Not invited...how to Handle

I would just let it go and explain to my son that not everyone gets invited every time. I wouldn't talk with the kids' parents. This is a teaching moment for your son. Use it.

Good luck!

I think it is possible he may have misinterpreted. Kids do not send out invites for neighborhood get togethers. I think your son could have simply joined the crowd and moved 2 doors down and no one would have been the wiser. Next time tell him to tag along. Then someone would have to specifically tell him to go away, and then you would know really what is going on.

Awww. I feel bad for your son. That is hurtful.

I wouldn't say anything to the parents. Most people don't take kindly to having their rude behavior corrected. And maybe they just forgot to invite your son.

When I was a kid, my best friend lived on a street with two other girls from our school. The four of us played together almost everyday one summer. But one of the girls, "Sally" sadly had to inform me that her mother wouldn't let me over to her house because she didn't like Chinese people. So whenever the playdate was at Sally's house, I couldn't come. I never told my parents about it, and I just accepted it for what it was.

Looking back, I realize that Sally's mother was a complete idiot. But it was still very hurtful to me. If you have a story of your own like that to share with your son, maybe it will make him feel better to realize that it happens to everyone at some point. It really is a good teachable moment for you as a family.

I would continue to work on being good and friendly neighbors, and teaching your son to be the same. We can't control what others do, but we can behave the way we would like others to, as neighbors.

As far as this one incident, it's very likely your 7 year-old forgot about it well before you will.

What happened to your little boy was just mean. The best thing you and your husband can do in this situation is to set an example for your child and continue to be kind to all the children. However, if any child does or says something to hurt or purposefully exclude one child, that's when you as a parent speak up and let it be known this is "wrong and mean". Who ever the child is, march them to their home and THEN let their parents know what happened and how you feel.

I do think it's a good idea to explain as best you can to your children that they won't be invited to every event that some of their friends and/or sisters and brothers are invited to, and that it is perfectly normal.

I am going to guess, the other children had no idea your child was not invited.

Not sire how the parents of the child throwing the party can control any child but their own.

Only the one child would have realized it.

Maybe the invitation was lost?

The only think I can suggest is you have a conversation with the parents of the birthday boy and ask them if there is a problem.. You all are adults, you can speak truthfully without offending each other.

Did they actually say everyone but you or did you assume since everyone else went but your son? Did you assume there were formal invites before hand? I ask because I have that personality that if you don't specifically invite me I don't consider myself invited. That is an issue with my personality not the people who don't go up to me and say I meant you too. Are you following me?

So I guess I am asking do they specifically say they don't want your son to go or is he assuming since they don't specifically invite him? The norm is "we are going here" means everyone in earshot. There is no secret knock, no nod no wink, all are invited. I was left out of a lot as a child before I decided a simple is it okay if I go too worked perfect for clarification. :)

Don't say anything (it's not going to change anything for the better anyways, other than reinforcing whatever dislike his parents already towards your family) and simply make sure that your son has PLENTY of friends outside of your neighborhood. The whole running hot and cold for your son is only going to escalate into more drama as the kids get older, so better find friends that are true friends rather than just a bunch of kids jumbled together because of where they live. I mean that is nice when it works out - but in your son's case it doesn't seem to work so great... so enroll him in some activities and host playdates with school friends.
Good luck.

I really don't think kids would go out of their way to make sure your child knew he wasn't invited. They most likely didn't know he wasn't invited, or were just being kids & didn't think.

Honestly, I think I'd leave it alone & use it as a learning lesson. You will never be able to control other people (kids or adults), but it IS your job to teach your child how to respond to and deal with situations like this. We all have to learn that sometimes we don't fit in or aren't liked, and that's okay, because why would we want to hang out with people that made us feel bad?

Personally, I would work on friendships outside of the neighborhood - kids from school, or activities (and if your son isn't in an activity, get him involved with some like mined kids, that he has something in common with). It sounds like maybe your family just doesn't "click" with the neighborhood families, and there's nothing wrong with that. Just because you live close to someone doesn't mean you will automatically bond or all be one big happy family.

