Ok, so I read The Five Love Languages recently. My husband is a mix of Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service. He's been going through a really rough time lately. He's having health issues and just really down on himself. I want to start leaving him little love notes on the mornings that he works. I just did the first one and wrote that he is a wonderful husband. Also, I said he always supports me and never judges me. And of course that I love him. But I need ideas to keep this going. What sort of things do you tell your husband? To the dads, what do men like to hear? Thanks!
Almost everyone likes to hear: desirable, funny, smart, kind, unique, important... But what about him do you admire most? What quality do you wish you had? What really makes him Him?
I'd say be specific, give examples, it becomes more personal and real, plus then you might have a longer list of inspiration.
"every time I imagine that joke you told at dinner at my moms, I laugh again. Your sense of humor lifts my days."
Here is an exhaustive list:
http://www.creativeaffirmations.com/positive-words.html
My husband loves it when the kids take his first name, or use the words Father or Dad and then they write a descriptive word after each letter.
F - fantastic
A - Awesome
T - trustworthy
H - handsome, etc, etc.
...and so on
And he loves it when I turn our own names into a scrabble game and I add a few other favorite words.
GL!
I haven't read the book (yet), but I am pretty sure that "I" am a "words of affirmation" type. What makes me feel good is hearing that I am something positive. In other words, that I am a good mother. That I am a good wife. That I am a good driver. That I did (this or that)____ well. That I made ___ feel good when I ___. That ___ was a thoughtful thing I did. That I made someone proud.
What is a negative for me, is seeing my husband do something that I feel like is something "I" should be doing. Yes, my husband does laundry sometimes, unasked. (Yay me, right?) Not so fast.... Yes, I do appreciate it, but it also gives me these negative thoughts that "I" should have had it done already. Why am I not competent enough to have all the laundry done already? (this is NOT from him.... it is ME... my head).
So.... acts of service for me do NOT make me feel good. They make me feel incompetent, usually. :/
For your husband, why not tell him how proud he makes you? What a great father he is (not generically "a great Dad"... but, "when you ___ it just reminded me what a great dad you are")... How secure you are with him. How you appreciate that he goes off to work for you and your family each day.
etc..
My husband works in a different city, so we only see him on the weekends, with an occasional day or two here and there. I tell him what a good provider he is for our family.
I appreciate the sacrifice he makes to be away from us to provide for us. I also tell him I can't wait till he's working in our town and I can see him everyday and snuggle with him every night.
I tell him he is doing a good job being a stepdad to my girls. I tell him what a great daddy he is and how lucky baby its to have him.
I tell him I can't imagine my life without him and an so glad he picked me to be his wife.
And then since we just moved to North Dakota, I usually ask him if we wants to be my cowboy :)
I read that book recently too. My husband is a Words of Affirmation person. He helps me out a lot around the house, but he needs to hear me say thank you. The more I tell him thank you and that I appreciate him, the more he does. If he mows the yard, I make sure I tell him it looks nice.
Every husband wants to be his wife's hero. :)
"You know what I like about you...?"
"I'd choose you"
"I noticed you washed those dishes for me, cleaned the ___, fixed the leak... and it looks/works/ is running great."
"Thanks for supporting me/ not judging me/ noticing my new haircut!"
With my 2 boys, I try to notice the little things and say something right away, to make it a habit. I'm often surprised to see their reaction. They notice that I notice and seem pleased.
I made a card for my husband's 30th birthday -- the Top 30 Reasons Why I Love You. He loved it & has referred back to it at times when he feels unappreciated. It takes a lot of work, but it's a great way to boost a Words of Affirmation spouse. Or, you can do a Top 7 for your 7th anniversary...something similar can really apply to any special situation.
Some specifics ideas are how he takes care of his health? Exercise? Making good food choices? Family time? Being a good example for his kids? Caring for others? Motivating others? Being a good boss? A good friend? A good brother/son? A good handyman around the house? Just some ideas. Only use those that apply! :)
"i love that you work so hard." "you can do anything!" "you are an amazing dad. seeing how you love (them) makes me love you even more". and of course don't forget things like, "you are so sexy! can't wait until you get home!" (as long as you're prepared to follow through of course).
