Need Your Advice!

I have always found that the best way to make friends with a mother of any age is to talk about HER child! Stuff like, "I love her outfit..where did you get it," etc. Soon she will respond and other things will follow. Just give it time..maybe some of the others are shy, too!

A little about me:
I am a 61 year old mother of two daughters (35 & 30) and a son (26) and proud Nana to two grandsons (3 & 5) and twins on the way! I'm interested in combining "modern" ideas with my "old fashioned" ones.

T.,

I belong to a few playgroups, and it can be hard to feel like part of the group at the beginning. Those Moms do know each other, and while they're not leaving you out intentionally, they look forward to some adult conversation, just like you do. They gravitater toward their friends, and chat. It's really not on purpose. My advice to you is to try and show up on time, in order to be onbe of the first Moms there. Moms are notoriously late for stuff like this, just because we have kids and they make us late for stuff. If you are one of the first there, then you can try starting a conversation with the next couple of women who show up, instead of trying to jump in when they're already settled in and talking.

A lot of times, it's easiest to ask about their kids. Start with how old is he/she? Then you can talk about what they're doing at that age, all of the cool stuff and annoying stuff they do at that stage, etc. We all love to talk about our kids, and can do it endlessly. You can ask them questions about finding a good pediatrician, where is a good park, etc.

Try getting to talk to a pregnant Mom. We've all done that part, so it's automatically an experience in common. It's amazing just how much detail a woman will go into with a stranger when talking about morning sickness, labor, and delivery.

Good luck, T.. It's awkard the first few times, but it won't take long to be one of the girls. Then, when you are, try to remember what this part felt like, and be the first one to talk to the next new Mom who joins. She'll really appreciate it.

Jess

T.,
When I moved from NYC to upstate NY, I felt very lonely and isolated. I sought out a playgroup (I drove 40 min. each way) and it was a godsend. I have since been intrumental in starting a group in my own town to help other Mom's who were in my situation. My advice is KEEP GOING, you will connect with someone, if not, find another group. Having a few good friends to share these years with will make a huge difference in your life. As far as having nothing in common, I've yet to meet a group of Moms who don't talk about thier kids, I've gotten some of my best advice from other Moms. Get out of the house, winters home with kids can be brutal! Good Luck!
P.S. I am also shy and felt out of place when I first joined my group.

Now I know nobody can help being shy, it's not something you can change about yourself, but, go in that playgroup with some self confidence and talk to anybody. You have to force yourself to start talking to at least one person, then through that one person you can meet the rest of the mom's and in time you will know everybody and you can be the one befriending teh next new mom to make it easier for her.

It gets easier, you just have to make one friend!

Hi T.!

I tend to be kind of reserved, too. One thing that might help would be to bring with you something you like to work on. What's jumping to my mind is handwork, like knitting or crocheting or needlepoint, or scrapbooking, something like that. Even if you're just getting started, it can be a focus for conversation.

Generally, I think, folks like to talk about what they do, and they love to talk about things they have in common.

Another way to break the ice is to ask questions, like, say, recommendations for a restaurant or something like that.

People also *really* like to help other people and love to make suggestions, so that can be an icebreaker, too.

I'm sure you'll get lots more great ideas! I hope this was a little helpful!

Be well,
Marji

You can start by asking for some advice from them. Ask about anything from bedtime struggles to potty training. Or "What do you do when your child...(fill in the blank)?"
Good luck

Dear T. T,

Hum, let's see--you mentioned a couple of key words that struck a cord in regards to being a "stay at home" mom with children-being in a playgroup, lonely..here are some questions to spark suggestions give you some ideas... what type of activities do you like to do out of the house? does this playgroup meet your expectations for you and/or your children? Have you initiated any invites or conversations? Do you get a chance to take a weekly activity class or do exercise away from home and the kids? I was just there...it's quite challenging...even as an extroverted type personality. What would you like to do for a fun mom activity? Hope these questions/suggestions help you.

Mom2mom,
T. G.

PS--like your name :-) Do you like mine?

Hi T.,
I'm not sure where you live, but I'm guessing you're somewhat close since this post is Flemington.
Flemington has a mom's group that is based on the internet (meetup.com). We would love for you to join the group. We're all pretty new so we are in the same boat..still getting to know everyone! Meeting others can be intimidating, but we're all pretty comfortable, casual women! We'd love it if you could join us! You can check it out online. If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail me. I'm an assistant organizer of the group. You can access me through the site meetup.com. Hope to hear from you. W.

People love talking about themselves and their children. Just jump in and as questions. Asking for advice is a good one too. People like to think they can help. You could try looking into doing something just for you. Then you know you have something in common with a group other than children.

Hi-
I'm a stay at home also with 2 children. I joined a MOMS Club 2 years ago and it was the best experience I had in a long time. I was getting very lonely also. I got involved with planning the groups activities and made a strong effort to get to know everybody. Moms always love to talk about their kids, husbands and daily struggles of staying home. You'll figure it out. The hardest part is getting started.

Best of luck to you and happy holidays.

I have belonged to the same playgrounp for two years, and I know that it can be hard to strike up a conversation with new people. However, don't give up. I am always interested to hear about what has happened in the last week with my mom pals. You can try asking questions about your child's age/development to break the ice. "Hey, my son is 2 and he's starting to lie. Have you noticed anything with your little one?" You could talk about hobbies or interests. How 'bout asking if anyone watches Survivor, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, etc.? Television shows are always popular. You could try scoping out another new mom who hasn't socialized with many people yet. Hang in there. It will get easier.

i know what you mean, i tried that ROme mom's group, but most of the moms were way older than me and i just didnt have anything in common with them

What i do is I listen to conversations. If it sounds like a subject I can join I do. Or i add my 2 cents. I am very shy around new people my self so I feel for you.

Good luck
N.

Good for you for being brave! I am very shy, too, and have been where you are! The other moms gave some great advice. You'll find a certain other mom or two that you connect with, and you should follow that through! You could even offer to host a playdate at your house. I like to ask questions that will tell me a lot about a person, like how did you meet your husband? Do you raise your kids differently from how you were raised? It tends to really help connections when we share things other than how our kids sleep at night! You know what is a funny question - do you collect anything? It's wonderful and sometimes hilarious to hear what people collect!

It can be scary for a shy person to do this stuff. I always imagine taking a deep breath, walking up to the cliff, and jumping. It has been so worth it! Shyness can be such a burden, but we can't let it control our lives!

Best of luck to you! Now go be a warrior!