Move on & reshift your focus. Approaching anyone about this situation will further alienate your son & your family.

I don't think it will help much to talk to the adults, as they are the ones who created the sticky situation.

I would recommend that you be prepared to handle this situation in the future though. Next time the kids announce they are going to so-an-so's for a gathering that your son was not invited to, you need to speak up right there on the spot and tell the kids right then something like, "Hey, next time you kids are invited some where my 'Johnny' is not invited, it is really rather mean and rude to advertise that you going somewhere without him. How would you feel if everyone took off and left you alone? It wouldn't feel good. So, in the future, please be mindful of each others feelings. I would not want your feelings hurt, just like I don't want my own sons feelings hurt. Now go have a nice time, but please remember your manners next time you are here.'

And for sure start helping your son make friends outside the neighborhood gang by inviting classmates over one on one, etc.

As a mother, I'm wondering why your son is the odd ball out? Any insight there? I have well liked kids, and when I see other kids being excluded, it usually is described like so: that kid is 'bossy, or mean, or won't take turns, or doesn't like to loose'.....those are the types of kids who don't fare well in in long term friendships. I would invest some time teaching your kid games and how to get along well with his peers. There is still plenty of time to correct improve his behavior.

It would take a whole lot of conspiring (and adults being involved and coaching), to get all the neighborhood children to "flaunt" this party on purpose. I REALLY think they probably had no idea your son was not invited. I can't see how talking to the other parents would help anything. You yourself say not everyone will always be invited, and I think by talking to them...it could make it seem like you do think that. I would say this is a good, teachable moment for your son. Remember, he can invite who he does and doesn't want to his parties.

Why do they run hot and cold with your son? Not that I'm suggesting it's your son's fault! I'm just wondering why he is the one frequently excluded.

Your son can ask to be included. I know seven is a bit young for this but it is a good way to get him to learn to deal with these situations. If something is mentioned in front of him like this, it is fair game to ask for the invite. Unfortunately, to be included sometimes means you have to take an active role. If he gets rejected, just say "Oh well, lets do something fun together, then". And yes, kids can be purposely cruel sometimes just like adults.

I agree w/ the mom who said work hard at forming friendships OUTSIDE of your neighborhood. Invite kids over to play.... on a consistant basis.

we have the same type of neighborhood - TONS of kids - run in packs, etc. When it's good it's great, but when things are even a 'little' off it seems to be magnified b/c the 'pack' seems so big and the lone soldier seems SO alone.

Have him bring kids 'into' the situation to lay with... that way he knows the kids in the hood are just one of many social circles he has.

You were the adult. When they started talking about the party tell them that it isn't nice to talk about a special event that not everyone has been invited.

THen remind your son that sometimes we don't get invited to things. No biggy, you'll make your own fun.

And find him some friends, maybe from school, that are not in the circle of neighbors.

If they have any character at all, THEY will feel bad for excluding your son.

Honestly, I think taking this any further would be inappropriate.
Explain to your son that you don't know this particular kid too well, or maybe he was only allowed to invite "x" number of kids to the party....

Also let him know that when it's his party, he can invite who he chooses.

Dicey? Yes. But kids that young may not fully grasp the concept of being deceptive or vague for the sake of sparing feelings (that's actually a good sign, right?).
The kids may not have been intentionally being cruel.

Hopefully O. of them, that picked up on your son's disappointment will relay the message to their parents and it will get back to the hosts and then they can be happy with themselves for being "exclusionary."

It's already an uncomfortable neighborhood dynamic...for your son.

You need to find out why he wasn't invited. If everyone else was there was a reason they did not invite him. If the grandparents don't like him you need to know why. It may be that there has been a misunderstanding or some offense he, nor you, know anything about.

I think by not addressing this with all the other parents you are letting your son pay the price of your trying to keep the peace. IF they have reasons you may be able to work through them so he will not be ostracized again so blatantly.

