i have a 19 month old boy and 2 months ago i found out from this guys family that he has believed my son has been his since he was 3weeks but never said or did anything due to another guy steppin up and doing the dad thing. we did a dna test which his family bought online and it came out to be this mans son. i owned up to my mistake and apologized to all involved and started doing what was right and establishing that bond with my son and this man but i was doing so in a step by step process so my son can get to know him and his family slowly not rush him into all these new places and people. all was going well until i found out from his mother that he had stated he wanted to take my son out of az to cali to visit his family. keep in mind my son had only known him for a month so i dis agreed and said hes not going without me and ever since things have been sour because they can't be patient enough to allow my son to transition into this slowly they are already demanding overnight and out of state stays. (as i had stated i'd be doing with the results came back this man was his father) so now they are supposedly taking me to court because they feel as if there rights are being violated. i in no way have kept them from seeing my son only requested to take baby steps. i have ceased all contact now though due to the threats of court because i feel like they wanted to rush things to fast and as a mother i didn't/don't feel right throwing my 19 month old into the arms of whom he knows as strangers whether they are family or not.am i wrong for feeling this way?
Just want to add that the father and his family is going all over our town slandering me and causing drama and not only that the father and his sister have both sent me messages along the lines of why'd you bring this shit into my life if we can't have our rights. that they could have gone without knowing my son was theres.
No, you're not wrong. A 19 month old shouldn't be taken away from his mother for an extended period of time.
You need a lawyer asap!! And if I were you, I'd be so cold as to answer phones from the dad's family, but I'd simply say "Contact my lawyer!" & hang up! Most of the time dads & their fam are aggressive because they don't realize what it's doing to the child. You're not wrong at all. I think you're smart for not sending him off to another state where you have no control over what happens to him. Anything could happen & next thing you know, your child's pic is on the news an they're calling it a tragic accident!
If you can't afford a good lawyer, find one that's willing to do pro bono work. My sister went threw family court without a lawyer but the decision was in her favor. But she had a journal with all things done to her by her kids father, plus txts, emails that proved her case..
Good Luck!
You need a good attorney because if the bio dad wants custody rights/visitation it needs to be spelled out in a legal document. You are not wrong to cease contact at this point as his family is being aggressive. Not only that but how accurate is the online DNA test. Perhaps it is right but if this issue is going to be pursued you need to have an official paternity test done through a licensed doctor period. If in fact he is the father then I certainly wouldn't want my child at that age taken overnight or out of state. Getting a court order establishing the guidelines is your safe bet. And if it comes to that spelling it out that your child won't be able to leave the state is fine...That way you can sleep at night.
First and foremost get an attorney, know your rights and steps to take and go get that paternity test done.
You NEED a Lawyer for yourself.... or they will Bully their way, with you.
You have to get an Attorney....
there is no custody designation, it seems, by your post.
Next, the DNA test was bought online.... how accurate is this?
Is it "legal"... and accepted by the Courts????
Did YOU see the test results, yourself??? Or did they just tell you the results?? I would not trust them....
If they take your son... across State Lines... and custody and fatherhood was not proven, legally by the courts... to me, this is not legal.
You say they are taking you to court... because "their" rights are being violated. So you NEED to get a Lawyer... you cannot do this without one.
You need LEGAL counsel.....
What if they just don't give your son back to you????
Start looking around for a great attorney. You will need one.
Since you haven't been to court, custody and visitation issues have not been established. You will need a great attorney to speak on your behalf. The court could decide and determine unsupervised visits are permitted and even weekends too which would give him the time to take your kid to another state. Also the court could also determine this is just fine too even with your child being so young.
Brace yourself.
I have been in your shoes. My son's grandparents took me to court when my son was three. They choose to have no contact with him for the first year of his life when I regularly offered time with him. The next two years I heard nothing from them but by the time my son was 3 and potty trained, here they were wanting to be a part of his life.
I was trying to do what was best for my son but didn't agree with the court's decision regarding unsupervised visitation but my voice wasn't heard because I had no attorney. Once I got an attorney, then I was heard in the courtroom and because my attorney has been in business at that time for over 20 years he really keeps on top of the lastest law and just out lawyered their lawyer. It was great but there still was no win for me on the unsupervised visits.
Here we are and my son is now 16. We still have a few bumps along the way but I still hold my ground when needed and my attorney is only a phone call away if needed.
Again can't state this enough. Get yourself a great attorney. Send me a private message if you want my personal tips on how to pick a great attorney.
I'd get a lawyer, you will have to share custody now and the courts dont care about baby steps unfortunately.
I feel for ya.
i would keep doing what you are doing, but you need to start documenting...i COULD see a court ruling in bio dad's visitation favor, your best advice would be that of an attorney.
maybe offer that you AND the baby take that trip so that the kiddo isnt' with total strangers.
You're not wrong, it's scary for sure. I also think you made the right decision to not let your son go out of state right now, it's still early in the relationship. Maybe you could set a date that he could though so the family doesn't think you're trying to stop them or whatever, you could just say let's take it slow but I realize this is important to you so how about in February (or whatever) you can plan a trip. Suggest the boy's father talks to the family he's going to see and set up a weekend that works in that month and go from there. Maybe if they have a plan that you agree to they will be more willing to accept it. I don't necessarily think you should stop contact right now though. I understand you're angry but this isn't going to help the situation, nor is it going to help your son. You can't just introduce his father and then take him away again. He's little, it won't take long for him to "forget" the relationship and you'll have to start all over again with warming up. Besides, going to court really isn't a bad thing. It will help protect you and your son and his father. I think you're on the right track, just try and have better communication with the father and family and hopefully it will work out!
OK my first thought is "bring it on" take me to court if you feel that is what needs to be done because there is noway that I'm going to give my 19 month old baby over to anyone to take out of state. What mother would agree to that. And if I was taken to court I would get a lawyer and it would be in any custody or visitation agreement that my child does not leave the state without me! That's crazy why would someone take a small baby away from it's mother and go out of state!
Good for you for saying no. You don't know nothing about those people. What's to say that he will even bring the child back with all the crazyness going on in the world today.
I hope you get a good lawyer!
If you were not married at the time of the birth of your son, then you have presumptive full custody of your son. The biological father, whoever he is, has zero rights unless and until you and/or a court grant them. So the man claiming to be the father (and his family) have no right to visitation without granted rights. They certainly have no right to take your child across state lines. It sounds like you are open to including this man in your son's life. You may want to consider a mediated child custody agreement. I would definitely consult an attorney to find out the extent of the law and all of your options. A mediated agreement can be much cheaper than going to court and can help keep communication open in a way that a court order may not. Just a possibility to consider. Best of luck to you.
Absolutely not! Talk to your Dr., and read up on what experts say about whether it's age appropriate or not. Then it isn't a case of you being uncooperative. They'll be hard pressed to get a judge to agree with what they want for the same reason---social workers will do what you're doing. Don't let these people "demand" anything from you. They don't have the right until a court says they do. Their access to your son is controlled by you, not them. I would continue to invite them to spend time with your son, send pictures, and talk to them. Then, if it ever goes to court, you can say you've made every effort to let him get to know them. Then, they're the only ones behaving badly. Besides, the more they get to know you, and you get to know them, the more comfortable the whole situation will be, and they may drop the whole court thing. Right now, everything's still new, and it's the only card they have to play, so they're trying to scare you into doing what they ask. Show them that they can get what they want by just working with you instead of against you.
