Not Sure - Wellston,OK

Updated on October 16, 2010
S.S. asks from Tecumseh, OK
20 answers

what would you do? i'm filing for a modification with my ex husband concerning child support, visitation and other major issues that i've metioned before on this site.

My attorney listed in the modification that i should have sole custody...i'm sending her a list of things i did not see on the modification and what i would LIKE to see on it before it get's filed. I know that my daughter has been granted life insurance recently and probably has various accounts set up from her dad's side of the family, although i have never been told how much and where. I know these are for the benefit of her future, but am debating if i should ask for the right to be able to access these accounts as needed and full knowledge of these accounts that have her name on them in any way shape or form.

now i also know that they COULD have accounts set up for her, but paper trails shows other wise to protect from what i'm thinking about doing...would you ask for the right of knowledge of any of these? Would you "use" this money if needed and nothing stopping you from getting it to provided for your child?

Ladies, i'm not saying i WOULD use them if i could, but i DO know of a mother who found out about her childs account from the "ex's" family and all we know is because she had custody, she was able to literally wipe them out and did. I'm not saying that was right and i'm not saying i agree with it-we don't know what she did with it. yes i'm hesitating, hints the reason i'm asking, yes it's VERY tempting right now

That's EXACTLY my thought rachel...you worded it better for me. knowing his grandad that just passed, (he was military and well off)-he's got a good chunk of money hidden somewhere

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So What Happened?

ok ladies, i hear what you're saying and yes, went with my gut judgement, and well, of course not going to touch that, HOWEVER, i know that HE has received a life insurance payment this year, and YES i'm going to inquire if the life insurance HE got can be counted as income for him and help calculate child support, he has gotten off SOOO EASY and has NEVER paid a dime in child support and only has help MINIMALLY and some how is ok with that.

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

I have not read your prior posts about these custody issues, but if you are getting an agreed upon amount of child support and benefits (ie insurance),I am not comfortable with you having access to accounts that have been set up for your child's future benefit. My guess is that grandparents have set up a college fund for your daughter?? Who claims your daughter on their taxes as a dependent? If any of the accounts are in her social security number and generate taxable income, then a 1099 (i think that is the number) is issued.
It would depend what type of accounts they are and what type of restrictions the accounts have (like a 529 education account available in some states) on whether you could have access to them.
Of course, best case scenario would be that they would share the information with you that they have funds for future education or a future car.
But I sense your relationship with the "exes" may be poor and they won't give you access to those accounts.
Would I use the money? Only if I could not feed or house my child. I would feel like it would be stealing from the child's future.

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K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I'm with everyone else. A savings account is for the future, so it should not be touched. Second, I think it's wonderful that your ex-family loves your daughter enough to set up savings/college accounts. It sounds like you don't really like the, but don't sabotage your daughter's future over it! My in-laws have savings accounts for all of my children. I don't know who is on them or how much money is in them. It's not my business. When the time is right they'll let me know.

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S.W.

answers from Detroit on

no leave the accounts alone. If the time comes that she needs it in the future, her family on the dad's side will take care of it.

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T.N.

answers from Albany on

Hi S., I have a very strained relationship with my ex as well, more about money than anything else. I TRY not to be bitter, but since he was willing to pay his attorney tens of thousands of dollars to prove he cannot afford to give his kids anymore money, you can see how I might occasionally have trouble achieving that!

Anyway, all three of my kids have many US Savings Bonds which were given to us as gifts for baptism, 1st communion, etc. There's a giant stack of them in my filing cabinet worth several thousand dollars per kid. They matured years ago, I wanted to roll them into another interest bareing account, but they are under my exs SSN, not mine, and the kid's SSN. During an arguement while he was waisted and very angry he threatened to cash them and keep the money for himself (couse he also threatened to take money out of my checking acct, have the kid's DNA tested, 'go after my car with a baseball bat', etc. So there they sit collecting dust.

To me the money belongs to my kid's future (I have one just turned 18, so there his now), even if I had access to them I would never use them even for household expenses, however tight it got (and it IS tight).

But yes, it I feel if IS your right as the custodial parent to KNOW about any such accounts. No I don't believe you should be granted access (I'm sorry).

If you are in fact planning on going to court (we were not, legal fees upwards six figures, doesn't make any sense, plus it's just icky icky super stressful, I left to have PEACE for us all, the court process is ANYTHING but) anyway, I guess your lawyer might mention these accounts and request access to them, but when denied, I think it would be a mistake to push. Will cost more than they're worth, and will paint a greedy picture of you.

Good Luck, sorry you're going through this.

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R.K.

answers from Boston on

I think you should be allowed the information maybe not access but definately you have the right to know especially if your ex's name is on any of the accounts. He could be using them to "hide" money so your child support is lower. I know plenty of low lives that would stoop to that level.