Oh, the whole neighborhood dynamic thing, that's hard :(
I would NOT say anything, just let it go, especially since you are neighbors,and you already feel like they don't like you for some reason.
Talk to your son about it only if HE brings it up. Most kids don't hold on to their hurt feelings as long as adults (especially mommies!)
Also keep him busy with other activities and friends from school, so he doesn't count on the kids in his neighborhood so much. After all, we should want to be around people who want to be around us, right?

Another point of view. Maybe they had reached their space limit.

I host parties where I include several kids from around the neighborhood. There are some that we don't know and my kids don't hang out with. There are some that we do know, but they don't hang out with. Even if we know the kids, and hang out with them, we don't always invite all of them because of space.

At Halloween I had a party for my daughter. A handful of families that I had planned on inviting were not invited because when I added up the numbers I was already 2x over my seating limit and hubby said enough.

Just a few days ago we had a party for my son. He invited 15 boys. He wanted to invite the whole class of 25 out of 28 kids. He doesn't get along with 3 of them. I said that is mean. You can't exclude just 3 kids. So he said just the boys, but that would still exclude 3 kids. So we told him to pick 10 friends in and out of school to invite. 5 were in school. All told 6 boys showed up. The list did not include the boy next door. They are friends, but he didn't make the list of 15. It did include the 2 kids on the other side of us, the boy 2 houses down, and the 2 boys 4 houses down from the boy that was not included. That may seem mean, that all of the boys insight of my house were invited except this one boy. I don't see it that way. I see it as he listed the kids that he wanted in order, and when he got to 15 we had him stop. If the boy had come to the door and asked to come in, of course I would've said okay, but he was not on the initial invite list due to space.

Gosh, I don't know how you would teach a whole neighborhood of kids to be deceptive (they probably didn't know your son was not included). I completely understand your desire to look out for your son's feelings. I'm not sure how confronting parents who you think don't like you will help. Maybe at next Friday's gathering, talk to the mom alone to see if there is a problem if that is your approach. Overall it sounds like a nice neighborhood, we certainly didn't have all the kids playing on a Friday night while the parents hung out as well. I did make my home the place where it was fun for the kids to hang out though.

** I do think marching them home and telling the family they are "wrong and mean" is the quickest way to have all of you excluded.

We have a group of adult friends, they all have kids. Just by sheer need our children are in a situation of being with a group of children they did not choose to hang out with. They have friends in outside circles and as they have gotten older have had gathering that exclude one or two of the group. As he gets older this will simply advance and these kids may no longer hang out because if convenience. Time to teach your child about how to handle behaviors of others whether they were meant as hurtful or nit. When at school does he always hang with the neighborhood friends ir does. He have a different group he plays with. Time to set up play dates in Fridays and start changing it up

Kids that age, unfortunately don't have filters... I'm sure they didn't mean to hurt your son's feelings....
You live in the same type of neighborhood as us.. We all hang out together all the time...
I feel bad for your son. My heart would have dropped if that was my 5 year old son in that same situation... Next time, if that ever happens again, try to distract him.... Take him to do something fun...

As an adult we dont get invited to ALL things ALL times.
You just have to teach your child that that's the way things are sometimes.
It is our job as parents to teach our kids how to take the bumps in the road that they will meet when they are eventually out on their own.
We are their trainers.
"So, we didnt get invited, what else can we do instead? Go see a movie, go read a book, go have some ice cream?"
We all have to learn to self soothe when things dont go our way. Teaching our kids to have a stress outlet other than booze or xanax or weed is our job.
This is why I believe music lessons, karate, the joy of reading a book, etc are great things to get our kids involved in asap (4 or 5 yrs old), it gives them their own zen spot when the world around them has gone awry.

Yes, that was very rude...I had a similar situation in our area with my dd not being invited. There's not an easy way to handle it except to invite a different friend over on the day of the party or go somewhere so he doesn't see the kids going to the party.

When I throw parties, I include everyone in the same social circle, but other people aren't aware of these things. I wouldn't talk with them, it may make the situation worse.

Here is an article I found when I went through something similar:

http://ezinearticles.com/?When-the-Invitation-Never-Comes...