Is it normal with a second baby to not feel all oowey goowey right at first? My husband had to leave one week after we delivered, and so that's got me down, but also I just don't feel all 'in love' with our new baby. I actually feel a little guilty for saying this out loud, but I kind-of just want to run off with my 21/2 yr. old and do our old familiar routine. I love this new baby, and I'm doing the best I can (w/ the help of a part time nanny) to meet all his needs, but something is 'missing'?
i'm right there with you, i'm pregnant with my second and cannot imagine loving this one as much as i do my daughter, scares me, i think we will both learn to love our new addition in our own way, and good for you for admitting this to yourself most of all, i think this may actually be common among mothers the second time around
Honestly, I think this is fairly normal. I had a couple of friends warn me that I may not become attached to my new baby as quickly this time around (my son is 11 days old and I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter). I, like you, don't resent him, but I do miss having my daughter to myself so to speak. He is a really sweet baby and I know that I love him dearly, but I don't fawn over him like I did when my daughter was a baby. It may be fatigue also with having to deal with 2 kids now, but just know that this is common and that you will love him just as much as your first. I think part of it is that toddlers are so much more interactive than babies. When our first kids were babies, we didn't know anything different, so it was the best stage ever. Now that we know how much fun they can be when they start smiling and interacting, it's hard to get excited about a baby that does nothing but eat, sleep and poop! :-)
Don't worry about your feelings for your baby. As long as you aren't having any negative feelings toward him, it will happen in time. One of my friends said she didn't really bond with her second child for about 2 months. My other friend didn't give me a timetable, but she also said it didn't happen right away, so just keep spending time with him and taking care of him and the rest will fall into place before you know it.
How old is your little one? sometimes this happens and it could be post partum. you could also talk to a counselor who could help more than the dr.
hang in there and make sure your are being good to yourself too. Your hormones could be out of balance. It's hard to function properly when that happens. The transition period is hard, but when you are accustomed to him in your life, you won't want to part from him either (just like your 2 1/2 yr old.) I am glad you have someone to help you out.
Take time to destress even if that just means a hot bath. How long will your dh be gone?
If it gets too bad and you think you are going to neglect his care, get help immediately!!!
Blessings,
M.
Mom to 5 Wonderful Kids
www.4MyChildrenSake.com
I can totally relate, and you are not alone. I just had a baby girl a few weeks ago, and a few days after delivery she got diagnosed with a rare metabolic condition. Well I was very afraid to get attached because I did not know what to expect. I talked with my ob and told her how upset I was and she put me on a low dose anti-depressant. I am doing much better now, and I am enjoying her more and more each day. It is slow, but I do not have many expectations for myself. Talk with your OB it could be Postpartum depression. It is very common. Also ask your doctor to check your thyroid, this being off can put you into a depressive state. Best of luck.
Thank you! I had no idea that I was not alone:) I can tell you that you will love the 2nd just as much, it may just take some time. Our youngest is now 6 mo and I couldn't imagine not having him here...his smile truly lights up my life!
K.,
I believe it's normal to feel like you do. Remember, you've had 2+ years with your first child so it's hard to imagine loving your second as much. It won't be long before your emotions take over and you'll feel as much love for your second as you did/do for your first.
Some ideas that may help...
*be sure to spend some good quality one-on-one time with your first, maybe when your second is asleep. By spending time with your oldest, without distractions, may help you focus on your time with the newborn when you need to.
*maybe try the skin-on-skin contact with your newborn. Let him lay on your chest and relax. Sit in the moment with him and enjoy it. This was one of the most special times I had with my daughter when she was a newborn.
Finally, if you are feeling out of sorts in other ways (post partum depression) then go to your doctor. Don't risk your health, or the health of your children, out of fear of asking for help. Remember, what you're feeling is normal for some women. Not everyone gets the warm-and-fuzzy feelings right away, especially with the second, so give yourself some time.
Good luck!
