OK...UPDATE & NEW INFO On Previous Post on 13 Yr Old Too Serious with BF

I wonder why her self respect is so low. At this point you are too close and too traumatized to get to the bottom of it. I would probably get her a counselor, she will probably like it, it's fashionable.

On the other hand, when I was in middle school, for all creative writing classes and such, I would write a story about an abused/endangered girl my own age. Teachers called confrences with my mom and prinicipals and therapists, etc there was much concern.

I honestly have no idea WHY I wrote such depressing stories, I certainly wasn't abused or neglected, in fact I had excellent parenting. I just had one HELL of an imagination. Clearly so does your girl.

Might be time to interject a neutral party to help the two of you figure it out.

My daughter is doing the same things as your daughter, and she is 13 also. I found notes to a boy about things I wish I had never known about this kid. I got very strict with her...phone is restricted so she is only able to call those numbers that are in her contacts, and you need a code to enter in a new contact....no texting, FB account was deactivated, all computer time is closely monitored, and she is never allowed anywhere where there isn't parental supervision. We also had a long talk about being one of "those girls". I am feeling that we have finally gotten through to her about her manipulation, lying, and inappropriate talk/behavior, and we are 6 months down the line. She knows that she is being closely watched, though, and knows that if she pulls anything like what she was doing again, she will be homeschooled.

Good luck with your daughter. I hope it all works out!

Ok, all of these other issues seem to indicate something may be more seriously wrong. In your first post, your daughter sounded like many other teenage girls- maybe sort of bratty, but honestly, not that bad. In this post you seem to be saying that she might have an eating disorder, is having trouble at school, maybe drinking and smoking,,, or maybe NONE of these things and just trying to get your attention.

I may be reading this wrongly, but YOU seem to be very upset and angry and feel that you are giving her attention and it isn't helping. If your daughter is trying to purposely push your buttons, she is succeeding, because you appear to be totally buying into the drama.

if that is the case, it sounds to me like you need to get some outside help. Your communication skills - for whatever reason- are not working here. It may be partly because of your attitude or approach and partly because of your daughter, but either way you BOTH need to fix it.

I would suggest starting family counseling with your daughter. Just having a third party who is used to dealing with these kind of family dynamics ALL THE TIME will be helpful to you. Sometimes, especially with teens, emotions can run very high. Having a calm mediator, who is emotionally NOT involved in the issues can make a big difference.

Please go start seeing a family counselor with your daughter before things really break down. It doesn't sound to me like she is a bad kid or you are a bad mom- but what you are currently doing isn't working! Try getting some outside help and I bet you will both learn to understand each other better and not get so upset. Good luck!

Maybe your giving her too much attention and giving in too much. She sounds like a spoiled brat to me. No offence to you mom. We all want to shower love and gifts on our children but sometimes its not what's best. Take her to theropy. One of my sisters is in it and i'm sure my other one (alot like your daughter, Will be starting soon). It took me a long time to open my mom's eyes up to what my sisters really are doing.
My advice about the boy is still the same. This is strictly for the notebook and stuff you mentioned in here.
Good luck

With all of this going on, you two would benefit from some family counseling. You need to make sure she's not depressed or sliding into eating disorder territory. Make sure she knows that the lines of communication with you are open, and that you may not always like what you hear, but you want to talk to her and not punish her when she has dilemmas and problems with school, boys, feelings and emotions. Make an appointment with her teachers and her principal and the school counselor and get the school counselor to speak to her privately as well. Just understand that tons of drama and teenage girls go hand in hand! Good luck!

Hi S.,

First, stay strong. We were all 13 before and as the expression goes we were young and dumb. We thought we knew everything but really knew nothing. She's going through the many emotional turmoils of teenhood...this is when parenting really kicks into high gear. Secondly, is her father apart of her life cause he will play a huge part in her decisions with boys. He will be her 1st example of how a man should treat a woman. If she does not have a father figure, you will have to be the one to teach her how to not only demand respect but to also respect her body. As a young girl this day and age, I imagine she too is confused about a lot. Sit with her, have a conversation and maybe even talk about your teens years and what you learned from them. Ultimately she will make her own decisions and choices in life but do your best to set her up for success! Take care and God Bless!!!

~T.~

After reading this post I would look into therapy. You may feel she has has a wonderful life but in her eyes it may be different. From what I am reading here she may have an eating disorder and have low self esteem. Sometimes there's an underlying problem that we cannot see. My daughter is struggling right now. She is 20 years old and if you ask her about her childhood she will tell you something totally different then how I saw her childhood. We always thought our daughter was just stubborn but we have recently found out there was more to it. I wish we had taken her to therapy sooner and would just have known more. Therapy can't hurt, the best thing that could happen is you can find out she is just being a normal teenager! Best of Luck.