We have lived in our home for a while now and are close friends with a neighbor, so I thought. A few years back a new neighbor moved it and the kids all played well initially. The past year the other neighbors (both men - the wife and girlfriend work) have not been including our son when they play outside. My son is 6 years old, high energy, "all boy" but has the sweetest heart and is not mean or hurtful. He is a pleaser and he just wants to play and be friends, with everyone. Love him!!! The other boys generally instagate wrestling, occasionally gang up on him when they rough house play because my son is very tough and can handle it but it is always my son that the "close male friend" neighbor gets upset with for starting it, when it is usually not him. The other boys just know to instigate it when no one is looking, I have seen them as have other neighbors. I have tried talking to them about it and was told they "like" me and my son a lot. They said it wasn't intentional but I honestly feel the one neighbor doesn't like my son. They apologized and things were better ever so briefly but now it is back to how it was. They are friendly when they see us but don't make initiative to invite us. I feel like an outsider and am hurt becuase I thought we were friends, but friends would tell you if there was an issue, right? I am close to the one wife but am hesitant to talk to her (again) because I don't want to make things ackward with her. How do I get over it and move on because obviously things aren't going to change? My son really likes their kids and I really like them but it hurts my heart that he feels left out. How do I deal with this?
You go find him other friends. Take him to organized sports. If he has something else to do, he won't feel left out.
There's nothing you can do about this adult. I'm so sorry.
Dawn
Sometimes you just like someone else better. Or don't like someone for no particular reason. That's just life. There's always "cause" based frictions, but not all frictions are "cause" based. (Cause = bullying, whining, nose picking, tattling, whatever). Some are just personalities rubbing the wrong way.
Since your son has grown apart from old friends, it's time to work on new friends. It doesn't mean being mean/ snubbing/ "ending" anything with the old friends who have moved on... it just means moving on as well.
Here's the thing, they did tell you there was an issue and your response was "not my kid". Of course they're not crazy with having your kid around when from their point of view they brought a problem to your attention and you denied it. Your description of your son sounds like the description my neighbor has for her son. From my pov the kid isn't "high energy all boy", he's an undisciplined brat. I love the mom, but the kid doesn't come over to my house anymore because she refuses to recognize that he's at least partially responsible for the conflicts that occur.
How do you deal with it? Well, you can try to approach them for an honest talk and really listen to what they have to say. Then talk to your son about it; give him examples of when his actions crossed the line for them. Another neighbors kid likes to swear a bit, it's ok in his house but not in mine. He knows that and doesn't swear when around me. Your son is old enough to understand behavior that might be acceptable at home or with other friends isn't with these friends.
Or - find some new friends. He's 6, not a bad age to learn that not everyone is going to be his friend and that's ok. At some point there will be a kid he doesn't want to be friends with either, again ok. It's a good lesson to learn young.
It happens. Luckily, you're never restricted to only having to have friends in your neighborhood. Try not to look at this like being included or excluded. Look at it as getting a reprieve from the disapproving judgments she has about your son. If and when she's ever ready to repair the friendship, be cautious and do so on your terms.
You don't. Leave it alone. Your son is learning a hard life lesson - not everyone is going to like him and people change and move on. Just be there for your son when he gets his feelings hurt and try to distract him. Are these the only two boys in the neighborhood for him to play with? If he's six, he's going to school - surely he has made a few friends who don't live too terribly far away. Encourage these new friendships.
When they do play together, get all the boys into a group and tell them all at once, "No roughhousing or wrestling". Then, keep a close eye on them. The minute one of them starts getting too rough, no matter who it is, step in and stop it. The other dads will see that it's not always your son starting things, and will hopefully appreciate your efforts to keep things a little more mellow.
Good luck!