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

you can ask but you won't get it. You can request that your ex have a life insurance policy that be in effect with your daughter as the beneficiary. But as far as accounts that people open for her future you won't be given any access to those. A judge will say no.

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A.F.

answers from Columbus on

No, I don't think you should be allowed to access these accounts. As you mentioned, these are for the benefit of her future so when the time comes for college or what she needs as an adult, she will use the funds.

Sorry but since you are asking this, It seems they have a reason to hide the paper trail if there is one from you.

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M.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I don't think that you should access the accounts set up for your daughter. I do think you should be allowed to know the insurance ones though. Not sure why a child needs a ton of life insurance-if it were my child I would demand to see what the payout whould be if something were to "happen" to her.

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K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

Know about your child's financial options - Yes. Access to them - No. As for insurance payments, inheritance your husband may have or will receive, don't think that has impact on child support payment. In fact, my brother's ex recently requested more but it was denied because the change she thought she saw on his pay stubs (he has to share income docs, etc. with her attorney which is fair) was from overtime. And even overtime pay cannot be used to increase child support because it is a one-time or unpredictable change in income. Does every dime of his pay (OT or not) go to supporting his girls? Yes...Since he has 50/50 physical custody and also covers their medical/dental.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I think it the ex's in-laws have life insurance on her or a savings account for her, then you're lucky and your daughter will get it in the future, right? Why do you need to know about it? You probably should also start an account for her as well.

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S.B.

answers from Wichita on

I dont see why you need access to these accounts.

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J.C.

answers from Lincoln on

No, leave those accounts alone if they exist. If her family has chosen to do that for her that's their business. She will have access to them when she's an adult is my assumption, but no you shouldn't have access to them or be able to use them. They are not for you, nor are they part of any child support arrangement. Those things are between your daughter and her father's family. Stay out of that aspect.

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Why would you "use" any money that is set side for your daughter by her grandparents or others? It's not your money and is surely set up for her wedding, education, first car, etc. It's not yours to do what you want with it, it's hers for her future.

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C.C.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Another thing to think about.... according my policy minor children can not be a beneficiay of a parents life insurance policy. There needs to be someone with your child's best interest at heart or maybe a professional lawyer who can be a "guardian" of sorts of the money to make sure it is being used for the child. Don't know if this is something you can talk about with the ex.

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

Why would you get into her accounts if you didn't set them up? I would think she will be made aware of any accounts as the family sees it the right time and if she needed to access any accessible benefits it would be a discussion entirely between them and her. You are fortunate to have them do it. I got a $20 bill from my daughters grandmother and she told me to go buy her something for Christmas. To this day, I am not sure of the intention.

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S.B.

answers from Sioux Falls on

as far as the accounts go i disagree with alot of people. i am going to say yes ask to be informed about them. and if you need to use them to provide the necessary things for your daughter, housing, medical, food, then do so. but other wise don't mess with the money set aside. but i feel you have every right to at least have knowledge about these accounts.

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G.H.

answers from Chicago on

the only thing you will get access to is if your ex is ordered to have life insurance on himself with your daughter as the beneficiary, otherwise you have no rights to access any accounts set up on behalf of your daughter........and in regards to the life ins your ex received from his grandfather, you can inquire about the amount etc but typically this has no bearing on child support payments

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S.H.

answers from Enid on

www.laborlawtalk.com but i dont think that one lump sum can be incorporated in his income towards child support, for the sole reason that it is not a reoccuring income. I could very possibly be wrong, but im sure your lawyer could clarify on thie subject. every state has different laws, (and loop holes) I hate dead beat parents who dont help with their children, some people cant have kids, and would love to have a child to take care of, and then theres people who could care less that they have children... If i knew my sons bio dad had an account for him, better believe i would wipe it clean if i could(my son is almost three and his genetic donor has never seen him, hasnt seen me since i was 12 weeks pregnant, havent heard from him in over a yr)

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I would not see how they could use a one time payment to calculate monthly payments over several years, that would not be right. And it was his Grandpa, not yours, I would say you have no right to that money. If he chooses to set up an account for your daughters future with his money, than let him and leave it alone, that money is his to do with as he sees fit, not for you to take because you feel slighted in some way that he got this money after you divorced. He should however be paying child support, based on his regular income, every month. In Idaho they used a formula based on the percentage of the income he earned during your marriage. Not sure how they figure it in OK.

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A.H.

answers from Fayetteville on

I absolutely would not touch it! It is for your daughter and there is no need for you to have it. With you wanting sole custody it is your job to provide for your daughter and I do not believe that stealing your ex husbands money is the way to do that.

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