Not Excited About Baby Due in 8 Weeks or Less or More

sent you a message...what some people will say well things are easier said than done! One day at a time!!!!

This is the time to call in the troops. All of the people that ask how can I help?

Make a list. Be honest.
I need someone to take kids to the park, clean my bathroom, help me with laundry, help me set up my room for new baby.. Whatever it is you need help wit..

Asking for help is a gift you give others. I love helping, I love being asked.
Just as I am going to guess you do too. Doesn't it make you feel good to help a person in need? To take the pressure off of them? Let others help you.

You have no idea what the future will be. Having young children is difficult.
When you file for divorce ask for child support that includes, housekeeping help.

At some point, you may realize you do need to go to work, there is nothing wrong with that. Do not feel like a failure because you need help so that you can financially support your children. I promise your kids will be fine.

My mother divorced my father and she has always been my hero. She worked full time, helped us become independent women, explained we were a team. And yet she was very active in the community and we were able to experience all sorts of activities, that there was no way we have experienced with my dad around..

You are a mom, you are a strong woman, you can do this.. Just ask for what you need. That is the smart thing to do right now.

You know what..."men suck"...that's all I gotta say...they have no sympathy...no loyalty for family....mostly self-centered...and because they go to work everyday...they think the wife should handle every aspect of everything else...and then he goes and cheats on you when you're pregnant...what a loser. Cut your losses, hold your head up high, depend on yourself...3 children is NOT the end of the world...just the beginning. Good luck to you...I hope you have a support group! I'm counting on you to pull through!

Hi,
I had something similar happen to me when I had my second child. My husband came back briefly, but the marriage was over. We formally divorced a few years later. It was hard being a single mom of two boys (one with autism) but I made it through with the help of family and a great therapist. Today, I'm happily remarried and just had two more children.
I can't imagine how you must feel, but please know that therapy and/or medication can help. Please ask your OB/GYN to refer you to someone!
God bless!

My impression from reading your posts is that this separation is a new thing caused by the discovery that he has cheated. That you were already having some difficulty and this was just the last straw.

I suspect I'm in the minority here but I'd like to play devil's advocate. I suggest that both you and your husband are having difficulties that are causing your marriage to weaken. "He never helps." "You only see the negative in me." are just two of the statements that suggest to me that counseling could help you save your marriage.

Cheating doesn't have to be the end of a marriage. It can cause the couple to take a close look at their marriage and find ways to make it work. Yes, cheating hurts terribly. It will take time for you to heal.
Counseling will help you heal faster.

I urge you to find a counselor so that first, you can find a way to communicate with your husband in a calm, productive way. You have much to work out not only for the sake of the children but for your own sake too.

Perhaps you and your husband could go together, not to save your marriage, but to find a way to make this separation less painful. In counseling you can have help working out a parenting plan, money issues, etc.

I also suggest that you have every right to be angry and vindictive you may be able to get some help from him by kindly asking him to help you and give him specific tasks. Sounds like he wants to be with the kids. Yes, I hear, when it's convenient for him. I suggest that once the two of you find a way to be together as a separated couple that he may be willing to let you know ahead of time when he's coming over. Then you could take that time to take care of yourself.

I read that you say you have no friends. Now is the time to find some. If you don't go to church, gather up all your courage and go. Churches can be tremendously supportive.

And/or take your kids to story time at the library and strike up a conversation with a sympathetic mom. Don't unload on her. Have her be someone with whom you can take a break from the pain and tears. She might be someone who would help you with the kids, too.

Do you not have a supportive family? or is it that they live too far away? Perhaps you're ashamed or afraid to ask them for help. If I were in your situation my mother would be here the next day to help me. I would rely on her to defrost my freezer. lol She has helped me when I've broken up with male friends even when she didn't approve of the relationship in the first place.

It seems that you're thinking about everything all at once. I suggest you stop trying to think ahead and deal with each day as it comes, each hour as it comes, each minute, etc. Break up your future in little spaces. Trying to figure everything out at once is severely overwhelming.

I urge you to find one professional person to help you as a first step. It can be your doctor who can help you with the depression and lack of sleep. It can be a therapist/counselor who will listen to you and provide support. This person will help you look at each thing so that it's not quite so overwhelming. They will help you make decisions too. They won't make decisions. They will help you. It's possible your doctor can refer you. It can be a doula/midwife whose role is as a support person. She will help you with your emotional needs as well as your physical ones. It could be a lawyer. Once you know more about your situation in legal terms you may know better how to proceed.

Start with just one. Take that first step to putting your life back in order. You have a long and painful road ahead of you. Start with getting one support person and face your life one day at a time.

Do you know that there is a 24 hour crisis hotline in your area? You can call anytime and there will be a trained person to listen and be supportive.

