still has the confidence while my dad is able to act accordingly on my sister's behalf). Good luck!
Have you taken her for possible counseling and maybe looked at haveing her evaluated? The tantrums and aggression and acting out are all signs of ADHD and bi-polar. Please look into them and read a little and see what you think.
If it were me... I would take her to a psychiatrist. I'm sure there's an underlying reason for what's going on... but I'm also sure she's not going to tell you. You will likely go crazy before you figure it out... so I would suggest taking her to a Dr that your daughter can see as a neutral person to talk to. I know when I was little, I had a lot of issues that I never talked to anyone about. When I was about your daughter's age, my mom took me to a psychiatrist and everything just came out. I couldnt help it. I just finally thought I had someone to talk to. The Dr wont be able to tell you what your daughter says, of course... but she may get your daughter to a point that she feels with the Dr there she can talk to you. =0)
As some of the other ladies have said, there is obviously some underlying issue causing your daughters behaviour. She's far too old to behaving this way out of the blue, "just because."
Best case scenario, due to the family schedule she's not getting enough attention from you & is left to her own devices too often. This can easily be fixed with some schedule changes & more family/one-on-one time.
Worst case scenario someone has hurt and/or upset her. This will most likely need to be discovered & treated by a professional if she won't readily tell you.
My suggestion is to first talk to her & ask her, "Are you alright? Is there something going on in your life you'd like to tell me about? Why do you think you've been acting out of character?" etc.
I wish you both the best of luck & hope nothing too serious is going on.
