Older Moms with Four or More Kiddies...

There are hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of grandparents raising grandchildren. Some of them have 4 or more kids. They are a bit older than you too. They find a way to get it all done and have a good time doing it.

We do things entirely backwards sometimes. So many parents have schedules and lists and expectations that aren't going to matter in a year much less today.

I am parenting so differently this time. I'm actually doing a pretty good job.

You might consider that you could find some friends that are going through similar things.

I am the older mom in the neighborhood, so I understand what you are saying. I only have 2 kids though. I am 10-15 years older than everyone else around me and yes, it bothers me a little. In the last few years have had to deal with some major back problems, peri-menopause, my hair going almost completely grey etc. My youngest is in 1st grade this year, so I no longer have to deal with babies/toddlers/preschoolers. It gets much much easier in many ways as your children get older, so hang in there with the fatigue. My husband and I do take turns and tag team each other each night which helps when you are very tired. As soon as I felt like it would work I went back to work part time. This has been a sanity saver. I still work part time and it works well for me for dealing with kids, family stuff, activities, running a household, back issues, an elderly dog, etc. The downside is my career is so-so, I cannot really put my all into research/work passions, and I'm not contributing as much as I'd like to our finances.

not in your situation at all but just want to send you a high five. on the one hand i envy you. my kids are grown and gone, and i miss them. i think maybe that's partly why i still hang around on MP, to get my mommy fix.
at 42 i was still (at least looking back on it) an energizer bunny compared to now. my challenges were different from yours (mine were homeschooling 2 while running a business and actively riding and teaching horseback riding and having an actual social life!) but there's no doubt at in one's forties one starts to see a shift from the energy of the twenties.
one of the best things about homeschooling was the village of support we created. i couldn't take my kids to all the wonderful field trips and classes and hang-out opportunities, but i had a slew of people who could. i reciprocated with classes, riding lessons, and sleepovers here. can you create that sort of network with other moms? it's worth it to have the occasional chaotic wild rumpus at your house for the periods of blessed quiet when you can hand them off.
i look forward to reading the solutions offered below, and to continue to read your ongoing adventures with your little ones!
khairete
S.

I got married at 30 and had my kids in my mid-30s. I'm almost 50 now. In my SAHM group (of kids ages 5+), I have the oldest kids (17 & 14). So although the group is intended for us to meet for coffee, movies, shopping etc during the day while the kids are in school, the moms with younger kids want to do stuff after school and on weekends with the kids. Well, my kids don't want to see Sing or go decorate xmas cookies. LOL

And most of my HS friends are all GRANDPARENTS now. That freaks me out a bit.

And my 'friends' at church either are way older and have adult kids or are way younger and are having babies. My BFF now watches her grandson so she can't do anything during the day anymore.

I feel like I'm in this weird place where not too many other women are. I still have kids at home, but they don't need a sitter so we are more free to do things as we want as a couple. But I can't just run off for a weekend without making arrangements for them.

I guess what I can say to you is it is what it is and just do the best you can. It does get easier as they get more self sufficient and can do chores and take on more responsibilities themselves. When mine were younger and I worked full time, I just did the basics for cleaning and then hired someone 2x per year to do deep cleaning. I cooked basic easy meals and just didn't really stress about what got done and what didn't.

Now in my older, wiser years (LOL) I am in the process of downsizing everything. I wish I had done this when the kids were younger. It would have been easier to keep up with everything. And I think keeping the kids toys at a reasonable number, they would have appreciated them more.

Hang in there. It will get easier when they get older. Good luck!

I think you have to look around a little more! I was 37 when I had my child, and I wasn't the only one in that age group. And now there are tons of women older than 34 and even 40 when they have their children.

I'm glad you are looking at how to take care of yourself! One thing that always helped me, especially after working outside the home for so many years, was to be sure to nurture the non-mommy part of me. Try to talk to people about something other than kids, and try to have friends who are truly people who share your interests, not just those who have kids in the same activities. Ask yourself if you would choose these people on your own. That doesn't mean you don't have something to gain/contribute with parents of your kids' friends and team members, but don't make your mommy-hood your only defining characteristic.