First, you will be ok. I went through the same thing with my first pregnancy. Found out my husband at five months. I wasn't happy about the pregnancy at all and I felt so guilty. It's not your fault, and don't blame the pregnancy for him cheating. That has nothing to do with it and if he is saying that's why, it's an exscuse. There's no justifying it, it is just wrong. It may not seem like it, but you have a good life. You woke up today, you have a beautiful gift from God on the way and two beautiful children already. Those are what you need to look at for inspiration along with God. Psalms 27, when my mother and father forsake me, who will take me up? God. (When my [husband] forsakes me, who will take me up? God) God will never forsake you and He is with you now. You are strong and you are beautiful, keep that in mind. He does not give you more than you can handle. You may feel alone, but like the poem, Footprints, He is carrying you through the threshold :) and like Kirk Franklin's new song: Smile! You are already beautiful, but you are much more beautiful when you smile. Trouble don't last always :)

See a counselor or Therapist to sort through this.
You are 'grieving' and suffering a loss... of your marriage/your spouse and all that was hoped for.

Your baby will arrive.
And you will, be there for him.
If not, he will get affected.
But you know that.
I am sure, your Mommy instincts/love will kick in, once he is born.

If not, seek help or tell your Doctor.
Right away.

Vent and tell your friends so you have a support system.

If/when you still have attachment problems with your baby & cannot bond with him once he is born, you need to get help, right away.

So sorry you are going through this.
Get a support system for yourself. Friends, family etc. Tell them.
You need people to help you and be there for you.

Where's your family? Do you have any close friends near by?

Why do you blame the pregnancy on your husband's cheating; after all you do have two other children? Just because he's behaved like a horndog, don't blame yourself or your pregnancy.

Don't predict the future, when your new baby is placed in your arms you will love it like you love the children you already have.

Please get advice on a good lawyer, get the ball rolling on spousal and child support (for three children).....I generally advise people to try to work out the problems if a marriage can be saved, but sounds like your husband is a repeat offender, so I hope you don't let him weasel himself back into your life. Get your husband served and soon!

If you don't already have the information, get yourself busy finding out all your assets. Get your own bank account and credit cards in your name only.

Concentrate on your kids, the baby that will soon arrive, and pamper yourself as much as possible. If you have a close friend, go out to lunch or dine in at home.....if you feel like crying, cry!

I also recommend prayer and ask all the praying mama's out there to pray for you and your family. May God bless and give you strength, may He give you comfort and the peace that only He can provide during this time in your life.

Blessings.....

Please let your Dr or Midwife know what you are going through right now and ask to be referred to a counselor (my ob/gyn has one right in the office). You need help right away. Yes, you are at risk for postpartum depression, but I believe if you get help now, you may be able to avoid it. I'm so sorry to hear that your husband has been unfaithful and your life has been turned upside down. Please, please, please get help for the sake of yourself and your precious children. You don't have do this alone and on your own. R.

You're in tough spot, you have a right to feel depressed, get some counseling now, before you get even busier, if you dont have helpful family then find a church or organization that will support you. You will need support, physicaly, emotionally, as well as financially and you cant count on your ex

Please seek counseling to help you...don't wait. Is your husband at all remorseful and on board to help you when baby does arrive?

I have read some of your posts. I feel horrible for you. You should be excited but it's understandable that you are not. You are already depressed I was depressed while I was prego with #2 and I didn't have anything like you have going on. Have you looking into talking to a couselor. If you are getting a divorce you and your kids should see one just to help with the adjustment. I don't think your husband cheated on you because you are prego he cheated on you because he is an idiot and risked his family (and lost it) for nothing! He wanted a boy and now he will only be a small part of his upbinging and his son will hardly know his father and your husband will have that on his concience if he has one. My husband worked out of state when I had my baby who is now 1 and I was alone with an 8yo 5 yo and a newborn. My 5 yo was a monster for a few months before and after and it was tough I won't lie. My husband is not much help either he is another story however. Good luck to you my heart hurts for you and your babies!

Having 3 little kids is really hard work in the best of all situations. If there is anyway that you can get someone to come in and help you out for 2 hours everyday now to get that into a routine, do it. Hire someone, even if it is only a teenager or college student or a neighbor.
When i had 2 kids i hired someone from 7:30 to 9:30 am to come a dress my oldest for school (it was a frustrating job) i took him to school and didn't have to take the little one with me, and the hired help did the dishes then and a little picking up around the place. It gave me a little sanity.
When i had 3 kids i hired someone from 5-7pm to give the kids a bath mostly because they loved the bath and i could get so much done (even run to the store to get groceries or something) while they were happy playing in there and i knew they were supervised.
Pick a time that you find to be the most challenging now and get your kids use to this helper (mine didn't even speak english and none of us knew any spanish--it didn't matter). It is a lot cheaper than a therapist and will give you a sense of calm or one-on-one time taking turns with each child...something to look forward to everyday.