Need Opinions on How to Deal with 2 1/2 Year Old

You need to keep it light so she doesn't feel like using those words is a punishment. When my daughter asks for something without asking nicely I'll either ignore her until she asks correctly or say, "I can't heaaaaaar you" in a singsongy voice. At first, it made her just demand louder, but she got the idea quickly. I do have to prompt her to say sorry sometimes. there is a Noodleboro game for teaching manners:
http://www.amazon.com/Noodleboro-Picnic-Basket-Manners-Ga...
They had it at Big Lots cheap at Christmastime, but they are hit and miss.

Can she say the words? Have you heard her say them? The reason I ask is my son was/is speech delayed and in fact he Just started saying yes ( he is now 3) if she Can say them I would ask her more than one time and if she won't after 2 or 3 prompts I would say there was a consequence...find out what her "currency" is...Alex's is ice cream = ) He would do ANYTHING for ice cream...so offer her what she likes, ask her to say please and if she doesn't say it, she doesn't get it...she will figure it out eventually = )

It sounds like this has become a power struggle (which 2 1/2 year olds love!). Maybe back off on the please and sorry for a little bit. Continue to model but don't force her to say them and reintroduce them in a few weeks.

Hello P.-

2.5 year olds have a hard time seeing other people's views, so please & thank you are tough for them. The best course is to keep modeling and encouraging her to say please/thank you, but do not make it a battle.

This may also be your 2.5 year old trying to control her enviroment. Toddlers love controling things, and this is something she can control.

Good Luck

R. Magby

My 2 1/2yo son does the same thing. He is STRONG WILLED! lol! I really watched him when he's doing this and I came to the conclusion that he is embarassed which makes him close up and get stubborn. Lately I've been telling him "Mommy knows it can be embarassing. I understand how you feel. We're going to practice this together so it's easier for you to do. You have to practice using your manners." This doesn't always work and when it doesn't he goes in time-out to think about how he's hurting people's feelings when he doesn't use his manners. He only gets to come out of time-out when he's ready to use his polite words. We seem to be making some (small) progress. From dealing with my first (also very strong willed) I know that this is a phase and if I can use it to teach him something he'll be better off in the long run.

Just hang in there and be consistent. She'll outgrow it if you do.

I was similar as a child, not because I was rebellious, but because I was embarrassed! I didn't have a problem with saying please or thank you, but I did have a problem apologizing or repeating things that my parents wanted me to say if I felt that I was in any trouble.I would get very embarrassed and put up a wall. She's young and probably feels that she is being forced to do something as a punishment. Just keep explaining to her in private about the importance of saying please and thank you ... How these sayings make people feel good. Try not to put her on the spot in public. Just talk to her about it at home if she fails to thank someone.

all of the other posters have good thoughts & ideas. My vote....my immediate 1st thought was: power play, since she's going into the tantrum afterwards. Time to step up to the plate & be firm.

This is a good time to start the idea of "family meetings/conferences". Simply sit down with your child -as a family- & announce to her that "now that she's a big girl", she needs to be doing some of the same things that you & Daddy do. She needs to say "thank you & please". Quietly & firmly discuss the consequences with her.....& at this stage, implementing a 1-2-3 behavior plan is a good way of teaching her that you mean business & that she must comply.

In this case, the #1 would be you asking her to say "please/thank you". If she refuses, then the #2 would be a 2nd request....& if she chooses to not comply....then #3 is a refusal on your part to give her what she wants. You don't need to be hateful, just firm.....& move on to something else, encouraging her to follow along. When setting the framework for this (& other rules later in life), clearly state to her what the consistent consequence will be. Should she escalate into a tantrum AT ANY POINT, then she will be placed in timeout .....regardless of whether or not she immediately complies after that #3 request.

I know this sounds really firm, but take a look at the 1-2-3 Discipline method & you'll get the idea. 2 1/2 is NOT too soon to start....you can use this method very, very early. AND your home will be happier & more peaceful!

I agree with Patricia. I think our daughter feels embarrassed or humiliated when she hurts someone when she's upset and then we tell her she needs to say she is sorry. If she is playing and accidentally bumps me, she'll say, "Bonk! Sorry, Mama!" and keep playing. But if she kicks me in the midst of a tantrum, and I say, "Ouch! That hurt. When you hurt someone, you need to tell them you're sorry." She refuses. Part of it is definitely a power issue, but I can tell from her face that she feels terrible, but can't get herself to say it.

For "please" there's a really cute book - I can't think of the name of it! It has an elephant who wants peanuts. She keeps asking for them and her mom tells her she can't hear her. Then she starts thinking about why and realizes she forgot to say please. She does, and the mom says, "Of course, you can have some! Thanks for asking so nicely!" or something like that. So we do that at home. Or if our DD says she wants something, I'll say in a really cheery voice, "You do? I would LOVE to give you that. What's the magic word?" There are times when she's whiney and being stubborn and won't say it, and then she doesn't get what she's asked for.

the best advise I ever got was "It's not like their going to go off to college not being able to _____." Give it some time, 6 months or so and then try again. Continue saying "please" and "thank you" or even "thanks" and your child may just pick it up by themselves. We all want a polite child but just because a child says please and thank you now doesn't mean they will say it as an adult.

Just keep saying it to her - when she is around 3 - 3 1/2 she will say it automatically. My boy is 3 1/2 and it is natural to him and if he forgets I just say "please" or "thanks" or whatever and he mimics. As for "sorry" sometimes they just don't get what sorry is at that age. Keep up what you are doing in a playful patient way and she will get it - and be sure to say "sorry" if you bump or bang her accidentally. Now he makes us say "please" to get past him in a doorway or wherever he can trap us and is quick to say "sorry" if there is a bump or spill. Give it time - and choose your battles carefully - you're in for a long ride.

Each child and each parent is different. I refuse to comply with my 3 year old until she says "please" and once I do comply if she doesn't say "thank you" promptly I go ahead and say "you're welcome." Usually she will then say "thank you." It has never really been a big issue as her father and I are both polite and model this behavior regularly. Kids go through phases and ours is currently going through the demanding stage. She'll tell me, "I want a cookie." Sometimes I'll ignore her until she asks if she can have a cookie and sometimes I'll say, "Really? I want a child who asks politely instead of demands things." (Yes, I'm a bit of a smart alec)! Nonetheless, it works. She'll then ask for whatever it is that she wants and she says "please." We got her an Imagination Movers CD (on Disney Channel) when she was about 18 months old. The title is "Juke Box Heros" and there is a song on there called "Please and Thank You are the Magic Words." She loves music and she's a big fan of the Movers. I think hearing this song over and over again in addition to having the behavior demonstrated has helped a lot. As for saying that she's sorry, she usually surprises us with it. She'll accidentally run into one of us or trip over the cat and spontaneously apologize. We've never had a situation (yet) in which we wanted her to say that she's sorry and she's refused. I guess modeling the behavior has had the desired effect. Just stick to your guns and you'll get through this. Good luck.

Sign please and Sorry.....and then make her sign them (hand over hand)......soon she will say it on her own