I made sure to have a couple of "days off" per month that we days for just me. I think it also helps to relax expectations a little (like, really, do beds need to be made every day?), and find ways for the kids to do some early and beginning chores. I saw a poster recently that had photos of a mop, a vacuum, a washer, a broom, and a dust brush - the caption said, "If your child can operate a computer and an iPad, he can operate one of these." So kids can sort toys into bins/baskets, sort laundry, match socks, bring you a diaper for the baby, put some things in a dishwasher, sort recycling and so on. I think many of us wait way too long to implement family chores. My neighbor drives in from the grocery store, and all 3 kids come to the garage to haul in the bags - "All Hands On Deck" is their motto. I know sometimes it seems like it's just faster to do it yourself, but it doesn't serve you long term.

We had our son when I was 36 but we stopped at one.
That didn't stop me from trying to be super mom and I ended up on an anti depressant for 6 months.
I had my day planned out in 15 min increments from 4:30am to 10:30pm - and it was so unrealistic but I just couldn't see that at the time.
It's tough no matter what your age is but with kids under the age of 4 it's really hard to get any time for yourself.
In a way - you had a lot of that before you had kids - so it feels weird to not have it now - but you will have it again eventually.
You're in the thick of livin' la vida loca (living the crazy life) right now and believe it or not you will miss it a little when it's over although you'll wonder how you got through it.
As for the fatigue - you hire a baby sitter every once in awhile so the kids are watched while you catch a few hours sleep.
Hang in there!

I don't have 4 kids, but I did wait a while to start having my 2. I love hanging out with moms who have kids who are older than mind. I really see this as a great opportunity. My best friends have kids in the early-to-late teen years. I ask them all the time - what worked for them, what seemed like a good idea but backfired in the long run, etc. I find that moms with kids older than mine are a wealth of information and parenting strategies. And, their kids are available for babysitting!

Of course it's nice to have friends to commiserate with as well when you are feeling frustrated or overwhelmed. Those friends with older kids might not be in the middle of that now, but they haven't forgotten that feeling.

As for me - mine are all in elementary school now, so I feel like I'm in a sweet spot. The kids are in school, they use the bathroom independently, but they also still like to spend time with me! I work outside the home. My job is flexible, but has quarterly deadlines that require long hours. I've often struggled with fatigue, although a long conversation with my doctor followed by some blood tests and nutritional supplements have helped quite a bit. My DH and I agreed before we had our 1st that we would each be able to take one night a week to ourselves. He plays basketball with a group of guys. I take a class of some kind through the community college (I've taken everything from landscaping to kickboxing, whatever strikes me as fun when I get the catalog). That little bit of "me" time for each of us has really helped keep some feeling of self. I highly recommend it.

My downfall is meal planning. I have a system and when I do it, it's great. But somehow it's always low on the priority list and as a result, we eat out waaay too often. That's the one thing I wish I did better.

Hi! I am 40 now, mom of 3, the youngest is 21 months old. The youngest was a surprise pregnancy although my oldest is only 8. I think raising kids is a challenge for moms and dads of all ages, but the challenges are different for each age. I like to think we are still young :) and our kids may have a little less energetic moms but maybe a little more experienced and seasoned when it comes to life and its turmoils :). This is an advantage with many things, for instance being able to communicate effectively with teachers, doctors, other parents; being able to identify risks in situations; using own experience in guiding kids as they grow and encounter problems. And, being aware about how fast time flies, and knowing how important it is to seize the day and make your moments last... (It may be PMS, but a have a tear coming down my cheek LOL)

I was older when I had my kids too though I only had 2 partly bc of age. I realized after my first how much work and how tiring kids are so I didn't keep going after 2. But where I live, mothers are many different ages and it doesn't seem to matter in terms of friendships. Some of my close friends are 10 years younger. So don't let your age discourage you from pursuing friendships or chatting about challenges. One friend has much younger kids and I enjoy giving her the benefit of my experience and she's told me how much she appreciates it

I guess there is no "sweet spot" :) I feel your pain, but in a little different way. We have 6 kids and 1 grandbaby - I am 46 and my husband is 54 so we are older than you. While all of our kids are over 15, and one is nearly 30, our 15 and 17 yr olds are both substantially delayed/special needs so it is like having two 5 year olds as far as care and needs go. One isn't fully toilet trained, either . . . It feels like we will never be "free" of our parenting responsibilities. We have been parenting for nearly 30 years and we are still doing diapers and going to Disney movies.

In your case, someday you will be past the hard years (and moving into a different set of hard years as they hit those tough teens) and you will get your time back. You'll miss the "baby years" but be glad that you are able to move forward with watching them grow. I will always have two 5 year olds . . .

Good luck!